Femdom Resource – Page 212 – The beauty of dominant women

The delicate sounding of slaves

Domina Victoria Rage has a very informative post up on the subject of sounds. If you’re thinking of trying this type of play, it’s well worth reading.

I’m always surprised by how a lot of guys react to the idea of sounds. It’s often described as edge play, and seen as an intense masochistic activity. In reality it’s a very sensual and stimulating sensation. If it’s painful then you’re doing it wrong and should stop. As Domina Rage says, the idea is to let gravity do all the work. The sounds is simply supposed to slide in under it’s own weight. Nothing should be forced. Both the invasive act and the stimulation of the nerve endings makes it very enjoyable.

I’d add just two things to Domina Rage’s post. Firstly, drink some water beforehand and pee afterwards. That’ll flush out any lube left in the urethra. Secondly, don’t assume penis size is related to urethra size. I think I’m relatively well endowed, but I can only accept smaller sounds. I’m always amazed what some guys can take when I look at the range of sound sizes. Start small and experiment to see what works for you.

Both images come from the CBT and Ballbusting site.

Higher education

I like the idea of making science more interesting to people. I’d certainly be happy to volunteer to dangle over a lecture hall somewhere in academia. Unfortunately, I’m not sure this is all that practical. And I don’t mean the naked slave part, or the bondage, or the professor with a whip. I’m sure those would all be fine. It’s the timing that’d be an issue. I’ve done suspension scenes and they’re not the fastest things in the world to set-up. Getting everything cinched properly in place and the weight balanced right takes time. Doing it three different ways? All your students would be long gone. You’d be better off studying the mathematics of the whip.

The cartoon comes from the very excellent Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal. Other fine examples from the same source include this, this and my personal favorite this.

Life Lessons

I always appreciate a day that I end wiser than when I began it. Today for example, I learned that one should never schedule an appointment at a dermatology clinic the day after a BDSM scene. Particularly a scene you began by confidently declaring – “Oh, marks? No problem. Do whatever you want.”

It wasn’t as if I’d forgotten about the following days appointment. There were some minor red patches on my ankle I’d be meaning to get checked out for weeks. I just figured since it was only my ankle, a doffed sock and a rolled trouser leg would do. I figured wrong. A fact that was made obvious the moment the orderly threw me one of those skimpy backless hospital gowns to put on. Apparently my first visit required a proper inspection, no matter what my protestations to the contrary.

In the event I got not one but two doctors carefully scrutinizing me from head to toe. Two attractive, efficient and forceful female doctors in white coats. I did think that when the second one turned up that you really couldn’t have scripted it better. As the basis for a farce, sitcom, drama or adult movie, whatever you preferred, it worked for all.

Amazingly, despite their careful inspection, they didn’t query my bruises at all. I was fully prepared to plead the medical fifth on the cane marks down my back and the obvious clamp marks on my nipples (from these), but the issue never arose. That makes me suspect they’re either very bad doctors who missed the marks entirely, or very good doctors who knew exactly what the marks were. Given that they identified and queried a tiny insect bite on my wrist and a small mole on my shoulder blade, both of which were pretty hard to spot, I’m going to assume the latter. I’ll now endeavor to resist my urge to test the theory by getting even more obviously marked for any return visits.

The image comes from the Divine Bitches site. From left to right, that’s Madison Young, Mistress Madeline and Bella Rossi. I found it on the Femdom Style Counsel tumblr.

Great evening. Great artwork.

Tonight was a happy resumption of a long running tradition – my sessions with Lydia. Thanks to adjacent travel schedules it has been a month or so since we last got together. It was a very pleasurable (in a painful way) evening. Many clamps, clips and canes were deployed, resulting in much moaning and growling.

The image below isn’t really related to the session, other than both feature beautiful red heads. But right now I just want to relax and enjoy my endorphins rather than write posts. So if you’ll excuse me I have a date with my couch and a fine cocktail originally invented for a Mr. Ernest Hemingway.

This great image was created by the artist i-have-a-hunger. I found it via Yumine Guo’s Storyland tumblr.

Real Sex

The Vulture site is carrying an interesting article on the old HBO show Real Sex. I was amazed to discover it first aired back in 1990 and ran for almost 20 years. I didn’t encounter it until I moved to the States in 2001 and, based on the frank manner it addressed sex, had always assumed it was of a fairly recent vintage.

It was by no means a great show. Although the article claims they aimed to be sincere and to laugh ‘with’ and not ‘at’ the people involved, I always detected an undercurrent of cynicism. Beneath the veneer of education and illumination there were clearly elements of titillation (ok with me) and mockery (not so good). However, all that said, I think it still was a net positive in helping people talk more frankly about their sexual interests. For example, this post from D. Hubby directly references the effect an episode on spanking had on his life.

One particular part of the interview that caught me eye was this quote…

It was always a challenge for us to find good-looking people. It’s certainly true of nudists, but a lot of people doing weird sex stuff are not necessarily young and attractive.
Katie Smalheer, associate/coordinating/supervising producer, 1996–2005

I think that’s a very telling comment. It could be taken to mean that people doing ‘weird sex stuff’ are unusually unattractive.The reality is that this media filtered view of the world is incredibly biased. Visual attractiveness is a valued commodity, particularly when nakedness is involved. Almost all commercial visual media picks from a tiny pool of conventionally attractive people. People into ‘weird sex stuff’ are simply a normal cross-section of the populace, and that clashes with the narrow selection criteria we normally expect for naked people on film. Our perception of what is acceptable or normal is horribly skewed.

I don’t have a particularly great image to use for this post, so I’ll finish with the kind of scene that I’m sure Real Sex would have loved to feature. That Miss Eve from the Young Dommes site.

Group bondage

I’m not quite sure if this should be described as an orgy of rope bondage or a rope bondage orgy. Either way it’s an unusual and entertaining image from the talented ladies at Dudes in Distress. I particularly like the vibrant colors in the shot, as well as the facial expressions of the men.

You can see the original full size version of the image here.

Signs of getting older

I’m not talking about signs of getting old you understand. Just older. While I’m still in still in the prime of my life (stop sniggering at the back), there is the occasional indication that I’m not as young as I used to be. Hangovers that still haven’t dissipated by 11am. A tendency to think that athletes look much younger than they used to. And media kerfuffles over artists and art that I’ve never heard of.

The latest example of that final category is somebody called Robin Thicke. He apparently has a hit song called Blurred Lines (warning very non femdom content), that has been attracting criticism for its rape-y lyrics. It’s a point of view that’s hard to argue with once you listen to it.

The reason I mention it here at all is this pastiche by the Seattle troupe Mod Carousel. I ran across this a couple of days ago, at a time when I’d never heard of the original. The funny thing was, even though I had no idea what it was based on, I instantly recognized this as a parody and knew exactly what the original version would look like. The cultural markers and gender stereotypes are so strong that the parody works with or without the original. And while I like the alternative version a lot, that’s a pretty sad indictment of both the original and the culture around it.

The CFNM style of the parody gives me a good excuse to finish with a CFNM image. I’m really not sure what’s going on here, but like the video, this image made me smile. The two expressions couldn’t be more different.

I found the image on the CFNM classic tumblr. I’m afraid I couldn’t track down an original source.

QOTD

Given the length of the last few posts, I’ll keep this one short and pithy. The quote of the day is:

Anyone who thinks a woman who’s being paid to cane and sodomize people is vulnerable and exploited? Has never caned and sodomized anyone.

That’s from the twitter feed of Mistress Matisse. Feel free to discuss that amongst yourselves.

I was hoping to finish with an image featuring both a cane and a strap-on. Unfortunately I couldn’t find anything I liked, so I’ll double down with an image for each. In both cases the ladies in question seem to be tending less to the exploited and more to the happy.

The first image has had the watermark annoyingly chopped, but I believe it’s from Young Dommes. I found it on the Who’s Sorry Now tumblr. The second image is from the Strapon Dreamer site. I found it on the Pegging with a Smile tumblr.

Annoyingly complicated humans

One of the problems when writing about the origin of kinky preferences is the tendency to treat the personal as the universal. It’s human nature to assume individual experiences are widely shared, or even that they are the default experience. That’s particularly problematic with something as complex and multifaceted as kink is.

An interesting comment from Budman reminded me that not everyone traces their preferences back to early childhood. He feels that his triggers came from early adolescence. That’s something I’ve seen reported by others. I’ve also seen posts from people who came to kink even later, years into their adulthood. It was something that they grew into, not an itch that was always lurking under the surface of their sexuality. Humans are annoyingly complicated.

For me however, my kinky nature was in place long before adolescence. How else can I explain me and Penelope Pitstop? As I’ve posted in the past, I loved watching this show as a child. There was something especially tingly about watching Penelope be tied up and placed in peril. Like the magic act I talked about yesterday, it wasn’t a formative experience. There was no traumatic or exciting event that got associated with cartoon bondage. I just loved the idea of control and how it could be taken away. Reaching adolescence just slotted the next piece of the jigsaw in place for me.

I think the fact that people come to different kinks, in so many different ways, and at so many different times, emphasizes the problem in trying to associate particular interests with only single formative events. After all, how many people experienced similar events, and didn’t become kinky? We never hear from the guy who was dressed up as a girl by his sisters, and didn’t become a cross-dresser. Perhaps there’s an underlying predisposition in just a fraction of the population to having a flexible sexuality. One that casts a wider net for stimulus. Some people are always aware of it, some access it via childhood events, some as their sexuality emerges in adolescence, and some discover it via experimentation in later life.

Having mentioned Penelope Pitstop, it seems fitting to close with this image. It has similar feel, with an extravagantly costumed villain, and a helpless well bound victim. Fortunately for the purposes of this blog, it’s a rare reversal of the damsel in distress trope. It’s entitled Fred Stolen by a Villainess and is by the artist Barry960.

And that’s magic!

Can you trace the origin of your kinks or fetishes? Assuming that you have any. Although if you don’t, you’ve chosen a really odd site to browse.

The NY Magazine article discussed in yesterday’s post on the origins of people’s kinks, talked a lot about triggers and formative events. Things from childhood that could be directly linked to a later sexual preference. It would seem that some fraction of kinky people have very clear triggers, some can point to a range of influences but no single thing, and others have absolutely nothing in childhood to point at. In the comments to the post Miss Margo mentioned that a lot of her clients can identify triggers, while Vista represented the kinky person without that genesis moment.

Personally I’m in the same camp as Vista. I don’t have anything I can point to that twisted me kinky. However, I can very clearly identify the moment when I first showed interest in a kinky thing. Cue a wibbly wobbly screen and swirly special effects as I take you back thirty (ahem) or so years to a much younger paltego…

I grew up in a tiny village. It was basically two streets, one shop, a village hall and (since this is England we’re talking about) two pubs. This was a time when the internet was still the arpanet and British television consisted of 3 channels. Any kind of organized live entertainment was therefore a big deal. There was the occasional village fête, a Christmas carol concert, an agricultural show, etc. Then one year, when I was around 5 or 6 years old, somebody organized a variety show in the village hall. I can’t remember most of it. It was probably the usual amateur song and dance acts with a bad comedian thrown in for good measure. But there was also a magic act. And that act has stayed with me to this day. It was very traditional. Card tricks. Linking rings. Endless streams of colorful handkerchiefs. And a woman in a sparkly costume getting sawn in half (actually the Zig Zag Girl trick). It was this final trick that particularly transfixed me. I can still remember my excitement as she climbed into the box and the magician tied things around her wrists and ankles. She was constrained, in peril, sacrificial and yet willing. He took away her control, yet she seemed to enjoy it.

From that moment on I always kept an eye out for magic acts and escapologists on television. There was something I found very enticing about the ropes, chains, padlocks and perilous situations that featured in their acts. But it wasn’t till I hit puberty, and discovered the idea of bondage (via my parents copy of The Joy Of Sex), that I had my ‘Aha!’ moment. I certainly don’t think the magic act I saw as a child was formative. The wiring was already in place, because it excited me in a strange way the instant I saw it. The discovery of kink just helped me to understand why I’d found that particular act in an otherwise long forgotten village show so compelling.

It was surprisingly hard to find a magic themed femdom shot. A lot of the equipment for elaborate magic tricks looks awfully similar to the contents of most dungeons, yet there seems to be very little direct cross-over. In the end I turned to the prolific Servitor and this amusingly captioned picture. The ‘magician’ in question here is the lovely Lexi Sindel.