Priorities

A week or more back I put up a couple of posts on how to initially communicate with a dominant woman. Although strictly speaking I didn’t really do anything, other than posts some links to words from smarter people than myself. One post was on communication in a professional context and one was on initial communication in a lifestyle/regular context.

On the face of it the advice given in those two contexts is quite different. Much like an opening email to a doctor or a lawyer is very different to the opening email to a potential romantic partner. However, there was one commonality that struck me: In both cases kink and sex came a distant second. For a professional the first thing is figuring out are you a sane, reasonable person, with a sensible request, who isn’t going to waste the dommes time. For a lifestyle interaction, the first thing is much like regular dating. i.e. Will you add something positive to the domme’s life? What do you bring to the table? Are you interested in the her thoughts/opinions/feelings? Is their chemistry?

So I guess the lesson here is that if you want to get kinky with someone, start by deprioritizing kink. It’s a bit like wanting to have kids. That might be important to you, but if that’s the first and primary topic of conversation with any potential partner, most people are going to run the other way.

I’ve no idea what image best fits a post about not talking about kink. So here’s a somewhat random image I liked from the show The Americans.

americansI found this on the Submissive Proud tumblr.

Big Bang

Personally I’ve never been a fan of the sitcom ‘Big Bang Theory’. Despite the title it lacks sufficient geek humor for me. However, if you are a fan, and ever fancied the idea of Johnny Galecki and Kaley Cuoco in fetish gear, then today is your lucky day. Thanks to a very short dream sequence scene you get to see them in what they call a sex dungeon. I’m actually impressed with the set design involved. In the short video clip it looks pretty well equipped, using furniture they must have borrowed from a real play space.

bigbangThis image was tweeted by Kaley Cuoco during the shooting.

Ch Ch Ch Changes

Regular readers may notice a different look for the blog from today. As step one in my overhaul process I’ve updated to a new more modern theme. It’s still pretty simple and clean, but it should work a lot better on tablets and phones. Google tends to punish sites that don’t support mobile devices with ranking demotion, and my old theme wasn’t set-up for mobile at all.

If you notice anything broken or not working then please let me know via a comment. I’m also hoping this’ll help with the speed and comment issues I’ve seen in the past, although that would be a happy side-effect rather than primary goal. At the very least it should make life easier for everyone who spends their life attached to their phone, even when they’re say sitting on someones face, like Meana Wolf is here.

Meana Wolf

Prop 60 update

The recent general election may have not panned out the way I would have hoped, but there was some good news. California Proposition 60, which I covered in this post, did not get passed. It doesn’t balance out the bigger picture, but hey, I’ll take what I can get.

I’ll leave you with a nice condom free CBT shot. I guess it’s actually nipple torture, anal play and CBT, but whatever. More is sometimes better.

pinch

Short break

Posts might be infrequent to non-existent over the next few days. I’m travelling again, and I’m not sure how much free time I’ll have or if I’ll have a WiFi signal. Also, in the light of recent events, I feel less in a posting mood and more in a drinking heavily and cursing angrily to myself mood.

When I get back I’ll hopefully have discovered the energy to overhaul the blog and bring it up to date. I really need to include some more social media links, particularly twitter. On the technical side, Google doesn’t like my lack of mobile friendliness and there’s odd problems with comments I want to fix. On a related topic, if anyone has had loading time issues with the blog, please let me know via a comment. It seems to have been slow to me, but I’m not sure if everyone is seeing that.

Before I head off to execute on my travel+drink plan, I’ll leave you with a nice image that caught my eye. Possibly it’ll represent how some of you are feeling right now.

tender
I believe this is fan art of Haruka & Michiru from Sailor Moon.

Big day

It’s a big day in America. We should have a new president by the end of it. Or at least I hope to God we do. This dumpster fire of an election can’t end soon enough. The idea of it dragging on beyond election day is to horrible to think about. On the positive side, with any luck, it’ll be our first female president. It’s about time.

Updated: Apparently around 50% of Americans didn’t agree with me on the female president part. Instead we got a very different future.

bootsandman

More advice from the experts

I’ve always intended this blog to cover both professional and regular non-professional female dominance. So after the previous post on communicating with a pro-domme, I thought I should also provide some similar links for ‘lifestyle’ (to use a term I’m not fond of) dommes. Fortunately for me, three of the smartest and most interesting bloggers on my blogroll have already covered this exact topic.

enoranottThis images is from the Enora Nòtt site.

Both hands on the keyboard

Mistress T has written a good guide on how to email a pro-domme. These kind of posts are depressingly common online. I say ‘depressingly’ not because they’re bad, but because of the need to write them at all. Over the years I’ve seen numerous similar posts from other pro-dommes, which suggests the level of bad communication remains constant and high. I therefore feel compelled to point people at these posts when they pop-up on my radar.

I think a key point to keep in mind when writing these emails is the professional part of the job description, rather than the dominant bit. Imagine emailing a lawyer or a doctor. The goal is to convey the pertinent information in a concise and readable form. If you can get the professional bit taken care of in a efficient but friendly fashion, it leads to the far more interesting and in person dominant bit.

The only part of Mistress T’s write-up I’d qualify or comment on further is around the idea of sending a tribute or gift as part of the initial discussion. I personally have two approaches on this. If the domme is the kind who does a lot of different things – clips, modelling, custom videos, sessions, etc. – then I think that makes sense. She has lot of possible ways to invest her time and effort that you need to compete with. A gift give you an advantage in that prioritization decision. I think Mistress T herself falls into that category of professionals. On the other hand, if the domme has a more traditional and singular focus on in person sessions, then I’m not sure that’s necessary. I prefer in that case to tip on top of the regular session fee after we’ve played. That is still a gift, but it feels more like a more natural thank you for the time and effort you just invested in our time together.

I’ll finish with a nice shot of Mistress T looking professional in a femme fatale kind of way. She must have had ‘big gun’ as an item on her wish list…

mistresst

Losers are losers

I found this recent study on online social dynamics fascinating. Researchers looked at people playing an online videogame (Halo 3) and measured success against their behavior across the genders. It turned out the men were generally complimentary to other male players. Successful men were also complimentary to female players. However, unsuccessful men tended to be nasty and rude to female players. So they were losers in all sense of the word.

This researchers conclusion was that a change in existing social dynamics – in this case an influx of new female players into a previously male dominated area – was a bigger threat to those near the bottom than those near the top. The lower status players had more to lose and hence reacted in an angrier fashion to those they perceive as responsible. This is a conclusion that fits with a lot of my personal observations of life. In a work environment it’s always the confident and expert individuals who are most open to being challenged and debating alternatives. People who are less sure of themselves see each challenge as a direct threat and react accordingly. One could probably do a similar analysis about economics, social classes and the current politics of America.

In the wider world it’s hard to know what the answer to this problem is. Anger from losing out when it comes to economics or social influence can be understandable. But when it comes to online interaction, whether it’s gaming, discussion forums or social media, there’s no excuse for being a douche. If you can’t not be angry then walk away. And if you see someone behaving obnoxiously then call them on it.

gamingThis is by the artist Travis Estrella from his tumblr 1000 Pencils.