Sadly I think this is a photoshop, but it would be awesome if it was real. Not exactly Banksy, but certainly more amusing and attractive than the usual graffiti tags. The creator of the original artwork was of course Whizzer Black.
Tag: Humor
A bad case of stupid
I’m sure that when Tim Berners-Lee was inventing the world wide web, he wasn’t thinking it’d be used to exchange amusing articles on penis related injuries. Fortunately for us his idea took off, and we now get to enjoy articles like this on what people did their dicks in 2015. Its culled from a database kept on emergency room visits and proves that no matter how delicate and sensitive an appendage, there’s no limit to the kind of stupid stuff people will do with it.
I’m kind of surprised there are no reports of injuries from kink and CBT. Possibly that means everyone deliberately torturing penises in 2015 were smart enough to do it without putting their partner in the emergency room. More probably it means that those who did end up there lied about how it happened.
This lady is hurting a penis the smart way. Clothespins are relatively safe. Unfortunately I’m not sure who she is or where the shot is from. As usual, if you know, please leave a comment so I can attribute it.
Update: The verdict from my astute readers is that this is Sandra Romain in a kink.com shoot.
Wishing everyone all the best
If you celebrate Christmas, then I wish you a happy Christmas. If you just enjoy the holiday period this time of year, then I wish you happy holidays. And if you don’t do either of those, then I just wish you all the best and hope you’ve enjoyed my blog over the last year.
The image below is by Red Rump and was originally posted by him for Christmas 2013. Sadly his blog seems to have gone dormant for the last 6 months or so. I can only hope he’s in good health and that he returns with some more excellent artwork in the new year.
Abject failure
Today’s post is a story of failure. Not mine, I hasten to add, but the Internets. My favorite network of interconnected computers sharing common protocols has let me down. Possibly it might also have violated rule 34, but since that would have presumably created a rupture in time, space and 4chan, that can’t be true.
It all started with this amusing post from Tom on sex and Mary Poppins. He’d picked an excellent image to go along with it, but I couldn’t believe there wasn’t actual Mary Poppins porn out there. Specifically Mary Poppins femdom porn. After all it’s a movie featuring an attractive forceful leading lady that’s watched by a lot of boys in their formative years. It never did much for me, but surely there were people kinking on umbrellas, medicine and terrible cockney accents. It seems exactly the kind of thing that guys would create spanking artwork about. Sadly, if it exists, I can’t find it.
I did find a porn parody, but despite the promising of spanking, the shots from it look more like a conventional fuck flick. I also stumbled on an amusing trailer cut to make it look like a horror movie, some sexy Mary shots (like this), and even Bert/Mary erotic stories. Yet no real femdom. The best I can offer is a Halloween costume by Keiko Lynn. Personally I think it’s a great costume and sexy as hell. Still not quite what I was after when I started my hunt.
The surreal life
After the previous post’s surreal subject matter, I now bring you a post with a surreal image. This is from the Rinryu site, and I have absolutely no idea what it’s about. There is a maid, a butler, a pair of ‘schoolgirls’, a guy in a horses head (but lacking trousers) and another in what looks like a dog outfit. With their pose and the positioning on the steps it looks almost like an old fashioned household family photograph. Maybe it’s a pose for their annual Christmas card?
Cynthia Payne
I was sad to read of the death of Cynthia Payne, who died on November 15th aged 82. As this obituary makes clear she had a rich and complicated life, and was a famous advocate for sex work. Despite having a great name for a dominatrix, she wasn’t strictly that. Instead she worked as an escort, brothel manager, sex party organizer and general provider of both kinky and non-kinky experiences. Maybe it says something about the English that she started as a general sex worker, but became known for all the kinky activities she was asked to help organize.
Two different films were shot based on her life. The early years were portrayed in Wish You Were Here. However, the more relevant one for this blog is Personal Services. Directed by Terry Jones (of Monty Python fame) and starring Julie Walters (from films such as Educating Rita and Billy Elliot), it told the story of her later life and sex work. It’s pretty tame by today’s standards, but I think worth seeking out. I think this quote gives a flavor for the very British humor involved…
[Wing Commander Morten, dressed in a French maid’s uniform, is dragged along the corridor to the cells after a police raid on the brothel]
Morten: [yells] I am retired officer of the RAF, twice decorated. I flew two hundred and seven missions over occupied territory – in bra and panties!
Policeman: You’re a disgrace.
[the cell door slams shut]
Morten: [yells, with hands on hips] This is no way to treat a lady!
I don’t have a picture of that scene, but here’s another one from the movie featuring another particularly British kink.
The yodeling dominatrix
There are some words you never expect to see next to each other. For example, ‘joyful’ and ‘coroner’ or perhaps ‘Donald Trump’ and ‘modest’. Until today I would have put ‘yodeling’ and ‘dominatrix’ in that category, but thanks to a pointer from this article on Manuela Horn, I stand corrected. If you really want to blow your mind with unusual juxtapositions I give you the yodeling dominatrix singing AC/DC’s highway to hell.
If I’m going to be pedantic (and I usually am), then I might quibble about the dominatrix bit. She certainly has a fine line in fetishistic outfits, but I’m not sure I see any evidence of BDSM play or general sadism. Unless you count yodeling at people, which personally I would.
If you’re in Spokane in October then you can catch up with her at Oktoberfest. For those not in the Washington state area, I leave you with another image of unusual juxtapositions. If there’s someone out there who has been fantasizing about sitting in a paddling pool, wearing a panda suit, playing an accordion, while an attractive lady in an odd fetish outfit holds your leash, then today is your lucky day.
Ouch
This article on sex related injuries and mishaps made me laugh. Alcohol, slippery substances and horny naked people can be a dangerous combination.
I’m a little surprised there are no kink related stories in there. You’d expect that given the potential risk of most BDSM activities that there would be a greater potential for mishap. One possible answer is that kinky people plan carefully and practice the risky parts. More likely that BDSM accidents are just less funny. Humor comes from surprise and unexpected juxtapositions. Describing how you hurt your boyfriend by hanging him from the ceiling and sticking a cattle prod up his ass is less a surprise and more of a ‘duh’. Bad sex can be funny, while bad BDSM can be a court action.
Talking of playing with cattle prods and suspension, here’s a lady doing exactly that. Given it was shot by the professionals at Divine Bitches, I’m sure it was a mishap free scene.
Fings I ave learnt
I believe it’s customary to reflect back on lessons learned when reaching a significant milestone. Given this blog just reached its 5 year birthday, it seems fitting to reflect on a few learning points I’ve taken away in that time.
- If you use your phone to take session photographs, don’t give it to friends when they want to browse your holiday snaps. It’s possible they’ll side swipe right past that charming little restaurant you found and right onto a close-up of a cock with needles in it.
- Never schedule a dermatology appointment the day after a scene. Cane and clamp marks take longer than 24 hours to fade.
- It’s unwise to tell a domme to ‘avoid X and Y, but anything else is fair game’. The set of things that are not X or Y is really big and contains much that is painful.
- Ninety five percent of dommes will immediately reach for a cane when they discover you have a long flight coming up in a few hours. They’ll also giggle about how painful it’ll be to sit down afterwards.
- It’s possible to become blasé about discussing the exact type of anal play you enjoy with a unfamiliar lady you met just 10 minutes earlier. This remains true even if you’re a generally shy person who can get embarrassed while watching TV on your own.
- Hot wax gets everywhere. You could be pressure washed down by a team of expert nurses just minutes after hot wax play, and still be finding wax in odd crevices days later.
- When a domme asks ‘Have you tried activity X?’ do not take that opportunity to brag about what an intense and crazy amount of X you did in a previous session. That will be seen as a challenge that you can only lose.
Hopefully that’ll aid you all on your kinky journeys. In the meantime, like this young lady, I’m off to raise a glass to mine.
I believe this is by the NZ artist Archia!, and is fan art from the TV show Hannibal.
Songs about submissive men
The artwork below made me smile, although I’m not entirely sure about some of the song choices. A lot of them seem more like standard love songs, with all the usual cliches those entail. For example, ‘That’s a good idea‘ by Otis Redding sounds to me like a guy trying to talk a woman into taking her clothes off rather than being submissive. I did enjoy the lyrics to ‘Honey, I’m Home‘ by Shania Twain. Not my kind of music, but definitely a song from a woman who knows what she wants from her man.
Song choices aside, the artwork is very cute and fun. I like how happy everyone is in it. The creator is the artist Humon and you can see the original full size version here.
