You Do You

Mistress Evilyne has put up an excellent and very personal post on Whorearchy, the shaming of female desire and what sexual acts are appropriate for a dominant. Hint: It’s whatever they damn well decide. As she concludes the post with…

As long as you are not hurting anybody either physically or mentally, then go ahead and do what you want to do! Be you and rock it! And don’t let anyone shame you or tell you that they are better than you.

It’s a topic I’ve touched on before. The last time, in a post entitled Demarcation, I linked to writing from Domina Victoria Rage and Mistress T that made similar arguments. As I said then, I think the legal issues of sex work to tend to distort not only the topic, but even our ability to discuss it openly. For example, I wouldn’t discuss a pegging session here unless the pro-domme in question was publicly open about offering it on her site. Just penetration alone can be problematic legally, let alone if you throw an orgasm or two into the mix.

Theoretically this is only a problem in the professional realm, but in reality I think it tends to spill across all of femdom. Lacking other strong cultural models, people take cues from porn and pros. So we end up in this fucked up situation where patriarchal laws distort professional femdom, and patriarchal norms suppress other representations of femdom, and ultimately the distorted former being an outsized influence on the latter.

This is Mistress Evilyne enjoying some public humiliation play. She’s a London based pro-domme.

Reclamation

This Paper Magazine article presents some interesting discussions with several different sex workers in various  fields.  The one that really caught my eye was from Karmenife, who is currently working as a pro-domme. To quote her from the article…

I actually found sex work through an art project that I did. When I was on campus, I was raped my freshman year and I thought it pretty much ruined me. One way that I reclaimed my space for myself is I did an art project where I dress up like a dominatrix and I dommed frat guys in front of the frat house where I was raped. I had never felt so powerful and beautiful, and to feel that in a space where I had been ripped apart was beyond empowering.

I hunted around online and found this article from 2016 describing the art project she mentions.I can’t believe I missed this when it was originally published. It’s kind of an incredibly story, both to reclaim her power via that project and then to channel it into a career. There’s a site for the project itself here, which is where the following image is from.

Karmenife is currently based in NYC and the twitter feed for her professional persona is here.

Top Tips

If you’re looking for some interesting tips on training a submissive, then you might want to browse this twitter thread started by Mistress Eva. I have to admit that most of the suggestions don’t appeal to me personally. Spanking and naps are childhood things I’ll gladly revisit, but I’m eternally happy to be permanently done with punishment, chores and homework. However, if that’s the kind of thing you like mixed into your kinky play, then you should probably check out the thread.

Of course this also gives me the a great opportunity to feature a photograph of the lovely Mistress Eva herself.  From her site she offers online training as well as in person sessions.

I found this image on Mistress Eva’s twitter feed.

A little something for everyone

Much as I appreciate Wikipedia, I’ve always been a bit disappointed with its list of paraphilias (fetishes). It only has around 100, which seems low. You can probably find more than that in an afternoon of browsing tumblr porn.

For anyone else who feels a more comprehensive list is required, then may I suggest this collection of scanned pages that gives 547 different paraphilias. It includes things like Melissophilia (arousal from bees), Pecattiphilia (arousal from sinning) and Soceraphilia (arousal from one’s parents in law). I have to say, when it comes to that last one, I’ve seen plenty of stepmom porn out there (technically Novercamania), but not a lot of mother-in-law porn. A potential market being missed perhaps?

While it general seems like a good list, there are a couple of inclusions that make me question its scientific veracity. For example, right between Placophilia (arousal from tombstones) and Plushophilia (arousal from stuffed toys) it lists ‘Playing the Bagpipes’ (intercourse under the armpits). That sounds more like a joke punchline than a scientific category. They could at least have gone with Bagpipeaphilia.

Despite have 547 entries, I couldn’t find anything about a fetish for sitting on people or being sat upon. It doesn’t even list Forniphilia. So I guess the world is still waiting for the truly definitive list of fetishes.

I think this is from the infamous Kitan Club magazine of Japan. You can read more about the history of Kitan Club here.

Growling at the Badger

Courtesy of the Whores of Yore, comes a brief but fascinating history of cunnilingus. As you might guess, given thousands of years of patriarchal societies, it has not generally been a positive history. For the ancient Greeks it was

…generally regarded as something repugnant, used only by lesbians, and weak men whose erection had failed them. The fear that the penis is being replaced, or is not ‘enough’, is palpable.

That observed fear is an interesting one, given the prevalence of cunnilingus in submissive male fantasies. There’s obviously an element of service  and worship associated with it, but I wonder if for some men there’s also a coupling to kinks around inadequacy and humiliation?

My favorite part of the article is learning that in Sanskrit the word for the clitoris translates literally as ‘umbrella of the god of love’. That’s a lovely phrase I won’t forget in a hurry.

This gentleman may end up with a little more grit on his tongue than is usual after oral sex. Sadly I’ve no idea who created this wall art or where it was painted.

Magic Buttons

I enjoyed this article on nipples and the pleasures that come along with them. There’s always a lot of attention paid to women’s nipples in porn and sex guides, but I think they’re a much underrated erogenous zone for men.

I have to admit, when I was younger, my nipples did nothing for me. They were like that one useless wall switch that most households have somewhere. Clearly at some point it did something, and maybe it still does, but no matter how often you flick it, you really can’t figure out what its actually for. BDSM changed all that and reworked my internal wiring. I’ve no idea if that change was a result of lots of nipple torture in sessions, a pavlovian link between pleasurable sensations and nipple play, or just being more aware of the sensations in my body, but the end result is a pair of magic buttons that are instant ‘on’ switches for me.

I’ve never managed the pure nipplegasm as described in the article. However, I can edge and then use nipple stimulation alone to push me over the line. The result is a weird orgasm, not quite a full one but not quite a ruined one. It’s a bit like an anal based orgasm – you know some crazy shit just went down, but you’re not exactly sure what. Did I just enjoy an amazing new sensation? Or did I just get cheated out of the real deal?

This image is obviously from the Men in Pain site.

Dealing with Drop

Gay Star News has published a pretty basic but good article on post play drop here. Worth reading if you’ve experienced it and are trying to understand more about what happened. I found it interesting to see all the potential causes that they list – endorphins, adrenaline, internalized shame, loss of sense of self, lactic acid, feelings of guilt, etc. In the same ways that BDSM highs are complex and multi-dimensional phenomena, the lows are clearly equally faceted.

The image is one used in the article and taken by istolethetv. Specially this is from the Folsom Street Fair in 2015.

Penis in Peril

Yesterday’s post, featuring a penis in grave peril, reminded me of a story I heard from a domme many years ago. Like the previous video clip, it’s another one guaranteed to make most men wince. Don’t say you weren’t warned.

The domme in question was doing a ballbusting scene in heavy boots with a regular who liked to be kicked particularly hard. One kick, deep into the session, caught him awkwardly and actually split the skin at the base of his erect penis. Then, to use her words, ‘the skin sort of rolled up’. She was obviously concerned, given that blood was going everywhere. Unfortunately, the guy also had a serious castration fantasy. So rather than freaking out, he was turned on even more, which isn’t a happy state of affairs when your erection has sprung a leak. Things were messy. Eventually she persuaded him that continuing was probably a bad plan, and got him to head to ER to get patched up. I’d imagine that his sex life for the following weeks was rather limited, assuming he didn’t want to pop a stitch.

I’m not sure there’s any moral to this story, other than that horniness typically has an inverse correlation with good decision making. But I think we all knew that already.

This lady seems to have a pretty good kicking action going. It’s just a shame the guy was so keen to get into the kicking fun that he didn’t have time to take his socks off. Although if they have to rush to ER, that’ll save him some time getting dressed. This is obviously from the Female Dom site.

Breaking out the heavy equipment

A few months ago I blogged about the fact that German firefighters receive training in removing cock rings that have become too tightly attached. Apparently, as I wrote at the time, they can use an angle grinder in combination with bandages and heat resistant paste. Well now, thanks to the magic that is the internet, I can even share a video of that procedure. Check it out in this tweet. As I wrote in the re-tweet, I think it has to be the single scariest BDSM related thing I’ve ever seen.

It looks like he used some sort of heavy metal nut as a cock ring and then the trapped blood prevented it being removed. Either that, or he has a castration fetish, and this is his idea of a good time. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say if your scene ends up featuring an emergency room and an angle grinder, you might want to reassess your interpretation of the Risk-aware bit in RACK.

Personally, I think its the kind of video they should be showing in schools as part of sex education class. I don’t think any teenage boy who saw it would ever forget it, or be tempted to experiment with his cock and whatever he can lay his hands on in the school metal shop.

This slightly more playful castration shot comes courtesy of the CBT and Ballbusting site.

The original video I re-tweeted was posted by Lady Ashley, who makes it clear that it was absolutely nothing to do with her. Professional dommes know what they’re doing and use the proper equipment.

Jacqueline Pearce

If you ask kinky people who grew up before the age of the internet, they’ll often have a character or actor from a mainstream show or film that first pushed their kinky buttons. Common examples that come up are Julie Newmar as catwoman, Diana Rigg as Emma Peel and Famke Janssen as Xenia Onatopp.

British sci-fiction fans might have another name to add to that list – Jacqueline Pearce as Supreme Commander Servalan. She was a character on the TV show Blake 7 and, to borrow from the Wikipedia description, she was ‘a cold, calculating, ruthless sociopath who is not above using her sex appeal and charm to get what she wants’. Just the kind of qualities that’ll make a male submissive sit up and pay attention.

Sadly, Jacqueline Pearce passed away over the weekend . As Toby Hadoke describes, she made the character ‘such a memorable villain – ruthless, sensual, damaged.’ You can see some clips of her in action here and here. According to the BBC, she originally trained with John Hurt and Anthony Hopkins, retired from acting to care for orphan monkeys in Africa and liked a glass of champagne. So lets raise a glass to a life well lived and a classic character played with great style and power.