Tag: Pro-domme

Swing and a Miss

The kinky segment of my NYC trip hasn’t gotten off to the smoothest of starts sadly. I was due to play with someone new (to me) today, but unfortunately something cropped up and she couldn’t make it. These things happen occasionally, so c’est la vie. Hopefully our paths will cross again in the future and it’ll be my only unexpected hiccup on this trip.

On the plus side, we’re into the fall season (aka Autumn), which is the prime season for wearing boots. That is a look I can totally get behind, and NYC is a great and fashionable place to appreciate it. Here’s Mistress Iris modelling a particularly striking pair (from this tweet).

This is taken in Fernando Boots in Berlin. If you’d like to see more great shots of Mistress Iris, her very regularly updated patreon is here.

Leaving Her Mark

I’ve mentioned before that if a domme knows that you’re about to jump on an airplane, there’s a near certainty of a cane being produced. Imagining a submissive forced to sit for hours on a sore bottom is just one of those things that seems to amuse the vast majority of dommes. There’s another common impulse related to travelling that tends to kick in before a trip. Namely, if it’s discovered you’ll be seeing a different domme (or two) in a few  days time, they somtimes like to send a ‘message’ via your body.

I should be clear that this normally isn’t a literal message. Nobody is pulling out a sharpie or tattoo needle in order to turn me into a large and slow moving greeted card. It’s typically just a desire to leave some interesting marks for me to explain. Or maybe an obvious tender spot for the next domme to exploit with a smile. That’s the typical dynamic anyway. Ms. Savannah Sly, diabolically creative as she is, likes to do things a little differently.

I’d mentioned I had travel plans coming up, so she got busy with her cupping set. I’ve done cupping a few times before (e..g here and here), but never quite like this. Savannah used the cups like marker pens, repeatedly dragging them across my skin to ‘write’ with stretched lines of bruises. It was fairly painful as they moved. It was considerably more painful to get them moving. That initial pressure to break the local skin attachment while keeping the seal in place was a real attention grabber. You can see the end result in this image of me lying down and this one shot of me standing at the end of the session. I guess I can consider myself lucky she stopped at writing ‘Sly’ and didn’t decide to do a full ‘Savannah Sly was here.’

Personally I find mixing the intimacy of being decorated with the objectification of being a canvas and the pain of the application makes for an amazing session dynamic. Since we played I’ve found myself putting my hand to my chest and smiling to myself. It’s a lovely hidden memento I’ll be carrying with me for a week or more now.

While the cupping was the finale to the session, we also managed to squeeze in a lot of other good stuff before then – spanking, caning, whipping, flogging, strap-on, breath play and ear torture. That last one being surprisingly vicious. It was a fabulous session, and one that I’ll remember for a long time to come.

This was shot by Savannah during our session. I was somewhat distracted at the time, busy being very happy that I couldn’t breathe. You can find more great shots like this of Savannah on her OnlyFans.

Sit! Good boy.

I’m continuing my theme from yesterday with this image. I’m not sure it strictly counts as a puppy play shot, but I think there’s definitely an ‘obedient dog at my side’ vibe to it. That’s probably helped by the straps on the side of the hood, which give the suggestion of flappy dog ears.

I believe this is NYC based domme Elena De Luca. You can find her professional site here.

No Boys Allowed

I don’t feature a lot of F/f material here. Not because it isn’t interesting, but because there’s so much femsub imagery floating around online. It often seems like the de facto BDSM image is a female submissive, and I generally feel no urge to add to that skewed perspective.

However – and I’m sure you knew there was a however coming here – I’m going to make an exception for this post. This image is from Adreene Angela’s all female play party, as featured in this tweet. I like it because the energy and dynamic feels so different to most of the kinky F/f imagery I see. It looks like play rather than a pose, and it doesn’t have the sense of male gaze that’s so prevalent in kink.

Image is from Mistress Adreena Angela’s twitter feed.

Life Coaching

BDSM isn’t therapy and a domme is not the same as a therapist. That said, BDSM can be a very positive influence in peoples lives and, as this Guardian article makes clear, a dominatrix can be an effective life coach.

The article is by Sofia Barrett-Ibarria and describes how she hired LA based pro-domme Justine Cross to bring some structure and direction to her life. Based on this account it seems to have worked. It’s not specifically a sexual dynamic and there’s no punishment spankings involved, but this quote does suggest a certain sexual frisson.

I do, however, enjoy being told what to do, which is something I’d always been somewhat ashamed to admit. I love mean, beautiful women, and I love when they boss me around.

It would seem she’s managed to hook into a certain dynamic that motivates her and used it to create a more productive daily life. I wonder if I could pull off a similar trick? Maybe tie my next session into finally clearing out my spare room and scrubbing the shower in the bathroom? Somehow that doesn’t sound quite as exciting as my previous plan of getting an attractive lady in latex to sit on my face and torture my nipples.

This is Mistress Justine Cross, possibly demonstrating where she puts people who don’t update their monthly planners on time.  This is from her social media feed. You can find her professional website here.

Natsukiss at Club Pedestal

Back in July I wrote that I was sad I was going to miss Mistress Natsukiss performing at Club Pedestal in London. Having now seen the shots below, and the others in this thread, I’m cursing my poor trip timing even more. It looks like it was quite the show.

Mistress Natsukiss is performing with Aoi.  You can see more shots from the evening in the twitter feeds of Club Pedestal and Derek Schiavo. Also a shoutout to Sardax and Mistress Nana for their contributions to what looks like an amazing evening.

Spanking Tips

For anyone with an inclination towards spanking, I’d direct your attention to this post by Eris Martinet. It’s described as tips for beginners, but frankly I think it’s a useful refresher for anyone who likes administering a spanking. I’ve had a few sessions where a quick review of this beforehand would have brought benefits.

In particular I’d highlight the need for a good warm up. That often gets cut short. In corporal sessions I frequently find that spanking is generally treated as a warm up in itself. As Ms Martinet makes clear, even a straightforward hand spanking requires a proper warm up period to get the submissive into the right mental and physical space.

This image is from Eris Martinet’s twitter feed. It’s not a spanking specific one, but I love it for her stance, attitude and overall fabulous look. If you’d like to experience a spanking delivered by a real expert then her professional site is here.

Another Way to Slice the Data

I had a couple of insightful comments on my last post that attributed my small number of unsatisfying session experiences to the type of dommes I play with. I think there’s a lot of truth in that. I almost exclusively play with experienced independent dommes who have taken the time to build their business and the skills that go along with that. It’s not a selection approach that guarantees session success, but it certainly helps skew the odds in the right direction.

It also struck me after writing yesterday’s post that there was another way to analyze the data: What’s my success rate when meeting a new domme? As I’ve written about before, I typically try and play with a mix of people I know and people I don’t. It’s a good way to build ongoing and deeper relationships while also learning and experiencing new dynamics. So how has that worked out for me?

I went back and dug through my emails to remind myself who I’d played with over the years. In a very rough hand wavy analysis, I’d say my meetings with dommes for the first time broke down roughly as…

  • One third being fun sessions, but a general mismatch in our styles and chemistry. I didn’t regret the session, but we probably wouldn’t meet again.
  • One third being really enjoyable sessions with a dynamic that I felt was worth exploring further. Not everything aligned perfectly, but there was enough overlap to make me want to meet again.
  • One third being amazing sessions. There was great chemistry and either our respective play styles meshed well, or my eyes were opened to a whole new approach that I loved. These are the dommes who I’ll always want to see when our paths intersect.

I should make clear that this is a very personal assessment, based around my preferences, kinks and play style. Much like in regular dating, one persons McDreamy can be someone else’s Mr. Dreary. I’m sure all the dommes in my first category have many amazing sessions with other submissives they have great chemistry with.

If you look at this data in conjunction with my previous post I think the key take away would run as follows: If you play with experienced independent pro-dommes, you’re very unlikely to have a genuinely bad session. However, you might have to try a few different sessions with a few different people before you find the right match for you. Hardly a groundbreaking insight I know, but I thought it was interesting to put some actual data behind it.

This is Domina Yuki, someone I’ve played with for years and who is very much in my third category of dommes I always want to return to. If you’re in the San Francisco area her professional site is here. For anyone further afield, you can see her OnlyFans here.

What are the Odds?

Whenever I put up a post that casts a negative light on femdom and playing with professional dommes – as I just did – I worry I’ll put off someone who is tempted to explore kink or hire a pro-domme.  So to assuage my fears and encourage anyone out there to take the plunge, I thought I’d share some personal statistics.

At this point I’ve done well over 200 professional sessions with a wide variety of different dommes. Out of all those sessions, I had…

  • One that went bad that I covered previously.
  • One that felt like a rip-off. It was in a Las Vegas hotel room and was a halfhearted unimaginative effort. I found myself in a cab on the Vegas strip – with piss still in my hair – 15 minutes before the session was even supposed to finish. The domme was relatively unknown and I wasn’t surprised to see her shutdown her site shortly afterwards.
  • One two hour session that the domme was three hours later for. The volume of coffee I drank while waiting turned out to be more tortuous than the session itself.
  • One session that was cancelled with me standing on the doorstep. The domme had forgotten she was moving house that day.

Those four events represent the total number of times I walked away significantly dissatisfied. For the other 200 or so sessions, I’ve had experiences that ranged from a fun time to the mind meltingly brilliant. That’s a way better success rate than my experiences with restaurants, movies, plays, spas, etc. I can’t guarantee you’ll always have a great kinky time if you hire a professional, but if my experiences are anything to go by, the odds are significantly in your favor.

This is a Club Pedestal event rather than a professional session, but it’s such a fun shot that I wanted to feature it. Found via this tweet and I believe that’s Ms Eva.

Tease as the Core

The Porte-à-Vie site has published an insightful interview with Mistress Iris. It covers topics such as the definition of a dominatrix, the relationship between kink and daily life, the attraction of BDSM, etc. What really caught my eye was when Mistress Iris addressed the subject of her specialty…

Tease is at the core of my sexuality. What electrifies me is the exquisite expression of pure desperation. The moment a person can no longer compose their facade any longer– when their dignity, their sense of self goes out of the window and they begin to beg and plead– that’s when I have the most power over them. It’s orgasmic.

As someone lucky enough to have played with Mistress Iris in the past (for example here and here), I can attest to her skill at teasing. I think a lot of dommes treat tease as a path to intense physical activities. It’s a way to get the blood pumping and the endorphins flowing before the nipple clamps and needles come out. Mistress Iris makes tease an end in itself and, as I wrote recently, I think tease and denial can be just as psychologically intense as any masochistic session.

When done expertly, teasing and edging can feel more out of control than simple pain. After all, one can always safeword out of pain. There’s no shame in stopping a heavy beating when you reach a limit. But how can you safeword out of not getting something? The whole point is that maybe, just maybe, if you stick with it, you’ll be rewarded (but probably not). Stopping doesn’t help you. Continuing makes it worse. It’s a truly beautiful dilemma.

This is from the twitter feed of Mistress Iris. You can find her professional site here.