Femdom Resource – Page 274 – The beauty of dominant women

Bob Flanagan, Supermasochist

I recently watched Sick: The Life & Death of Bob Flanagan, Supermasochist. It’s a documentary detailing Bob’s life as a writer, performance artist and sexual submissive masochist. What made him particularly extraordinary was that he suffered from cystic fibrosis, a disease that normally kills people before they reach their mid 20’s. He died age 43, making him one of the worlds longest lived suffers from it.

If you’ve never seen it I’d urge you to rush out and get a copy. I thought it was an extraordinarily moving film. I’m not ashamed to say I cried a little at the end. I also think it captures some aspects of masochism, submission and D/s better than any other film I’ve seen. Using a fairly standard documentary format, cutting interviews of friends and family into home movie footage, it paints a very frank and honest picture of his life with his partner and mistress Sheree Rose.

This is actually the second time I’ve seen the film. I first saw it over 10 years ago, before I’d gotten physically involved in BDSM, and I remember being fairly horrified at some of the SM activities they did. Now I look at the footage and think “Yes, done that. Loved that. Oh play piercing, that’s fun. Drinking piss, done that…..” I’ve never actually nailed my cock to a board as Bob does at one point in the film, but my sense of ‘normal’ has clearly shifted.

There’s some attempt in the film, particularly by his parents, to tie his early childhood experiences with his illness to his kinkiness. I understand that desire to look for a cause and effect, but it seems to be misplaced. The vast majority of kinky guys don’t have major childhood trauma and medical procedures. I think he was someone with cystic fibrosis who happened to be kinky. The one clearly influences the other, but it seems misplaced to think of it as a cause.

Two quotes really stuck with me. The first from Bob was near the start of the movie. The second is from Sheree and was towards the end when he was getting very sick.

People don’t think of the masochist as being a strong person. The stereotype that the masochist is sniveling and weak is actually not true. The masochist has to know his or her own body perfectly well and be in full control of their body, in order to give control to somebody else or to give control to pain. So the masochist is actually a very strong person.
Bob Flanagan

I don’t even think he’s a masochist anymore. I think life has beaten him down too much. The pain he lives with every day is so intense that there isn’t any other kind of pain that he can even think about right now.
Sheree Rose

I certainly agree with the first quote, and I think the second helps emphasize the same point. Being a masochist (or submissive) doesn’t mean being a needy person or someone who has no control over their life. You need control and a strong sense of self in order to successfully gift that to another. By the end he’d lost that, the disease was taking over and he could no longer give away power. His body and its sickness had already stolen it.

The movie is available on DVD from amazon. You can read Roger Ebert’s review of it here.

Update: Scott of Mrs Kelly’s Playhouse was actually friends with Bob in the early 90’s. He’s left a lengthy comment on this post describing some of his memories of Bob. My thanks to Scott for that additional information.

I couldn’t fuck a gorilla

This image made me smile, although not for any specific femdom related reason. I do like the odd vertical stocks/box that he’s trapped in. They look kind of fun. I also like the fact that she’s wearing a fairly normal item of lingerie, rather than an over the top leather number. But the main thing I liked was the horribly fake dungeon wall effect. It’s just so bad. What fantasy are they catering for here? It looks like dungeons by Disney.

What it really reminded me of was the mad doctor apartment in the Steve Martin movie ‘The man with two brains.’ I couldn’t find the specific illustrative clip I wanted on youtube, the one where Dr. Hfuhruhurr smashes through a whole sequence of fake dungeon doors, but I did find this clip which shows the fake dungeon/condo interior. In my clip hunt I also came across this, which could be an object lessons for any domme wanting to do a little tease and denial.

The image is originally from the men in pain site.

Hanging Around

These images first caught my eye for the interesting rope suspension. I always think that suspension shots are the most aesthetically pleasing form of bondage. I know when I mention bondage aesthetics a lot of people are going to think of ornate body ties, like the kind of rope corsets featured here and here. I think they’re fun, but more pretty than practical. In contrast suspension is both beautiful and a very intense and effective way to restrain somebody.

I’ve done it a few times and have been amazed out how tricky it is to get right. It wasn’t really until our third attempt that we got an effective position that I could stand for an extended period. It stretches the body in unusual ways and requires very careful consideration of how to spread the load between pressure points. The effort is definitely worth it however, as it really promotes a great submissive headspace. The body is exposed, vulnerable, available. Unlike normal bondage, where I can sometimes brace myself against the pain, suspension encourages acceptance. There’s nothing to push against, just ropes that move with you.

Although it was the rope work that initially caught my attention, it was the third image below that sold me on writing this particular post. Don’t they make an adorably cute pair? Of all the hot kinky and fetish shots I’ve posted over recent months, I think that photograph is probably my favorite. I always love a happy session and a smiling domme. There’s another shot showing her smile available here.

I believe this is Mistress Aska from the SM Play Live site.

Guilt. Loathing. Anger. Shame. Sickness.

I enjoy getting annoyed at an article or book occasionally. Gesticulating in the direction of the screen and muttering “What the fuck is this guy thinking?” can be cathartic. Fortunately for me, thanks to the Internet, there’s an inexhaustible supply of such articles close at hand.

The latest one to trigger my WTF reaction was one in GQ on hard core pornography and the authors reaction to it. The post title gives a little hint as to what that reaction might be. Or maybe this little snippet, when he’s talking about Max Hardcore.

I needed to know we were different. I needed to know I wasn’t him. I needed to know that whatever the hell was wrong with me was not as bad as whatever the hell was wrong with him.

A couple of thousand miles, I decided, wasn’t too far to go to find someone I hated more than myself.

….[ then immediately after talking to Max ]….

It had been over two hours. I didn’t hate him nearly enough. And it made me hate myself even more.

As far as cathartic emotions goes, this article was pretty successful. I managed to get annoyed, bemused, puzzled and incredulous all in the space of four pages.

I read a wide variety of kink and sex blogs, with all sorts of wild behavior in them. There are people getting whipped, trampled, cuckolded, spanked, diapered, caged, stabbed, burnt and pissed on. Yet somehow they all seem more emotionally healthy than this ‘normal’ guy. Guilt and self-loathing must be horrible emotions to have to live with.

For an accompanying image I tried to find something that I felt guilty about liking. It wasn’t easy. There’s all sorts of freaky stuff I like, but I don’t feel guilty about any of it. Finally I settled on this image. It’s completely ridiculous. There’s a cliched classroom setting, a pastiche of a school mistress outfit in latex and a woman posing as a student in latex underwear. But for some reason I think it’s kind of cute.

Image is from the Captive Culture site.

Lovely Lurker Love

I recently discovered that today is the sixth annual love our lurkers day. There’s an official logo and everything.

I’m not a huge fan of the expression ‘lurker’. It suggests someone with a slightly nefarious purpose. However, I do appreciate the sentiment behind the love our lurkers day. It’s a cheezy thing to say but without you wonderful people this blog wouldn’t exist. Everyday I get a few comments, often from other people with blogs of their own. But everyday I also get thousands of visitors coming by to take a look at whatever random rubbish happened to make it from my brain into a post. And I guess to check out some new hot femdom images. That also probably plays a small role in my stats count.

I write this blog for a whole host of different reasons, but the main one is to share stuff I like. I wouldn’t keep doing it without that. So here’s to all the readers and lurkers out there who come here to share it with me. Thanks for dropping by.

If you ever thought about leaving a comment, this would be a great time to do it! Maybe just a mention of where you’re from, or what you’re into, or even what you’d like to see more/less of here. I’d love to hear from you. The comment system asks for a name/email/website, but you only need the first two. Also the email isn’t published and doesn’t even have to be a genuine email address.

In the meantime here’s a lovely young lady sharing a little happiness with you all. And as a special extra, just to celebrate the lurkers, here’s a bonus image for the male submissives and a bonus image for the female dommes.

I found the above image on the Femdom Style Counsel tumblr site. The special bonus linked images came from the art or porn site and from the Dishevelled Domina tumblr site. I’ll leave figuring out which came from where as an exercise to the reader.

Manscaping with Cybill Troy

Here’s a fun sequence of action shots. They feature nurse Cybill B Troy very kindly helping out a gentleman with his personal grooming. Judging from the redness on his chest and armpits it’s clear this has been a fairly major work of topiary. I know there a different waxing styles, perhaps they should call this one the Full Cybill?

I’ve never suffered this extent of body hair removal, but I did have a fairly painful experience involving duct tape. The mistress (Lady Lydia) had wrapped me in it prior to some heavy CBT and breathplay. Two or so hours later I’m feeling very spacey and happy at the ‘end’ of the session. Then the duct tape starts coming off, together with large chunks of hair from my arms and legs. It’s one thing getting tortured when you’re braced and ready for it. Quite another when you’re relaxed and unwound, expecting at any moment to rejoin the real world. Lydia was of course delighted by this particular turn of events and laughed throughout the removal.

The image comes from this set on the Den of Iniquity site. There’s also a video in their members section to go with it. If you’re not a fan of edge play you may want to click carefully, the image set contains a lot of needle shots and a little blood.

As a complete aside, I just noticed that the wikipedia page on waxing has this comment on the Brazilian – “some believe can become more unpleasant if receiving cunnilingus from a bearded partner.” How random is that? It even has multiple footnotes to support the comment. Weird. Still, if you’re a lady with a bearded partner and you’re contemplating a Brazilian, now you know. Either everyone’s hair has to go, or it all has to stay.

It was a dark and stormy night…

Thumper made a comment in a recent post that struck a chord with me.

It’s interesting to me that I can post pictures of my junk online but writing down my fantasies like this makes me feel more vulnerable and nervous. I guess that’s because it’s a peek into my head while all the HNT in the world doesn’t give you much more than a surface view.
Thumper

I’ve posted a fair number of onlink junks shots (purely as an educational resource of course), along with shots of naked me in sessions, but publishing my erotic fiction always creates a far greater feeling of vulnerability. Even commenting on my fantasies in blog posts, or saying what I like about certain images, seems far safer then crafting fictional porn. Of course there’s the natural fear of failure and ridicule that comes with any public creative endeavour. But on top of this I think erotic writing has its own particular issues.

For one thing, I give up any plausible deniability. A reposted image or a blog comment can easily be written off. I can just claim it was interesting rather than personally exciting, or I posted it because it was weird and made me laugh, or it raised important questions. There’s no chance of that with a carefully crafted ten thousand word short story. Everyone knows I spent hours writing, editing and proof-reading it. Every paragraph is there because I want it there. It’s impossible to distance myself from the ideas it contains.

Writing also gives immense power. Photographs of me in a session are constrained by physical, legal and moral laws. I know I’m publishing something that thousands of people have described and attested to before me. There’s safety in those numbers. As a writer I stand alone. I don’t have to limit myself to any particular physical or moral constraints. I can create something uniquely depraved if I wish, and I’ll have no one to share the stage or the blame with.

Finally, I think there’s often an implicit chain of reasoning that runs as follows. An erotic story is designed to excite and arouse people. The author based their ideas on what excited him or her. People like to do what excites them. Therefore the author wants to do whatever is written in the story. Nobody thinks Stephen King wants to dress up as a clown and lurk in sewers threatening children. Or that he’d really enjoy going insane in a deserted hotel. But throw a sex scene into a book and it’s impossible not to start wondering what it reflects about the author and their particular sexual quirks. Where do they draw the lines between their achievable, unachievable and undesirable fantasys?

Some of the things I’ve written or enjoyed reading would be truly horrendous in real life. In some cases I wouldn’t even want to see them filmed or photographed Hollywood (i.e. fake) style. They work in the abstract. They distill out the nasty underlying emotions into sexual heroin for my reptilian id. They’re like a sexual horror movie, drawing on primitive responses to short circuit the intellectual bit of my brain.

There’s really no blog post or picture I’ve published that I look back on and regret. I can’t say all of them were successful, but there’s none I sometimes wish I could take back. I’m not sure I could honestly say the same thing for the very limited amount of fiction I’ve written.

I’m afraid I can’t think of any particularly appropriate image that would go along with this post, so here’s a very attractive lady in latex. You’re welcome.

$Woman in latex catsuit$ I found this on the Stuff I Like tumblr site.

Added Vernice61 to Femdom Artwork

Vernice61 has featured on this site several times in the past, in posts like this one and this one. I thought it was time he had a permanent place in the artwork section, and here it is. I think fans of intense femdom artwork, featuring all manner of devilish torments, will appreciate his excellent drawings.

The example shown below is a particularly good example, with bondage, forced consumption, whips, cattle prods and nipple/cock stimulation all thrown into the the mix. Not to mention a nice hint of it being institutional torture.

I like power exchange, not link exchange

This is going to be a fairly dry post about blog etiquette and site management. By way of compensation I do have a link to an amusing video clip at the end.

I get regular emails and comments pointing me to the senders blog or tumblr site. I’m always happy to receive these and discover new material. In some cases, when I think it’s worth sharing, I’ll add the links to an appropriate part of this site. Sometimes I’ll just keep an eye on the link and keep it as an option to add publicly after I’ve had chance to read it over a few weeks. The key criteria is do I think the link will be interesting and useful for any of my readers.

However, please don’t email me and offer to do a link exchange. I think it shows a poor attitude towards your sites readership. If you think my site would be interesting and useful to your readers, then link to it. If you’re right then you’ll be enhancing the value of your own site. If you don’t like it, then don’t link. It’s as easy as that. My criteria for linking always adopts that approach. I think if you concentrate on building the best most useful site you can, the rest will sort itself out.

OK. Minor blog rant over, here’s the video link I promised. It’s a sketch by the comedy group The Whitest Kids U Know, featuring a dominatrix’s first day on the job. It’s not hysterically funny, but it did made me smile. Although I’m pretty certain they’re wrong about the key to being a good dominatrix.

Swapping spit (one-way only)

This is the last of a progressive trio of posts going from gags, to gags with fluids, to just fluids alone.

I always find drool and saliva play interesting from a personal perspective (I enjoy it) and from the contradictory reactions it provokes. I suspect if you showed these images to a non-kinky person (unfortunately I don’t have one handy to test) their reaction would be one of ‘Ugh. Nasty. She’s spitting in his mouth.’ And spitting does indeed have a very negative connotation. Yet a normal part of making out and kissing involves sharing saliva, albeit as a side effect rather the main event. There’s even a slang expression for kissing that explicitly calls it out – swapping spit. So a sloppy kiss is fine, but separate the mouths by a few inches and suddenly the same liquid is yucky. It seems that just introducing a slight suggestion of spitting or drooling dramatically changes the dynamic of the act.

I’d guess that evolution has programmed us with an innate aversion to something spat out by someone else. It suggests a nasty taste or rottenness, something unhealthy. Most guys aren’t going to have an issue making out with a random cute girl they meet in a bar. But have the same cute girl spit in their drink and they’ll be very unhappy, even though there’s really no difference from a hygiene perspective. Of course from a kinky perspective, any activity that invokes a strong emotional reaction is going to be an interesting one play with. Particularly when it centers around issues such as trust, intimacy, disgust and social taboos.