Tag: Fm

Breaking the Taboo

This post risks making a lot of pro-dommes very mad. I’m going to go out on a limb for my readers here and talk about a very taboo session activity. Something that almost all professionals will say absolutely never happens with any of their clients. Yet I’m here to tell you that just sometimes, if the mood and dynamic is right, if the right level of trust is established, it can happen. The submissive might actually be allowed to pick the playlist for the session music.

I know this to be true because – in the immortal words of the Penthouse readers letters page – I never thought it would happen to me, until a mysterious but very attractive lady propositioned me with it sometime last year. I say mysterious because I’m definitely not going to say who it was. I may be crazy enough to risk the general wrath of pro-dommes with this post, but I’m not going to risk the very specific wrath of someone who I may session with in the future. I’d hate for this to come back and haunt me when I’m naked, bound and she has me quite literally by the balls.

For those readers who have never done a session with a pro-domme, I should make clear that background music is the one true constant of sessions. More so than black dungeon walls, leather cuffs and incomprehensible controls on janky showers. I don’t think I’ve ever done a session without some sort of music. And given that pro-dommes are inevitably younger and hipper than I am, rarely have I any idea what’s being played. Typically it’s a grab bag of electronic, ambient, dance, industrial and obscure indie. Good for drowning out screams, but not exactly my kind of jams.

With the domme in question – who I should make clear is still very much younger and hipper than me – we actually share some  musical interests. Which is how I came to get my ass beaten to some choice selections from the early oeuvre of Iron Maiden. Personally I think the energy and tempo changes in Phantom of the Opera make for great session music, but I’m not going to hold my breath for it to catch on more widely.

This image of a puppet pianist comes from the photographer Konrad Bak.

Be a Good Boy

I’m going to resist the urge to get into the politics of Brexit here. Firstly, because I’m sure nobody comes here for British politics. Secondly, because it’d take me a dozen posts just to start to unpack it, and frankly I don’t have the time.

However, I did have to laugh at John Bercow repeatedly admonishing an MP to ‘Be a good boy’. It’s such a classic femdom expression. I’m sure a non-trivial number of Members of Parliament have received that instruction from a leather clad domme while they grovelled at her feet. I’m not sure who the Speaker was yelling at, but I hope the target of his ire resisted the urge to bend down and kiss the Speaker’s shoes. Although, on the other hand, maybe Boris would have thanked him for the welcome distraction from everything else that was going on.

I believe this is from a Managa by Hiroaki Samura.

On the Edge

I saw a tweet from a pro-domme a while back that made me laugh and stuck in my head. I can’t remember who it was from or the exact words, but it was along the lines of – “Important reminder: Edging does not count as edgeplay.”

There was no context to the tweet, but I imagine it being triggered as cry of frustration. She’s ready and raring to go with needles, sutures and knives, and then yet another ‘edgeplay’ client turns up expecting lube, vibrators and some sensual tease and denial. He’s a hardcore edge player, willing to push the limits of having his dick stroked.

The inherent humor of the tweet made me smile, but I think it stuck with me because of the contradiction: Edging can actually be incredibly intense. Particularly when the bottom has no control over it. Clearly it’s not edgeplay, as there’s no risk involved, but when I think about some of my most intense sessions, often edging and denial was involved. Pain comes and goes. It can often feel very binary. I can either take it or I can’t. Yet sensual frustration and pleasurable denial is a wave of sensation that can mess with the brain in strange ways for hours. I’ve even sobbed in those kind of scenes. I’m not saying it’s more intense than needles through the dick but, at its best, it can be of comparable intensity, which seems very counter-intutive.

This artwork is of course by Kami Tora.

Cause and Effect

The effect of pornography on its consumers is an endlessly debated topic. I’m sure the study described in this article will not end it, but it does offer an interesting datapoint.

The study in question interviewed some porn ‘superfans’ at AVN and asked them a few simple questions designed to expose misogynistic attitudes. The result showed the porn fans were actually slightly more progressive than the national average on some questions, and no worse than the average on the remaining questions. Not exactly a slam dunk for porn, and the survey does seem incredibly simplistic, but it’s a result that probably runs against mainstream expectations.

It’d be interesting to see a similar study done with a breakdown across the type of porn people liked. You’d hope that femdom porn fans would be particularly supportive of women and their rights, but sadly I’m not sure that life is always that simple. People have a remarkable ability to retain multiple conflicting viewpoints all that the same time, particularly when each viewpoint benefits them in different situations. A depressing large number of guys seems to get off on the fantasy of dominant women while still being selfish sexist assholes on a day to day basis.

Not exactly sure where this image is from. I suspect it’s one of the cuckold themed femdom sites, but I couldn’t track a specific referenence down.

Bondage Liberation

This is a lovely shot from Bondage Liberation and Elise Graves. What particularly makes it work for me is the contrast between the heavily fetishistic bondage scene and the human touch of Elise’s smile and casual pose. It’s great to be intense while still retaining a sense of playfulness.

Image is from this tweet. You can get a lot more similar content at the Bondage Liberation site.

Better Late than Never

The Huffpost has an article about a woman who discovered BDSM in her 50’s and ended up with a kinky partner twenty four years her junior. It’s a cute tale and I liked the part about their cleverly constructed cover story for how they met.

What I found surprising about it was the idea of being awakened to BDSM late in life by going to a class on it. I absolutely  don’t mean that critically. I’m always keen for more people to discover kink and I totally get her attitude of “OMG! I need to try all the things!” when exploring the physical side of it for the first time. It’d be great if more people could be converted to the joys of BDSM via classes. I just find it odd – as someone who had kinky thoughts from a very early age – to imagine being not kinky for decades and then suddenly getting into it. For me it seems like a very fundamental love/hate kind of thing, but obviously that’s not true for everyone.

I’m afraid I don’t know the artist for this drawing.

Update: Thanks to a helpful comment I can now attribute this to the artist Kirsty Whiten.

Location, Location, Location

For submissives who primarily play with pro-dommes, where is the best place in the world to live? Setting aside existing relationships – assume we’re talking about a newly minted fresh faced submissive with no history or experience – what location offers the greatest possibilities?

Having just returned from the UK, I think my answer would probably be London. Obviously, like other great cities such as New York or Tokyo, it’s home to a large number of talented pro-dommes and plays host to a lot of visiting dommes. If you want to turn a kinky session into a day trip, then dommes in places like Paris, Manchester, Birmingham and most of the South of England are options. Make it into a long weekend, and suddenly cities like Berlin, Stuttgart, Amsterdam, Edinburgh and Glasgow are all possibilities. On top of this, the UK sex work laws are less stupid than the US (while still being very stupid), and social attitudes to kink tend to be relatively liberal. It’s not perfect, but on balance I think it might just be the best place to be a kinky person in the professional scene.

Obviously quality always beats quantity, and you could have a fabulous D/s relationship with someone while living in a tiny hamlet that’s miles from anywhere. But chemistry is important whether a relationship is professional or lifestyle, and the more people you have to meet, the better your odds of finding that elusive fizzy reaction.

This is Lola Ruin, a Manchester based pro-domme. She’s about a two hour train journey from London. Not exactly a quick trip, but still faster than jetting between major cities in the US. The image is from her twitter feed.

A Session with Domina Emilia

Returning to London for a few days has given me the opportunity to sneak some more kink into the last part of my vacation. Specifically I was lucky enough to set-up a fabulous session with Domina Emilia.

The session was an unusual one for me, as we did a cuckold themed roleplay. I almost never do roleplaying in sessions, but it seemed quite natural and easy to slip into it with Domina Emilia. I think a big part of that was down to the very organized pre-session communication that she did over email, helping set the scene, explore the hot buttons and give appropriate jumping off points. I’ve always found the tease and denial aspects of cuckolding to be very exciting, but never thought it was a good fit for me in a professional dynamic. Domina Emilia showed I was wrong about that, and that the fantasy could be brilliantly spun in the constraints of a time limited session.

The session also featured another first for me – use of audio/video aids. They were very cleverly incorporated to aid the fantasy and set the mood. It made me curious about they could be used more as tools in sessions. Often we think about audio and video as a substitute for physical encounters, but why not play with the combination of them? Kinky play is a type of interactive theater, so why not make got a step further into a mixed media art form?

This image of Domina Emilia is from her twitter feed. If you’re interested in sessions in the London area then I’d absolutely recommend contacting her. I think she’d be a fabulous person to get to know and play more with.

My Bad

Apologies for the lack of posts recently. This might have been the longest I’ve ever gone without a post. I was staying with friends in a fancy Scottish manor house. It had relaxing couches and people who’d supply snacks and a bottle of scotch at any hour of the day. That is great for happy, drunken social time, but bad for my liver and writing blog posts.

Being back in London hasn’t been much better so far, but hopefully normal service should be resumed soon. Until then I’ll leave you with this image from a tweet by maid marta. The artist is identified as Caregan. As someone who has spent a fair amount of time recently dealing with travel security, this has a particular appeal. Sadly, none of my interactions have been quite this exciting.