Tag: Leash

Kink with Homework

This article on Mistress Velvet is (deservedly) all over my social media feeds and inbox. The title, in classic Huffington Post fashion, encapsulates the story – “Meet The Dominatrix Who Requires The Men Who Hire Her To Read Black Feminist Theory.”

It’s a surprisingly well done article. It gives Mistress Velvet space to expand on the intellectual and emotional challenges of her job, while omitting a lot of the salacious detail that usually accompanies mainstream articles like this. Her relationship as a black domme  with her mostly white, cis and well off clients is obviously a complex one. I love the fact that she’s managed to structure her sessions as positive for both her and her clients, while also creating a platform to explore issues of race and privilege.

If I’m not only doing these physical things to them, but also saying, “Hey, my graduate education is also focused on BDSM as healing for black women, and I think about this all the time.” Then they’re like, “Whoa, yeah, she’s the real deal.” They kind of get terrified. But I think it makes it more real for them.

I don’t think I’ve ever been assigned homework by a domme, but I do understand the kind of dynamic she describes above. Submissives typically enjoy things that pull them mentally back into that D/s dynamic, even many days after playing. Something as simple as a bruise can remind them of the dommes presence and physicality. I’d imagine engaging with writing and arguments that she’s passionate about would have a similar ability to conjure a sense of her presence.

Mistress Velvet is based in Chicago. If you’d like to schedule a session, her contact information is here.

Always something new

One of the things I love about kink is the infinite variety of possibilities it offers. There’s always a new experience or activity for me to explore. In some cases it can be a very common kinky activity that has simply never made it onto my kinky hit list. Whenever that happens it’s always slightly disconcerting. A bit like realizing there’s a cupboard in your house you’ve never actually opened, despite years of living there.

In my recent trip to San Francisco Domina Yuki used a leash on my collar to lead me around. It wasn’t a big part of the scene or in response to a request I’d made. Just a fun way for her to get me from one area to another in the play space. But as she did it I was struck by the fact it was a new experience for me. The collar and leash is a staple of BDSM porn. It’s even used as a symbol for kink in the mainstream. Yet, in years of play, I couldn’t remember ever being on the receiving end. I was so surprised at that realization I almost forgot to enjoy the moment. Almost.

This is the beautiful Mistress Iris enjoying some leash play with a slave. I found it via her twitter feed.

Contrasting expressions

It’s been a crazy news week in the US, and I’m very happy it’s now the weekend. I look forward to relaxing with a glass of wine and not doing or watching much of anything. I hope all my readers out there can have an equally enjoyable weekend.

I was going to put up this image and make a short simple comment about how cute and happy it was. But then I looked a little closer. She certainly has a pleased “Ahhh puppy!” expression going on, but he’s red face, angry and trying to grab what looks like a butter knife. I can’t see that cutting through his bonds. It’s kind of an odd image in that respect. I’d be a very happy bunny in his position, but clearly he’s not a fan of bondage fun.

Based on the image signature, this is by the artist Bondlicitous.

The path to subspace

I got a very interesting question from profoundlife in response to my brain versus no brain post from last week. The post was about two different categories of play, one where the submissive could simply relax and go along for the ride (no brain) and the other where submissive was kept off balance and was regularly forced to interact and respond to the dominant (brain). The question posed was a simple one, but I don’t really know the answer.

Do you think sub space only happens really happens with no brain play?

That’s certainly true for me, but I’m not sure I can say it’s generally true for everyone. If I’m in subspace it’s almost impossible for me to interact intelligently and verbally with the dominant, or maintain any kind of complicated physical position. Being pulled into the present moment involves getting my higher level brain functions firing, and my internal mental dialog running, and that’s pretty much the end of subspace. But is that true for everyone?

Do people into verbal humiliation, public scenes or performing complex tasks for the dominant, get into subspace? Or a variation of subspace? I can imagine that being micromanaged by a domme and having to perform a lot of repetitive tasks in a very focused way might result in subspace, but that also seems like a way to turn a ‘brain’ type task into a ‘no brain’ one. The point of something like predicament bondage is to stop the submissive zoning out, but maybe some people can be so focused it turns into a type of subspace? Anyone out there have any thoughts or personal experiences?

Not sure of the original source here, but this looks like a scene from the Folsom Fair. I found it in this Femdom Destiny post. It’d think it’d be tough to get into subspace when you’re naked, leashed and on the streets of San Francisco.

Undesired desires

Metro recently published an interview with Goddess Avivia that made me laugh. For the most part it’s a pretty standard mainstream magazine interview with a pro-domme. That is to say, it’s generally positive with an minor undercurrent of sneering and sensationalism. It also has the requisite reference to submissions all being rich alpha types that always bugs me. The bit that made me laugh was this…

Most of my clients are privileged white men: 6-feet tall, fit, in their 30s, usually working in a high-powered position. These men are used to being in control, getting what they want and having women cater to their desires. It’s exciting for them to experience the polar opposite of their day-to-day.

As regular readers will be aware, I’m huge fan of pro-dommes and always enjoy playing with them. And I’m sure that Goddess Aviva is a lovely person and an excellent domme. However, I’m also pretty certain that all her 6 foot tall clients are getting exactly what they want and are still having a woman cater to their desire. That is, after all, what they pay for. It might be unusual to desire to be beaten or humiliated or peed on by an attractive woman, but it’s still a desire. Unless of course they have been prescribed invigorating beatings  for the good of their health, and really don’t enjoy them at all.

I understand what she’s getting at, but the wording did make me smile. I’ll leave you with an old image of Mistress Madeline apparently refusing to give her slave what he desires.

Behind the fantasy

Courtesy of linking from Mistress T I found this article on the rewards and challenges of being both a sex worker and a parent. I’ll admit it doesn’t really have a femdom angle to it. However, this blog relies heavily on the fantasies that sex workers help create. I feature beautiful photographs of sex workers, articles by them and descriptions of amazing scenes they help create. I therefore always appreciate the chance to acknowledge and humanize the people behind the fantasy.

I’ll add an entirely anecdotal observation of my own to the story. A lot of the pro-dommes I’ve interacted with have been very caring people and very pro-animal. They’ve kept animals, or fostered animals, or volunteered at shelters or contributed (and encouraged others to contribute) to animal charities. Obviously this is based on a very limited data set, but it does seem to me that pro-dommes at least, tend to care about animals and their welfare far more than the average person on the street does.

Of course there are always exceptions. There’s one type of animal they tend to do some really horrible things to.

This artwork is of course by the great Sardax.

Tug

When I first spotted this I thought it was cute. There’s the little leash tug, the floating hearts, the shared smiles. So adorable. Now I look at it again, it may just be verging on the insufferably cute. They look so damn happy. Maybe I’m just grouchy from not having played in a while. All blog and no play makes paltego a grouchy boy.

I found this on the Gee Me Dick Long tumblr aka peachu butt. From the comment I assume the tumblr owner is also the artist.

Resolutions

I gave up on New Year resolutions years ago. Typically they were always things like ‘drink less’ or ‘exercise more’ and were destined to failure. Then I’d feel bad about not doing them, while still achieving nothing. Kind of a lose-lose situation. Eventually I figured out I could achieve exactly the same end result, minus the negative feelings, by skipping the whole resolution part at the start. It was an elegant solution based on the thinking of the famous philosopher Homer.

This year I’ve decided to try a new approach. I will set resolutions, but they’ll be fun kink related things I want to do anyway and that have a clear positive and immediate outcome. That means I’ll feel good when I do them, and feel good about hitting my resolutions. It’s a win-win. So far I’m come up with these three….

  1. Find a new domme to play with in Seattle. Ever since Lydia retired I’ve only played when travelling. I think I need someone, professional or not, that I can get to know and grow with.
  2. Spend around $50 a month on online kinky content creators. This could be via things like Patreon, or erotic literature or simply commercial kink sites. I’ve been erratic in the past with my support here, so I’m going to aim for consistency.
  3. Attend a local fetish event. This is probably the most challenging. I’m naturally a shy person, so meeting new people in a group is always very stressful. I also dislike fetlife, which seems to be the primary way to interact with fetish communities.

Doubtless I’ll keep the blog informed on how I progress with these. In the meantime I wish everyone luck with their resolutions, assuming they have any. Of course for a submissive, the alternative to luck can be a firm guiding hand from a dominant. If you’re a male in NYC and lack a partner to keep you on the straight and narrow, then perhaps someone like Mistress Mal Martine can help out? She lists discipline, slave training and behavior modification as favorite activities. Sounds perfect for the irresolute of their resolutions.

Mistress Mal MartineThis if from her tumblr and was originally shot by Stark-Arts.