The beauty of dominant women
As the title states, I’ve added a bunch of new tumblrs to the Femdom Image page. I’ve also cleaned out any dead or dormant sites and removed a few that were no longer showing appropriate content. The new entries are…
The image below is taken from the Dudes in Distress tumblr. It’s a nice combination of colorful rope and predicament bondage. He’s one lucky distressed dude.
Sadly the post title doesn’t refer to another entry in the eponymous Dummies series. Which is a shame, as I think it might make an entertaining read. Instead it refers to a one-woman show by Eleanor O’Brien. It’s based on her experiences training as a pro-domme in NYC and looks like it might make for an amusing evening. Apparently one of the dommes she mimics is called Margo, but I’m sure that’s no relation to the NYC based Miss Margo of my blogroll! If you’re in Portland and interested in attending, it’s playing this weekend (14/15/16 June) at the CoHo theater.
I have to admit my first thought on seeing the original article title – once I got over the strange syntax (surely it should be Domination for Dummies) – was that if you’re a dummy, you probably shouldn’t be a dominatrix. My second thought, hard on the heels of the first, was I wonder if anyone has a fetish for incompetent dominatrices? The kind who’d hit themselves with their own whip, giggle during serious interrogation roleplay and tie themselves into knots rather than the submissive. I’ve never heard of such a kink, but if the internet has taught us anything, it’s that if you can imagine it, somebody will fetishize it. If it does exist, then it strikes me as one of the most dangerous kinks you could possibly have.
Picking a picture this post was tricky. I didn’t want to use a recent shot and risk an angry email from an offended domme. Luckily when you’re looking for incompetency in kink, you can always turn to 70’s porn. This one’s a real doozy. There’s a weird belt leash, an incompetently waved whip, some strange eye makeup, a slave apparently enjoying his dinner and a domme about to brain him with a champagne bottle for some reason. Perhaps she think slaves should be christened in the same way ships are?
I’m going to do something fairly foolish in this post and disagree with someone who doubtless knows their business far better than I do. Not to mention someone who lives locally, swings a mean single tail and could almost certainly kick my ass. I’m talking about Domina Victoria Rage and her recent post on safety and screening when setting up pro-domme sessions.
There’s a lot of good information in it, but I do have to take issue with her suggestion that clients should always use aliases. She goes onto say…
Come to me with a real sounding first and last name and that’s a red flag that you might take my privacy as lightly as you’ve taken your own.
There’s no reason on the planet why personal information should be exchanged on either side, anything you say is a gamble because both of you – just by seeing each other – are in a position to do damage to the personal life of the other.
Anyone I session with, or even just meet, will know my real name. I’ll typically provide it in the first few exchanges of emails. And a domme who expects me not to do that creates a red flag of my own. It suggests to me that she’ll not take my privacy seriously and that the onus is on me to always guard information from her. I’m absolutely sure that’s not the case for Domina Victoria, but I would find it really weird to not use my real name with a domme when I’m trusting her in so many other ways during a session. I would feel inauthentic.
While using an alias is pretty much universal for pro-dommes, it’s certainly not for clients. Some dommes demand a photographic id before a session, or will take credit cards, which instantly rules out fake names. And personally I don’t buy the argument about creating risk to personal lives. I’d be much more worried about crazy ex-girlfriends than pro-dommes. The former typically know your social circle, know your intimate sexual secrets and may have nothing to lose by spreading gossip. That’s a scary mixture. In contrast a pro-domme sharing information risks her professional reputation and therefore her livelihood. She has a strong incentive to keep information private. I’m not saying it has never happened, just that as things to worry about, it’s way down my list.
As an entertaining side anecdote on identify and verification – I once had someone complain that my professional linked-in profile didn’t have enough contacts. I had a 100 or so listed, but she said she preferred to see 200+ before she trusted it! This was someone I’ve never mentioned here, and someone who crossed a few of the legal lines that pro-dommes are typically so strict about. She was therefore far more concerned about legal entrapment and demanded strong proof of identity before she’d meet. I was highly entertained by the fact that my long neglected linked-in profile might suddenly be a kinky sex deal-breaker. I wish I’d know that when I was busy deleting all their spammy emails to update it!
I’ll leave you with a shot from Domina Victoria’s blog. I love the contrast of the white skin, the red nails and the big glorious cock.
Like the title says, I’ve added a number of blogs to my femdom blog page and the dynamic blog roll over on the right. Hopefully many of them will be both new and interesting to my readers. Specifically the added entries are…
I’ve also added my first non-English blog – Lady Lua and net – which is written in Spanish. My foreign language skills extend as far as restaurant menus and cooking terms, so judging blogs is tricky. However, I occasionally get emailed links to non-English blogs that look interesting, so I’ve decided I’ll take a shot with on-line translation tools and include a few that I think might be good.
Also, while I’m on the subject of blogs, does anyone know what happened to Lily over at the Black Leather Belt blog? I always enjoyed her writing and she simply seems to have vanished from the blogosphere.
Finally, the image below is taken from the newly added blog of Mistress Liliane Hunt. She’s a San Francisco based pro-domme, shown here indulging in some puppy play.
Stabbity recently put up a post on the well worn expression – “The gift of submission”. This crops up fairly regularly in D/s discussions and I think it’s fair to say that Stabbity is not a fan. She doesn’t like the mismatch between the D/s dynamic and the cultural assumptions that come with a gift. For example, it’s rude to take back a gift, but entirely correct to take back submission should that be desirable and/or necessary.
I agree with her general point, but also dislike the expression as it’s commonly used for a different reason. To me it always seems to have an element of hypocrisy. A gift is given primarily for the benefit of the recipient. I’m not going to give someone a bottle of wine and then expect to be able to drink half of it. Yet submission is almost always about meeting personal needs. Obviously one always wants to do that in a mutually beneficial relationship, but it’s rarely a case of being singularly beneficial for the sake of the domme. In fact, of all the situations where the enjoyment is unevenly distributed, I’d bet that the vast majority skew to favor the submissive. Beating a kinky partner when you’re not really into it is being GGG. Beating an unwilling partner because you’re kinky is abuse.
Despite all these problems, I would like to reclaim or recast the expression. For me when I think about the gift of submission, I think about it being a gift to myself. I’m not sure how I ended up wired as both kinky and submissive, but I do now appreciate that it happened. For many years I compartmentalized that side of myself, treating it as something distinct from who I actually was. Acknowledging it and incorporating it into my life certainly hasn’t made my life simpler, but has made it far richer and more interesting.
In contrast to the standard usage of the phrase, which paints submission in an altruistic light, I’ve often been tempted to see it as a selfish trait. That it’s a flaw in me that will put additional demands on a partner. Thinking of it as something that I’ve been given, as a gift that gives me unusual yet desirable characteristics (plus a rich source of NSFW anecdotes), helps me fight that negative view. It’s not quite a superpower, but it can be a complex-yet-beneficial power.
The image is by JSV Photography. He has a blog here, including this entry on the above photograph. He also has an eBook of bondage for those of you into beautiful women in rope. I originally found the image on the Redhead with a Riding Crop tumblr.
It’s not often that I run across a new kink I haven’t heard of. Many wasted hours on the stranger parts of the internet have left me distressingly well informed about unusual kinks. However, courtesy of this Max Fisch thread, I’ve a new one to add. It’s called slaughtering or pig-play and, as far as I can tell, it means pretending to be a pig while the domme acts out a fake slaughtering process.
I guess I was aware of cannibalism being a kink in itself (thanks to the infamous Armin Meiwes case) but hadn’t realized it was actually something people role-played in scenes. I’ve never seen it offered by a US or British pro-domme, but apparently it’s not unheard of for German ones to do so. I assume something about that culture lends itself to the development of this particular kink. Perhaps raising pigs and butchering them are a more common part of the childhood experience than they are over here.
Personally the idea leaves me absolutely cold. I’ll certainly not be incorporating it into any of my future scenes. However, I’m always happy to expand my knowledge on the odder corners of the kinky world.
The image is of Mistress Kristin. She’s a German pro-domme who offers pig-play.
I’m not strictly sure who this image is targeted at. There’s an element of wrestling to it. That clearly looks like a victory posture. There’s also an element of foot fetishism to it. He’s certainly getting a good whiff of her feet. Perhaps it works well for both of those groups.
Personally none of those particular fetishes light my fire, but I do like the image. It makes my smile because it’s just so contrived. I can just imagine everyone involved laughing and having fun with it while posing for these shots.
I believe this is from the Foot On Face site. I originally found it on the Femdom Marriage tumblr.
I’m surprised the folks at kink.com get time to short porn with all the documentaries they’re featured in. The James Franco one has been mentioned here before. The latest I’ve discovered via this SF Bay Guardian article is called Public Sex, Private Lives. There’s an interview with the director here. It was funded via kickstarter and according to its website…
…is an intimate look at the professional and private lives of porn performers Lorelei Lee, Princess Donna, and Isis Love. Capturing moments of joy and struggle, this film follows the characters as they navigate their lives as artists, daughters, mothers, writers, and women who have made careers in the adult industry.
It sounds interesting and if I was in San Francisco still I’d love to attend the Doc Fest to see it.
I also think that kink.com is missing an opportunity here. The porn industry is ripe with parody. Given that documentaries on kinky porn are almost a niche in themselves now, they should start filming mock documentaries that spoof the idea and turn into actual porn. Perhaps the ‘documentary’ film crew could get gradually drawn into the D/s dynamic and blur the lines between subject and observer in Man Bites Dog style (minus all the murder). So then you’d have a film crew filming a film crew filming a film crew filming porn. Or is that just too meta?
Given the documentary stars Princess Donna (among others), that seems a perfect excuse to feature some shots of her in action. This is her with Orlando for a Men In Pain shoot. I particularly like this first swinging shot.
Anytime I go to San Francisco I try and schedule time with Domina Yuki. We’ve played together several times in the past (for example – here or here) and it has always been a great experience. This time was no exception.
I actually ended up having back to back sessions, with Domina Ai-Li on the first day (as mentioned here) and Domina Yuki on the second. Giving my body almost no time to recover was possibly an unwise move, but I’m nothing if not masochistic. They’d apparently collaborated before I arrived on who got what body part to attack, but I’m not sure they strictly stuck to their agreed zones. I certainly wasn’t about to start pointing out to the nice lady with the whip where she should or shouldn’t hit me.
We managed to grab a few fun photographs. This image shows me with a collection of attached clothespins. Having Mistress Yuki slide her body against mine with these in place was a particularly painful but sensuous torture. The more I pushed back the more it hurt, and yet the better it felt. This image shows a close-up of the CBT bondage. It’s not particularly painful, unless some sadist decides to repeatedly flick the delicate exposed bits of flesh.
I got to experience a cattle-prod for the first time, as shown here. It was an unusual sensation – sharp and intense but brief. It convulsed the muscle, kicking me forward, but didn’t create a deep lasting pain. We also did some bastinado, as shown in this image. That really does create a deep pain. Each part of the foot reacts differently, with sharper immediate pain on the boney parts and deep aches on the more muscled sections.
When it came time to remove the genital bondage Mistress Yuki decided to give me a helicopter ride. If you’ve never heard of this before, then imagine someone trying to start an old fashioned gas (petrol) lawnmower, but with the pull cord wrapped around a pair of balls. We actually did this twice. Not because it didn’t work the first time, but having done it once Mistress Yuki decided it would be a great thing to take a video of. So while I was still moaning in pain from the first time I heard an enthusiastic voice say – “Oh! I should have got a video. Let’s do that again!”
You can see the resulting video here. I believe it’s the first one from a session I’ve ever featured. Weirdly there seems to have been a problem with the sound. Originally I let out a small manly growl when she pulled the cord. But something in the recording process seem to have turned it into a loud high pitched scream. Given that odd technical problem I’ve decided to omit the audio, lest I give my readers the wrong impression of my fortitude.
The above image shows some trampling I got to enjoy. Although it doesn’t look like much, it was actually one of the more painful moments. That was mostly because Mistress Yuki was trying to balance on one high heeled foot while digging the other into my chest and simultaneously framing the photograph correctly. I suspect her prioritization had not falling over and getting the photograph right way higher than odd moaning noises coming from the submissive.
I’m still sorting through the detritus of my vacation. Nothing coherent to blog yet, so this is a random collection of stuff that was accumulating in my brain.
I was hopefully on seeing the first few seconds of the Straightjacket Supermodel video that someone might have finally done a good femdom video. There are some nice tools on display and flashes of interesting imagery. Unfortunately it quickly turns to crap. There’s a stereotypical domme doing porny come-hither dance moves to the camera, right up to the point she axe murders her submissive. Obviously somebody didn’t tick the ‘not being axe murdered’ box as a hard limit.
This post on building a predicament bondage device out of a Mattel MindFlex toy is pretty interesting. Personally I’m skeptical it’ll work. I suspect if arousal was this easy to measure, scientists wouldn’t still be using these kind of crude devices. But I do love this kind of hacking and experimentation, so I really hope it leads to something cool.
A BDSM event had to be cancelled because some children may have been vaguely in the same zip code at some point. Clearly BDSM people should follow the same rules as those applied to sex offenders and always maintain a minimum safe radius from anyone under the age of 18. Which would actually suit me fine, provided it was the annoying kids that had to move.
I’ve finally caught up with my comment responses. Apologies for the delay on those. I always enjoy getting comments, but I’m frequently surprised by my inability to predict what will trigger them. I’ll write something that I think it’s interesting and provocative and get very little response. Then I’ll mention say nipple clamps in passing, and get a whole burst of comments. I’m certainly not complaining. As I said, I always enjoy feedback, whatever the subject. I’m just amused by how unpredictable it can be.
The image is by Sergej Medovikov. I found it on the Marquise tumblr.
