Femdom Resource – Page 191 – The beauty of dominant women

Depression and BDSM

Constanze Borgia has an interesting guest post by Phil Beck on the subject of depression and BDSM. It talks about depression in general, provides some personal anecdotes and offers some advice about dealing with the intersection of BDSM and mental health. I’m signal boosting it as it’s rare to see such a thoughtful discussion of the topic. I often hear people refer to dommes as therapists, or state how beneficial BDSM play is, but they’re casual references flung around with little thought. This is a far more balanced and nuanced article.

I’ve suffered from depression a couple of times in my life, but it was many years ago, and didn’t overlap with any kinky activity. So I’ve no idea how the two would interact together for me. Generally kink makes me happy and buzzed, but when you’re dealing with brain chemistry it’s hard to predict how things will unfold if you complicate the mix.

I can definitely relate to Phil’s experiences with mummification. He wrote that:

Being totally immobilized in that way made it possible to release my concerns about the outside world and my sense of emotional well being somehow began to rise up as I began to sink into a trance like state.

I’ve always found that very extreme bondage of this type is both liberating and soothing. Hopefully the gentleman below is feeling equally soothed by his situation…

This is obviously from a Divine Bitches shoot.

That time of year

I just filed my US tax returns. For some reason I feel like posting this pair of images from the strapon dreamer site …

I guess I should note that I do actually like the stuff my taxes pay for. I’m keen on things like roads, the FAA, food safety and a government that at least tries to offer health care. Having to pay a lot in taxes is one of those problems like discovering your Porsche has a puncture or that your bottle of Mouton Rothschild is corked. It’s not likely to garner a lot of sympathy. However, just as it’s an individuals duty to contribute to the nation, I also think that complaining about it is very much part of the process. Much the same way British people complain about the weather: It doesn’t help, but it does make people feel better.

Making the sparks fly

Lydia and I had some fun playing with her violet wand last night. I was extensively scratched, slapped and shocked. There was a lot of screaming by me and laughter from her. I’ve played with wands in the past and they usually just leave a few red marks, but for some reason this left me itching and scratching all today. Not quite sure why my skin reacted that way, but it definitely added an extra element of torture. I’m sure Lydia would have been entertained to see me fidgeting around in all my work meetings.

If you’ve not seen one in action, Aemilia Hawk has a couple of videos that demonstrate both the visuals and the sound of them. Their intensity can vary quite considerably depending on the attachments used. Big round bulbs are quite mild, but sharper curves and points can concentrate the charge considerably. I was getting zapped under my fingernails with a pointy bulb and it was definitely generating more of a reaction than Aemilia shows in her videos!

They don’t appear that often in porn, which I find surprising given how visually appealing they can be. Here’s one highly fetishistic example from Absolute Cruelty. Not quite sure why the domme is wearing the gas mask rather than the slave, although I guess it does give her an impersonal and faintly alienesque appearance. You can see another angle of the scene here.

Thwarted by technology

Apologies for the lack of posts over the last couple of days. My Comcast internet connection has been somewhat unreliable. I’ve been trying to think of a striking metaphor to express just how unreliable. Political promises, old British sportscars and Fox news all came and went as possible comparison points. However, it just struck me that a Comcast internet connection itself might be the definitive benchmark. It defines the standard. So I guess my internet connection is as unreliable as a Comcast internet connection.

I don’t think that they’re the worst company in the world, as they just got voted, but they’re certainly frustrating. In my fantasy world I’d be able to call on this strong armed woman to sort them out. Anytime my connection went down, she’d spring into action. Their engineers would have to be ready, pants around their ankles, from 8am to 2pm everyday I had a problem. Then she’d arrive at 1:59pm, tell them she didn’t have the right kind of paddle and disappear, only returning after several hours to wallop the hell out of them. With that kind of determined look I’m sure she’d get quick results.

I believe this is Audrey Knight from the site Clare Spanks Men. I found it on the Male Pet tumblr.

Check out my enormous package

I have no idea what’s going on here. His pose is an aggressive ‘look at this big boy’, more usually found when brandishing an appendage rather than a huge medieval chastity device. She’s also got a look of ‘oh my, that’s a big one’, something better suited to lustful appreciation than chastity key holding.

I’ve failed to track down a source or an artist. If I had to guess I’d say it’s a vintage comic or book cover done by an artist used to illustrating more traditional erotica. Often illustrators in the 60’s and 70’s were simply given the title of a new publication and told to use their imagination. Perhaps this title featured femdom and chastity, but the artist couldn’t imagine anything other than a thrusting male and a wide eyed female.

I found this on the Old Erotic Art tumblr.

French maid, done right

Here’s another common femdom theme that I don’t cover too often – ‘forced’ feminization. I personally like the idea of transformation and playing with gender roles, but I’m less keen on frills, prancing and humiliation. However, this guy is rocking that French maid outfit. It actually looks really good on him. It’s helped by the appropriate old school mansion setting and the haughty and elegant lady of the house. She doesn’t look like she’d stand for any prancing or simpering.

This is originally from the Subby Hubby site. I found it on the Alternative Femdom tumblr.

Rope & candles

I don’t feature a lot of posts with female submissive imagery. In fact, looking at my post tagging, there have been around 60 Ff images, out of over 1,200 total posts. That’s not because I don’t appreciate it. I enjoy its aesthetic and can relate to the submissive experience of any gender. The problem is that so many Femdom/Femsub images end up fixated on the submissive at the cost of the dominant and the dynamic between them. They end up being femsub rather than femdom, and I figure there are quite enough pictures of bound and gagged women floating around with a blog about female dominance adding to them.

This image is an example that strikes the right balance for me. The dominant is an integral part of the scene, and it nicely captures a moment of tension. It also continues the Shibari theme from yesterday’s post, which pleases the anal retentive blogger in me. It’s by the artist RedPandaDee and, according to his comment on it, the dominant is Saki Kamijoo and the submissive is Skinny Redhead. You can see a video of Saki Kamijoo at work here.

Rope & heels

I love the fact that this very intricate bondage is both beautiful and functional. Shibari is frequently aesthetically pleasing, but can sometimes look impractical for serious play or simply be ornate without restraining. This pulls off all the elements. I particularly like the detailing around his feet and legs. Those heels look painful, but I don’t think he’s going to be getting away.

This is by Mistress Juri from Ginza Prezis, as featured previously in this post.

Experimenting with gargalesis

Sometimes I can be a little slow. For example, I spent ages starting at this image trying to figure it out. Why, I wondered, are two women tickling him, while the third is drawing a picture of a costumed superhero? How could those different things possibly be related? Only after an embarrassingly long time did I figure out that the third woman is actually drawing a color coded map of his ticklish zones. That’s both scientific and particularly evil.

In my defense I will say that I’m extremely ticklish, so a color coded map wouldn’t make much sense for me. All my body parts trigger a strong reaction, so it’d just be red all over. I can’t say I particularly kink on being tickled, but I have noticed that some dommes really get a kick out of the reaction they can provoke with it. So I do enjoy feeding off their reaction to my reaction. It’s a perversely entertaining feedback loop.

Incidentally, the title of the post features the scientific name for tickling. Femdom Resource – bringing you entirely accurate and completely useless information, one post at a time.

I found this image on the Lunar Black tumblr. It’s initialed with something that looks like DH??, but I can’t track down the artist. If anyone knows then please leave a comment.

Chilly willy

Last month I ranted on the topic of limits and avoiding them. I didn’t intend that rant to turn into a monthly occurrence but, as luck would have it, I do have a new topic to address – chilly dungeons. It’s not quite as serious an issue, but what use is a blog if you can’t have a good rant now and again?

Admittedly a cold dungeon is probably more realistic. I doubt that medieval castles had much in the way of underfloor heating or goose down duvets for their prisoners. Yet oddly enough, when I’m naked and being carefully tied to a spanking bench by an attractive lady dressed in leather and heels, historical accuracy isn’t high on my list of requirements.

You might also think that a masochist would enjoy the extra torment of a freezing space. Or that it might help distract from the actual pain being inflicted. Yet oddly enough, I find it makes it much harder to deal with intense play. Everything is more snappy and stingy when it’s cold. Skin is more sensitive, and it’s hard to get into the right head space when being distracted by shivering body parts. I want to relax and soak into the pain, not spend my time wondering how warm the straight jacket hanging in the corner would be.

In the handful of times I’ve encountered this problem, it has never been the fault of the domme I was playing with. They’ve always been renting a space that was badly set-up, too cold to start with, and they couldn’t fix it in the time we had available. So if you’re reading this and you own a play space, my ask to you is either…

Design it as one or more small spaces that can be warmed up quickly and individually, or
Get enormous and efficient space heaters that can quickly warm up your large space, or
Have some way of dynamically partitioning up the space (e.g. heavy curtains) so that one area can be heated separately if necessary.

I think the perfect set-up is to have one large traditional playroom and then several smaller spaces that can be used if necessary. That’s what Lydia has and what I’ve seen in several other commercial spaces. Or I guess you could live in a hot region and play outside like these two. He might now have to worry about ants and spiders, but at least he’s warm.

This is Isis Love and Rok from a Men in Pain shoot. I found it on the Femdom Experience tumblr.