Strap-on – Page 10 – Femdom Resource

Mutually thrilling, kinky lovemaking (and EL James)

Reading mainstream articles on kink is always a hit and miss affair. On the glass half full side, they’re typically a lot better than they were even two or three years ago. Kink has infiltrated society from many different routes. While before it was either ignored or treated as a ‘laugh at the freaks’ topic, it now gets addressed more seriously (with just an undercurrent of laughing at the freaks). On the glass half empty side, it’s difficult to find a mainstream article on kink that doesn’t get something horribly wrong.

This article from the London Evening Standard is a good case in point. It’s generally pretty positive, giving a potted history of the terminology, and emphasizing the need for consent and mutual experimentation. Unfortunately, it also invokes EL James and 50 shades as a great example of defining boundaries and healthy S&M.

In Fifty Shades, EL James took care to delineate a relationship in which the sub-missive, Ana, had discussed and agreed her boundaries. ‘The prejudice around the whole subject is terrible,’ James told me. ‘Nothing makes me angrier than critics who suggested the book was about abuse. It demonises people who enjoy this lifestyle.’

I think reading that sprained my brain. EL James writes about a horribly fucked up abusive relationship that has no connection to healthy BDSM (as documented at length here), and then claims critics were the ones conflating abuse with BDSM. That attitude makes me think she should run for political office. It would be a shame to waste a degree of self-delusion that strong.

I hate to end on a negative note, so here’s a fun image of a couple who look like they’re genuinely enjoying the lifestyle. This seems to fit the final paragraph in the article, which invokes the “joyfulness of mutually thrilling, kinky lovemaking.”

I’m afraid I don’t have an original source for this. I found it on the Work Is Never Over tumblr.

Getting that perfect pegging position

There are many helpful guides to pegging lurking around on the web. For example, there’s this one from Tickleberry and this one from Lazy Domme. However, I’ve never seen any of them suggesting that many feet of rope should be used to bind the boy and then bend him like a pretzel for the perfect angle of penetration. It probably should at least get mentioned as an option. It’s not all that practical unless you have lots of open space with handy tie points to fasten him to, but it does look awfully fun.

This is Clair Adams, looking very sexy with her red hair and a nicely color coordinated strap-on. I believe it’s from a Men in Pain shoot. I found it on the Beg for some pegging tumblr.

Next!

This looks to be a very impatient looking lady. I’m not quite sure what she’s done to those poor fellows in the background, but clearly she has left them in a somewhat discombobulated state. Either that or she dissolved their spinal cords. No time for foreplay or cuddling afterwards. Just wham, bam, thank you man.

My searching suggests this is fan art of an anime character called Annie Leonhart. I’m afraid I don’t know who the artist is.

A good hard cuddle

Words can’t express how much I like this sequence of images (click to enlarge them). It’s cute, funny and very sexy. I love the ‘Pat Pat’ moment, his deadpan response and the “Do it more. Do it harder” finale.

It’s also a good example of playing with gender asymmetry in a sexual situation. What if it had been a guy sitting there with his dick sticking out, a big grin on his face offering to give his girlfriend a cuddle? Then it would have been creepy and disturbing. This subverts the stereotype that women want to cuddle and guys want to screw, and is all the hotter because of it.

I believe the artist goes by the handle Cute*Blue. He or she has a tumblr and a website but I can find very little biographical information.

Mirror, mirror, on the dungeon wall

Mirrors are a common feature in playspaces. I think the idea is to allow people to watch the scene as well as be a part of it. They also allow the submissive to see the dominant even when he or she is attacking from the rear with a cane, a whip or a strap-on.

Personally they don’t do much for me. Watching a scene in a mirror can make me feel disconnected from it. It splits my attention and therefore diminishes my involvement. They can also make me oddly aware of just how strange the whole thing is. When I’m busy being wrapped in ropes, stuffed into hoods and strapped to furniture I’m very much in the moment. The energy of the scene and the intensity of the sensations dominate. Then if I glance up and see a naked guy in all sorts of BDSM paraphernalia I tend to have a disconcerting moment of “Who the fuck is that freaky looking guy? Oh, wait ….”

However, I do like the use of the mirror in this image. It’s part of their dynamic rather than being a voyeuristic device. It also gives the image viewer a chance to see both a rear shot and a face shot. I’m guessing they’d show up more often in porn if it wasn’t so difficult to get the shot lined up properly while simultaneously avoiding reflecting the lights or the photographer.

The image is originally from the Strapon Dreamer site.

What were they thinking?

This image was actually my original choice for my previous post about socks in femdom porn. I ended up not using it because I thought it would distract from the basic theme. His socks seemed to be the least of the problems on display.

Porn is notorious for staging scenes in odd uncomfortable places that nobody in their right mind would fuck in. A derelict building, on top of a pool table, halfway up a staircase, public restrooms. Anything is fair game to add a little spice and variety to a shoot. But who fantasies about screwing on an inflatable mattress in what looks like a messy garage? Who sets this scene up and thinks that a dirty soccer ball and some old buckets is just the thing to set the mood for pegging fans? Did nobody involved say “Hey, why don’t we spend a few minutes cleaning up before we start with the ass fucking?”

Socks

This post may meander past some odd topics but, unless things go radically off course, it will finish with some femdom. So stick around. Or not. Your call.

A few days ago, on my post about a boy who locked himself in his parents handcuffs, hmp commented that kids will find everything. I don’t have children, but my own childhood would certainly validate his comment. My parents didn’t have kinky toys, but they did have a couple of sex manuals, including the famously illustrated Joy of Sex. In the days before widespread consumer internet, and with no cable tv, this was my equivalent of kink.com cross with late night Cinemax. No matter where my parents hid it, and they certainly tried lots of places, I could always find it. It was like ESP, only with less ouija boards and more used tissues.

You’d think that reading an educational sex manual designed for loving couples would be good preparation for actually having sex. That it’d help me be a more caring and sensitive partner. And it’s true that I didn’t grow up thinking that a violent jack-hammering followed by semen all over their face was what most women were looking for. Sadly however, none of its wise words stuck with me when I (finally) encountered a real naked and eager woman. Absolutely the only thing I remembered was that it advised men to always take their socks off before removing their trousers (pants in the US) to avoid looking silly. I did that. I was very pleased with myself. My thought process was “Remember socks then trousers … remember socks then trousers … good job … looking pretty suave … naked lady … real naked lady … wow … errrr … is this the foreplay thingy? … I guess I lick … something … maybe …”

Even today when I’m getting naked with someone new, that memory comes back to me. I only wish a few more male porn models and photographers had read the same book, as silly looking naked men in socks crop up all the time. Just in the last few weeks my posts have featured this guy, this guy and this guy. The image below is another good case in point. Admittedly the Joy of Sex didn’t have anything to say about getting undressed when you’re about to be anally and orally penetrated on a couch by two women wielding strap-ons. Perhaps it would have given a pass in this situation, but I kind of doubt it.

This image is from the Girls Abuse Guys site. I found it on the Felm Cyber tumblr.

Super hard fucker

The mention of 50 shades in the article in yesterday’s post prompted a couple of comments taking a well deserved swipe at the infamous Grey trilogy. I’m fully on board with the hate, as I’ve blogged in the past. However, I do think the point made in the article – that it got more people talking about BDSM – is a valid one. I’m not sure that outweighs the harm created by its messed up treatment of sex/consent/relationships/BDSM/etc., but it’s something that can’t be discounted. Hell, even my parents asked me about it, which was a disconcerting conversation on many different levels.

I’ve always enjoyed this parody of it, but for a really brutal takedown you have to turn to Cliff at The Pervocracy. She’s pulling it apart chapter by chapter in a series of cuttingly funny and insightful posts. You can read her progress to date in Chapters 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6. You just have to love an analysis that includes this description of someone who doesn’t make love but instead ‘fucks hard’…

…to me, it sounds like the kind of shit a guy says to cover the fact that he barely knows which end of you has the vagina parts. “Oh yeah, baby, I’m such a super hard fucker. I’m totally going to put my dick in your clitoris and then I’m going to fuck through your cervix into your uterus. It’s the hottest. All of the hundreds of women I’ve fucked have loved it. I fuck so hard.”
Let’s Read Fifty Shades of Grey: Chapter 6!

My only fear is that Cliff will get so depressed by the whole experience that she’ll not finish the series. That would be a great shame.

In honor of super hard fuckers everywhere, I thought I’d share this image. Judging by the grip she has on the hood and her expression, somebody is enjoying a hard fuck up the prostate and through the colon. It’s the hottest.

The image is originally from the Femdom Sessions site. I found it on the Domina Lova tumblr.

Wetting the tip

Continuing the pegging theme from the previous post with an image that made me smile. There’s a lot going on in those two expressions. I also like her relaxed confident pose in comparison to his nervous and slightly tentative stance. It’s got a real predator/prey vibe to it.

This is obvious from the Strapon Dreamer site.

Labels and perception

I’m always interested to read mainstream descriptions of kinky behavior. When you spend a lot of time reading sex blogs it’s easy to get blasé about all sorts of activities. Seeing it filtered through a vanilla perspective can help illuminate how other perceptions might differ.

Take for example the article from yesterday’s post featuring the unfortunate domme who was arrested for needle play. It’s not particularly judgmental (compared to some of these articles), but it still talks about drawing blood, sticking needles into genitals and suturing. I can imagine most vanilla people, and quite a few kinky ones, reading that and going “Ewww! That’s crazy. What kind of insane masochist would do that?” Yet I’ve done all those things, and they don’t really hurt that much *. I’d say an old fashioned caning is way more painful. Hell, smashing my toe in the dark into the corner of the kitchen table is more painful. Familiarity normalizes them.

It’s also a good example of the importance of language. Call it play piercing and it sounds relatively innocuous. Play isn’t exactly a scary word and lots of people get decorative piercings these days. Describe it as needle play and the intensity ramps up a little. Describe it as needles stuck into genitals and it sounds nuts. I touched on a similar theme with respect to the idea of sadism a couple of weeks ago, and it’s a concept that applies pretty broadly in BDSM. Spanking sounds fun and lighthearted. Corporal punishment not so much. Breath play is innocuous next to asphyxiation or smothering. Would you rather say you were pegged or that you were anally penetrated with a dildo? And talking of which…

I found this on the Pegging with a Smile tumblr. I’m afraid I’ve no original source for it.

* One possible exception to the “don’t hurt that much” comment is suturing. It’s OK if you use hypodermic needles to pass the thread through the skin (as I experienced here), but using a genuine suturing needle hurts like hell (as described here).