Femdom Resource – Page 276 – The beauty of dominant women

So embarrassing. So good.

There are some images I post that I feel almost proud of. They’re erotic, artistic and intellectually satisfying. I know I’ve done nothing but re-post somebody else’s creative expression, but it makes me happy that I can share it with others. They’re the kind of images you’d be proud to stick on a poster for a BDSM protest march and say ‘This is who we are.’

Today’s post is not one of those images.

I’m not really sure why I like it as much as I do. The submissive looks so embarrassed and so guilty about what she’s doing. Those are not normally appealing traits for me. And yet at the same time, she’s also lost in the moment. That dirty sock is filling her senses. Just looking at this makes me want to go and write a highly pornographic story featuring these two young ladies. I think it’d feature a sadistic college room mate, guilty secrets, suppressed emotions and lots of dirty laundry. Look out for it as a future Hallmark channel movie of the week.I found this on the Mistress Hana site.

A hint of vanilla

The post title sounds like it’d be more suitable to Martha Stewart’s blog, but instead I’m going to talk about a (relatively) recent post from Mistress Rex. Specifically there are two sections in her post I wanted to pick up on, one negatively and one positively.

The negative is more of a quibble than anything, triggered by a certain phrasing in the post.

There are endless complaints by Dommes on various social media platforms regarding contact from clients who don’t “get it” – men who don’t know their place and compose emails that in no way defer to the addressee;
Mistress Rex

It often strikes me that some pro-dommes want to have it both ways. They’re understandably insistent that session play doesn’t carry across to the real world. The D/s dynamic is very much a timed and negotiated agreement, lasting just while the session does. They don’t want to have to deal with guys acting submissively and trying to force them into a mistress role when communicating outside of a session. Yet at the same time, some of them often seem happy to carry across D/s elements when it turns out to be useful to them.

I should emphasize at this point that I’m not referring to Mistress Rex herself (who I’ve sadly never interacted with professionally), or any of the dommes I’ve named and written about on this blog in the past (who all behaved entirely professionally). But the word ‘defer’ in that quote, along with the bit about ‘know their place’, sat uncomfortably with me and put me in mind of some on-line behavior I’ve seen and experienced. For example, a domme claiming she can’t be bothered to check email to often, so slaves should be prepared to email her several times and not get impatient if she doesn’t respond with a week. Or domme’s using stupid capitalization rules to put me into a specific role when we’re only just making initial email contact. Or domme’s expecting some sort of different or special allowances when sessions have to be cancelled or re-arranged.

Outside a session a domme will get respect, politeness and consideration from me, but not deference. And I’ll expect exactly the same thing back from her in return. Bleeding the D/s dynamics across that divide is only OK if that’s part of an ongoing and agreed relationship, and not if it’s simply a double standard at work.

That minor quibble aside, the positive part of the post that really spoke to me is quoted below.

…I like inviting vanilla into sessions rather than leaving it at the door, because I like there to be a perceivable exchange of power right there between the two of us. I don’t want to keep vanilla at a safe distance, outside the walls of the dungeon where it can be preserved and slipped back into unaltered; I want it right there in the room where it can be mutilated, transformed.
…
This is what I reckon is the problem with many commercial sessions: you can’t make it real until it gets real. You can’t force it; the organic exchange does not occur by walking through a door.
Mistress Rex

One of the things that put me off going to see a pro-domme for the longest time was the idea of the transition. On one hand I had this mental picture of a cliched pro-domme session (naked guy, on all fours, leashed, getting whipped) and on the other hand I had me. Normal, boring me, standing in a room with a woman I’d never met before. Somehow it seemed impossible to see how one vision could transition to the other. I didn’t want to fake it or act out a role that wasn’t me. This was supposed to be BDSM, not the local amateur dramatics society .

Fortunately, when I did finally arrange a session, I was lucky enough to find a pro-domme in Lady Lydia who really understood what Mistress Rex is talking about here. When we play there isn’t a hard transition point. We don’t suddenly go from friendly chatting into full D/s mode. There are jokes. A little two way teasing and perhaps some prodding of old fading marks. Then slowly, a little edge slips in. She’s still has a smile, but now there’s a sadistic glint in it. The pain levels go up and my options go down. Over the next fifteen or twenty minutes the balance and interaction between us may shift back and forth, but there’s only one general direction, and that’s into our respective top/bottom headspaces that lie at the heart of the session. Without any force or artificiality she takes the sensible plain vanilla me that walked in the door and mutates him into a far more interesting flavor.

I wasn’t exactly sure what image was best fitted to illustrate this post, so I just went into my folder of general images I like. This one is from the Femdom Proper tumblr site and caught my eye for her quirky smile.

The cat that got the cream

Here’s someone looking very pleased with herself. As the old expression my family uses would go – “She looks like the cat that got the cream.” Although when it comes to licking and liquids, I suspect that right now that’s probably more in his department.

I’m afraid I don’t know the original source for this. I found it on the Dishevelled Domina tumblr site.

All sorts of good stuff

A quick post tonight. Having fun in Vegas is not particularly conducive to writing thoughtful and intelligent blog posts. Some might argue I struggle to achieve that under the best circumstances, let alone after much food and wine.

Fortunately this image contains all sorts of good stuff that speaks for itself. There’s a cute cross-dresser. I particularly like her flowing curly hair. There’s an interesting CBT humbler device. And finally there’s the predicament bondage involving high heels. I’ve no idea what the context for this shot is, but I like it.

I found this image at the Curious Asian tumblr site.

Y: The Last Man

I’m part way through reading a really excellent graphic novel entitled “Y: The Last Man.” I’ve never been a fan of the more traditional style comic books, but this steers clear of superhero cliches and the traditional clunky expository style speeches. Instead it reads more like a clever hip TV show, with funny snappy dialog and sly cultural references.

The premise is that every man (and male animal) drops dead at exactly the same time, leaving only those people without a Y chromosome alive. The only exception is a single young man named Yorick and his pet male monkey. What follows is the story of his quest to find his girlfriend (he’s in the US, she’s in Australia), while the 3B remaining women in the world try and deal with the aftermath of this cataclysmic event.

The author has obviously had a lot of fun thinking about some of the less obvious effects of such a societal shift. The obvious male dominated fields like engineering and law enforcement are clearly going to be a problem. But what about politics? There are comparatively few female politicians, and most of those are from the Democratic party (in the US). So by default the Democrats end up in charge, which doesn’t sit well with the surviving wives of the Republican politicians. The military is another male dominated area, with the exception of Israel, which conscripts and trains women and men. Israel is therefore vaulted into the forefront as a military power, something they’re not slow to take advantage of. There series is full of such intriguing ideas, most of which are great illustrations of just how unequally divided the world still is.

For the most part the books do a good job of subverting the obvious sexual expectations of being the only man on a planet full of women. Yorick spends most of his time hiding and trying not to be killed or kidnapped, rather than trying to repopulate the planet. But there’s one interesting sub-plot where he has an encounter with an aggressive and apparently dominant woman. Things don’t play out exactly as you might expect from these two front page shots, but it adds an entertaining erotic twist into a plot that’s already fairly unusual from a gender and sexual point of view.

Do I tell you how to shoot porn?

Regular readers of this blog will know I’m always attracted to interesting expressions. I’ll take an amusing look or intriguing countenance over a hot body any day of the week. The shot below manages to deliver on all fronts, with desirable expressions and bodies.

His look is a fairly straightforward one. There’s a touch of surprise in there, along with a lot of “Oxygen is getting to be a problem!”

Her expression is a little harder to pin down. She probably just got told to glare moodily at the camera, in true (i.e. cliched) femdom fashion. However, I like to think she’s actually responding to a suggestion on what to do next from the photographer. In my world she’s thinking “Do I tell you how to shoot porn? I know how to sit on a man’s face and smack his cock around. Shut up and let me get to work here.”

I found this on the Femdom Marriage tumblr site. It’s originally from the Deviant David site. According to the site FAQ…

“Deviant David” Christopher, aka Pussyman is one of the true pioneers of Facesitting/Femdom videos. He started in New York in the early 1980’s working with Eric Stanton and then went on to produce “Pussy Power” and “Queens of Kink”

A nice healthy pink colour

Just a quick post today. I’m heading off for a few days R&R in Las Vegas, and still need to pack my case. I aim to keep posting, but it might be a little more erratic than usual.

In the meantime here’s a well tied and well bruised slave. There are some interesting patches of pink and red on his body, and he looks to be in the perfect position for the mistress to decorate him a little more. That position pulls the skin and muscles around the ass and thighs very tight, which’ll make any cane or strap she decides to employ exquisitely painful.

I found this on the Mina Kinks tumblr site. It’s originally from the Divine Bitches site.

A little bondage

Amazingly Bondage magazine was actually the official magazine of the James Bond fan club. It’s an obvious word play to use, but I’m kind of surprised they went with that particular title. I guess back in the 70’s and 80’s they didn’t have to worry about internet keywords and search filtering.

The shot below is from Quantum of Solace, the most recent Bond movie, and shows Daniel Craig with Gemma Arterton. I like his look of passion, the sense he’s drinking in the scent of her flesh. In contrast she looks relaxed, amused and controlled. Sadly the movie itself wasn’t all that great, and was nowhere near as good as the excellent Casino Royale that preceeded it.

Bond has had a number of interesting femme fatales to deal with over the years. As a kid I remember being entranced by Barbara Carrera as Fatima Blush, with her scene as a nurse being particularly compelling. There was also the predictably ridiculously named Xenia Onatopp from Pierce Brosnan’s first (and best) Bond movie, Goldeneye. She enjoyed aggresive rough sex when she wasn’t gleefully gunning down men. Some people get a touch vexed about these kind of stereotypes, but that’s really like getting upset at finding alcohol in a bar. What were you really expecting? Nuanced views on sexuality, gender or politics are not really the strong points of the series.

I found this on the Alternative Female Domination tumblr site.

Ruffles and boots

A moody arty shot for this post. It’s a nice contrast of body position and language. For her it’s a forceful position, her legs open in a confident straddle. For him, with his body twisted and arms and legs folded back, it’s far more submissive. And that’s leaving aside the minor fact that she’s sitting on his face.

I’ve no idea why, but I always find that the black boots and tight white jodhpurs style trousers is a very sexy combination. Obviously they simultaneously emphasize the shape of the leg while concealing it, which pushes certain buttons. But there’s something about that specific color combination that’s particularly effective.

I found this on the Slaves of the Goddess tumblr site. Thanks to the magic of tineye I also tracked down a color version of it, although personally I prefer the black and white version.

The big O

Emily Nagoski has an interesting post up in relation to this Jezebel article on female pleasure and the emphasis put on the orgasm. The writing is in the context of vanilla sexual relationships rather than kinky ones, but it got me thinking about how the ideas related to more unconventional sexual interactions.

For men, orgasm and pleasure are closely linked. They’re practically the same thing. They can enjoy arousal without orgasm, sure, but basically they can tell if they had a good sexual experience by whether or not they’ve had an orgasm.

And they apply that standard – THEIR standard, the male/masculine standard – to their women partners. As though women are men, and as though to be anything else is to be broken.

So even if a guy wants his female partner to have orgasms because he wants to make her feel good, which is lovely and very nice, why can’t he just MAKE HER FEEL GOOD because he wants to make her feel good, without the performance demands of orgasm?

Orgasm is often slower and more effortful for women than for men; it’s more variable from woman to women, more variable from day to day in an individual woman. Sometimes orgasm just isn’t there for her; she can still experience truckloads of pleasure, though.
Emily Nagoski

It’s tempting at this point to start getting pedantic about the definition of sexual experience. I’ve had some amazingly enjoyable experiences being bound, beaten and burnt that I’d consider as very sexual but that didn’t feature orgasms. However, for the sake of argument lets just consider sexual experiences as they’re more commonly defined, where genitals and stimulation of some sort is involved. In that scenario I think it’s still incorrect to say that an orgasm is necessary for a kinky man to have a good sexual experience. But I do think that the idea of an orgasm is a key part of the experience. Chastity play and tease and denial all concentrate on the removal of the orgasm. Edging is all about repeatedly approaching the point of orgasm without tipping over it. Ruining an orgasm is about spoiling the moment itself. These different type of orgasm control may or may not feature an actual physical orgasm, but they do put the idea of it right at their heart.

In contrast some women (and it’s impossible to avoid stereotyping here as Emily acknowledges) are not wired in that way. Lack of orgasm isn’t necessarily a sign of total failure in bed, in the same way that your partner achieving orgasm doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a fantastic lover. To quote Emily once again – “pleasure is a destination, not a journey; if you feel good, you have already arrived.”

Where I think this gets particularly interesting in the kinky domain is how it relates to lifestyle male chastity arrangements. I have to tread a little carefully here, as I’m not speaking from first hand knowledge of that specific type of play. However, I’ve never let lack of knowledge get in the way of my opinions before, and I don’t see any reason to start now.

I browse and read a variety of kinky blogs (not all of them linked to from here) and one of the subtexts I observe in a lot of male chastity blogs is a type of transference of sexual expectation. It often seems that simple denial or control over the male orgasm isn’t enough. To be truly satisfying their has to be frequent orgasmic sexual experiences for their female keyholder. There are no doubt a lot of complex reasons behind that, but a key factor seems to be avoiding turning a deliberate denial of sexual pleasure into a total absence of sex. From the male perspective sex involves orgasms, and if he’s not having them, then it’s necessary (or at least highly desirable) that she is.

That of course then runs directly into the issues Emily is addressing above. Male expectations around sex and orgasms can’t automatically be projected onto women. And yet long term chastity play seems to encourage that very projection, with the resulting conflicts you’d expect from that.

I’m afraid I have zero answers for how to resolve this issue. Other than perhaps being aware of its existence and using that knowledge to think creatively around the conflict. In the meantime, while I brace myself for a flood of comments from men in chastity telling me I’m full of crap, here’s a nice shot of a steelwerks chastity device. It’s from their blog and was supplied by one of their clients.