A Missed Opportunity

I’m always amazed that (as far as I know) nobody has put together a site with a definitive list of kinks and fetishes. It seems so unlike the internet to miss an opportunity to combine freaky sex and an anally retentive urge to exhaustively catalog something. After all, those are two of the defining characteristics of the online world.

I’m currently deep into an PC role playing game (Divinity Original Sin 2). It’s the kind of game that has hundreds of characters, artifacts, quests and storylines. Yet, every little piece of it has been exhaustively cataloged online across multiple sites. I can bump into a wood nymph in a fictional copse, in some obscure corner of the game, and I’m no more than a web search from her backstory, details on what she’s carrying and what’s the best way to steal it. Yet, if I wanted to find out what fetishes might relate to wood and trees, I’m kind of stuck (apparently it’s xylophilia).

Last year I found a link to some scanned pages that listed 547 paraphilias. That’s a decent number, but I’m not sure how reliable they all were, and a few scanned pages with no details isn’t a convenient representation. The Bad Girls Bible has published a shorter list of 239 entries, which is at least searchable and carries descriptions along with some cross-reference links. It’s certainly an improvement, but a long way from the definitive guide you’d expect to exist. For example, while it might include obscure things like Siderodromophilia (a fetish for trains) and Nyctophilia (fetish for the night), it missed basic stuff like public humiliation and service submission. I definitely find a lot more shots like the one below than I find of people getting frisky with the back of an Amtrak.

Glee with Savannah

I had a fabulous session with Savannah Sly last night. Much slapping, spanking, pinching and hitting was involved. I particularly enjoyed the play we did with clothespins. I generally don’t find them a particularly fearsome tool, so I was pretty relaxed and unintimidated when Savannah pulled a packet out. It turns out that when you put them in just the right spots – where the flesh is taut and thin – and you grab just a narrow pinch of the skin, they really get your attention fast. It was the right kind of pain to push all my masochistic buttons, particularly when I got called a ‘good boy’ for relaxing into it.

I think at one point Savannah might have done the happy sadist dance, which put a big smile on my face. She’s definitely a very gleeful domme, as this image from her twitter feed shows. This was taken in 2009 at SXSW. It’s a wonderful happy shot, and I can say that ten years on, Savannah has lost absolutely none of that positive energy when playing. You can see a lot more of her imagery, both old and new, on her Only Fans site. If you’re not in a position to see her in person, then it’s well worth checking out.

A vicious streak a mile wide

I’m not totally sure what’s going on in this image, but I’m definitely a fan. It’s a look that seems to be a gothic lolita fetish femdom bunny. I know some pro-dommes have very extensive fetish wardrobes, but this seems like it’d be a difficult kink to pull off. How many have a pair of bunny ears color coordinated to their latex and corsets?

This is one of a series of images featured in this tweet. The photographer is @ymagiyoiriugiyo and the model ⁦‪@naruhodo_chan⁩.

Bonus points for any reader who can identify the connection between the post title and the image.

Bad Assumptions

This Frisky article on the bad assumptions people make about kink and kinky dating made my smile, albeit in a rueful way. The anecdote that really hits home features a roommate who interprets her friends preference as a ‘dom’ to mean being a professional dominatrix, and then thinks clients are getting invited over for their games night. I guess that’s what happens when people get all their information about kink from shitty memoirs.

I struggle with the perception of kink with the friends that I’m out to. On one hand I don’t want to get into too much detail about my sessions and personal sexual practices. Describing what an awesome play piercing session I just had doesn’t really make for a comfortable dinner conversation. At the same time, I see the common representations of femdom in popular culture, and wonder how it colors their view of me. I assume they think I get off on crawling around on the floor at the end of a leash and being called a miserable maggot by a lady in head to toe leather.  Which is all perfectly fine if you’re into it, but doesn’t really look anything like how I actually play. I don’t know how to communicate the complexity and richness of D/s and kink without an uncomfortable amount of oversharing.

I’m fairly certain this vintage shot is how my non-kinky friends picture my sex life when the subject of dommes or BDSM comes up. And it’s not like I’d object to doing a scene like this, it’s just not representative.

Replacing Max

One of the oldest discussion forums for femdom, and particularly professional femdom, has been The Hang at Max Fisch. Sadly, these days it seems somewhat neglected and forlorn. Whoever owns it has pretty much left it to rot, and while it still kind of works on a good day, the load times are long, the moderation AWOL and the support pretty much non-existent.

Anyone looking for a working alternative that doesn’t actually look all that different might want to check out The Buzz at domina.ms. They’re using what looks like exactly the same forum software with many of the same forums, but running on decent hardware and with proper moderation and support. It’s not as busy as Max used to be, but as The Hang continues to decline, I’d expect and hope it’d pick up more participants. I just created my account there.

If anyone has any other suggestions for active and well managed femdom forums, then feel free to leave me a comment and I’ll take a look and potentially link to them. Running this site takes up most of my kinky writing energy, so I don’t tend to do a lot of forum participation, but I do enjoy browsing them and linking to interesting posts I find.

One of the more frequent domme posters on The Buzz is Mistress Ayn (594 posts according to her profile). She’s shown here in a beautiful recent portrait by the inimitable Sardax. If you’d like to see her in person, she’s based in Atlanta.

Incompetent or Evil?

Some rare good news for my old country – the UK has indefinitely suspended introducing their porn blocking system. I’d like to say this was because they realized the danger to free speech and had a sudden burst of sanity, but it was really just down to incompetence. I guess if someone comes up with a stupid idea, the best you can hope for is that they’re too stupid to carry it out properly.

In less good news over this side of the pond, US politicians are once again having a go a free speech online and Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act. As always, sex workers are the canary in the coalmine. Having used bogus sex trafficking fears to weaken the law with SESTA/FOSTA, they’re now trying to expand the wedge and jam more free speech constraints in place. The online tech companies originally lobbied against SESTA/FOSTA, but eventually caved to the politicians. Presumably they thought it was a safe compromise on a topic they didn’t want to defend. Maybe now they’ll learn their lesson. Politicians have an endless appetite for limiting what people can discuss and share, and compromising in one area will only increase that appetite in other areas.

Here’s an image that seems suitable for a politician trying to limit free expression. Although if all the members of the Soviet’s security forces had looked like this, America might actually have lost the cold war.

This is Mistress Nikita. She no longer takes professional sessions but you can access images and video from her main site here.

Newton’s Laws

The idea of trampling is hot. The visuals can be fantastic. It works both masochistically and psychologically. Yet somehow, whenever I try it, I struggle with it. I think that’s mostly because I’m afraid a rib is going to crack. I’ve got no natural intuition for the force they can take. It’s tough to relax into the moment when I’m picturing a trip to the ER and explaining why I’ve got heel marks all over my chest.

I suspect my fears are unwarranted when trampling is done properly. This article claims that a force of 3,300 Newtons gives a 25% chance of cracking a rib. That kind of force can be generated by a hard fast punch, but it’s a long way off the force exerted by the resting weight of a human. A 140lb domme would exert just 622 Newtons of force from standing on someone. Of course that’s only true when she’s stationary or when moving carefully. If she jumps then she’ll exert a very large force when she lands and rapidly decelerates. So if your domme wants to try that, I’d suggest telling her that Mr. Newton strongly recommends against it.

This fantastic trampling shot is from the twitter feed of Michelle Lacy. I love both the space she’s in and the bondage/trampling combo. If you’re interested in playing with her, she’s based in South Florida but does travel.

Pride Knights

Here’s another Pride themed post to finish the weekend off. This is from a tweet by A. Archer, an artist, model, cosplayer and adventurer.  Not strictly femdom, but I’m sure there’ll be many readers out there who appreciate a lady in armor with a big sword. I think it’s a very fun shot, particularly with the six different colors represented across the back row of people.

It seems odd to see brightly colored outfits for combat, but for hundreds of years that was actually common. Not sure anybody ever went in for a rainbow outfit, but before the days of accurate long distance rifles and rapid firing machine guns, camouflage was a low priority.  It was better to look good and create cohesive units that could be easily identified. It wasn’t until the wars of the late 19th and early 20th century that being hard to see suddenly became a big advantage. As an interesting aside, the creator of the Pride Flag, a man called Gilbert Baker, was actually an army veteran who served between 1970 and 72.

If you’d like to support future work of Archer Inventive, there’s a Patreon here.

Friendly

There has been a bunch of debate on social media recently about how open to kink Pride events should be. One side maintains that kink should be kept indoors and making Pride family friendly is important. The other side says that kink has always been an important part of Pride, and we shouldn’t be embracing corporate sponsors and mainstream coverage at the expense of slicing up the community.

You can probably guess where I stand on the issue. It seems pretty messed up to have huge corporations like AT&T sponsoring events while at the same time telling some segments of the LBGTQ community they’re not welcome. Young children will think all the costumes are fun and older children will be more aware of and switched onto the issues than their parents. The only people who’ll be offended are the same people who say “I don’t mind what people do, as long as they keep it private.” In other words, their standards should be the community standards and everyone else should fit into their world view. Fuck those people.

Of course, the irony here is that I hate crowds, marching and doing anything before midday. So while I’ll make it to the latter parts of Seattle pride to applaud and cheer, I’ll not be in the parade and certainly not be dressed in anything outrageous. If I was going to take a kinky outfit public, this cartoon definitely represents my preferred option. After all, everyone likes a friendly dog.

This is from The Perry Bible Fellowship (original is here).