Tag: Fm

Feedback

My rant on blindfolds in the previous post prompted a comment from Simon that highlighted the value of eye contact when playing. I didn’t explicitly call that issue out, but he’s absolutely right. Forget fancy fetish outfits, crazy kinky activities and intense sexual fantasies. The simplest and most effective thing a domme can do to push my buttons is combine pain with eye contact.

It’s really a feedback process. The domme is studying me and reacting to my expression. In turn I’m responding to her interest and focus on me. It’s a curious blend of objectification and intimacy. Being played like an instrument, with pain simple the mechanism to achieve a desired response, is objectifying. Yet we’re both feeding off each others reactions and emotions, which is an intimate exchange. I love to see a smile as I scream.

Not a lot of pain being inflicted in this image, but I do like the pose and the eye contact.

I like to watch

I should give you fair warning, this post might be a bit of a rant. In the past I’ve vented here on topics like flirting with limits and cold playspaces. Today I’m going to take on a very popular BDSM accessory – the blindfold.

I’ll admit upfront that there are good situations for using a blindfold. They clearly work well as part of a sensory deprivation scene. If you want to change a routine up and introduce some surprises then a blindfold can help with that dynamic. They’re also great for beginners to reduce the pressure on the domme. He can let his imagine run wild while she has time to figure out exactly how the cuffs are supposed to work. What I don’t understand is why they’re so popular outside these situations. They often seem to get incorporated because they can be, rather than as a necessary component of a larger plan.

I’m particularly puzzled by how often pro-dommes tend to use them. I think it’s fair to say that most pro-dommes are very attractive women. That might not be a requirement of the job, but it’s unarguably a significant advantage. They also tend to spend a lot of money on exciting fetish gear and sexy footwear. So why on earth would they want to slap a blindfold on me so I don’t get to experience that visual pleasure? I’ve heard that it’s so I can use my imagination, but frankly I have the rest of my life to use my imagination. I’m paying money so, just for a few hours, I can enjoy an amazing reality that’s better than my kinky imagination.

The other strange thing I’ve observed is that blindfolds often seem to get used in initial sessions when the dominant and myself are still getting to know one another. That really doesn’t make much sense to me. It’s tough to quickly build the kind of dynamic necessary for intense play when you only see one another for a couple of hours ever few weeks or months. So why would you want to put up a barrier to make it harder to build the necessary chemistry? If I know someone intimately, then a blindfold can represent an interesting twist on that relationship. But if I met you for the first time 30 minutes ago, a blindfold just means a stranger I can’t see and don’t know is now hurting me. That might be a kink for some, but I doubt it is for most submissives. Pain is only hot in context, and absent a history together, a blindfold takes a lot of that context away.

I’ll admit I’ve had some fun sessions with blindfolds. I remember a scene with Lydia featuring saran wrap mummification, ear plugs, a blindfold and an e-stim device that almost pushed me into a hallucinatory state. I had difficulty speaking at the end of that. But in that case there was a very clear reason for the blindfold, and it was done when Lydia and myself had already played together for a hundred hours plus. I’ve done a lot more sessions with other dommes where the blindfold only subtracted from the scene and made it that much harder to relax into the moment.

Feel free to leave a comment if violently disagree (or agree) with me on this. I’m curious if it’s just me who feels this way, or if there’s a perspective (particularly from the domme side) that I’ve missed.

I believe this image is by Miss May of the Fetish Webmistress site.

This wasn’t in Drivers Ed

Apparently in Japan it’s permissible for women to slap male drivers who don’t apply the brakes smoothly. I base this unlikely statement on this advert from Nissan and the fact that advertisers have never lied to me. Femdom fans should therefore avoid at all costs Nissan’s new e-Power system, with threatens to put an end to all to this facial brutality.

Based on its style, this face slapping artwork is clearly by Namio Harukawa.

SF Trip Revisited

As I mentioned in past posts, I was fortunate enough to play with Domina Yuki and Mistress Chloe Mercury in San Francisco last week. Domina Yuki even took timeout from tormenting me to snap a few pictures of our sessions. Luckily for all my readers the play space had a big mirror, which means in addition to my dangly naked bits, the picture also feature the beautiful Domina Yuki.

This one was from the first session we did. There’s some plastic clips on my torso and a well bound package getting squeezed. Domina Yuki draping her leg across my torso was a nice touch. It’s simultaneously sensual, constraining and a position of dominance.

This shows some interesting leg bondage using a combination of leather and ropes. You can see some play piercing on my chest. The obscured piercing on the other side was slightly higher and in the nipple.

I always enjoy suspension bondage, but it’s normally a really lengthy and un-fun thing to set-up. This arrangement, from our second session, using a leather harness and cuffs was great because it gave the same floaty sense of helplessness while taking just minutes to arrange. Plus, it was comfortable, meaning I could focus on the stuff that was actually supposed to hurt, rather than pinching ropes or awkward weight distribution. The weights hanging from the scrotum don’t look much in this shot, but at the time it felt like a medium sized cannonball was suspended there. Particularly when Yuki gave them a kick.

This trip was the first time I ever got to experience a Venus device. It was a surprisingly effective toy. Yuki had it set-up to provide enough stimulation to give me hope – but not quite enough to reach a point of criticality. Frustration ensued. Having it combined with an electroshock device on the cock made for a seriously confusing sensory mix. Having my breathing constrained – in the best possible way – was another layer of sensation to deal with.

It was a fabulous few hours of play, and I consider myself very lucky to get to play with such a talented domme. I really need to try and make it down to San Francisco more often.

This shot is of Domina Yuki and Mistress Chloe with another lucky slave. It’s take from their twitter feeds. I didn’t get to do a double domme session with them, but for anyone interested in that, now would be a perfect time to try it. They’re offering $100 off double session for the next month. I have to imagine that it’d be quite the experience.

He’s behind you!

This seems to be a popular image, as I’ve seen it pop up on quite a few tumblrs recently. I’m not really sure I understand why. It almost looks surreal to me. Like somebody should be asking – “Do you know there’s a naked man behind you with his head up your dress?” It kind of puts me in mind of a pantomime horse. Although in this case the front half is a lot more attractive and the back half has a much better view than normal.

I’ve no idea where this if from. Google’s reverse image search gives its best guess for this as ‘Photograph’. Which is simultaneously technically accurate and entirely useless.

The Princess and the Piercing

I’m safely back in Seattle after my San Francisco trip. I had an amazing session with Domina Yuki just a couple of hours before flying back, and I’ll hopefully have some pictures to share from that in a coming post. I never particularly enjoy flying these days, but relaxing with a G&T while basking in post-session endorphin wash is certainly one of the better way to do it.

One of the activities I enjoyed this trip, with both Mistress Chloe and Domina Yuki, was piercing, a statement which allows me to oh so smoothly segue this post into the image below. This is by Christopher Stoll and is from a sequence of Disney Princess themed femdom renderings. You can see more from the sequence here. Based on the piercing thorns and the bluebirds I assume this is Princess Aurora from Sleeping Beauty.

Tense

I’m feeling tense. Not normally a good thing for someone on vacation, but these are special circumstances. I’ve did a couple of different sessions on my first two days in town. One with Mistress Chloe and one with Domina Yuki. Both were a lot of fun – I even featured on Mistress Chloe’s twitter feed – but both also left my somewhat on edge, if you get my drift. I’m also on scout’s honor not to take matters into my own hands. So while my bruises may be slowly fading, my sexual stress levels aren’t.

Matters haven’t been helped by the hot weather in SF, which means everyone is out wearing skimpy summer clothes. I’m trying not to temporarily turn into one of those men who instinctively twist their neck to watch an attractive woman go past. I think the world is already probably over quota on middle aged male letches, and doesn’t need me to add to it.

This image was shot by Sergei Pons for Yo Dona magazine.

When Worlds Collide

Yesterday was one of my typically hedonistic vacation days. The afternoon featured kinky fun with a talented domme. The evening featured a big meal with many wines. Champagne consumption was a common element to both, although the vintage, temperature and volume varied considerably between the two.

The part of the evening that really made me stop and smile wasn’t the French bubbles, but a white Spanish Rioja that strongly reminded me of what I’d been drinking earlier that day. I’m not saying it tasted like pee but, to use a pretentious wine tasting term, it had many similar notes. There were tannins, which gave a slightly tea like taste, some oxidization, a little herbaceousness and a touch of underlying bitterness. It actually paired great with the fish dish that accompanied it, and I resisted the urge to tell the server what I was smiling about. She probably wouldn’t have taken it as a compliment.

It speaks to the quality of the dommes diet that I could make such a comparison. Probably best not to start setting up a bottling plant just yet however. I’m guessing pee doesn’t take to aging the same way wine does.

I’m afraid I have no attribution for this image.

Update: Thanks to a very helpful comment I can now attribute this to the artist Julian Serrano and a series of images he did called A History Of Sex. This is named Leo’s Fantasy. I particularly enjoyed this anecdote from the original exhibition…

The photo called Leo’s Fantasy caused a national stir in liberal Holland when the Groninger Museum — in a simultaneous presentation of this series — chose the picture of girl peeing into the man’s mouth for its poster, and wanted to put it on the tram. Church groups protested, and the courts first said it wasn’t obscene, and then said it was.

Hard to imagine an American museum thinking they could get away with this image on a NYC subway poster. Conservative groups over here would go insane.