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The Pleasure Revolution

The Guardian has an interesting article on female sexual pleasure featuring five women speaking out on the topic. It packs in a lot of complex issues, and left me wanting to hear more from everyone interviewed. From the perspective of this blog, the most relevant voice was the last one featured, that of Reba Maybury. The article labels her as a dominatrix, but she seems to be part performance artist, part political agitator and part pro-domme. It’s hard to tell from the article if kink is an intrinsic part of her life or just an interesting tool for exploring power dynamics and gender politics.

What struck me as particularly odd was this section…

A socialist of mixed-race background, Maybury only dominates white, preferably right-wing, men. “I can’t force myself to be even fictionally cruel to any other type of man. It makes the performance a lot easier,” she says. “I could never be mean to someone who wasn’t white, because the world is run by white men, isn’t it?”

To a kinky submissive person such as myself that seems …. odd. Her white, right-wing male clients will doubtless enjoy being dominated. That is after all why they reach out to her. I’m sure being called selfish, disgusting, misogynistic assholes is exactly what some of them desire. On the other hand, a non-white or left-wing man who would also enjoy being dominated, has to go without. So she meets the needs of those she dislikes and withholds it from those she supports. That doesn’t seem optimal.

I think it’s absolutely possible to mix kink and progressive politics. For example, as I covered here with Mistress Couple and the Trump voters. I also love the idea of Dominatrix Maybury getting her right wing submissives to help her create a book whose profits go to sex workers. That’s a fabulous concept. But as she recognizes at the end of the article, our kinks and our politics align in complex ways and they don’t necessarily influence each other. If you want to punish wealthy white conservatives, then maybe don’t beat or humiliate them if that’s what makes their dicks hard?

I’m not sure who this man voted for, but he’s a white guy in a suit, so there’s at least a chance he matches up with Reba Maybury’s criteria. The sexy bondage here comes courtesy of the TS Seduction site.

The little details

I had a very functional view of bondage when I was a neophyte kinkster. Adding anything that wasn’t being used to hold a limb in place was wasted time and effort. After all, what’s the point of wrapping up toes, fingers or torsos if you’re already immobilized?

Time and experience has taught me that there’s a lot of pleasure to be had in the little details. What was taken for granted suddenly becomes a point of focus. It’s all about the intimacy of control. A strange but hot combination of caring and objectification. Her focus makes my body important, but her actions reduce my sense of self. I must be just as she wants me, in every detail.

This image is from a tweet by Alchemical Seductress. She’s the headmistress of the Ritual Chamber in Toronto.

Minds Eye

This striking but rather unusual image is by Berlin based photographer Pitt Prickel and features Madame Curie. He’s entitled it “Prayer: In My Mind’s Eye” and I came across it via his original tweet.

I like it but find it oddly unsettling. I can browse past beaten torsos, genitals full of needles and guys being pooped on without a raised eyebrow. Yet somehow a man with an eyeball head mask praying to a domme in a decaying urban space gives me pause. I think its the Lynchian juxtaposition of the familiar, the eerie and the surreal that make it work.

Side effects

Weird question of the week for my readers: Has anyone done a flogging or whipping scene that left their skin incredibly itchy?

Playing in LA last week, I did a scene featuring a fairly heavy flogging and a moderate whipping. It left me with some beautiful marks on my upper back, but it also left that whole area very rough and itchy. Given its inaccessible location for scratching, that makes it particularly frustrating. I’m guessing the skin was dry from the LA heat, and then damaged enough by the heavy flogger to trigger the wound healing itch reaction. It’s kind of odd however, as I’ve never had this kind of reaction before, and certainly nothing that lasts this long. Really hoping I’m not suddenly developing an allergy to leather. That would really cramp my play options.

Given the topic of leather and whips, this striking photograph of Mistress Adrienne of NYC seems an appropriate one to feature. Whatever I was hit with, it was nothing as fearsome as that particular single tail.

The secrets of the penis

Bustle has just published a somewhat odd article – 8 Tips for Pleasuring Someone With A Penis, According To A Dominatrix. The 8 tips are fine. Just the kind of sex advice you expect in these Cosmo style articles. It’s the dominatrix bit that puzzles me. Aren’t they famous for doing very non-pleasurable things to dicks? And don’t they attract the kind of men whose idea of what’s pleasurable differs significantly from the average? It seems a bit like having an article titled ‘8 tips for caring for animals, according to a butcher.’

Obviously I’m not a dominatrix, but I do have a close and complex relationship with a penis that’s attached to a dominatrix visiting masochist. Personally, given the title, I might have expected 8 tips more like…

Penises are tougher than you think, so feel free to slap them around pretty hard. They’re not going to fall off.
Tie them up to keep them engorged with blood and easy to play with. Just make sure to periodically check no bits are getting too cold and at risk of dropping off.
For maximum style points, consider using the helicopter move when its time to remove any cord. Imagine you’re starting a lawnmower with a pull cord, and aim to get the flappy bits spinning like a helicopter rotor.
If you’re planning to clamp the balls in a vice, keep in mind some men are asymmetrically sized. You want to aim for a good even level of pain across the entire scrotum, not just on the one larger side.
It’s fun to stick needles into the skin of a penis, but be careful not to nick a vein. If you do, you’ll get a big red swelling like a golf ball on the side of the dick, which’ll freak out both you and your penis owning friend.
Randomly ruin the occasional orgasm to add an element of surprise to your lovemaking. Or ruin all of them and add an element of consistency.
Nerves become numb to electricity overtime. So if you’re shocking the penis, remember to keep cranking up the power every few minutes.
If he has an upcoming sexual encounter with a non-kinky partner, check before whipping the penis. He might find that black bruises and bloody whip marks on his shaft and head are hard to explain and dramatically reduce the odds of sexual intimacy with his alternate partner.

Obviously these aren’t based in any way at all on personal experience. Just some random thoughts that came to mind, totally out of the blue.

Here’s a technique that surprisingly didn’t get mentioned for pleasuring a penis. I don’t think that’s a classic boxing stance, or that she’s following the Marquess of Queensberry rules, but I suspect it’ll be an effective approach. This is obviously from the Divine Bitches site.

The dominatrix from the original Bustle article is Lola Jean, who also bills herself as a sex educator and instructor. Those titles make much more sense in the context of the article.

Rage against the dying of the light

I must be getting old. In past years I could stack up play sessions over a short period without a problem. On this trip I’ve done three, and now feel like I need to trade my beaten up body in for an updated model. I’d love to think that’s because I’m doing more intense play, but frankly I think I’m not recovering as fast. Age may bring wisdom, but it also bring flab, aches and slow recovery. However, I’m not letting that slow me down, and will be playing again one final time before my flight home. While the body says no, the Id and Ego say ‘bring it on’.

I found this image on the Alternative Femdom tumblr.

Pegging Problems

Dan Savage’s advice column is always worth reading. This weeks column caught my eye because it featured a man who enjoyed being pegged and his partner who very occasionally, when the stars aligned, enjoyed doing the pegging. Dan’s advice about talking more and carving out dedicated time was good and wise. However, I did think he missed a trick by not following up on this part of her letter…

I just want to get it over with and move on with our day, not deal with the pageantry of dress up, stiletto heels, collars and cuffs, lubricating buttholes, graduating to bigger dildos in a session, etc.

I’m not averse to a bit of femdom pageantry myself, but it’s always a nice optional bonus when time and circumstances allow, not the main event. You can have a mind blowing pegging scene with just a simple lubricated strap-on. If time and energy are the issue, then cut the fluff rather than dropping the entire event. Hell, if anal play is the goal, then just a disposable glove, a bit of lube and an enquiring finger (or two) can create amazing sensations.

Despite the fact that I’m lucky enough to experience a lot of femdom dress up and elaborate scenes, my personal pegging fantasy features absolutely no kinky accouterments at all. I always picture a snuggly Sunday morning, when our only plans are to sleep in, read the papers and for me to cook Sunday dinner. I’m happily dozing as my partner slips out to grab her harness and slide back into bed with me. There’s no ropes, leather or stiletto’s. Just some nibbling, nuzzling and hot, intimate sex, that happens to be a pegging scene. I guess we always fantasize about what we don’t have.

This pegging artwork is by Jas. She has a Patreon you can support here and merchandise available here.

Cat with Claws

I just spent 15 minutes in a hotel bathroom trying to photograph the deep red scratches on my legs , thighs and chest. I gave up in the end because the lighting sucked and I figured nobody actually cared about seeing my post-session wounds. They are kind of cool though.

Marks from play are frequently surprising. Sometimes I think my flesh is going to look like a chewed up mess of black and purple stripes, and then when I get to a mirror its a pristine white snowfield, with just a faint red mark visible under the right light. Other times I’ll be puzzled why my body seems so sore, and then I’ll take off my clothes and be astonished at the bloom of colors and sharp slashes the skin shows. Despite years of experience, it’s still hard to tell how pain and pressure will translate into physical skin trauma.

In this case, my vivid long red stripes are courtesy of Mistress Lucy Khan and her vampire claws. In terms of the session they were just an intense but small part. The ribbed urethral sounds and the heavy paddles made a much bigger impression on me at the time. But in terms of a fun memento to admire in the shower and hide on the beach, her claws were definitely the winner.

Mistress Lucy is an LA based pro-domme, with a great space just outside downtown LA. I’ve played with her for years and had countless amazing sessions. Definitely someone worth seeking out if you’re in the area.

The Self Sustaining Pain Reaction

My kink-tastic LA 2018 tour (fall edition) continues apace. Yesterday I was lucky enough to get to play with Mistress Damiana Chi. Flogging, whipping, heavy bondage and CBT all had their opportunity to feature in the proceedings. Also screams, yowls, groans and whimpers.

Mistress Damiana was kind enough to snap a few images of me mid-torment. This shows saran wrap bondage, with layers of rope added on top, all based on suspended bondage board. The design of the board is quite clever, as the ropes quickly snap into the eyelets on the side, making it relatively fast to rig. You can see another angle here, showing the legs are wrapped and immobilized separately. The bondage and the gentle swaying movement of the suspended board was quite relaxing, which is more than can be said for the CBT devices deployed.

The metal ring around the cock (show in this close-up) is a Kali’s teeth type device. I think the general idea is to prevent erections by creating pain as the cock swells. That’s clearly a flawed design when masochists get involved. Pain = Exciting = Engorging = Pain. It’s basically the self-sustaining fusion reaction scientists have been searching for all the years, just with the output being endless whimpering rather than clean energy. Fortunately, the spiked vice on the balls was uncomfortable enough to damp down the effect, and prevent a runaway reaction and a critical penis mass. Nobody wants to deal with that kind of fallout.

This photograph of Mistress Damiana Chi is from her site. You can also follow here on twitter here.

Sliding into the zone

My LA trip got off to a wonderful start yesterday thanks to a session with Mistress Iris. Although we’ve played together a number of times in the past, this was the first time we’d actually used a professional playspace. That gave Mistress Iris the chance to show off some of her excellent rope skills and lash me to a wall.

One thing I particularly enjoy about playing with her is the way she eases in and out of the kinky bubble. She’s a genius at creating a relaxed comfortable environment, while at the same time building tension and anticipation. That seems like it should be contradictory, yet somehow it works.

When I first started with kink I was all about getting freaky at maximum speed. Minute one was ‘hello’ and minute two was all about nipple clamps and sticking some needles in my genitals. Now I’m a little more chill. No need to go from 0 to 200 mph in just a few seconds. To continue that analogy, playing with Mistress Iris is like being on a racetrack with an expert driver. It starts off easy, and the speed builds gradually, but before you know it you’re sliding sideways around a bend at some crazy velocity, hanging on for dear life with your adrenaline spiking though the roof. And then she’ll glance across at you, casually controlling everything with one hand on the wheel, and laugh.

This image is from her gallery page. Mistress Iris is typically based in LA, but regular travels. You can keep up with her travel plans here and via her twitter feed.