Fire! Fire! Fire!

(Post title to be read in your best Beavis voice).

I’m feeling a little on edge today as a result of a session I did last Friday with Lady Lydia. The session itself was a fantastic one, which is no surprise when Lydia is involved. However, it did leave me with a rather interesting and/or frustrating (depending on your point of view) short term side effect.

We were playing with heat and burning, with a bunch of surgical staples thrown into the mix just for added fun. For the heat Lydia used several different approaches, including wax candles and sparklers (very pretty), but the bulk of burning was done with an electric soldering iron. By applying the tip to the skin she could pop skin cells, resulting in an audible zap as the cell fluid boiled, and delivering a sharp jolt of pain to me. It created an interesting headspace, as the pain was sharp, but very localized and of short duration. It was quite difficult to zone out to, as it was almost a drip like effect, delivering small blasts of sensation with an irregular periodic timing as she worked across the skin. At the same time being decorated and creatively modified (as I’ve posted about before) is a very intense and emotive experience.

While the session itself was wonderful, the side effect was to leave small scabbing burns all across my chest and genitals. The chest marks are fine, but lines of burns on my cock means that rubbing it vigorously is probably a bad idea. I don’t fancy a scarred dick, so I’m going to have to leave it to heal and remains hands off for a week or two. I realize that for some guys (e.g. Thumper or Tom Allen) a couple of weeks of enforced chastity is fairly trivial, but I’m really not used to it. And the fact I physically could jerk off, but know that I really shouldn’t, makes it additionally frustrating. Don’t be surprised if I start posting pictures of baseball players in an effort to avoid stimulating material.

I do have some shots of the after effects, but I really should emphasize caution before clicking. The chest one is fairly innocuous, but the other two are very explicit and not for the squeamish. If you are the kind of crazy person that for some weird reason doesn’t want to see close-ups of burns on the male genitalia, then please don’t click. I’m very proud of the marks, but I’m sharing them here only for educational value. Those of you that choose to put your genitals into the hands of a creative sadist with a soldering iron will at least now know what’s liable to happen. Here’s the chest shot. This is the cute design Lydia put on my balls. And here’s a shot of the burns to the cock. There are actually 4 distinct lines up the shaft and and a ring around the edge of the glans.

Site Updates

I’ve added two new blogs to the Femdom Art section of the blogroll over on the right. They are Otto’s Femdom Spanking Art and Banjo’s BBS. My thanks to Underling’s recent post for pointing me at them.

On the Femdom Fiction page I’ve added a link to the stories section at askjolene.com. The site doesn’t provide great tools for tracking down femdom stories specifically, but it has got a lot of searchable BDSM and kinky material that can be fun to query into.

Finally I’ve added a number of new tumblr blog links to the Femdom Image page. There are:

The image below was posted both to Femdom Empire and Blackpantyhose. I’m not exactly sure what’s going on but it made me smile. There’s the forceful and slightly angry looking mistress. There’s the cowed and woebegone looking submissives. And then there’s the cocks, in a little world of their own, standing proudly to attention, or at least flying at half-mast. It makes for an amusing contrast. For a man there’s always big brain and little brain, and they’re frequently not on the same page.

Mistress with subdued slaves

A hint of vanilla revisited

This is a follow-up post to this earlier one. I received several lengthy comments, including a response from Mistress Rex which she re-posted to her blog. I started to write a detailed comment as a reply, but decided it’d be easier to simply create a new post. Apologies to those people who weren’t particularly interested in the original discussion to start with. I promise to include an attractive picture at the end by way of compensation.

I want to start with the ‘my way or the highway’ aspect.

Pro Dommes who state from the get-go what is expected in communication – whether it’s as simple as how she is addressed to the more complicated issues of capitalization – it is entirely in her right and reason to do so…
…if it bothers you, find someone else.
Mistress Rex

I think that’s simultaneously true and also irrelevant to the discussion. It’s an argument that taken to its logical extreme would mean never writing about negotiation and interaction with pro-dommes, because the answer can always be “If you don’t like it go elsewhere.” Obviously what I’m writing about here are my personal feelings and expectations. The kind of interaction that I find meaningful and reasonable. I’ve certainly voted with my feet in the past and no doubt will do so again in future. This discussion is about some of the things that might cause me (and other submissives) to do that.

I should also add that I’m not talking about the kind of rules that are necessary for the smooth running of a business. Only calling between certain hours, requiring a reference or deposit, meeting in a neutral space for the first time, etc. These all are sensible operating parameters, and don’t imply anything about the D/s dynamic.

The issue for me is related to the sentiment that coined the expression “I may be a submissive, but I’m not your submissive.” This expression often crops up in the context of social gatherings, where it’s important to emphasize that submission to one dominant does not imply submission to all. For me that same idea can also be applied temporally. Just because I will submit in a session doesn’t automatically imply I should be submissive and deferential outside it.

It is unclear to me if the comments here are in objection to inequality wholesale, or if the men here feel more simply that the demands from these ProDommes were displaced via the lack of personalized attention toward the defining of a unequal power exchange.
Mistress Rex

I’d say my objection is to an assumption of inequality without negotiation or agreement. Refinement and evolution of roles is always going to happen as a relationship (professional or otherwise) develops. But I start from a position of equality. I think it’d be presumptuous of either party to assume otherwise. I might be a submissive, but I’m not her submissive until we agree that. Anyone insisting on lower casing my name and pronouns before they’ve even met me, simply strikes me as insecure. And insisting slaves email multiple times to get a response doesn’t put me into a suitably submissive mindset. It just makes me think that the mistress is crap at running her business.

I’ll also add that there was one comment I saw which, in contrast to Mistress Rex’s thoughtful words, struck me as fairly daft.

When men pay, they feel like they have license to top from the bottom.

Firstly, that’s a ridiculously sweeping generalization. And secondly, it misses the point of this discussion, which is about what goes on outside of negotiated play.

That’s probably enough of my random ramblings. As promised here’s an attractive and entirely unrelated picture to finish the post. It’s not really femdom material, but I saw it on Erotic Haecceities and thought she was adorably cute.

Cute redhead with tatoos

Some times its a discomfort within the ass

I get a lot of random spam posted to the comments on this blog. They are mostly useless rubbish, but occasionally the odd one makes me smile. I was particularly impressed with a recent example that claimed I’d been specially chosen and that I just need to fill in a form to make the link from their junky random page permanent. It takes a special kind of nerve to turn a bogus link from a spam farm into some sort of prize.

However, the one I came across today takes the comedic prize. Bad translations are rife, with many channeling the spirit of 1980’s Japanese electronics manuals, but this one managed to get lucky and almost match my blog content.

Some times its a discomfort within the ass to read what weblog owners wrote but this internet web site is actually user genial !

I’m flattered that they think I’m user genial. While a discomfort within the ass sounds painful, in the right hands it can be kind of fun. For example, I give you the following two images.

PeggingPegging

That looks like my kind of discomfort. The first one I found on Pegtastic tumblr site and the second on the Confession of a sex addict tumblr site.

Happy but not satisfied

She’s smiling and sitting back to watch, but something tells me this isn’t going to be the conclusion of the proceedings. It looks like she’s got him into a good position and is relaxing for a few minutes, enjoying his struggles as he vainly tries to find a comfortable position. Before too long I suspect that she’ll be looking to explore all the other tortuous options that this kind of vunerable position affords.

Smiling domme with restrained slaveI’m afraid I don’t have an original source for this. I found it on the Eager to Please tumblr site.

So embarrassing. So good.

There are some images I post that I feel almost proud of. They’re erotic, artistic and intellectually satisfying. I know I’ve done nothing but re-post somebody else’s creative expression, but it makes me happy that I can share it with others. They’re the kind of images you’d be proud to stick on a poster for a BDSM protest march and say ‘This is who we are.’

Today’s post is not one of those images.

I’m not really sure why I like it as much as I do. The submissive looks so embarrassed and so guilty about what she’s doing. Those are not normally appealing traits for me. And yet at the same time, she’s also lost in the moment. That dirty sock is filling her senses. Just looking at this makes me want to go and write a highly pornographic story featuring these two young ladies. I think it’d feature a sadistic college room mate, guilty secrets, suppressed emotions and lots of dirty laundry. Look out for it as a future Hallmark channel movie of the week.Female submissive sniffing sockI found this on the Mistress Hana site.

A hint of vanilla

The post title sounds like it’d be more suitable to Martha Stewart’s blog, but instead I’m going to talk about a (relatively) recent post from Mistress Rex. Specifically there are two sections in her post I wanted to pick up on, one negatively and one positively.

The negative is more of a quibble than anything, triggered by a certain phrasing in the post.

There are endless complaints by Dommes on various social media platforms regarding contact from clients who don’t “get it” – men who don’t know their place and compose emails that in no way defer to the addressee;
Mistress Rex

It often strikes me that some pro-dommes want to have it both ways. They’re understandably insistent that session play doesn’t carry across to the real world. The D/s dynamic is very much a timed and negotiated agreement, lasting just while the session does. They don’t want to have to deal with guys acting submissively and trying to force them into a mistress role when communicating outside of a session. Yet at the same time, some of them often seem happy to carry across D/s elements when it turns out to be useful to them.

I should emphasize at this point that I’m not referring to Mistress Rex herself (who I’ve sadly never interacted with professionally), or any of the dommes I’ve named and written about on this blog in the past (who all behaved entirely professionally). But the word ‘defer’ in that quote, along with the bit about ‘know their place’, sat uncomfortably with me and put me in mind of some on-line behavior I’ve seen and experienced. For example, a domme claiming she can’t be bothered to check email to often, so slaves should be prepared to email her several times and not get impatient if she doesn’t respond with a week. Or domme’s using stupid capitalization rules to put me into a specific role when we’re only just making initial email contact. Or domme’s expecting some sort of different or special allowances when sessions have to be cancelled or re-arranged.

Outside a session a domme will get respect, politeness and consideration from me, but not deference. And I’ll expect exactly the same thing back from her in return. Bleeding the D/s dynamics across that divide is only OK if that’s part of an ongoing and agreed relationship, and not if it’s simply a double standard at work.

That minor quibble aside, the positive part of the post that really spoke to me is quoted below.

…I like inviting vanilla into sessions rather than leaving it at the door, because I like there to be a perceivable exchange of power right there between the two of us. I don’t want to keep vanilla at a safe distance, outside the walls of the dungeon where it can be preserved and slipped back into unaltered; I want it right there in the room where it can be mutilated, transformed.
…
This is what I reckon is the problem with many commercial sessions: you can’t make it real until it gets real. You can’t force it; the organic exchange does not occur by walking through a door.
Mistress Rex

One of the things that put me off going to see a pro-domme for the longest time was the idea of the transition. On one hand I had this mental picture of a cliched pro-domme session (naked guy, on all fours, leashed, getting whipped) and on the other hand I had me. Normal, boring me, standing in a room with a woman I’d never met before. Somehow it seemed impossible to see how one vision could transition to the other. I didn’t want to fake it or act out a role that wasn’t me. This was supposed to be BDSM, not the local amateur dramatics society .

Fortunately, when I did finally arrange a session, I was lucky enough to find a pro-domme in Lady Lydia who really understood what Mistress Rex is talking about here. When we play there isn’t a hard transition point. We don’t suddenly go from friendly chatting into full D/s mode. There are jokes. A little two way teasing and perhaps some prodding of old fading marks. Then slowly, a little edge slips in. She’s still has a smile, but now there’s a sadistic glint in it. The pain levels go up and my options go down. Over the next fifteen or twenty minutes the balance and interaction between us may shift back and forth, but there’s only one general direction, and that’s into our respective top/bottom headspaces that lie at the heart of the session. Without any force or artificiality she takes the sensible plain vanilla me that walked in the door and mutates him into a far more interesting flavor.

I wasn’t exactly sure what image was best fitted to illustrate this post, so I just went into my folder of general images I like. This one is from the Femdom Proper tumblr site and caught my eye for her quirky smile.

Getting a good grip with a nice smile

The cat that got the cream

Here’s someone looking very pleased with herself. As the old expression my family uses would go – “She looks like the cat that got the cream.” Although when it comes to licking and liquids, I suspect that right now that’s probably more in his department.

Face SittingI’m afraid I don’t know the original source for this. I found it on the Dishevelled Domina tumblr site.

All sorts of good stuff

A quick post tonight. Having fun in Vegas is not particularly conducive to writing thoughtful and intelligent blog posts. Some might argue I struggle to achieve that under the best circumstances, let alone after much food and wine.

Fortunately this image contains all sorts of good stuff that speaks for itself. There’s a cute cross-dresser. I particularly like her flowing curly hair. There’s an interesting CBT humbler device. And finally there’s the predicament bondage involving high heels. I’ve no idea what the context for this shot is, but I like it.

Cross dressing with humblerI found this image at the Curious Asian tumblr site.

Y: The Last Man

I’m part way through reading a really excellent graphic novel entitled “Y: The Last Man.” I’ve never been a fan of the more traditional style comic books, but this steers clear of superhero cliches and the traditional clunky expository style speeches. Instead it reads more like a clever hip TV show, with funny snappy dialog and sly cultural references.

The premise is that every man (and male animal) drops dead at exactly the same time, leaving only those people without a Y chromosome alive. The only exception is a single young man named Yorick and his pet male monkey. What follows is the story of his quest to find his girlfriend (he’s in the US, she’s in Australia), while the 3B remaining women in the world try and deal with the aftermath of this cataclysmic event.

The author has obviously had a lot of fun thinking about some of the less obvious effects of such a societal shift. The obvious male dominated fields like engineering and law enforcement are clearly going to be a problem. But what about politics? There are comparatively few female politicians, and most of those are from the Democratic party (in the US). So by default the Democrats end up in charge, which doesn’t sit well with the surviving wives of the Republican politicians. The military is another male dominated area, with the exception of Israel, which conscripts and trains women and men. Israel is therefore vaulted into the forefront as a military power, something they’re not slow to take advantage of. There series is full of such intriguing ideas, most of which are great illustrations of just how unequally divided the world still is.

For the most part the books do a good job of subverting the obvious sexual expectations of being the only man on a planet full of women. Yorick spends most of his time hiding and trying not to be killed or kidnapped, rather than trying to repopulate the planet. But there’s one interesting sub-plot where he has an encounter with an aggressive and apparently dominant woman. Things don’t play out exactly as you might expect from these two front page shots, but it adds an entertaining erotic twist into a plot that’s already fairly unusual from a gender and sexual point of view.

Y: The Last Man - Safeword Part 1

Y: The Last Man - Safeword Part 2