50 shades of bleauh

BDSM has been popping up in the mainstream media recently thanks to the erotic novel ‘50 Shades of Grey‘. This book has been at the top of the digital best seller list, featured in mainstream magazines and newspapers, and just enjoyed a bidding war over the movie rights. It even got Dr. Drew in trouble for making dumb comments on the Today show.

When I first heard about it I was pleased that a BDSM novel was getting some widespread coverage. I liked the idea that people with a hidden kinky streak might feel they can explore it without embarrassing themselves. Then I took a look inside it via the free pages on Amazon. It’s pretty underwhelming. In fact I was about as far from whelmed as it’s possible to be. I can enjoy all sorts of gender and D/s combinations if they’re done well, but this has horrible prose, characters, structure, plot, you name it. I think this reviewer nailed it when she said “…this is a pretty dreadful book. Put simply, author E L James … is not a very good writer”.

I’ll quote a small section to give you a taste of what I mean. Here’s a scene where the male dominant is presenting his rules and limits to the lead female character. They’ve done nothing together at this point, and the female proto-submissive is not only completely inexperienced in BDSM, but is also a virgin who doesn’t even masturbate. There’s no reason given for this. She’s not crazy religious or anything, she’s just your typically 21 year old female college student whose sexual experience consists of being kissed twice.

I stare down at his rules. Waxing! Waxing what?
Everything? Ugh.

“So, limits. These are mine.” He hands me another piece of paper.

Hard Limits
No acts involving fire play.
No acts involving urination or defecation and the products thereof
No acts involving needles, knives, piercing, or blood.
No acts involving gynecological medical instruments
No acts involving children or animals
No acts that will leave any permanent marks on the skin
No acts involving breath control

Ugh. He has to write these down! Of course – they all look very sensible, and frankly, necessary… any sane person wouldn’t want to be involved in this sort of thing surely? Though I now feel a little queasy.
“Is there anything you’d like to add?” he asks kindly.
Crap. I’ve no idea. I am completely stumped. He gazes at me and furrows his brow.
From ’50 Shades of Grey’

From a writing point of view the ‘Ugh’ and the ‘Crap’ are jarring to read. The book seems to be full of these kind of interjections, including an endless stream of  ‘Holy ****’ (just in a few pages I spotted a heck, a shit, a crap, a fuck and a cow).  From a character development point of view I instantly hate the guy for putting ‘no children or animals’ into his list. Anyone who feels the need to do that is highly suspect. And from a plot perspective it makes zero sense to have a conversation about limits with someone who has no clue what is going on or what the possibilities are. It’s like the author knew about the idea of listing and negotiating limits, but had absolutely zero idea how to build it into the plot in a realistic and believable way.

I realize that my own attempts at fiction don’t exactly mark me out as the second coming of Shakespeare (although I did grow up near his home town), but there are a lot of genuinely good BDSM authors out there. Lily over at theblackleatherbelt just wrote a post on an anthology featuring some of them. Alternatively, from the femdom perspective, Her Majesty’s Plaything just featured a series of posts on Titian Beresford. Sascha Illyvich has even put together a handy list of 50 books she thinks are better options.

In my opinion the best literary thing to have come out of the book is this brilliant short parody written by the genuinely talented author Laura Antoniou (responsible for the Marketplace series). It’s far more entertaining than the original, while capturing the style perfectly.

It’s entirely possible that my original hopes for this book will still be realized. If it makes more people open to BDSM and exploring their own sexual desires then it probably doesn’t matter that it reads like the worst kind of internet fan fiction. And it’s nice to see an author making a bunch of money via one of the new publishing routes. I just wish this breakout book had been one I could recommend to people, rather than one I’d hate to be associated with.

Picking an image for this post was a little tricky, as Mf material isn’t the goal of the blog. I decided to go with a shot that featured both a female submissive and dominant reading a book that’s a touch better written than 50 shades of grey.

Female dominant reading her book with kneeling submissiveI found this shot on the Beauty of Submission tumblr.

Author: paltego

See the 'about' page if you really want to know about me.

8 thoughts on “50 shades of bleauh”

  1. Hi Paltego:

    I admit I was curious about this book. Not surprised to hear it isn’t very good. I confess I only had a passing interest in it, partly because I heard it was a male dom female sub story line which does not especially interest me. That seems to be the only socially acceptable form of D/s in terms of gender roles. Extremely funny that Laura Antinou wrote a parody of it! 🙂 Thanks for that piece of information and also for the honorable mention.

    As usual vanilla world is titillated by our lifestyle without really understanding it. Perhaps as you say the book will create an environment of greater acceptance and that can’t be a bad thing. On the other hand I feel many already practice some form of D/s and/or BDSM on the “down low”.

    I hear there is a possible movie version of “Shades Of Grey” in the works. Can’t wait to see steamy D/s scenes on “Entertainment Tonight”. 😉

  2. I’ve been trying to hold off on commenting on the book until I’ve finished it. So far, everything you say is true. Not a well written book, and not particularly well-educated about the lifestyle. That said, there is something there.

    I don’t think the bdsm community is the target audience. And the book may help ease the curious onlooker’s mind. The hero is not a nut job, a little eccentric, yes, but not a serial killer. The book is, at its heart, a romance novel. It has an impossibly gorgeous, exotic, powerful, rich man, and a nubile virginal waif. The waif is allowed some zingers and is smart enough to break through some of the hardened shell that is the controlling man, but ultimately he will have his way with her. He is an outrageously skilled lover, and she is ultra responsive. The man has access to things normal men do not: first edition books that no one else can find, a next gen MAC laptop that isn’t on the market yet, his own helicopter (which he flies).

    I traditional romance novel style, the man saves the woman’s life (or at least from serious harm), and saves her from being raped. He buys her things, though she doesn’t want them (“I’m giving you a clothing allowance which you must use,” most females will orgasm over that sentence alone.) She is a naive waif, who never had sex, doesn’t masturbate, and has never really been kissed. She has to be, otherwise society says she’s a slut, and what rich, powerful, controlling man can be with a slut? A slut is no kind of heroine.

    But maybe the book will show the romantic, sensual, exotic, erotic side of bdsm to an unfamiliar audience. It’s got women talking about it and about bdsm concepts, and maybe that is okay.

  3. What’s frustrating about the book is the heroine’s wishy-washiness. Her neediness. Things have to be her way, or no way. She can’t seem to go with the flow. I don’t know why this guy doesn’t drop her like bad news. I bought her a $50k car, which made her angry, $50k worth of rare books, which she can’t seem to give back, and a “next gen” Apple laptop, yet she feels “cheap”! Honey, you ain’t cheap! She gets a little spanking and goes all to pieces. This broad’s a dud. Somehow a good looking, 27 y.o. billionaire, that can play piano, fly her in his copter, gives her multiple orgasms, buys her expensive shit, takes her shit, and is sensitive and attentive isn’t enough for this bitch. I’d say her standards were a little high.

  4. This is sad to hear. I’m always hoping clarity in any subject matter will find it’s way to the masses. I’ll find the book and read it to give it a fair shot but it’s typical of something marginal making it’s way into mainstream and being a poor representation of the lifestyle. But as has been mentioned…it may open the door a bit wider for the true light to shine in.

    What Dom worth his salt would put up with a submissive like that. Hard to believe for anyone in the lifestyle to but that plot.

  5. @Vista: She’s not a sub. She’s just some girl he happened to meet and, for some unknown reason, became completely smitten. It’s a romance novel, which means it’s a fantasy for the target audience; which I assume are bored, frustrated housewives. In reality, this guy’s dating a supermodel, a hot starlet, a true submissive, or (more likely) all three, not the idiot heroine of the book. Yeesh! But the bdsm is presented in a seductive, romantic, erotic way — which is good for teh community.

  6. I haven’t read the book, but from the reviews, it sounds like they gave the Dom guy the stereotype that he abuses women due to abuse that he received when he was younger. The Dr. Drew video made the same mistake.

    My personal experience is that prior abuse doesn’t cause BDSM play. If anything, it impedes play. As in, “I can’t do XYZ, because somebody did that to me before, and NOT in a good way!”

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