The beauty of dominant women
This image caught my eye for the positioning of the hands. Him trying to protect himself and her trying to pull his hands away for a clear shot. It captures nicely that moment of balance where he wants to do what he’s told, but the instinctual need to protect a hurt area interferes.
This is originally from the Young Dommes site. I found it on the equally deep in your eyes tumblr.
I’m having too much fun in NYC to blog properly. I’ll therefore stick to simply posting images I like. This one has a nice trio of facial expressions. It features Lexi Sindel and Lea Lexis and is from Femdom Empire. Personally while I like the C part of CBT, I’m not big on the B. That long drawn out ache is tough to deal with. I’d guess this guy is going to be living with the results of that squeeze for a while.
I found this on the Alternative Femdom tumblr.
The relative proportions of dominants to submissives, and the splits along the gender lines, are a well debated topic. Not only are the ratios for active kinksters up for question, but there’s also the issue of how many potential kinky people there are, or even what the percentages would look like if society was less screwed up. It’s a topic I’ve commented on in the past.
It’s also a topic that’s horribly lacking in hard data, and I’m afraid I’m not about to fix that problem. However, I did do a small experiment recently that’s related and I thought kind of interesting. The methodology was pretty simple. I went to the CollarMe site, randomly looked at profiles (with the widest possible selection criteria), and counted the proportions I saw. It actually started as some random browing over a coffee, but after a few minutes I got curious about what I was seeing, and started a tally chart. To keep it simple I just counted straight singles who didn’t switch.
The end results, before I got bored counting, were: Male Dominants = 40. Female Submissives = 22. Male Submissives = 23. Female Dominants = 7. Of those 7 female dominants, the number who were pro-dommes = 6. Leaving me with a grand total of 1 non-professional female dominant.
Now that doesn’t tell us anything about the ratios in the real world. It’s just a small sample of the people who choose to advertise on a particular site. But I was interested in how accurately it matched my intuition of what the numbers would be. I expected male dominants to be the largest group, submissives to be fairly evenly split along gender lines, and female dominants to be rare. I just wasn’t expecting them to be that rare. The contrast of 40:1 across the gender divide is striking.
I have to admit it wasn’t always easy to differentiate the professionals from the lifestyle ads. A couple of what I classified as professional ads didn’t mention payment. However, when I see numerous well lit/composed photographs of an attractive lady modelling several different exciting leather outfits, the cynic in me tends to assume she’s a pro. The non-professional dominants are normally dealing with enough dick pic shots as it is, they don’t need to encourage the hairy knuckle brigade.
While I’m on the subject of exciting leather outfits modeled by professionals – and as an aside let’s just admit I’m a genius at subtle segues to my post images – here’s Dominatrix Ella Kros in a rather striking black ensemble.
If you’re in either Tel-Aviv or London and would like to session with Ella Kros then her contact page is here.
I have to admit that I’m not always the best organized blogger. Some people have multiple posts and drafts lined up in their queue ready to go at the push of a button. I typically have a bunch of thoughts, a few random images, and a glass of wine to work with. Sometimes they come together. Often they don’t. When I’m stuck and it’s late at night, I turn to some of my favorite tumblrs for inspiration. I figure if I can find a good image I’m 80% done already.
One of those ‘go to’ tumblrs is the Happy BDSM one. A feel-good photograph of a grin and some kink is always an easy one to blog about. I was therefore perturbed to browse it tonight and discover a whole bunch of my old posts popping up on it (all with the correct attribution). Did nobody tell these people that they’re where I go for images? It doesn’t work if it’s the other way around. It’ll end up as an infinite loop of reposting with zero added value, much like the Huffington Post. Somebody has to do some actual work here, and I’ll be damned if it’s going to be me.
Anyway, while the Happy BDSM folks sort themselves, out, I’ll leave you with the kind of image I was hoping to find and steal from them. This was actually from the Kaisub blog.
I feel that I should be able to track an original source for this image. It looks like something from a professional shoot, but nothing pops up on a Google reverse image search. The Japanese style genital blurring is also kind of odd for what looks like a Western image. Anyway, if anyone can help me attribute it, then please leave a comment.
The growing mainstream visibility of BDSM has led to a burst of kinky novels, guides and memoirs. A particularly active niche within this growing category has been the pro-domme autobiography and how-to guide. In theory this should have led to a lot of exciting reading. Anyone who has chatted to an experienced pro-domme will know they have many great stories to go along with their technical skills and insight into the complexities of human sexuality. In reality the results have been pretty mixed, with most books being, shall we say, less-than-great.
The latest contender is The Posh Girls Guide to Play by Alexis Lass aka Domme Dietrich, as featured in this NY Post article and this MF thread. It’s a kind of guide and memoir combo deal. The good news is that it’s not in that less-than-great category. The bad news is that it’s much worse than that. Admittedly I haven’t read the whole thing, but the look inside feature on the Amazon site told me all I needed to know.
I could probably deal with the juvenile writing style that reads like a cross between a teenager’s diary and a Cosmo article. The frequent mentions of her posh upbringing is weird, but I don’t think that would ruin it for me. I could even cope with her crass attempts to tie the whole things into the awful 50 shades trilogy. But some other things are just too annoying to ignore.
You might think that a book by a pro-domme would feature some positive thoughts on female domination. Even if the book covered a variety of gender and D/s combinations, surely the F/m one should be there somewhere, right? Yet no. As far as I can tell (both from the book and her interviews) it automatically defaults to the conventional submissive female role. The only submissive males are laughable clients in the commercial dungeon. Write about female submission by all means, but don’t act like it’s the goddam natural order of the world.
Next on the list of the “You’ve got to be kidding me…” was this gem.
S&M is archaic and rusty term that does not represent all or most popular dominant and submissive roleplay …. [We’ll have] nothing plucked from the psycho torture toy chest. This guide is intended for adventurous, whole and healthy women…
Well fuck you very much lady. A lot of us like a little S and a touch of M. And we don’t appreciate the implication that we’re not whole or healthy because of it. You’re drawing a bunch of arbitrary lines between what’s kinky and cool and what’s weird and deviant. I think I must have missed your nomination as ultimate ruler of acceptable kink. Is it to late for me to vote?
The final gem that almost made me laugh out loud was the guide to who the book is for. Apparently if you answer yes to just one of these questions, then BDSM is for you…
6. My lover and I are fighting too much, and it’s taxing our relationship.
7. I would love to tone down the stress in my life.
8. I am a dominant female and I’m wondering how it would feel to be relieved of control and play a submissive role in a ‘tryout’ play experience.
Yes, that’s right – if your relationship isn’t working out, and you’re fighting a lot, then clearly the best thing to do is to get ropes, gags and whips involved. That applies even if neither of you have any interest in BDSM. Just go ahead and get your kinky freak on. There’s absolutely nothing that could possibly go wrong in that situation. As for (8), I refer you to my earlier comments. Obviously if you’re a dominant female who brought a book by an ex pro-domme expecting some suggestions on female dominance, well more fool you. You probably deserve a good spanking.
The image is the author in question – Domme Dietrich. I might not appreciate her writing, but I have to admit she does look fabulous in a black corset.
One of the things I enjoy about blogs is watching opinions and discussions ripple out across them. As a medium they exist somewhere between a newsletter, a diary and a conversation. The dynamics are complex and I’m often surprised by what posts will sink without a trace and what will trigger a storm of discussion and controversy.
One recent example of this was a post by that well known troublemaker Ferns on the subject submission, consent and the D/s dynamic. That was followed by this post by kinkinexile taking issue with the definition of dominance used. That provoked maymay into a series of posts written with his usual tact and subtlety on the theme that ‘Dominants are Rapists’. You can read them in chronological order as post 1, post 2, post 3, post 4, post 5, post 6, post 7 and post 8. That’s a lot of posts, so if you’re short of time then 1 and 6 are probably the key ones to read. Spinning off from all that was this post by Tomio Black and this by gingernic, plus no doubt others I failed to spot.
I was planning to stick my nose into the debate, but for the moment I’ll play the role of the lazy college lecturer and simply throw it out there for discussion. I am, after all, a resource site. Possibly I’ll come back to it in a future post. It should also go without saying that a link here does not imply endorsement of any particular viewpoint. The set of things I find interesting includes many which annoy or infuriate me.
As a meta-comment on the debate itself, I will say that maymay’s case is not enhanced by his tendency to classify the emotional and angry responses generated as proof that he’s getting close to the truth. I could post that all submissives are sad losers who don’t deserve a real relationship and generate a lot of strong responses. That wouldn’t constitute proof that I’d hit a nerve and was onto something. It reminds me of the old joke – ‘Yes, it’s true they laughed at the Wright brothers, but it’s also true that they laughed at Bozo the clown’.
I wasn’t really sure what image to go with here, but seeing as Ferns mentioned chores, I’ll run with that particular theme.
I found this recent Slate article on the history of the Victoria’s Secret company interesting. I’d always assumed that fancy lingerie stores were a standard fixture in the boutique shopping areas of most cities. Apparently that only became true in America in the 1980’s when Victoria’s Secret went from a company founded with $80,000 in ’77 to a $1.9B empire by ’95. I was particularly amused by the fact that the founder originally created it because the department stores made him feel like a ‘deviant’ for shopping there and he wanted somewhere for men to be comfortable. I know quite a few dommes where that embarrassment and deviance factor would count as a bonus not a drawback.
Of course this story gives me an excuse to feature a suitably frilly image with a hint of femdom. This is Larisa Fraser shot for Bonprix lingerie.
I’ve not exactly been kind to 50 shades of Grey in the past. Posts like this one and this one have made my feelings pretty clear on the subject. I was therefore shocked to discover an article on the topic that was even dumber than the source material itself.
You’d think that the trilogy would be a God send to the anti-kink and anti-porn brigade. After all it portrays a horribly dysfunctional relationship with many BDSM themes. Taking pot shots at that should be easy, yet somehow Gail Dines in this Guardian article screws it up. She attempts to conflate Christian Grey with an Irish serial killer because – and I can hardly believe I’m typing this – they’re both played by the same actor. On that basis we should assume that Richard Nixon was a serial killer who invented corn flakes. After all, Anthony Hopkins played all three characters (Nixon, The Silence of the Lambs and The Road to Wellville). I guess I should be grateful that someone who holds views so diametrically opposed from my own is such an idiot.
I wasn’t really sure what image to feature with this post, so let’s just go with something elegant and beautiful. Feel free to assume there’s a dominant lady waving a whip just off frame if the lack of overt femdom offends you.
This image is tagged ‘William’ but I’ve failed to locate an original source for it. If you know then please fill me in via a comment.
A few different links in today’s post. No particular theme, other than what’s lurking in various browser tabs I have open.
Anyone who enjoyed the image in my post entitled ‘Hope the wind doesn’t change‘ might want to check back on it and read the comments. It turns out the gentleman featured is a reader of the site, and he gave a bit of background to the image of him and his wife. As I mentioned in my reply, that kind of interaction is one of the things I love about this blog. The web can be feel like an endless deluge of impersonal images and writing, so it’s great when I feature something I’ve randomly stumbled across and then make a connection with someone who was involved in creating it.
Sex and food is an old and famous pairing. BDSM and food is a less favored duo, but a Russian company plans to change that with these fetish lollipops. I’m not sure if they’re purely a concept or a real product, but I can’t see them catching on. I like painful food when it’s spicy, but not if it’s simply gouging my mouth out with sharp bits of oddly colored sugar.
Tom and Thumper pointed me at this article on Male Chastity. Despite the judgmental title it’s actually one of the better mainstream articles I’ve seen on the the topic. Shock horror probe as journalist actually researches a topic before writing about it. He’ll never make it to the big leagues.
Finally, it was Halloween recently, which always leads to lots of fluffy articles on celebrities in costumes. It’s a safe bet that kinky outfits will feature, and that both the wearer and the press will make a total hash of it. My favorite example of that this year was Nicole Scherzinger. She went for a submissive catwoman, which makes no sense, and was described in this article as ‘a dominatrix sex kitten slave’. I’d think that any journalist with an IQ above room temperature would figure out that a dominatrix is the opposite of a slave, but obviously the hiring standards for the Daily Star aren’t that high.
At least the catwoman theme gives me a chance to feature an image of somebody doing it properly. This is Colorful-Ayako as photographed by Troy Thomas.
I thought I’d seen most forms of CBT, but this is a new one to me. I’m not sure if the silver foil is designed to spread the heat, concentrate the heat or simply ensure he bastes evenly in his own juices. Either way it looks like a particularly intense form of torture. On the plus side he might end up with some stylishly coiffured pubic hair.
This is originally from the OWK site. I found it on the Dominalova tumblr.