Tag: Boots

Warning Signs

I thought I’d continue my previous post on the incompetent domme and the site she shoots for with a few follow-up thoughts.

Firstly, always be alert for warning signs in any kinky interaction – whether it’s playing in person or simply buying someone’s BDSM porn. I remember seeing the site in question advertise for film slaves with the condition that they’d only waive the usual session fee if the slave didn’t use their safeword. That’s obviously a horrible incentive structure. The submissive is liable to push beyond safe limits to avoid paying and the domme is encouraged to push hard in order to save the company money. I should have called them out when I saw that, but somehow it slid past me at the time.

Secondly, be smart about where you consume porn from. If you like a lot of low risk activities, then it probably doesn’t matter who the domme is. Femdom Empire features a lot of crossover models from the regular porn world,  but they tend to stick to activities like pegging, foot worship, facesitting, tease/denial. etc. I’ve never seen them do extreme scenes that create non-trivial risk. On the other hand, if you’re more into things like impact play, heavy bondage, CBT and medical play, then pick sites that feature a lot of well known pro-dommes. For example, The English Mansion site definitely features edgier activities, but it’s also run by a well known domme and features a lot of top professionals.

Finally, if you’re a submissive, don’t think you can delegate all safety concerns to the domme. Playing safely is a joint responsibility. If you’re concerned about raising issues mid-scene – which I’ll admit can be difficult – then build into more intense play slowly over time. That makes it much easier to adjust course or raise concerns between sessions when you’re in a clearer headspace. I’d rather look forward to playing again and pushing just a little further than leave a scene with an injury or a messed up mental state.

Talking of the English Mansion, heavier activities and professionals who know what they’re doing, here’s Domina Liza in a shoot for them. She’s certainly someone who knows how to correctly wield a single tail.

It’s all in the Mind

The NYT has a short but informative article  on the complex relationship between brain and body when it comes to pain. It’s tempting to think of the body as the source of all physical pain and the brain simply reporting on the signals it receives but, as the article explains, it’s a lot more complicated than that. As every masochist already knows, and doctors are learning, pain is contextual, and the reprocessing that happens in the brain can make a big difference to the perception of the sensation.

I also found it interesting that the article draws a connection with itching. Ever since I got involved in kink, I’ve been fascinated by how that phenomena can be modified by my situation. In normal circumstances I find it almost impossible to not scratch a bad itch. The more I resist doing so, the greater the intensity and the compulsion to resolve it. I can’t think of anything else. Yet once in bondage, itches fade away. It’s almost like my brain has a switch it can flip – if I physically can’t fix the itch then no point bugging me about it. I’ve never had to stop play to get an itch scratched. But when the ropes or straps come off, any irritation immediately returns.

This lady is about to administer a two for one deal – pain and itching combined, thanks to a big bundle of stinging nettles. This is obviously originally from Femme Fatale Films.

Memorial Parade

The New Orleans Dominatrix Convention is coming up in October. Specifically it runs from the 4th to the 8th. I’m sadly not going to be there, but if you can attend, you might want to look out for a Second Line Parade that’s being organized. It has been put together by Simone Justice to remember and celebrate the lives of people the BDSM community has lost in recent years. As their press release says…

More than 100 dominatrixes will strut The French Quarter dressed in full fetish regalia comprised of leather, latex and thigh high boots while dancing to a brass jazz band, waving parasols and handkerchiefs.

The second line parade is a uniquely New Orleans tradition, held for many kinds of occasions, and anyone on the street is welcome to join in the revelry.

You can read more about this New Orleans tradition here. It sounds like this one should be quite the event. If you know of anyone you think should be specifically called out for this memorial, then Simone Justice has been collecting suggestions.

I’ve no idea what fetish outfit Simone Justice plans to wear for the parade, but based on this image, I’m sure any attendees will be in for a visual treat. If you’re interested in seeing her in her professional capacity, her main site is here.

Strange things are afoot at K Shoes

A recent post by Mistress Sidonia featuring a list of ads featuring dommes, led me to this 1989 advertisement for K Shoes and their high heels.  I love this for multiple reasons. Partly it’s the classic 80’s style, with the shoulder pads and the black and chrome office. Partly it’s the great ball cutting shot and sound effect, which I’m amazed they got away with. Mostly it’s because I remember K shoes (and Clarks, who took them over) from my childhood. It feels like I spent a countless number of hot summer afternoons with my mother, trying on their shoes, looking to get the cheapest possible option that’d fit me. I hadn’t thought of them for years, so it was very strange to see this ad in this context and have all those old memories resurface.  Life likes to spring these odd surprises on your now and again.

Of course, I couldn’t let a post like this pass and not take the opportunity to feature a shoe themed image. This gentleman seems to have invested in some sturdy footwear, but forgotten the rest of his outfit.

1930’s Domme

This is a companion shot to a well known image that has been floating around on the web for years. I featured the more common shot in a post way back in 2011. I always liked that image, so was very pleasantly surprised to discover this other, less well known one, of the same domme by photographer Charles Guyette.

I think they’re both wonderfully erotic shots, and that’s from someone who has spent a couple of decades experiencing all the kinky imagery an uncensored internet has to offer. I can’t even begin to imagine the effect they’d have had on a submissive male 80 or more years ago. I’m guessing that for anyone lucky enough to have a hard copy of this back in the day, it was a well hidden and highly treasured possession.

I discovered via the mrunderheel’s twitter.

Stylish in White

This isn’t really femdom, but I’ll give myself a pass on that just this once. I love the duality of this image. On one hand the models pose and the image composition is a very conventional fashion one. Much more D&G than S&M. The lapel, collar and zip elements also suggest a more conventional fashionable outfit. On the other hand, it’s this incredibly fetishistic, monochromatic latex suit, with extreme boots and a skin tight hood. Those contrasts really make the image work for me.

This is from Reflective Desire. You can see some more shots of the same outfit on their twitter feed.

Opt In or Opt Out

A couple of comments to my previous post got me thinking about the dynamics of session negotiation. Specifically, what gets treated as opt in and what as opt out. In theory, if you listen to most kinksters, all play has to be consensual and explicitly negotiated ahead of time, so everything should be opt in. The reality can be murkier.

The comments in question – from Servitor and Al about my pet peeve of ‘gotcha questions’ –  were slightly different but both raised the same basic point. I might not like questions designed to trip a submissive up, but that’s a valid thing to do for some scenes. Your kink is not my kink and all that. I absolutely agree with that. It can be a fine style of play if you’re into that dynamic or the roleplay requires it. But it’s also not quite the point I was trying (and probably failing) to make. Gotcha questions are a specific activity or style, and yet often get used without discussion. Which brings me to this posts title. My pet peeve isn’t so much with the approach itself, but that it is something I have to actively opt out of. Shouldn’t the default be opt in? Not so much YKINMKBYKIOK, but that YKINMK – and it’s in my session damn it! – BYKIOK.

I can think of other examples where the default is the reverse of what you might expect. Bondage for example. That’s part of almost every scene I do, yet I don’t think it ever gets negotiated. It’s treated as an intrinsic part of kink that you’d have to explicitly request not to do. Impact play is another. I’ve lost track of the number of times I didn’t mention impact play in session negotiation, yet 10 minutes later somebody was whaling on my ass. I suspect that’s probably because almost all domme’s like it so much! Neither of those activities count as a pet peeve for me, because I also enjoy them, but it might be an issue for someone else.

What exactly gets treated as opt in versus opt out clearly varies from domme to domme. At one extreme, every domme I know treats edge play activities like piercing, cutting or breathplay as opt in. They always get discusssed first. On the other side, along with bondage and impact play, I’ve typically found blindfolds and hoods are opt out. If I don’t call them out as an issue then there’s a good chance they’ll be pulled out at some point and I’ll have to start negotiating mid-scene, which is never my favorite time to do it. In between those two groups there’s a lot of fuzziness. For example, face slapping for some people is a very specific activity to be discussed ahead of time, for others its just an intrinsic part of kink that it’s up to the submissive to opt out of.

I’ve more to add here, but I’ll save that for the next post. In the meantime, I’ll continue my photographic theme of impact play. If this gentleman has a desire to opt out of caning, he probably needs to speak up asap.

This is from the High heels & Fetish tumblr.

Splashproof

There’s a lot to dislike about this image. It’s got the classic 70’s domme stare, the limp whip holding and the collar that’d be better suited to a submissive. Not to mention the weird crossed swords behind her. Who ever though that fake medieval weapons were a good look for a room?

On the plus side, her boots, gloves and natural beauty do make it work. However, what really sold me on it was the fetishistic apron-like dress. There’s something both disturbing and sexy about that. What’s going to spurt, splash or squirt that she needs protection from? And not just a small amount of protection. That’s a waist to heel cover. She’s ready for things to get seriously messy.

Don’t be scared

Mistress Jadis has published some wise words for any submissives that are put off from playing with a particular pro-domme because of the intense images or descriptions she posts on social media. The basic gist of her post boils down to  – don’t worry about it. The kinky world is a big one, whatever your experience level there’ll always be somebody out their doing something more extreme, and a domme will adjust and enjoy playing at whatever intensity is appropriate for you.

Browsing kinky social media can be entertaining, but I don’t think it’s particularly representative of the daily reality. If it was then 90% of pro-domme clients would be annoying assholes who cancel at the last minute, the other 10% being hard core bullwhip loving masochists who get locked in chastity 364 days a year. Fin-dommes would all make thousands of dollars every day, munch planning would always be a disaster and every relationship would either be amazing or a trainwreck. There’d be barely be time for actual kinky activity to happen.

My general observation is that the more experienced and skilled a domme is, the greater her ability to judge someones limits and provide a very gradual and controlled escalation of intensity. So the ability to build to a particularly intense scene is a good indicator for all levels of activity. And any professional who only wants to do extreme scenes is probably not going to be making a lot of money.

Ms Jadis is a Sydney based dominatrix with a social media presence here.

Mistress Stephanie Locke

I have to admit to being very conflicted on social media. It’s ability to spread lies and poison is undoubtedly high, but at the same time, it does enable me to discover amazing people. As an example, I give you Mistress Stephanie Locke.

I first encountered Mistress Locke via a series of black and white images posted on usenet back in the 90’s. I had absolutely no idea who was in the images, but I remember being transfixed by them. I thought they were the hottest thing I’d ever seen, but I couldn’t understand why I reacted as strongly as I did. It was only later that I realized I was reacting to the realism in the shots. Most femdom and kink shots at the time looked horribly staged and featured bored models.  There were lots of floggers being waved towards the camera by people who looked desperate to escape their boots and corsets. In contrast, the shots with Stephanie Locke seemed to feature people who were genuinely interested in who they were beating and why.* It amazes me that today I can read the thoughts and tweets of a domme who seemed like a mythical figure to the young paltego.

Sadly I don’t have a copy of the original usenet series of images that first caught my eye. The image below looks like it’s from a few years later on. I just wish I was at DomCon in LA to pay my respects in person. I love this selfie she posted with a crop on the bathroom counter.

* It’s also possible that the fact that I have a thing for dommes in glasses also played a role here.