The beauty of dominant women
The first image from yesterday’s post put me in mind of this shot. I like the fact it works whoever you prefer to imagine to be the titular boss. She can either be a controlling subordinate or a bullying manager and it’s still hot.
I first stumbled across it on the Thoughts of a Dork tumblr. It’s originally from a fashion shoot for Harper’s Bazaar in Spain. It was shot by Benjamin Kanarek and features Yulia Kharlapanova.
Advochasty recently put up in an interesting post describing his enjoyment in being assigned tasks, and it reminded me of an older post by Lily that I’ve been meaning to link to for ages. Lily’s post draws on a book called Real Service that describes a categorization scheme for dominants and submissives. What stuck in my mind was the spectrum of domination styles it defined, ranging from parental to celebrity.
The “celebrity dominant” stays outside on the cell phone while their s-type goes into the restaurant, arranges for a table they know the dominant will like, begins ordering the food, and orders the dominant’s favorite cocktail. The dominant snaps their phone shut, sweeps into the restaurant, sits down, and begins enjoying the meal.
…
The parental dominant, by contrast, chooses and drives to the restaurant, orders for both of them, and is definitely carrying the wallet.
I’ve never really explored a service D/s dynamic. Mostly that has been an opportunity problem, but for a long time I also wondered if it was something I’d even be interested in. I’d read blogs that featured a service dynamic and find the idea very unappealing. I hate micro-managing and I hate inefficient decision making. So when I read Lily’s post it was a light bulb moment. The idea of simply taking care of things and smoothing the way for the domme was highly appealing. Clearly I’d be reading about parental types where I needed a celebrity dominant! And there’s no shortage of celebrities playing with a domme look. Maybe Miranda Kerr or Katie Holmes would be up for a coffee sometime?
For a post illustration I thought I’d go with a couple of different styles of service. The first makes me think of the celebrity PA style. Although in this case, whatever he’s done, she doesn’t look too pleased about it. The second is obviously a fair more personal and hands on type of service. I found both on the Miss tumblr.
I am by no means a stoic and quiet masochist. I make noise. Lots of noise. Screams. Moans. Grunts. Growls. I like to claim it’s a sign of good communication from the bottom. I’m letting the top know where I’m at. That’s true, but realistically it’s also about me dealing with pain and letting myself simply go with the sensation. It’s energizing to not think and simply react.
I’ve never had a domme try to make me stay quiet, although a few have shoved a gag in when necessary. I therefore think the young lady in the drawing below is being particularly cruel. She’s positioned him teasingly across her legs, spanked him and shoved a vibrator into him. And now he has to stay quiet while she reads her book? That’s harsh. Particularly if she’s adding the odd spank or two between pages.
I found this on the Geek Domme tumblr. I think it’s fan art of two characters from a web comic called homestuck, but I’m not entirely sure.
What can a talented domme do with duct tape, cord and surgical staples? The answer, if you’re Lady Lydia, is an alternative style of zippering.
Standard BDSM zippers features clothespins. I’ve enjoyed being on the receiving end of them several times in the past, including documenting it in this older post. Using surgical staples instead of clothespins was a new idea to me, and turned out to be a particularly interesting and intense one. Thanks to Lydia’s multitasking skills we captured a whole sequence of images, so I’ve documented the session on a new page: Staple Zippering with Lady Lydia.
Note that this is a style of play that some people would describe as edge play. There are a few small specks of blood in a few shots. Don’t click through if that would be a problem for you.
This looks like a fun game. I hope that there’s some sort of penalty associated with each thrown ring that fails to find its target. These kind of things are always better when they operate under a ‘she wins or he loses’ set of rules.
I’m afraid I don’t know the original source for the image. I found it on the Lashkisser tumblr.
The kink company has been in the news recently. They’re a very high profile producer of BDSM porn, so anything that happens to them tends to reflect on the wider community.
On the plus side there’s a James Franco documentary coming out about the company that apparently paints them and BDSM in a very positive light. It’s getting some good mainstream coverage, although the Hollywood Reporter writer appears to be unable to review it on its merits without lapsing into offensive speculation about who might watch such material. I haven’t noticed similar speculation being attached to reviews of thrillers or horror movies where people are shot, knifed and strangled for the enjoyment of the audience.
On the negative side there has been a lot of coverage of founder Peter Acworth’s recent arrest for possession of cocaine. The drugs issue isn’t one that bothers me, but some of the follow-up stories have presented a more complex and troubling picture of the company. The SF Weekly had a lengthy article on the company that was less than positive, and Maggie Mayhem put up a long post that detailed some significant issues she has with the kink workplace culture.
I’ve zero personal experience of the company, so I can only provide links to others with better information. I think it’s undoubtedly true that the company has improved the overall quality of BDSM porn. However, I think as an ethical porn consumer it’s always important to know more about exactly who is producing the images and videos we’re watching.
This image is from the kink site Divine Bitches. I found it on the Girls Rule, Subs Drool tumblr.
Strictly speaking this isn’t femdom. I just thought/hoped that there would be a pretty good overlap between my usual readers and fans of this image. That’s the extremely attractive Felicia Day (who featured in Buffy and Dr Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog) standing in front of a whole bunch of books. As combinations go, that’s a pretty good one. Feel free to imagine she’s reading a guide to testicle trampling if you need a little added BDSM in your daily post. Alternatively, for a larger version of the image, check out the original post on the he stoops to worship tumblr.
It’s hard to overemphasize the importance of not leaving a bound person unattended. Should you ever be tempted to do so, I’d suggest you keep in mind the story of the Montreal guy who popped out for groceries while his submissive was tied up by her collar. While he was figuring out what to have for dinner, she died of asphyxiation. He tried to claim it was an accident but, quite rightly in my view, was found guilty of criminal negligence.
While I’m all for maximizing safety, I found part of the first linked article a little surprising.
…put safety first, which means buying the right equipment that has release devices allowing subs to free themselves from bondage and similar confinement situations. In other words, subs must always be able to effortlessly free themselves because, for example, a domme/dom could be standing two feet away and suffer a heart attack or something.
I’ve been on the receiving end of a lot of bondage and I can’t think of anytime I’ve been in quick release devices. I get the need when you’re playing with someone you’re not too familiar with, but for normal play in an established relationship? Being able to effortless free myself would seem to miss the point somewhat.
It’s true that a heart attack for the domme would present a problem for me. But so would a heart attack for the guy doing 70 mph on the freeway behind me tomorrow morning. Or come to that, a heart attack all of my own. Or getting randomly shot in a bar. Or deliberately shot in a bar for that matter. Not every American takes kindly to my drunken theories on the innate superiority of British music and comedy. Life is full of risks.
Only using quick release cuffs would also seem to rule out rope bondage. That would be a great shame as it can be very beautiful.
Both of these images are from the bondage is not a crime tumblr. You can see a couple of other shots from the same sequences here and here.
The New York Times featured an article on BDSM today. It wasn’t anything too surprising. Just the obligatory mention of 50 Shades of Grey and commentary on how BDSM is moving more into the mainstream. It’s nice to see a positive non-judgmental article in a major newspaper, but that’s nothing too unusual these days. What did surprise me was the photograph they featured with it (viewable here).
The 50 shades phenomenon has triggered a lot of BDSM articles and most of them either feature stock images of equipment (handcuffs, gag, etc.) or a cliched dominatrix trope (leather boots, a coiled whip on a hip, etc). The dominatrix photograph doesn’t make much sense given that 50 shades was a maledom story, but using an attractive women in a sexy outfit to sell a story isn’t exactly unusual. What surprised me about the NY Times images was that it actually featured a femdom image with both a man and a woman in it. That’s rare in my experience. Most mainstream articles are happy to describe BDSM play but rarely feature an image of it.
This isn’t to say D/s pairs can’t be seen in mainstream media. Fashion photographers seem to love that dynamic. I regularly stumble across arty fashion shots that have models portraying ideas of dominance and power. So it would seem mainstream publications are happy to use D/s pairings to sell entirely unrelated products, but are reluctant to use them in factual stories about real D/s. That must make sense to someone, but that someone isn’t me.
This image is from a fashion shoot called ‘The Night Porter’ by the photographer Harvey Miedreich for The Libertine. I found it on the Undiscovered Limits (aka Untamed Dark Mane) tumblr.
I’ve never been particularly convinced by the idea of sex addiction and this article by Dr Marty Klein does a good job of knocking the concept down. What I found particularly fascinating was the link he provided to a sexual addiction test. In just a few minutes you can allegedly find out if you’re a sex addict.
I took the test, answered honestly, and discovered that I was in fact a sex addict. Surprised by that result I took it again, answered equally honestly, and discovered that I was not a sex addict. This seemed to suggest the survey methodology might be a touch flawed. The problem is the ambiguity of the questions. Two different but valid interpretations can give two different but valid answers. For example…
Oddly one of the questions asks if you regularly engage in sadomasochistic behavior. So presumably that’s some sort of indicator. Maybe my first survey result was right after all. And judging by his expression, the gentleman below might be in danger of developing my addiction as well. That young lady is clearly a dangerous sex dealer.
This image is originally from Strapon Dreamer. I found it via the Your Vengeful Goddess tumblr.
