Why not both?

This shot of a domme choosing between bound hunks reminded me of a Sardax sketch he posted late last year. Not the exact same set-up, but a similar concept.

It made me wonder what the gender divide would be on this particular fantasy. I think the appeal to a domme is fairly obvious. The appeal to a submissive is more complex. There’s obviously objectification and CFNM at work. However, I think there’s also a need to feel desirable to make the fantasy work. Maybe you don’t need to be quite as ripped as these guys are, but for the average Dad-bod out there, does it still resonate? Or is imagining being hot and physically desirable another element of the fantasy that people enjoy?

This is actually from a still from an animated gif, which was presumably taken from a film. Not sure what the original source was, but if you like the shot you can see the animated version here.

Careful What You Wish For

The Guardian just carried a fine example of one of my favorite kinds of stories: Husband persuades a reluctant wife to open the marriage up to others via poly or swinging. Wife discovers she loves it and is desired by others. Husband discovers that middle aged average guys are not a hot property and now wants to walk the decision back. It’s a story as old as time.

I’ve lost track of how many variations of this plotline I’ve seen in agony columns and online forums. You’d think the frequency with which they appear would cause men to slow down, but apparently there is an inexhaustible supply of horny optimists out there.

It’s a great shame more guys aren’t into the cuckolding kink. If you can’t pull a new lover yourself, you might as well enjoy the fact your partner has. Life really should be better organized.

I believe this is originally from Divine Bitches.

Lamps – Part 6

I have a post I want to write on D/s scene dynamics and pictures from a recent session to share. Unfortunately, what I don’t have is any time. Apparently I can travel or I can blog, but not both.

Instead, while I wait for my schedule to return to sanity, I’ll fall back on an odd but familiar series – submissives as lamps. I usually post a new one of these every few years, but apparently 2023 is a hot year for this kink. I featured one back in May and here’s another to enjoy. This has a submissive footstool as an added bonus.

You can find more from the same photographer via their twitter feed. I originally found this on Madame Is All.

Leading the Pack

This stylish dog walking shot is of Ms Aerys, as found via her twitter feed. It’s not immediately obvious at first glance, but there’s two ‘dogs’ at the end of the chain.

It reminds me a little of another of my favorite dog walking shots – this one with Mistress LucySweetKill. That also has a highly anonymized pupper, an elegant fetish attired domme and an abstract background. In Mistress Lucy’s case it’s obviously a photographers set, where I think this is the TD Centre building in Toronto. Both images present a great combination of glamour, fetish and objectification.

The photograph itself was taken by @TinyTaylorOakes and the submissives are @MrDexParker and @buttplugart. You can find more from Ms Aerys at her main site here

Relief

This week has been the political equivalent of a very extended edging scene. Four days of national blue balls, with the ballot counts offering a lot of tease and denial. Fortunately it ended with relief all around and not a ruin. Now we get to watch another scene equivalent play out – a two month long public humiliation.  At the end of a terrible year, this could be just the happy ending we all need.

This image isn’t exactly an edging scene, but it does remind me of a famous political quote typically attributed to Theodore Roosevelt: ‘If you’ve got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow. ‘ Hopefully the new President can do some metaphorical grabbing in the coming months.

I believe this is from the site femaledom.com.

The Parthenon Studio

I think one of the biggest challenges of the coronavirus for the kinky community is going to be keeping playspaces alive. Individuals have a flexibility that bricks and mortar doesn’t possess. With people either not playing at all, or being very wary of shared spaces, there’s a grave danger that we’ll emerge on the far side of this with no quality spaces left. That’d be a terrible loss. Rising real estate prices in the last decade have pushed a lot of great spaces out of existence. Let’s not let coronavirus finish the remaining ones off.

If you have the means to do so, I would therefore urge you to support fundraisers like this one for the Parthenon Studios in NYC.  I just chipped in £50 and it was a very easy and quick process. You can also do it anonymously. I played there with Empress Wu last year and I loved the chance to visit a space I’d heard so much about. The owner is Queen Ariana Chevalier, who is one of the great dommes of NYC. Donate to the fundraiser and you’ll be supporting a black female owned business that brings joy to a huge number of kinky people. What’s not to love about that?

This rather fabulous image is of Queen Ariana Chevalier, owner of the studios. I found it via her twitter feed.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

More artwork for today’s post, this time it’s a fantastic Western themed watercolor by ALD, originally posted in this tweet. I’m a huge fan of the movie referenced in the tweet, and just love this piece. The cheroot she’s lighting is a nice call back to Eastwood’s character and his frequent use of one in those movies. I hope we’ll see more of this women with no name in future pieces from ALD.

 

Popping My Cherries

Writing about my decade in kink got me thinking about my kinky firsts over that time. Given I started out as a total kink virgin there have been quite a few. What surprises me in retrospect is how few cherries I actual remember being popped. I don’t remember who gave me my first golden shower or when I received my first pegging. I do remember my first caning – because it was session #1 – but I don’t remember my first paddling, whipping or flogging. I’m going to hope that this is due to the varied kinky life I’ve subsequently led, rather than old age or alcohol induced amnesia creeping up on me. Some new experiences have stayed with me however.

The first piercing. I almost fainted. A short lie down and drink of water was required to recover. Fortunately we persevered and it became one of my favorite activities.

First time in a cage. Made me so relaxed I almost fell asleep. All the reassurance and comfort some people find in bondage, without the discomfort that often comes with lengthy bondage scenes.

My first rope suspension. I had a vision of it being the erotic pleasure of bondage crossed with the fun of a child’s swing. In reality it was more like construction work crossed with roleplaying a side of beef. Rope suspension is tricky, particularly when you’re a somewhat out of shape middle age guy and not a lithe, young and light bondage model.

My first session injury. A chemical scene in 2011 where I triggered back issues that plague me to this day. Admittedly, I’m sure the source of the issues was decades of bad posture hunched over keyboards. The muscle clenching in the session just happened to be the straw that broke paltego’s back.

The first time a domme pulled out a gasmask for me.  My initial thought was – ‘Wow. I’m going to look like a seriously kinky freak. This is some top level pervert stuff we’re into here.’

First time I kissed a domme in a session. A very rare event but it has happened once or twice. Okay. Once. The domme had brought a fancy electrical accessory that made her whole body charged and capable of shocking me. We were having a lot of fun with it and she wanted to see what it’d be like if we kissed and touched tongues. I think I was more nervous doing that than I was when she was sticking needles into my dick.

I’ll finish with an image of a cherry I’ve yet to pop. ‘Forced Bi’ joins cuckolding and cross dressing as activities that have yet to make it into my sessions. I guess you always want to save something for the second decade.

The artwork is by the always amazing Sardax.

An Expensive Affair

I’m theoretically a fan of the consensual cuckold dynamic. I say theoretically because I’ve never actually tried it, but the tease+denial aspects of it definitely push my kinky buttons.

Non-consensual cuckolding is obviously a different story and a real asshole move. According to this article, it also carries the risk of being an incredibly expensive move. At least in certain US States – North Carolina, Mississippi, South Dakota, Utah, New Mexico and Hawaii – where you can sue for alienation of affection. The example in the article features someone ending up liable for $750,000 for an affair. That makes a no-strings attached webcam session or NifeFlirt scene seem like a real bargain. Incredibly you don’t even have to live in these States to get caught out. Just online flirting with someone who lives there could make you liable.

The laws are obviously incredibly anachronistic and should be removed, but they do at least highlight the importance of consent. Don’t cuckold someone unless they’re really into it.

If cuckold porn scenes are to be believed, almost every cuckold knows what is going on. He’s normally in the room while it’s happening, providing a helpful tongue or looking comically dismayed.

The Wrong Kind of Frustration

It’s hard to find good cuckolding imagery. Which is a shame, as I think its mix of tease, denial and humiliation can be a hot dynamic. I’ve written before about unintentionally funny cuckold expressions in porn. The other issue is of course the frequent combination of race play with cuckolding. That always kills a scene for me.

The discussion around cuckolding is often very strange. The frequent racial elements are problematic for people, yet the fundamental dynamic itself is clearly not a racial one. It’s a basic kink that’s been infused (or perverted) by American cultural issues with race. You’d therefore think that there’d be discussion around how best to untangle it from that mess. Or at least an effort to critique it in a selective way. Yet more often people will insist the two are irrevocably tied together, muddying the conversation and creating more problems.

This silly Daily Dot article is a good case in point. It was triggered by a now infamous Oh Joy Sex Toy cartoon on cuckolding that took a lot of online flack when it was released. The cartoon definitely has problems, but I think its fundamental premise is sound. Three people can enjoy a cuckolding dynamic. Full stop. If the cartoon was addressing the history of cuckolding, or the cuckolding genre in porn, or the genesis of the political ‘cuck’ insult, then yes, exploring the racial element would be important. But that’s clearly not its purpose.

Given cuckolding as a kink clearly isn’t going to go away, shouldn’t we promote a point of view that tries to distinguish between the problematic and non-problematic parts? How does tangling it altogether, as the Daily Dot article does, help the discussion?