Tag: Humor

Witches & Bitches

There are many things to like about this awesome vintage femdom magazine cover. My favorite is probably the line about “Here are sex witches; sex bitches; dominas; slaves of Satan.” Is it just me or is one of those things slightly out of place? It’s like opening a true crime magazine with “Here are serial killers, psychopaths, jaywalkers, murders…” Could they not think of four insanely over the top labels to use? How about freaky femdoms? The devils devious dominants? Lethal ladies of love? Sex crazed harlots from hell? If you’re going for trashy, you might as well go all out.

Sign Up

The impact of the FOSTA-SESTA clusterfuck continues to be felt online and by sex workers. Sadly, I think this is just the start of it. The much bigger impact will be after the bill has been signed into law and a prosecutor picks his first set of victims to go after. That’ll focus minds and trigger a much bigger wave of censorship and purging of voices from the internet.

There’s an online partition against the bill available here. It took me  just 30 seconds to sign it and click on a link. Please do the same. I don’t know what difference it’ll make with the current executive in charge but, at the very least, hitting the required signature count will raise awareness and potentially lead to more articles like this. Reversing these things is never about a single dramatic gesture, but more a slow chipping away and winning over the minds of people who might not otherwise think about these issues. So go sign it.

As a reward for those readers who sign it – here’s a delightful video of a pair of dommes reenacting the famous pottery scene from the move Ghost. Although in this case there’s rather less clay and rather more enormous dildos covered in lube. But remember – no watching unless you sign the partition! You’re on the honor system here.

The video starred Mistress Evilyne and Goddess Anastaxia (pictured above) and was created by ‘Filmed by Duke‘. If the two dommes sound familiar, that’s because they were featured in this heart warming post last month.

Walkies

I love this advert for Trice Insurance. I’ve no idea about the product – the fact youtube removed the ad for deceptive practices doesn’t bode well – but the puppy play in it is as cute as anything.  He’s just so enthusiastic. Thanks to Ferns for pointing me in its direction.

The weird thing for me is that I find the lady’s English accent sexy, despite the fact I was born and raised there, and my own English accent hasn’t changed a bit in almost 20 years of living in the US. Maybe this is part of the process of US naturalization. After 5 years I started spelling color without the ‘u’, after 10 years I said gas instead of petrol, and after 20 years I’m now thinking the English accent makes people sound smart and sexy. I guess that’s good for my own confidence and sense of self-worth. If only I was gay, then I could talk dirty to myself in a sexy English accent.

This artwork is by Arrakis.

Pie

Apparently it was Pi day last week. I’m slightly baffled as to why a mathematical constant gets its own day, but there we are. Can we look forward to the Euler number festival and the feast of the Lapace limit? Meanwhile, in Indiana, they presumably celebrate it on an entirely different day.

It’s tough to find a suitable image to connect femdom with π. Stern yet attractive ‘teachers’ brandishing a pointer in front of a bunch of blackboard equations don’t count. However, it’s a lot easier to connect pie with femdom. That’s a particular specialty of the artist Bakerman.

The Cully Flaug’d

Stumbling across this picture on twitter sent me off hunting for some background details, which led me to this British Museum page. The curator’s lengthy comment on it (click to ‘More’ to expand) are fascinating and also very British. The caption reads….

What Drudgery’s here, what Bridewell-like Correction!
To bring an Old Man, to an Insurrection.
Firk on Fair Lady, Flaug the Fumblers Thighs,
Without such Conjuring th’ Devil will not rise

I think the description of a man having difficulty getting it up as a ‘fumbler’ is a poetic but cutting one. I’m also going to be temped to describe my future erections as the ‘Devil Rising’.

According to the curator, the setting indicates a brothel or ‘flogging school’ and the coins behind indicate a service being paid for. Which I think means that this image, created sometime between 1674 and 1702, is one of the earliest of a pro-domme at work in her playspace. I guess we can be grateful that the fashion for portraying the domme as haughtily staring down at the viewer hadn’t yet caught on in 17th century femdom porn.

It was different in my brain

The image below  – courtesy of Mistress Evilyne’s twitter feed – made me laugh. I’ve seen many variations of the image on the left scattered across tumblr, but never stopped to think exactly how effective it might be. There is a reason why fingers and opposable thumbs conquered the world.

Of course fantasy and reality often don’t line up. I never fantasized about having plastic wrap draped over my face while someone squeezed my balls and shoved a metal rod down my urethra, but when it happened it was awesome. On the flipside, I did often fantasize about being trampled by two beautiful women in leather boots, and when it happened it was…fine…I guess. I mean, I’d do it again, but the reality didn’t match the fantasy. The floor was uncomfortable and hitting the sweet spot between good pain and the ‘I think you cracked my rib’ pain was tricky.

The life lesson is probably that you should explore your fantasies, but don’t get too attached to them. There’s a lot of stuff that’s way more awesome in reality than you’d ever guess. And a lot of stuff that’s best left in the mental spank bank.

Say it with knives

I’ve always disliked Valentine’s Day. It seems designed to make singles feels lonely and couples feel like they aren’t romantic enough. Fortunately, I have friends who feel the same way, so I had dinner at their place this year,  playing many games of ‘tag you’re it’ with their children. Six year olds may be horribly cheaters when it comes to tag, but it was still better than being crammed into a restaurant and dealing with harried servers.

That said, being single at Valentines can sometimes work out. I remember visiting LA in February a few years back and being very puzzled how hard it was to get a dinner reservation. It wasn’t until I snagged one and arrived at the restaurant that I realized what day it was. I was the single solo male in sea of couples. The menu was 9 courses of shared plates, which the kitchen obviously couldn’t be bothered to re-portion for their one confused single. So they sent me what was literally dinner for two for half the price.  Then the next day I went and got my ass kicked by a fabulous domme. That turned out to be a pretty good Valentines.

This is from How to Kill Your Husband by Kathy Lette.

Parallel Universe

Photographer Eli Rezkallah has created an amusing twist on sexist vintage advertising in a series called Parallel Universe. I’m sure a lot of my readers will have encountered his inspiration material in articles like this one. It’s classic clickbait, guaranteed to both amuse, appall and make you marvel how far the world has moved on. He’s taken specific original ads and reshot them with a gender reverse.

I like the idea, but can’t help feeling that there’s a missed opportunity for the companies here. A lot of them are still around. For example, you can still buy Chase & Sanborn coffee, creators of the original ad below. They should reshoot their ad themselves with the gender reverse (or use just Eli’s version) and issue it as a new ad. They could claim it was a both a joke and an implicit acknowledgement of their past mistakes. It’d get loads of publicity  and generate social media controversy – both of which appear to be the primary goals of modern advertising.

Thirst for Knowledge

Much as I appreciate the attractive ladies in the tight dresses, what really makes this image for me is his enthusiastic expression. There is a man with a powerful hunger for some forbidden fruit. If he’d be in the Garden of Eden, that tree would have been stripped bare of apples before God knew what was going on. The serpent wouldn’t even have had time to get his famous sales pitch out. He’d have been less an evil tempter, and more that poor unfortunate creature who got trampled to death as man rushed to grab the fruit of the tree.

According to Wikipedia it’s only in Western Europe that the forbidden fruit is commonly identified as an apple. Other possibilities include grapes, figs and pomegranates. Those actually make more sense to me. I always thought that forbidden fruit should suggest sensuality, temptation and decadence. Apples are perfectly fine as fruit, but they’re also very sensible and boring.  They’re the missionary position with the lights low. Nobody should get kicked out of paradise for that.

This is Ms Renee Trevi with USAFETISH taken from this tweet on her twitter feed.