The beauty of dominant women
This is beautiful rope work by Mistress Chiaki. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a submissive so neatly packaged before. They way he’s melded to the table is particularly objectifying. Kudos to the submissive involved for being able to handle the position.
Taken from this tweet. You can see more from Mistress Chiaki on her blog and visit her professional site here.
My safeword post from last week generated a number of thoughtful comments. The general consensus seemed to be that simple open communication was a good way to go and that safewords didn’t need to be particularly original.
poe2600 raised the interesting point that most submissives are very resistant to using safewords, even when they probably should. I think there’s a good deal of truth in that, although there always exceptions. I remember one pro-domme telling me about a client who she call the traffic light guy. He thought he should accompany their entire session with a constant stream of ‘green… green… yellow… green… yellow… red! red!… yellow.’ Needless to say that wasn’t exactly conducive to a good D/s dynamic. Exceptions aside, I think it is true that there’s a natural inclination to try and avoid breaking the flow of play with a safeword. Which makes for another good reason to use your words and communicate in a more graduated and subtle way than a simple go/stop approach.
The trickiest situations for me are those where I see a possible problem arising later in the session and have to make a judgement call on when or if to call it out earlier. Typically this is when complex bondage and layered sensations are involved. For example, playing in NYC earlier this year I had a situation involving some particularly painful nipple clamps, a straitjacket and a lot of leather straps. Nipple clamps are usually painful going on and off, but become numb when on. These were not reacting like that. The pain was high and not diminishing, but it wasn’t yet at my stop point. However, the domme was about to tighten the straitjacket over them and I could see a lot of leather straps ready to go around it. Adjusting the clamps when they were hidden under all those layers would be a significant undertaking.
My solution in these situations is always the same – given the domme the information and leave the decision to her. I might be misreading her plan and adjusting later will be easier than I expect. Or she might prefer to push on and deal with any adjustments if it becomes necessary. In this case I told her that they were intense and bearable for a short period, but possibly not something I could handle over an extended period. She then elected to swap them for a different pair before pulling all the bondage into place. The remainder of the session then unfolded flawlessly.
These situations are always tricky because they’re not a simple binary choice. I also don’t want to be another traffic light guy and overload the domme with feedback. It’s ultimately a judgement call based on the the likelihood of needing to adjust something and how difficult it looks like that adjustment will become.
I’m fairly certain this shot of bondage and nipple torture is of Domina Yuki. That’s not me in the photo, but I’ve done a very similar scene in that space.
A few week ago Mistress Troy Orleans posted an interesting twitter thread on her approach to play and the difficulty of finding appropriate labels for it. I liked a lot of things about, particularly this sexy as hell digression, but I wanted to pick up on the following section in particular…
During a scene, I’m undeniably in control, but if something’s not working, I’ll adjust. My ego’s not attached to the action.
I think that’s an important point for people on both sides of the D/s equation. BDSM is complicated, particularly when doing heavy bondage or intense play. No matter how skilled the participants are – and Troy Orleans is very highly skilled – not everything will work out exactly as expected.
I’ve played with a small number of dommes who did tend to get frustrated or annoyed when a particular setup wasn’t working out as they’d imagined. Those were typically one off visits, because that reaction really kills the dynamic for me. I’m looking for someone in control, which means of themselves as well as of me. Control is about remaining in command of the situation when things don’t work, not trying to make the impossible possible. Plus, watching dommes creatively problem solve and experiment on me in realtime is hot AF.
On the flipside of the coin, from the submissive perspective, I think there can be a danger of treating play as a form of theater, with the domme as the actor and the submissive as both audience and props. That feeds into the bad idea of a scene as crafted narrative that needs to be executed for it to be successful. In reality it’s a highly collaborative process, where the end goal is a creation of a particular energy. Adjusting to something not work out should be viewed as part of building that energy, not a failure of the process. Variation and adaption are what make each experience unique.
Here’s a shot from Mistress Troy Orlean’s twitter feed of a man under her very tight control. You can see more media from her via her OnlyFans.
I’m starting on my New Year’s resolutions early this year by ordering myself a tight neoprene hood from Mr S Leather. Admittedly, buying fetish gear sounds more like kinky fun times than self-improvement, but there is method to my madness.
Regular blog readers may be aware that I have an issue with hoods. They stress me the hell out. A fact which I find annoying. Anytime I don’t like something it annoys me. I feel like I’m missing out. Hoods tend to be a big part of heavy bondage and I’d love to be able to incorporate them into my scenes. I totally understand both their aesthetic and sensory value, but so far that knowledge hasn’t helped when it comes to my stress levels.
My brilliant plan for 2020 is therefore to buy one for home and wear it in non-stressful situations. Like while washing up or doing food preparation. If I can train my brain to realize that wearing a hood doesn’t equal instant death by suffocation, then perhaps I can start to use them in scenes. I know of at least a couple of dommes who’d love to get me into their hood collection. In the meantime, if any of my Seattle readers spot a strange hooded man through the windows of a condo building, then rest easy. It’s just your friendly neighborhood femdom blogger trying to improve his kinky life skills. I shall keep you all up to date on how my experiment goes.
This is exactly the kind of fun hood I hope to condition myself to handle. Sadly I don’t have an attribution for it. As ever, if you know the source for this image, then please leave me a comment.
I’m continuing my theme from yesterday with this image. I’m not sure it strictly counts as a puppy play shot, but I think there’s definitely an ‘obedient dog at my side’ vibe to it. That’s probably helped by the straps on the side of the hood, which give the suggestion of flappy dog ears.
I believe this is NYC based domme Elena De Luca. You can find her professional site here.
Here’s a final entry in my trio of posts that fall under the category of “Not for me, but wow, is that’s a lovely image’.
I love her composed elegance, and the color coordination of their outfits. Black, white and red used perfectly throughout. They even found a white bench and red riding crop. Plus, it’s nice to see a domme in a stylish hat that doesn’t look like a cast off from a military surplus store. Personally, I don’t like playing outside or doing public scenes, but this shot really works.
I believe this from a modern Femdom magazine called ‘Goddess Love’. Apparently such things still exist in Japan, and even feature artwork from Sardax. I’m not sure if you can get it the US or Europe, but any Japanese readers might want to take a look. It makes me sad we don’t have similar magazines in the US/UK anymore.
I hadn’t intended my last entry – featuring pony play artwork – to be the start of a sequence of posts where I like the imagery a lot more than specific activity itself. However, that might be where we’re heading.
This image is from Mistress Blunt, and I love it, despite not really being into feet or foot worship. It’s very intimate, sinuous and sexual, while still retaining that D/s dynamic. The tweet was tagged as #romance, and that seems very appropriate. If feet in my face has to be a thing, this would undoubtedly be my favorite way to do it.
Mistress Blunt is an NYC based pro-domme.
I’m not personally a fan of participating in pony play. Being a pony often appears to involve hard physical work, and no part of that is sexy to me. I’d rather play the part of the lazy stable lad who gets whipped by the lady of the manor for not cleaning her boots properly. But I digress. I mention ponies because I stumbled across this image by The Smutty Rogue. It’s cute as hell, and has a fun playful energy to it. I believe its modeled on DrPonyBatBond and Mistress Michelle Lacy. It’s not going to convince me to pull on a pony hood, but femdom art like this is always appreciated.
You can see more images in this series via this tweet. The artist will also accept commissions.
On the face of it, this article about a poker player experiencing sensory deprivation to win a bet has nothing to do with femdom. However, I’m linking to it because sensory deprivation is definitely a kink and the hallucinations he experienced actually reminded me of some of my own experiences with that particular kink.
I’ve always been limited to a couple of hours of reduced senses, rather the days he went through. On the other hand, I mix in heavy bondage, pain and breath control, which certainly ups the intensity of the experience. A couple of times in the state I had a sense of space opening up around me, my consciousness drifting in a large dark void, with spinning yellow stars moving around me and away from me. In hindsight I’m surprised I didn’t freak out, particularly given that sensory deprivation is a pretty tough scene for me to handle at the best of times. I think I intuitively knew, much like the poker player in the article, that embracing the vision and relaxing into it was the key to handling it. If memory serves me correctly, it only lasted a short period before I was quickly snapped back to reality by the domme electrocuting my testicles. That’s always guaranteed to capture a man’s attention.
This image is from Lady Hinako. From her blog and twitter feed she’s clearly an expert at heavy bondage and sensory deprivation scenes. I particularly like the contrast in this image between the cute doll like figure and the obvious immobilization and sensory restriction the man inside is experiencing.
New Year’s Eve is upon us once more. That brings to a close a pretty good year in kink for me. I got to meet some amazing new dommes (Mistress Tess, Mistress Damiana, Ms. Savannah Sly) as well as renewing my acquaintance with some great dommes I’d played with in past years (Domina Yuki, Troy Orleans, Mistress Mara, Mistress Iris, Mistress Lucy). My scheduling was a bit erratic, with big gaps with no play at all, and then bursts where I crammed in a lot of sessions. So that’s something I need to work on for next year. I’m also hoping to fit in a trip back to the UK in 2019, which’ll give me an opportunity to meet some new dommes and get beaten for the first time in the old country.
I wish all my readers the best for 2019. I hope it brings you a lot of kinky fun. And thanks to everybody who contributed comments to this blog over the past year or interacted with me via email or twitter. I always appreciate your input and feedback.
It’s traditional to get dressed up and go out and party on the last night of the year. That’s certainly my plan, although I doubt I’ll look quite as stylish as Lady Mephista’s slave does in this image.
This is from a tweet on Lady Mephista’s twitter feed.