Fm – Page 101 – Femdom Resource

The yodeling dominatrix

There are some words you never expect to see next to each other. For example, ‘joyful’ and ‘coroner’ or perhaps ‘Donald Trump’ and ‘modest’. Until today I would have put ‘yodeling’ and ‘dominatrix’ in that category, but thanks to a pointer from this article on Manuela Horn, I stand corrected. If you really want to blow your mind with unusual juxtapositions I give you the yodeling dominatrix singing AC/DC’s highway to hell.

If I’m going to be pedantic (and I usually am), then I might quibble about the dominatrix bit. She certainly has a fine line in fetishistic outfits, but I’m not sure I see any evidence of BDSM play or general sadism. Unless you count yodeling at people, which personally I would.

If you’re in Spokane in October then you can catch up with her at Oktoberfest. For those not in the Washington state area, I leave you with another image of unusual juxtapositions. If there’s someone out there who has been fantasizing about sitting in a paddling pool, wearing a panda suit, playing an accordion, while an attractive lady in an odd fetish outfit holds your leash, then today is your lucky day.

A hanger on

The image you see below was my alternative shot for the previous ‘ouch’ post. In many ways it is scarier than the one I ended up going with. Anyone who has tried to do rope suspension will know how surprisingly difficult it is. The average human body is pretty heavy and isn’t fitted with well designed attachment points. Just getting it safely into the air and balanced is tough, let alone ensuring it’s not twisted the wrong way or being painfully compressed by the rope. I can’t imagine what it’d be like to be suspended and then have someone hanging off you like this. He doesn’t even have that many support points, so he’s either very well balanced or that must be fairly painful.

The lady is sporting a strapon, but it’s tough to see how she could use it in this position. Maybe a crazy inverted suspended 69?

The image is of course from the Captive Male site.

Ouch

This article on sex related injuries and mishaps made me laugh. Alcohol, slippery substances and horny naked people can be a dangerous combination.

I’m a little surprised there are no kink related stories in there. You’d expect that given the potential risk of most BDSM activities that there would be a greater potential for mishap. One possible answer is that kinky people plan carefully and practice the risky parts. More likely that BDSM accidents are just less funny. Humor comes from surprise and unexpected juxtapositions. Describing how you hurt your boyfriend by hanging him from the ceiling and sticking a cattle prod up his ass is less a surprise and more of a ‘duh’. Bad sex can be funny, while bad BDSM can be a court action.

Talking of playing with cattle prods and suspension, here’s a lady doing exactly that. Given it was shot by the professionals at Divine Bitches, I’m sure it was a mishap free scene.

Fings I ave learnt

I believe it’s customary to reflect back on lessons learned when reaching a significant milestone. Given this blog just reached its 5 year birthday, it seems fitting to reflect on a few learning points I’ve taken away in that time.

If you use your phone to take session photographs, don’t give it to friends when they want to browse your holiday snaps. It’s possible they’ll side swipe right past that charming little restaurant you found and right onto a close-up of a cock with needles in it.
Never schedule a dermatology appointment the day after a scene. Cane and clamp marks take longer than 24 hours to fade.
It’s unwise to tell a domme to ‘avoid X and Y, but anything else is fair game’. The set of things that are not X or Y is really big and contains much that is painful.
Ninety five percent of dommes will immediately reach for a cane when they discover you have a long flight coming up in a few hours. They’ll also giggle about how painful it’ll be to sit down afterwards.
It’s possible to become blasé about discussing the exact type of anal play you enjoy with a unfamiliar lady you met just 10 minutes earlier. This remains true even if you’re a generally shy person who can get embarrassed while watching TV on your own.
Hot wax gets everywhere. You could be pressure washed down by a team of expert nurses just minutes after hot wax play, and still be finding wax in odd crevices days later.
When a domme asks ‘Have you tried activity X?’ do not take that opportunity to brag about what an intense and crazy amount of X you did in a previous session. That will be seen as a challenge that you can only lose.

Hopefully that’ll aid you all on your kinky journeys. In the meantime, like this young lady, I’m off to raise a glass to mine.

I believe this is by the NZ artist Archia!, and is fan art from the TV show Hannibal.

Half a decade of perverted sexual practices

This blog is 5 years old today. Happy birthday and hip-hip-hooray!

Since it started in 2010 there have been 1,626 posts (an average of 6.5 posts per week), and 3,703 comments. I don’t find the age particularly amazing, but the number of posts and comments does shock me. If I guestimate 30 minutes to write a post, and assume a 8 hour work day, that’s around 20 work weeks of nothing but blogging from 9-5. Or, doing the maths another way, at a glass of wine per post, that’s 271 bottles of Bordeaux.

I started it originally because the blog I wanted to read didn’t exist. I therefore thought I could write something to entertain myself and maybe others like me. I also thought I could impress lots of dominant women with my wit and wisdom, and thereby attract many offers of kinky shenanigans. I’d rate my success as therefore a ‘maybe’ and a ‘maybe not so much’.

I’ll probably write some more thoughts about the last 5 years in coming posts. In the meantime I’ll finish with the kind of imagery that makes me glad to keep doing it. This is by Zemekiss Photography and was shot at the 2015 Vancouver Fetish Weekend. I found it on the Happy BDSM tumblr (where you can see other shots from the sequence). Happy people doing kinky stuff is a wonderful thing.

Grumpy

I normally steer clear of the snarling and glaring BDSM shots and bias towards more happy positive scenes. I’m going to make an exception for the image below because, while nobody looks happy, it did make me laugh. They just look so damn grumpy about the whole situation. I haven’t tracked down a source for the image, so I’ve sadly got no context for it. I’ve long been a fan of the Happy BDSM tumblr. If anyone wants to start an Unhappy BDSM tumblr this would be a great opening post.

Lady with her man

I couldn’t really wrap up a sequence of posts on clothing without featuring a uniform of some kind. Although if anyone is arriving at this post after searching for ‘femdom uniform’ they’re probably feeling a bit disappointed.

The lovely lady in the boots is Cordelia Kuznetsova. I don’t know the gentleman, but I believe he’s wearing a French uniform from the First World War. In fact I should say from the start of the war, as the French military quickly figured out that wearing bright red pantalon was not the best plan when facing men armed with modern rifles and machine guns.

I found this on the he stoops to worship (aka Devoted Sub) tumblr.

She can’t be all bad

It would be remiss of me to do clothing themed posts and omit the era of classic film noir. I love the movies themselves and the fashions of the time. The dames are all elegantly dressed, silver tongued seductresses, with pistols in the purses and hearts like a lump of coal.

The first image below is from the 1950 movie D.O.A (poorly remade in 1988). The second is from the classic Out of the Past – widely regarded as one of the finest of the genre – staring Jane Greer as the deadly femme fatale.

For anyone wondering about the post title, it’s a partial quote from Out of the Past.

Ann Miller: She can’t be all bad. No one is.
Jeff Bailey: Well, she comes the closest.

Hero

The concept of heroism has been much debased in popular culture. Pretty much anyone who has survived a stressful or dangerous situation is described as heroic. The popular media really only has two categories – hero and villain, so hyperbole is inevitable.

To my mind heroism isn’t only about courage and fortitude, it’s also about personal sacrifice. It’s about making a choice, and doing something for others despite the cost. It’s about taking a risk for a worthy cause. With that in mind I give you the heroic lawyer – Myles Jackman.

As this long article makes clear he’s fighting for the idea that “people’s private sexuality should not be held against them in any way, whether it’s criminal, civil, for intelligence purposes, or whatever”. As an obviously highly intelligent and well qualified man he could choose to make a bunch of money in more conventional legal cases and practice his kink in private. As a wealthy white educated male it’s unlikely he’d ever face problems doing that. Yet at significant personal and financial cost he chooses to defend people caught up in Britain’s ridiculous and outdated obscenity laws. That seems pretty heroic to me.

I’ve actually previously posted on a number of the cases mentioned in the article itself. There was the crazy tiger porn story, the Michael Peacock case, the Simon Walsh case, and the impact of the new UK censorship laws (here and here). Since those posts were written the new laws have forced Pandora Blake to close her Dreams of Spanking site, thereby putting a successful female producer out of business while reducing the total amount of porn on the Internet by 0.00%. It’s clear from the article that even those that win their cases often end up with their lives in pieces, and I sadly suspect that Myles Jackman is going to be a busy man for a long while yet.

The image is from the Urban Chick Supremacy Cell – a femdom site with a little more attitude than most. It’s run by by Itzi Urrutia. She’s quoted in the article and has already successfully battled the UK government. You can access her clips store here.

Negotiation in the moment (cont)

A few additional thoughts struck me while I was publishing yesterday’s post. Nothing new or contradictory here. Just extensions of the previous ideas.

Firstly, as a piece of advice, I’d suggest that it’s important to avoid leading questions when negotiating consent in scenes. If the submissive is already awash in endorphins and mentally predisposed to agree with the domme, then leading questions are problematic. Saying something like “Is it OK if we do X?” doesn’t help the submissive make the necessary mental gear shifts. The subtext is the domme would like to do X. Instead say something like “Is it OK if I do X or would you rather we avoid it?” That gives a nice simple binary choice (important when someone might be endorphin clouded) and suggests that yes or no or equally valid answers.

Secondly, I’d like to be clear that the onus isn’t always on the domme to negotiate every single activity every single time. I’ve actually been in the situation Miss Margo described in her post – anal penetration when tied up and we hadn’t discussed it – and it wasn’t an issue at all for me. That was because I was playing with someone I was very familiar with and we’d already done bondage and anal play multiple times in past sessions. In those cases I think it’s down to the submissive to take things off the table that a reasonable person might assume were still on the table. If anal play is usually OK but I have an iffy stomach one day, it’s down to me to mention it either beforehand or when the strap-on comes out. I shouldn’t expect the domme to mind read that something previously fine is now an issue.

One final point I wanted to make was actually touched on by Miss Margo in a comment she left to the post. Namely that it’s easier to achieve a great headspace when you trust the domme to negotiate clearly. If I constantly have to parse her questions and try and determine are we negotiating or playing then it’s hard to relax. Similarly if I know she’s liable to try new things and the onus is on me to stop them, then I’ll always be asking myself if I’m OK with the progression of the scene. Conversely if I know she’ll step out of character as necessary and ask simple questions then it makes it much easier to zone out when she’s in character. I wrote last week about taking a ‘holiday from yourself‘ during intense scenes. I think that’s only possible when you can fully relax and trust the person you’re with.

Given anal play got mentioned several times it seems appropriate to finish with this image. I’m afraid I don’t have a source for it. I found it via the Pegging with a Smile tumblr.