Beware the phantom toe sucker

Women shopping for shoes in Walmart should watch out. If a gentleman claims to be a podiatry student or a producer of America’s funniest home videos then it’s possible he’s not being entirely truthful. If he starts sucking your toes, he’s almost certainly not who he claims to be.

Scott Adams once wrote that he assumed all shoe salesmen are secret foot fetishists, because they’d obviously agree to do the job for less money than a non-fetishist. Presumably the two geniuses in the above articles couldn’t pass the interview for that job, and had to resort to more underhand methods.

Foot worship

I’m afraid I don’t know who photographed this happy lady and her foot admirer. I’m personally not particularly into feet, but I do like her smile. I found it on the Alternative Femdom tumblr.

Implicit associations

Today’s link to ‘thing that’s not really femdom, but I liked it and wanted to share’ is to something called an implicit association test. This is a test which can supposedly uncover associations that you make unconsciously and may not be aware of. It takes about five minutes to do and you don’t need to register if you don’t want to, simply proceed as a guest. There are tests for (allegedly) revealing your instinctive biases on things like skin-tone, weight, religion, etc.

I found the idea fascinating and headed immediately for the sexuality and gender tests. On the sexuality test it reported I had “little to no automatic preference between Straight People and Gay People.” That put me in a neutral group of about 17% of people. Apparently 68% of people taking the test expressed a preference (from slight to strong) for straight people compared to gay people, and 16% for gay people over straight people. Normally being in the middle of any issue is boring, but I was kind of happy to be in that middle bucket.

The gender test result was slightly more surprising. It tested the association between men/women and career/family. For that the standard curve has 76% of people associating men->career and women->family, 17% neutral and only 6.3% associating women->career and men->family. I was in that latter group with a “moderate association of Female with Career and Male with Family”. Apparently (according to the site) our implicit assumptions come from our everyday experiences. Yet I’ve always worked in an environment of >90% men and as a child I was brought up by a stay at home mom and a working dad. That suggests I’m definitely an outlier here. Or that the test is broken.

I’ve no idea how solid the science is behind it, but I thought it was fun to try. Plus, all that talk of gender and careers gives me a chance to feature an everyday office scene. Perhaps she implicitly associates men with doormats?

OfficeScene

This is from the Under Feet site.

Book Club : Domme Chronicles

This is the second edition of my highly erratic series of posts on Femdom books. Today I’m writing about “Domme Chronicles: Erotic tales of love, passion, & domination” by Ferns. I’ve actually got three different approaches to this review, so feel free to choose your own adventure from below.

Approach number one puts you, the reader, in charge. Do you know of Ferns’ writing? If not, go and read it and come back. She’s an excellent and prolific femdom blogger, and this book is drawn from her online writing. Now you know it, do you like it? If not, then you probably shouldn’t buy this book. That way lies disappointment and frustration.  If you do like it, and you’d like a nicely curated and edited collection of her fiction, then perhaps you should go buy the book. It sounds like it might be right up your alley.

If you can’t be bothered with approach one, then let us move to approach two. This is where I shift the burden of reviewing to my fellow blogger hmp. He’s put up a fine review of it that’s far more thoughtful than anything I’m likely to come up with. Check that out and see if it floats your dinghy.

Finally, if all that doesn’t work for you, we get to the last and least of the three approaches. That’s what I think about it. And personally I find it interesting for the space it occupies in the erotic fiction landscape. No doubt many readers are now muttering to themselves “WTF is this idiot on about now”, so let me explain.

One dimension of erotic fiction writing is the context provided. Is it very direct, with short punchy descriptions of scenes, or is it full of background and character sketches? The former is who does what and how, while the latter tends to fill in the why. Another dimension is the degree of realism. Is it the kind of thing you might have done last night (if you had an amazing night)? Or does it ignore basic physical, legal and moral rules? Is it the kind of thing where days of extreme bondage in crazy positions can be shaken off in a few seconds? Where gangs of leather clad young college girls kidnap middle aged men and spirit them away to femdom island, where they’re strapped to the bed of exquisite torment and force to lick every inch… Ahem. Where was I? Oh, right, book club.

So the writing of Ferns is both very direct and realistic. The book is packed with beautiful vignettes that capture a moment, either a short physical interaction or an emotional connection. They’re distilled glimpses of femdom relationships. That strikes me as unusual for erotic fiction. Typically I’ve observed that realism pairs with longer more contextual writing, and shorter scene descriptions pair with unrealistic over the top scenarios. That’s not a criticism, just a comment about the style in contrast with what I normally see floating around the online erotic fiction libraries.

I personally enjoyed it the book on an intellectual level, but it wasn’t a button pusher for me on a deeper id level. I like a touch of escapism in my erotic fiction, and this typically made me want to go and enact the scenes, not imagine them. However, I do think it’d be a fabulous book to give to someone who was dabbling in femdom, or who wanted to understand its appeal. You might not necessarily convince them to try it, but I don’t think it’d be possible to read this book and not understand the deep appeal it has for some people.

Kneeling at her feet

I’m afraid I don’t have an attribution for this image. If anyone can help out with that, then please leave a comment.

A pinch in a cage

Plan A for today’s post was to write up my experiences with Mistresses Yuki and Ai-Li from last weekend. Unfortunately I invested too much time in the creation of competitive interactive multimedia experiences (i.e. playing videogames on my couch) and it’s now too late for that. So Plan B became find something interesting on tumblr and post that.

I picked a few tumblrs completely at random, and followed a few links at random, and within a few minutes I spotted a post with the beautiful shots below. I loved the severity of the cage and the hood combined with the tenderness of the pinch and hand on the head. Something about the space seemed familiar however, as did the dominant. Could that actually be Yuki? Sure enough, a quick check on her tumblr showed that it was. Millions of erotic tumblr images floating around and that’s the one I stumble across to post. I’ve actually played in that space, and I think it’s the same cage that’s behind me in this shot. Small, small world.

YukiAndCage1
YukiAndCage2

Ban Bossy

Sheryl Sandberg (the Facebook COO) has launched a campaign to ban the use of the word ‘bossy’. There’s a website and a video that features famous women such as Beyoncé and Condoleezza Rice. The reaction from the press has been varied, with a few positive articles (like this one), but a much larger number of negative ones. Some of those have been reasonable, and instead wanted to reclaim the word, others have been so stupid I think I killed braincells just reading them.

Personally I like the campaign. Although I don’t think it matters if the word gets shunned or reclaimed. History has shown plenty of successful examples of both cases. I just like the fact that it’s being discussed and people may become more thoughtful of how language can shape expectations or behavior. In my part of the business world, even ‘boss’ doesn’t really get used these days, except perhaps occasionally in an ironic context. People are described as managers or leaders, all words with positive associations. The word ‘boss’ has a negative edge, and the word ‘bossy’ is both negative and highly gendered.

Of course, wearing my kinky hat (handkerchief? handcuffs?), I’m a big fan of the type of woman that might occasionally get labeled today as bossy. Anytime I hear someone describe a female friend as bossy my ears perk up and I start making subtle inquiries into her dating and relationship status. It’s up there with feisty, aggressive and intelligent as great trigger words to pitch to me on any attempted blind date set-up.

Giving him a stern talking to

This forceful and articulate woman, shown here demonstrating a strong leadership role in her relationship, is from the Subby Hubby site. I originally found the image on the CFNM classics tumblr.

Neon dreams

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a neon tube used in a scene before. It doesn’t strike me as particularly practical tool, but it is very dramatic. Just controlling and directing the light onto him acts to emphasize her status, not to mention the threatening sword-like shape of it. With the stage lights behind it almost looks like a scene from a play. Is she cast as the hero or the villain?

This is of course the very beautiful Natsukiss, with a couple of images taken from her galleries. She has featured in several previous posts here, here and here.

Natsukiss with neon tube
Natsukiss with neon tube

Losing her cherry

I’m slightly ashamed of what I’m about to do. I swore I’d never do it. Yet here, I am, about to link to a BuzzFeed article. The site whose sole purpose seems to be to show up in annoying unfunny facebook posts from people I can barely remember friending, is about to get click traffic from me, damn it.

The article in question – 34 GIFs that sum up your first sexual experience – isn’t even femdom, but it did make me laugh a lot (particularly #5 & #18). BuzzFeed stole it all from a reddit thread of course.

As a teenager I always thought sex would be this amazing and intensely pleasurable experience. In time I found out that while that can be true, getting there involves a fair amount of awkwardness, mistakes, messiness, embarrassing moments and humorous situations (those mostly in hindsight). That really doesn’t get mentioned as much as it should.

I leave you with a shot of a lady about to lose her cherry. I hope he’s gentle (for his sake).

Cherry

This image is from the photographer H Morgen.

Just a quickee

Apologies for the lack of posts in the last few days. I’m on vacation (again) down in San Francisco (again). Unfortunately, I’ve caught some random bug that’s given me a sore throat, congested sinuses and a fuzzy head. If there’s one thing more annoying that getting sick, it’s getting sick on vacation. Possibly this is the universe’s way of restoring karmic balance. I was just having too many fun vacations, so it was time to spoil one.

Anyway, vacations and sickness are two things that tend to interrupt blogging. This is just a quick post to keep the blog ticking over. So while I go hunt down my last Ricola throat lozenge, I’ll leave you with an image I spotted on the Girl Rule, Subs Drool tumblr. No real connection to anything. Just something I liked and thought I’d share.

Holding his posture

Perversity (of the wrong kind)

Most of my posts tend to the positive and upbeat. This one might be a bit more of a rant. Let’s put a nicer spin on it, and call it constructive feedback. It’s aimed squarely at dominants and centers on something that has happened to me too many times to be a coincidence.

Here’s my rant feedback: When you’re playing with someone fairly new, and that person has outlined a few limits (hard or soft) to stay away from, then stay the hell away from those limits. Don’t try and figure out exactly where the line is drawn. Don’t try and determine exactly what about the activity makes it a limit. Don’t toy with anything vaguely related. Just avoid, avoid, avoid.

I’m not a submissive with a lot of limits. When I look at a typical list of play activities, it’s quicker for me to list what I will not do rather than what I will. I’ve a soft limit with hoods and claustrophobia, I’ve a hard limit on humiliation, and I’ve a slightly screwed up lower back that makes extreme bondage positions tricky. That’s about it. Not a lot to remember. Yet multiple times in the last couple of years I’ve played with new dommes who, having been given this list, proceeded to flirt with activities that ran awfully close to these problem areas.

The last time it happened was a couple of months ago. It was my first time I’d played with this particular dominant. Not fifteen minutes into the session, and after my standard limits discussion, she pulled out a hood and asked if it’d be OK because it had both mouth and eye holes. Suddenly I’m thrown out of my happy subby mindset and into evaluation mode. How scary does it look? Can I handle it? Is it an integral part of the scene she wants to try? It would have been fine to show the hood pre-scene to get my opinion, but why bother suggesting it after we started to play? I ended up refusing and it made absolutely no difference to how the scene unfolded.

A similar thing happened towards the end of last year. It was again someone fairly new to me and, after mentioning my screwy back, she proceeded to try for a really awkward bondage position. She had me on my back on the floor, knees pulled up towards my shoulders and my arms pulled down towards where my feet would normally be. After pointing out that this wasn’t a great position for me she gave up on the plan, but it seemed so unnecessary to attempt it at all. Maybe we could have got it to work given time, but I estimate there are around three million and seven safe positions to tie me into, so why try for the tricky number three million and eight?

None of the examples (and I have multiple others) felt like deliberate attempts to break a boundary. It just seemed the limits discussion planted ideas, and that saying “Heavy X is a limit” somehow translated into “… but let’s do light X!”. This seems perverse to me, and not in the good way. Assessing intensity or risk is very hard with someone you don’t know. Much better to stay as far away as possible from potential minefields. Just because someone has handed you a map, doesn’t mean you need to go up to the minefield boundary and start jumping up and down. There’s no shortage of other interesting places to explore.

Artwork by Shohei Yamashiro

This artwork by Shohei Yamashiro manages to capture both hoods and an awkward position to bend a slave into. Now if you can just imagine she’s calling him a worthless fool, it’ll have nailed 3 of my personal limits.

Marks

I love marks. I love admiring them in the mirror after playing. I love running a finger along them and awakening them, reliving the moment. I love slipping on a top to cover them, yet knowing they’re still there as I got about my day. I love the colors as they fade through red, blacks, purples and yellows.

What I don’t enjoy is discovering I have a dermatology appointment a day after a session. I’ve been here before, so you’d think I’d learn. Last time it was generic bruising and marks I felt I could get away with. This week I had some really obvious needle marks in distinctive patterns all down my arms and legs. It’s really hard to explain that away, so I had to postpone my appointment. I could imagine them saying “He’s clearly injecting something. And what’s more he’s doing it really badly, given how many needle marks I can see. We better put a note on file: Drug User (Incompetent).” Nobody needs that on their medical records.

Marks

I found this on the Domination on My terms tumblr. I’m afraid I don’t have an original attribution.