Tag: Fm

Fantasy Feedback

I received an interesting comment in response to my recent post on the slippery slope of kinky fantasy. That’s sadly not an actual slope involving a lot of lube and frothy frottage fun, but instead the idea that indulging light kinky fantasies inevitably leads to heavier and heavier ones. The comment from Bb was that her fantasies had actually gone in the opposite direction. Watching and engaging in physical BDSM play had moderated her fantasies, resulting in a softer approach.

That got me thinking about the interplay between fantasies and reality. I wonder if anyone has ever studied people who just fantasize versus people who fantasize and use porn versus people who physically play and explore their fantasizes? I think there’s an intuition from the more socially conservative crowd that moving from fantasy to enacting a fantasy is part of the that slippery slope that leads to ever further depravity. In actuality kinky play and its interaction with our imagination is a lot more complex than that. It seems to be a circular feedback mechanism with the two playing off each other in non-obvious and complex ways.

Personally, physical play has clearly altered my fantasies in interesting ways. For example, I used to fantasize a lot about corporal play, and now almost never do. I still like doing it in sessions. I like the headspace it creates, the marks it leaves and the drama of it. But it’s rarely something I now dwell on in sexy alone time. On the flip side, my bondage fantasies have got far more elaborate over time. I think that’s probably because I’m physically limited to what I can do with a screwy lower back and a minor case of claustrophobia. Fantasy therefore fills in for me in an area I can only partially explore.

People worry that indulging a fantasy in reality will escalate it. My experience has almost been the opposite. Either the fantasy becomes grounded and therefore less compelling to fantasize about (while still being fun to do) or it becomes differentiated from reality, and therefore indulged in a more abstract way. I can enjoy it as a pure fiction of my own creation, rather than something I might actually want to try one day.

Talking of elaborate fantasy bondage, here’s a nice example from Jim of Switzerland.

A Close Shave

I put up a post on the subject of armpit hair a couple of weeks ago. Today we’re heading lower into the leg region. I know a lot of people find straight razors sexy, but for shaving leg hair? It seems a touch excessive. Of course, thanks to the wonder of the modern age, one can always find a guide to anything. For this topic youtube has videos like this one and this one singing the praises of the straight razor leg shave. It’s certainly a technique that hits an awful lot of fetish hot spots.

Kink Month at Allure

As the post title suggests, Allure magazine is running a series of articles on kink during May. So far they’ve covered impact play, pegging and golden showers. Next up is balloon fetishes, which seems a somewhat a niche interest compared to the others, but I’m sure balloon lovers will appreciate the visibility.

The articles aren’t really targeted at experienced kinksters, but if you’re just beginning to explore a kink, or want a reassuring and user friendly article to share with a partner about your kink, then these Allure ones seem pretty good.

With their article on pegging in mind, here’s a nice image on that theme by Yumine Guo (patreon here).

Hard Pegged Detective

I’m a big fan of the classic hardboiled detective writers – Chandler, Hammet, Cain, Ellroy, etc. Their gender and sexual politics aren’t exactly woke, and their plots often convoluted, but I love them for their cynical humor and the darkness of the stories.

The glamorous femme fatale entering the detectives office with a plea for help is a staple of the genre. Typically there’s a lot of flirting and smart banter, along with the sense of an unspoken trap that the detective willingly steps into. However, in all the books and films I’ve seen, I don’t remember this classic scene ever turning into a pegging situation. An opportunity missed perhaps? Things never typically work out well for anyone involved in these plots, so maybe a good pegging was what was needed. It certainly would have changed the sexual chemistry for the rest of the story.

This is by the artist Felix Deon  (instagram and etsy).

Precision Peeing

Something tells me that the artist behind this drawing has never been on the end of a golden shower. Women’s bodies are truly amazing and capable of incredibly things, but they’re never going to be taking lead place in a ‘writing your name in the snow’ competition. Let alone accurately hitting an open mouth from several feet away. As I’m sure lovers of watersports with CIS women will affirm, if you’re not very close or using some sort of physical device to direct the flow, you’re going to get a face liberally sprayed with pee. Just lie back, enjoy it and jump in the shower later.

This is from a tweet by maid marta.

Great Line or the Greatest Line?

I have to thank Eris Martinet for sharing what might be my favorite chat-up line of all time. I assume it was delivered at a BDSM party and obviously came from a male admirer.

I’ve come to meet you at this party for a free caning. Now would you like to see photos of my Lamborghini?
Via this tweet.

I just love how much is going on and how little self-awareness exists in those few words. It takes real talent to boast about wealth while simultaneously communicating how cheap you are.

For any readers that can’t see the problem then may I also direct your attention to this article – Penis extensions don’t work, study finds. I know there’s no direct connection between these, but I have the feeling that the kind of guy that boasts about his Lamborghini to a domme he just met is also the kind of guy who’d be in the market for a penis extension. It turns out those operations are about as successful as this line was.

This is Miss Martinet (from her social media feed) spanking Mia, who is doubtless a lot more intelligent and courteous in her approach. If you’re interested in being on the receiving end yourself, then Miss Martinet is UK based and specializes in domestic discipline and behavior correction. Her professional site is here. Oddly her contact form doesn’t have a question on it about what vehicle you drive.

In at the Deep End

When I was a young child I used to enjoy a BBC series called In at the Deep End. It featured a couple of journalists trying to master particular professions (hairdresser, butler, auctioneer, etc.) while being advised and trained by experts. Back in the days of 4 TV channels and no internet, this counted as quality entertainment. I hadn’t thought of the series in decades, but then this Vice article on being a Stunt Cock brought it all back to mind.

The stunt cock in question is trying the experience for the first time and learning as he goes. He first gets to feature in a scene with Alyssa Reece and then with Mistress T and one of her cuckold clients. The total payment for the cuckold scene is $200, which sounds like a great deal for getting to have sex with Mistress T, until you read the article. Then it seems less like happy sexy fun, and more like a fair amount of stress and emotional work.

Sadly the original BBC series never included a stunt cock episode. Personally I think seeing a serious BBC journalist try to maintain an erection on camera while a random member of the public stared at him from the corner of the room would make for a great 30 minutes of entertainment.

This image is from Mistress T and one of her cuckold themed tweets.

LA Fun Continued

My LA session fun continued yesterday with Mistress Damiana Chi. Which I’m not going to talk about. That’s because we shot some photographs, so I need to get and edit those before posting about the session itself. Hopefully that’ll happen in the coming days.

Instead, I’ll move onto what I got up to today with Mistress An Li. Glutton for punishment that I am, I ended up with back to back to back sessions. This was the first time An Li and myself had played together, which is always an interesting situation. I’d swapped just a couple of emails, chatted for a few minutes, and suddenly I’m naked and getting smacked around by this total stranger. Admittedly, it’s a very attractive stranger in sexy fetish wear who does this thing for a living but, after all these years of play, it’s still kind of weird.

I’m not sure our respective play styles really meshed all that well. I tend to a more playful, chatty style that eases into the serious stuff. I like a positive collaborative approach, rather than a more serious dynamic that leans  towards humiliation and negative feedback. That’s absolutely not a criticism – a lot of submissives love that style – but it’s not a natural one for me. Despite that I think we ended up having an enjoyable session.

Foot fetishism doesn’t do much for me, but I do love scent play, so having An Li smoosh her sweaty feet in my face while smacking me in the balls was pretty hot. There was also some nicely judged flogging, spanking and caning thrown into the mix, along with some some leather and chain bondage. I particularly enjoyed An Li’s approach to jangling chains and throwing them down hard on the floor. That creates a very evocative sound which really catches the attention, particularly when you’re naked and bent over a piece of dungeon furniture.

This image is from Mistress An Li’s website.  If you’re in the LA area and want to play in person then her session information is here. Alternatively, you can buy her clips here and see her social media posts here.

Do What You Love?

It’s often said you should choose a career that mirrors your passion. The quote “do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life” is typically attributed to Confucius and best summarizes that viewpoint. Personally I’ve always been skeptical of it. I followed my passion into writing software and I’ve definitely worked a non-zero number of days in my life.

This blog post on BDSM burnout by  Hywel Phillips shows another risk of mixing work and passion together. In his case, after years of running a small BDSM bondage production company, he’s experiencing burnout, expressed by the death of his kinky inner fantasy life. That’s obviously a worrying situation as it puts at risk both his livelihood and his own sexual health.  It’s a thought provoking read and highlights a particular challenge of sex work that’s often overlooked. Hopefully his plan for a sabbatical will help him recover his passion.

This might look like a service submissive following his passion, but in fact this man is really into model railways. Being dismissively treated by his attractive and haughty boss is just another job for him. During his daily appraisal and punishment beating his mind will already be drifting to the new signal box model he’s putting together.