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En Garde!

Maybe I’ve led too sheltered a kinky life, but I’ve never seen sword fighting crop up as a BDSM activity. Which is kind of odd now I come to think about it. It’s obviously a sexy look, as shown by Mistress Ultra Violet below. It crops up frequently in popular culture, for example the Bride in Kill Bill or Michelle Yeoh and Zhang Ziyi in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. And plenty of other fighting activities, such as wrestling, boxing and martial arts, have been adopted for kinky play.

Obviously real swords would be a problem. Nobody wants to end up with less limbs than they started with, unless they’re unfortunate enough to suffer from apotemnophilia. But there are plenty of practice swords that could be used, and I’m sure there must be some dommes out there who have done fencing or a relevant martial art. Just allow the submissive to only defend and not attack and you’ve got a fun new way to get beaten. Not to mention all the scope for some swashbuckling roleplay – Maid Marion getting her own back on the evil sheriff perhaps?

I came across this image via a post on the Hogspy site.

A great example (of how not to do it)

I’ve often considered writing a submissive’s guide to organizing a first pro-domme session. Not that I’m any sort of expert, but I picture it as a letter to my younger self. The sort of article I wish I’d read when I was 21. Fortunately, I’m not sure I need to write it anymore. An article entitled ‘No, a dominatrix won’t have sex with you‘ pretty much provides the definitive guide. Just do exactly the opposite of whatever this guy does, and you should be OK.

Admittedly he didn’t initially realize she was a professional (in purely a taking the money sense of the word), but I don’t think it changes the basic message. For example, if she’s happy to meet you at 2am on the street and then mistakes you for her drug dealer, don’t do what this guy did and return to her apartment. Similarly, if the pre-scene discussion consists of her mentioning her boyfriend and then saying she’ll do it for free because you’re cute, that is not your cue to take your shirt off.

My favorite part of the whole thing was his last line – “The biggest lesson I took from this is one that I will carry to my grave: A dominatrix doesn’t have sex with you.” Really? That was your big learning point? A few others did spring to my mind. Add while that statement is generally true for pro-dommes in the US, for any random OKCupid date you meet collecting garbage on the street at 2am, I’d say all bets are off.

I’ll leave you with a picture of a real pro-domme having fun with her ‘boy toy’. This is Ms Mona Rogers, a genuine professional (in all senses of that word) from NYC.

Good nose, a fruity body and a long lingering finish

The US media has recently been having fun with a story about college students ‘butt chugging’. For those of you that missed this vital news feature, it started with a Tennessee student being hospitalized with alcohol poisoning, after allegedly having a wine enema. Of course this being the US, the story quickly spun out of control, adding religion, lawyers and press conferences into the mix. And while it sounds exactly like the kind of stupid thing a frat house might try, the media also has a reputation for making up ridiculous scare stories about alcohol and young people.

I’m sure most people regarded this story either as an amusing freakshow or as a sign of America’s moral decline. However, I suspect there might have been a few of my readers thinking to themselves – “What a brilliant idea! I like alcohol. I like enemas. Let’s crack that bottle of ’96 Burgundy we were saving for a special occasion!” If you are thinking exactly that, then firstly please don’t use a ’96 Burgundy. That would be a crime against grapes, and probably an arrestable offense in France. Secondly, please be careful. As this older news story makes clear, it can be a lethal activity. Drinking alcohol has the natural limits of vomiting and unconsciousness. It’s pretty hard to order another round of shooters when you’re face down in a puddle of your own stomach contents. That doesn’t apply to a tube and an enema bag, so lethally poisoning yourself is much easier.

For all those enema fans who play safely, here’s a nice image from the artist known as German. While enemas are not my favorite kinky activity, I think I’d be willing to give the scene below a try should I ever get the opportunity.

Lessons learnt

During my web wanderings over the weekend I came across this insightful post from Mitsu entitled “Lessons I learned as a dominatrix: 10 things that don’t exist.” It’s a thoughtful list and any one of her points could have formed the basis for a follow-up post. However, I’m going to pick the first item on it: There’s no such thing as intimacy without vulnerability.

Sometimes, a client would come to session with me with his heart set on having the amazing kinky experience he’d always dreamed of, but it would end up disappointing because of something I had no control over: the walls wouldn’t budge. He wouldn’t be able to communicate specifically what he really wanted. He wouldn’t be able to let go, of his ego perhaps, and let the scene happen.
Mitsu

As Mitsu goes onto say, this need for vulnerability and lowering your guard is a key part of any intimate relationship, not just a BDSM one. It’s something that rarely gets addressed directly. People come at obliquely, talking about sharing, trust or communication. But the heart of it, something necessary for all those things, is taking a risk and making yourself vulnerable.

The interesting thing I’ve found about doing BDSM scenes is that they can be a two way street when it comes to vulnerability. It’s necessary to let go to make them work, but the scenes themselves can also help you to do that. Pain and psychological stress can put a lot of pressure on any cracks the submissive wants to expose in their personal walls. It’s hard for the ego and super-ego to do their stuff when basic fight-or-flight impulses are ruling the roost.

One of the most powerful moments in any of my scenes came at a moment when I was feeling supremely vulnerable. I’d been in a bondage chair for a couple of hours, watching Lydia at close range, face to face, as she tortured me. I was bound but exposed, pushed deep into sub-space as she caned my inner thighs, applied clamps and zapped me with electricity. Towards the end she applied a number of viciously sharp clips across my body and then stepped back to watch as I struggled to breath through the pain. My thought process was long gone, there was really no me there, just a lot of pain and Lydia. As I stared up at her she came to me and gave me a gentle hug. It was a beautiful moment, comforting and reassuring, and I emotionally dissolved in her arms. Then, still holding me, she slid her body along mine, dragging the clips back and forth. I just about died. That little moment of vulnerability and intimacy combined with the sudden savage pain of the moving clips still gives me a shiver when I think of it today.

Image of intimacy was found on the Girls Rule, Subs Drool tumblr.

Aggression is sexy

Seeing this image made me realize how few femdom images show expressions of simple aggression. There are a lot of smiling sadists, haughty stares and dismissive sneers, but not a lot like this shot. Personally, while I’m not a fan of angry domination, I do enjoy seeing controlled aggression. It suggest an emotional engagement with the scene and activity, not simply someone going through the motions. In this case her expression, coupled with the black glove, rope leash and bowed submissive, create a nice sense of focused energy.

I found this image on the She Rules Me tumblr. The dominant looks really familiar – a West coast pro-domme I think – but I just can’t place her name. If you can help with an identity feel free to leave a comment.

Update: Thanks to my knowledgeable readers I can identify the lady in question as Mika Tan. Her name was on the tip of my tongue I swear!

Equipment lust

You know you’ve probably got a BDSM equipment fetish when you look at this image and see the wood and leather bench before the hot woman in latex. I’m not saying I wouldn’t enjoy hanging out with the gorgeous Bianca Beauchamp, but that bench does look like a beautiful piece of equipment. I always appreciate a well designed and constructed piece of furniture. Mix in the fact in can be used for sexy-fun-time and I develop a serious hardware lust.

I found this on ‘The Heart’s Dark Desire‘ tumblr.

Three days of brutality

Yesterday’s post cautioned against perceiving extreme scenes and edge players as being ‘better’ than others. Today’s post brings you a compelling description of a very extreme scene featuring an astonishing level of masochism. Possibly this lacks consistency, but as Ralph Waldo Emerson said: “A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds”.

It is true that the quality and the pleasure associated with a BDSM scene has no direct relationship to the severity of the scene. But for the audience in the peanut gallery, extreme behavior is often a compelling draw. In this case the scene is a three day long one, described at length in this post.

The following days were repeated … a pattern of freezing nights in the bunker, ice cold showers in the morning, sessions of brutal torture, beatings, and electrocution. Verbal abuse and no hope of mercy.
stevey from a post on Max Fisch

I found it a fascinating read, although it’s not something I’d ever want to do. I need a little love and care mixed in with my pain, and it sounds like there wasn’t much of that on offer.

The domme dishing out the pain was Madame Celeste de Monial and the scene unfolded at the Chalet of Pain located in Germany. As stevey describes, the location sounds like a smaller version of the infamous OWK. If your tastes run to iron fetters, imprisonment fantasies and serious mental and physical torment, then it sounds like a great place to check out. The image below shows the inside of its underground bunker, and you can see the entrance and descending stairs in this gallery.

It’s not a competitive sport

There’s sometimes an unfortunate undercurrent to BDSM discussions that equates ‘better’ with more extreme and more edgy. A subtle suggestion that a bottom who can take a lot of pain or do more spectacular activities is somehow a superior type of bottom.

I think I can understand the mechanism by which this happens. Most kinky people like to push their own personal limits. They want to take six more hits, achieve that more strenuous position, wear the device one more week, get deeper into subspace. Part of the skill of being a top is figuring out just how far to push – up to the line but not too far beyond it. This creates personal goals, which can get all too easily fitted into a social hierarchical. My goals will always be someone else’s achievements. And if I’m aspiring to achieve something, then it becomes easy to think of the person who has already achieved it as being somehow more successful.

Of course understanding how it happens, doesn’t mean it’s not bullshit. The goal is to achieve personal satisfaction and happiness. Not win a ‘Who can slam their dick in the drawer the hardest’ competition. Everybody processes information and sensations differently. Being born with a higher pain threshold, or greater tolerance to extreme situations, doesn’t make you a better bottom. Good communication, empathy, understanding of personal boundaries, self-knowledge and a willingness to experiment are all characteristics of good bottoms. The ability to shove large things in small orifices, or survive sharp things applied at high speed, doesn’t feature in there at all.

The image features one of my favorite activities – biting. I’m afraid I don’t have an original attribution for it. I found it on the Dishevelled Domina tumblr.

The human birthday card

As I mentioned briefly at the time, I was lucky enough to get to session with Cynthia Stone down in LA last month. She kindly snapped a few pictures of our play together and, after much slacking on my part, I’ve finally put together a page describing some of the very enjoyable activities that we got up to.

As the post title suggests part of it involved turning me into a human birthday card, an activity that really should have its own special name. It’s not really forniphilia, as a card isn’t furniture. Decoraphilia? Craftyism? I’d-hate-to-pay-the-postage-ophilia? Anyway, for anyone wanting to see some very creative domination at work, click through to ‘A birthday card for Cynthia Stone‘.

The image is of the aforementioned Mistress Stone. If you find yourself in the LA region then her session information is here. For the masochistically inclined she’s very definitely someone worth spending time with.

A push and a pinch

Something nice and simple tonight. Just a couple of smiles, a push with one hand and a pinch with the other. They look like they’re having fun.

I found this on the tumblr of Ms Savannah Sly, a local (from my perspective) Seattle pro-domme. I’d love to have an original attribution for it, so if you know the photographer or the models then please leave me a comment.