Beware the Nipple

Exhibit number 1,024,604 in the case of ‘sexually repressed crazy people vs sanity’ would be this story of a teacher fired for a topless selfie. The woman in question sent a topless shot to a colleague she’d previously dated, which got leaked to a student. In any sane world this would result in a collective shrug. If you were you going to punish anyone, it would obviously be the male teacher she sent it to. He was at best careless and at worst vindictive. However, because this is the worst possible timeline we’re all living in, she was the one fired.

I realize this story isn’t femdom related, but it is a great example of the fucked up way attitude society has to female sexuality. She wants to give her partner a little visual treat, and gets punished for it. The students and the man violate her privacy, and as far as I can tell, absolutely nothing happened to them.

The good news is that she’s sued the school for discrimination. The case is based on the fact that a male topless shot wouldn’t have been any big deal. I hope she wins, but I wish it was less about discrimination and based more on the idea of minding your own goddamn business. You’d think an internet awash in millions of naked people would have desensitized us to this kind of thing, but apparently not.

Here’s some male nippilage to finish the post. Hopefully he doesn’t have any students to scandalize.

Warning Signs

I thought I’d continue my previous post on the incompetent domme and the site she shoots for with a few follow-up thoughts.

Firstly, always be alert for warning signs in any kinky interaction – whether it’s playing in person or simply buying someone’s BDSM porn. I remember seeing the site in question advertise for film slaves with the condition that they’d only waive the usual session fee if the slave didn’t use their safeword. That’s obviously a horrible incentive structure. The submissive is liable to push beyond safe limits to avoid paying and the domme is encouraged to push hard in order to save the company money. I should have called them out when I saw that, but somehow it slid past me at the time.

Secondly, be smart about where you consume porn from. If you like a lot of low risk activities, then it probably doesn’t matter who the domme is. Femdom Empire features a lot of crossover models from the regular porn world,  but they tend to stick to activities like pegging, foot worship, facesitting, tease/denial. etc. I’ve never seen them do extreme scenes that create non-trivial risk. On the other hand, if you’re more into things like impact play, heavy bondage, CBT and medical play, then pick sites that feature a lot of well known pro-dommes. For example, The English Mansion site definitely features edgier activities, but it’s also run by a well known domme and features a lot of top professionals.

Finally, if you’re a submissive, don’t think you can delegate all safety concerns to the domme. Playing safely is a joint responsibility. If you’re concerned about raising issues mid-scene – which I’ll admit can be difficult – then build into more intense play slowly over time. That makes it much easier to adjust course or raise concerns between sessions when you’re in a clearer headspace. I’d rather look forward to playing again and pushing just a little further than leave a scene with an injury or a messed up mental state.

Talking of the English Mansion, heavier activities and professionals who know what they’re doing, here’s Domina Liza in a shoot for them. She’s certainly someone who knows how to correctly wield a single tail.

Managing Risk

Femdom twitter has been aflutter recently with threads on the dangers of impact play and how not to do it. This was all triggered by a particular ‘domme’ who didn’t seem to have much idea about wielding a single tail or where to apply it. You can see an example of the kind of thread I mean here. I’m not going to send clicks to the domme in question, or link to the site she shoots for. Let’s just say it’s based in America and staffed by young women who are the opposite of friendly.

It’s an unfortunate fact of life that a lot of the women you see playing domme’s on femdom porn sites are adult actresses rather than professionally trained tops. I know this from talking to pro-dommes who have actually shot for a variety of these sites. They always report that the directors are very happy to shoot with them, as it makes a nice change for them to work with someone who knows what they’re doing and can use all the equipment properly.

Of course, the use of an actress rather than a technical expert isn’t necessarily a blocker to creating good scenes. I don’t think Gal Gadot could really take out a gang of hardened criminals, but I still enjoy watching her as Wonder Woman. The trick is to either stick to scenes that don’t require specialized technical skills or have experts to handle the tricky stuff. Not simply start whaling on a submissive like you’re a hyperactive toddler playing whack-a-mole.

In the meantime, if you’re indulging in impact play, then make sure you know what areas can be safely targeted. There are plenty of visual guides available online – for example this one.

The lady in this Jay Em scene may be applying some fierce blows, but they are in the proper area. There’s no danger here to our fictional characters.

A Problem in the Pant Department

If you hang out on kinky social media sites you’ll inevitably come across stories of people braving airport security with kinky toys. The best advice I’ve heard for when a TSA agent starts quizzing you on the contents of your toy bag is simply to say “It’s a sex thing”.  That pretty much guarantees they’ll want to quickly drop whatever it is and move on.

Of course that approach doesn’t really work if the toy in question is currently residing in your pants and locked onto your dick – as Thumper recently found out. While airports have strict rules about taking shoes and belts off, chastity devices occupy more of a grey area. Although they do have special TSA locks for luggage, so maybe that could be adopted for dicks? Just make the agent in charge of telling everyone how to put their laptop in a bin also responsible for unlocking  chastity devices and running them through the x-ray luggage scanner. Admittedly you might upset some people re-locking your chastity device on the other side of the security gate, but you could just tell them it’s for their own safety. The contents of your pants are now guaranteed to be safely non-explosive, both literally and metaphorically.

Thumper clearly handed the situation with great aplomb. He was at least fortunate to be in a simple plastic device. The conversation might have been different had he been in something like the steelweeks device below. I think this is very cool, but I wouldn’t want to try and explain it to an uncomprehending TSA agent. The only thing that’d make it more suspicious would be a couple of blue and red wires and a big countdown timer.

This is the Steelwerks Steampunk device.

Missing from Porn

This image by Hazel Mead isn’t femdom related, but I thought it was cute and wanted to share. I had a crazy experience in a Vegas hotel room years that actually managed to combine multiple things from this – banging heads, shyness, struggling to put on the condom and falling off the bed. Even for someone as clumsy as me, it was pretty spectacular. Maybe I’ll share that story in a future post.

If anyone out there with artist talent wants to try and do a similar drawing for kinky sex, I think there’s a lot of ideas to pick from. Some things I’ve never seen in kinky porn but that actually happen pretty regularly…

  • Numbness and pins and needles when in bondage.
  • Taking off the very sexy but uncomfortable and impractical shoes just a few minutes into a scene.
  • Shy bladder when it comes to a watersports moment.
  • Spending a bunch of time trying to get the right position and angle for the strap-on.
  • Deciding that the cool looking hood is just a bit to stressful to handle just minutes after putting it on.
  • Giggling like an idiot when being sprayed with cold antiseptic at the end of a scene.

Tease and Arghhhh!

Here’s a question for my male readers: What could possibly be the problem with a beautiful woman in exciting fetish garments, tying you down and then gently teasing and caressing you? The answer –  at least in my specific case this evening – is if the aforementioned woman has already sutured your foreskin closed, creating a tightly packaged penis parcel. In that situation your dick will try and do its best alien chest bursting impersonation, only to be thwarted by several strands of thin suture thread. The end result is less gory than the classic John Hurt scene, but the amount of screaming is about the same. It’s a situation where you really don’t want to pop a stitch.

The instigator of this pleasure/pain combination was Ms Savannah Sly and, although it may not necessarily sound like it, we had a wonderful scene tonight. There were also needles, staples and electrics involved at various points.  It’s always a fun time when the activity list sounds more like a trip to the ER than a kinky scene. Although I doubt many doctors would giggle quite so much when sticking a staple into my nipple.

This image is of Ms Savannah Sly brandishing another sharp pointy toy. You can see more of her via her twitter feed.

What Happened Next?

This is one of those images with endless possibilities. Depending on your personal kinks or proclivities, there are a lot of different ways you can imagine this scene unfolding. Although I do think that 99% of them involve those jeans coming off.

This is Liara Roux, who both creates porn and works as a professional companion. The man with the eye catching erection is Oliver Davis and the scene was shot by Ashley Lake.

You can see more from the scene in this tweet and on Liara’s site.

Her Delicate Touch

Here’s something sweet to start the week. This image is from the SF based pro-domme Mistress Wild Iris, via this tweet.

Ironically, I find one of the things that makes a great pro-domme isn’t their ability to crack a single tail, or rig a fiendishly complex bondage scene, it’s the delicate touches they bring to their scenes. It’s knowing when the submissive needs a grounding contact to bring them back. The breath of a whisper into their ear. The press of a sensual warm body on a bruised back. It’s that momentary physical and emotional connection that allows intense sensations to be sublimated into a D/s dynamic.

You can see more from Mistress Wild Iris on her twitter feed.

Pride in her Work

I normally don’t post images that feature the cliche of the domme staring into the camera while also engaging in a scene. I understand the idea – allowing the viewer to feel engaged with the domme while also enjoying the activity – but the images always feel very fake and disconnected to me. They emphasize the presence of the photographer and reduce the D/s chemistry.

I’m going to make an exception for this image. Firstly, because his expression and that little raise of his left leg is very cute. Secondly, because I imagine her expression is less a fake stare down, and more a sense of pride.  She’s totally pulling off her look and also nailing his ass. I’m not left thinking how fake it seems, but more that she’s proud of delivering a great moment on camera.

I believe this is from the Shadow Lane site.