Photograph – Femdom Resource

New Things

My LA trip continues to be a kinky delight. I’ve done two sessions with the amazing Domina Sophie Agenoux, both of which were a hell of a lot of fun. My last post gave a pretty clear hint about some of our activities. However, I also got to try a couple of new things. Given I’ve been playing for many years, that’s an unusual but welcome experience.

The first thing was a chastity cage. It seems weird to say this, given they’re such a staple of femdom, and I’m big fan of tease and denial, but I don’t I’ve ever worn one. This wasn’t a lengthy lock-up by any measure. Just a segment at the start of the session to set the mood. But it was fun to try and definitely did help create the right headspace. My top takeaways were that doing it more seriously, over a longer period, would require a properly fitted custom cage and mixing pubic hair with hinges and locking mechanisms is a bad idea. Shave first.

The other new thing we worked into our second session was some gentle verbal humiliation. Until now that’s been a verboten dynamic for me. I was always concerned how I’d react to it and if it’d curdle into a sour after emotion. I took a chance here as it seemed like it’d be a nice fit to the type of tease/denial/objectification play we were doing, and I trusted Domina Sophie to work into it carefully. That turned out to be a great call, as it added a lovely frission to the play and Domina Sophie judged it perfectly.

I don’t think I’ll ever get into heavy and overly negative humiliation play. Being called a loser or useless does not spark my interest. However, there’s a variation I think of as the backhanded compliment: You don’t get to have X, you’re no good for X, but you do make a great Y. It’s demeaning – given a conventionally desirable X and a Y that is decidedly not – but in an oddly positive and hot way.

This shot of Domina Sophie Agenoux was sourced from her Bluesky Feed. If you’re in the Southern Californian area and wish to schedule a session then you can find her professional site here. I really can’t recommend her highly enough.

Milking the Dog

I’m a big fan of the objectification this set-up creates. The heavy and full coverage dog suit is dehumanizing – and therefore hot – in its own right. The suspension bondage reduces agency still further. The motorized milking machine will drag a specific reaction from his body whether he likes it or not. The fact he can helplessly flail those stubby limbs around but change nothing makes for a lovely finishing touch.

The creator of this scene is Mistress Hinako and she posted this along with a short video to her Twitter feed. As she says there – ‘I wake up early every morning to milk my dog’.

Working with Couples

Boston base pro-domme Jane Cockatrice has a thoughtful post up about working with a kinky couple and helping mentor them. The woman was interested in becoming “…more confident in her dominance and learn how to create more intense experiences for both of them.”

I wouldn’t describe it as a ‘how to’ piece, but there are plenty of useful observations and wise words in there. For example…

Sometimes women become so focused on whether they are doing everything correctly that they don’t fully allow themselves to enjoy their dominance. They wonder whether they look dominant enough. They worry that their dirty talk isn’t perfect. They continuously monitor whether their partner is enjoying himself. They may feel responsible for producing his ideal fantasy while forgetting to notice what the experience feels like for them.

I think there’s an interesting balance to strike here from the submissive perspective. Obviously you never want to treat a domme as a kink dispensing machine. I always strive for sessions that have an organic and natural flow to them. One’s where the domme has the freedom to evolve as the mood takes her. On the other hand, you can also go to far in the other direction. The kind of sub who just says ‘Oh, do whatever you want Mistress!’ Dommes are not mind readers and guessing games don’t make good sessions.

I guess one could draw an analogy with collaborating over a painting. You can’t expect someone to be creative if you give them a paint by numbers picture and scrutinize every brush stroke. At the same time you can’t simply show up with a blank canvas and expect them to do all the work.

Image of Jane Cockatrice was sourced from her Bluesky feed. You can read more of her excellent blogging content on her professional site.

Money, Money, Money

Mistress Blunt has written a long and interesting article on the dynamics of long term findom relationships. You can find it here.

The common manifestation of findom – drains, cash meets, pay pigs, etc. – leaves me cold. I can intellectually get why someone might be into that, but it does nothing for me emotionally. Reading Mistress Blunt’s article was the first time the dynamic has really clicked for me as an erotic thing to do.

In practice, this dynamic can mean daily tribute requirements. Or it can mean you report your income to me. Or it can mean I approve of any discretionary spending. It can mean a legally drafted financial contract. It always means that the dynamic does not end when the session does, because there is no session. There is only your relationship with me, beneath me.

I kink on control and that level of control is undoubtedly hot. However, reading it also left me uncomfortable and with a slight sense of ickiness. It took me a while to figure out why.

It’s definitely not because I think Mistress Blunt is doing anything wrong or unethical. Far from it. She clearly puts a lot of thought into her relationships.

I think it’s due to how I connect money with independence and therefore consent. I need to be independent for consent to be meaningful. If I can’t easily walk away then I can’t withdraw it. And my ability to walk away – from anything, not just relationships – is anchored in my control over my money. I grew up with very little and I treasure the independence having it now gives me.

Of course, that connection with control and dependency is why I found her description of the dynamic so hot. I’m sure it’s also why others engage in it. I’m just not sure I could ever let go in that way.

This shot of Mistress Blunt is from her Bluesky feed. You can find her professional site here.

Window Paddling

This isn’t exactly a conventional corporal punishment shot, but it’s very sexy all the same. He’s tied against a window, so there’s an element of exhibitionism and public humiliation here. Her attractive but casual clothes and natural pose also give the impression of an ongoing dynamic rather than specific isolated scene. She’s just giving her boy his usual nightly punishment, in full view of the neighborhood.

I sourced this via the Miss Strict tumblr. I’m afraid I don’t have an original attribution for it. The reverse image search engines are so crap these days it’s almost impossible to get a useful source link from them.

I Want Your Sex (again)

I’m going to risk repeating myself here. I blogged about the new Greg Araki movie – I Want Your Sex – back in January when it was doing the festival circuit. There wasn’t a trailer for it back then and the reviews were mixed.

It’s now on general release. There are a bunch of positive reviews for it. And there is a trailer which makes it look both funny and pretty damn kinky. I’m now actually excited to see it.

The Guardian has a recent interview with Araki on the film, where he reveals it was originally written as a male boss dominating his female intern. That was back in 2014. Fortunately for us, he decided to flip it around.

I have seen some comments online saying that it’s a shame to have a domme being portrayed as consent violating and abusive. I do get that, but I suspect in this kind of comedy everyone is going to be portrayed with some major character flaws. Sane, safe and sensible make for great scenes but not great drama.

Olivia Wilde in a scene from ‘I Want Your Sex’.

Authenticity

Ivy Harte has published a short substack article on authenticity in pro-domme sessions – Have We Mistaken Unpaid for Authentic? I think it makes a nice company piece to the article on BDSM myths from Lady Vesper I featured last week. Money was actually featured in the last myth there, but I think Ivy Harte offers a slightly different take on the topic.

People sometimes imagine that authenticity and intention exist at opposite ends of a spectrum, as though something carefully crafted must somehow be less real. I don’t think that’s true. We don’t assume a conversation with a therapist is somehow less meaningful because money changed hands.

I’ve riffed before on this topic. There’s a conflation of money with power, where really it should be linked with consent and capacity. Contributing money creates the space and time to play, it doesn’t create power over the play.

When I’m getting pierced by a domme those are authentic needles. It’s not fake blood that comes out. Impact play give authentic bruises. I’m not pretending to be tied down and faking those screams. Nor are there real and fake version of subspace.

People have no trouble untangling money and power in other areas. Buying a theater ticket doesn’t give me the power to direct the play. I could hire a band for a party, and make song suggestions, but I don’t get to control how they play or suggest new lyrics. Only when I comes to BDSM do people get hung up on the idea that money equals power equals control.

This is Goddess Ivy in a shot sourced from her Bluesky feed.

Poised Pose by Pillar

This is one of those images where, as soon as I saw it, I knew I wanted to feature it in a post.

Madam M look as fabulous as she always does. Calm and collected. I also love her chair. That’s a very sexy piece of furniture. Finally, there’s those bound disembodied hands, with the warm organic rope and the hard industrial pillar. There’s a man hidden there somewhere, but he’s simultaneously in the foreground of the shot and also totally absent from it. Beautifully done.

Originally posted here to Madam M’s Bluesky feed. You can find her Loyal Fans here.

Myths

Lady Vesper posted a twitter article on the 6 BDSM myths that make her furious. I think they’re a pretty good set. You read the article for her reasoning but the myths themselves are as follows…

The submissive has all the power because they can stop the scene at any time.
The submissive allows the Dominant to dominate them.
The submissive is the vulnerable one (partly true).
The Dominant is responsible for the submissive’s mental state.
Dominants don’t need safe-words or aftercare.
Money makes real BDSM impure.

The first one here is one of my personal bugbears. I frequently see it quoted online, often by people talking about BDSM to a non-BDSM crowd. I think they believe it makes them sound clever, with special insider knowledge of the dynamic. Ooh, what a clever subversion of expectations!

In reality it’s a nonsense statement. As Lady Vesper points out, it mixes up the concepts of power and consent. Anyone can say no and walk away from the scene at any time. That’s not the same as having the power to direct and control the scene.

I find it particularly annoying because it plays into the idea that dominants are simply fetish dispensers, going through the motions of a scene at the behest of the submissive. It diminishes the agency and desires of the domme, which is really the opposite of what femdom should be about.

This shot of Lady Vesper is from her Twitter feed. You can find links to her Fan sites and Substack here.

The Tingle

The artist (and researcher) CurioBubbles posts fun little comics on Reddit about the human body and why things work the way they do. Worth checking out if you like mixing science education with cute artwork.

I mention it here because a recent comic covered why you can get pins and needles after compression on a part of the body. I always thought it was simply due to blood rushing back, but it turns out it’s a bit more complicated than that. The blood coming back does wake the nerve up, but then the sensation you feel is the nerve basically firing off a bunch of noisy signals as it tries to reconnect with the brain. I’m sure anyone who has played with nipple clamps or similar compression toys can attest to how painful that can be. They hurt a bit going on. They hurt like hell coming off.

I’ve noticed that a lot of dommes can be positively gleeful when it comes to removing clamps that have been on for a time. Rubbing the affected area afterwards is another favorite trick. That really messes with the nerve while it’s still recalibrating!

Image source via tumblr. Not sure who originally created it.