Fm – Page 186 – Femdom Resource

Adding a little realism to medical play

I had an interesting day today, as it featured a minor medical procedure. My back has been giving me grief for a few months now, although nothing painful enough to stop me working or playing. Its just been an ongoing discomfort that’s more annoying than anything else. Physical therapy helped but didn’t fix it, so today I went for a steroid shot into the spine. It’s no big deal, I was in and out in a couple of hours, but it did involve multiple injections, fitting an IV tap into my arm and wearing a silly backless hospital gown. Not to mention being bossed around by multiple nurses (all female) and a doctor (also female) in the hospital surgical unit.

This was the first time I’ve been involved in any kind of medical treatment in years, and the first time I’ve had real injections since I got physically involved in kink. In the last few years I’ve had hundreds of needles shoved into all sorts of tender spots, and documented a few of them on this blog (as listed in this post). I was therefore pretty blasé beforehand about the whole thing. Unfortunately the BDSM experience turned out to be less helpful than I thought. Without the erotic subtext it’s a very different experience. And the added uncertainty around the success (or not) of the whole thing doesn’t help matters. Nothing was particularly painful, but the discomfort level was still how I remember it from before kink.

I did consider trying to fantasize an erotic component to make use of my personal pain relief mechanism. After all my doctor is intelligent, attractive and forceful. Those are all very appealing qualities. Unfortunately those skimpy hospital gowns don’t leave much to the imagination. It seemed like it might be a fine line to walk between just enough fantasy to help out but not so much so as to cause a major talking point for the nurses afterwards. I didn’t fancy trying to explain that I was temporarily immobilized on the surgical table because I’d been imagining the anesthesiologist knocking me out by sitting on my face. I have to think that sexually harassing people in charge of injecting things into your spine is not a good survival trait.

Anyway, in honor of my little excursion today, here’s some medical femdom. A disturbing but strangely attractive image.

I found this on The Room of a Domme blog (Japanese language).

Combo Deal

Here’s a lucky submissive getting a three for one combo deal, with bondage, hot wax and strap-on play all served up simultaneously. I believe that’s the beautiful Mistress Jayden wielding the wax and sporting the strap-on.

Personally I’ve found hot wax play to be kind of relaxing, a little like a massage treatment. Once I calibrate myself to the initial sharp pain of the drips, the trickling warmth can be soothing. The subsequent scraping it off of hairy skin with a large blunt knife, less so.

This is from the K is for Kink site.

Where’s Waldo?

In my femdom artist gallery, that’s where.

I know. I know. Lazy, cheezy title. But sadly I couldn’t resist such an obvious hook. His work has been widely published on the web (including a past post here before I knew who it was), but hopefully he’ll be a new and interesting discovery for at least some readers.

He’s gagging for it

Here’s a nice sequence of images featuring a rather novel type of gag or mouth spreader. I’ve enjoyed playing with O-ring gags and Whitehead gags in the past, but never one that looks like this. With sufficient spring force it looks like it’d be quite painful, as it’d pull at the corner of the mouth. Although without any straps to hold it, I do wonder how firmly it’ll stay in place.

I found these on the Gorean Kajirus tumblr site.

A chance for a flutter on the gee-gee’s

While I’m on record as not being a big pony play fan, I did like the level of fine detail in this drawing. The artist is Ironwood and he’s really put a lot of thought into those outfits. I think it’s from a series entitled ‘Spanish Leather’ but I haven’t managed to track down the complete sequence of drawings from it yet. Oh, and for anyone wondering about the post title, it’s old British slang for betting on horses. My money would be on the one on the right, he looks a little more lively and his rider a touch more lithe.

Communication Skills

Being a good submissive masochist is a lot harder than I ever thought it would be. Back in the days when it was all still fantasy I assumed you just did what you were told and cried uncle (or pineapple or your safeword of choice) if it hurt too much. The reality turns out to be a little trickier than that.

One of the skills I’ve slowly acquired over the last few years is figuring out when to step outside a scene to communicate additional information. When I started this always felt like a very bad thing to do. The perfect submissive shouldn’t suffer from cramps, or pinching ropes, or panic attacks. It was a sign of weakness or failure if I did. Fortunately I’ve since learnt and been taught (by some great dommes) that this is a fairly naive point of view. The goal is intentional controlled pain. Not random stuff that the domme doesn’t even know about. To remain focused and to get into the right headspace requires good communication, allowing the domme to remove unintended distractions. A few minutes to adjust a rope or flex a limb can make the world of difference to the overall success of a scene.

Ironically one of things I’ve never needed to do is to stop a scene because it hurt too much. This certainly isn’t due to any great fortitude on my part. Instead it’s a tribute to the skill and judgement of the dommes I’ve played with. The closest I ever got to it was when paying with clover clamps, like the one in the image below. In that case Lady Lydia had dabbed a decent amount of icy/hot onto both clamps before applying them and then tying them off taut. The combination of the chemicals and the clamps was intense, and there was a short period where it almost seemed too much. Fortunately I was so surprised at the idea of actually having to say something that it distracted me long enough for the pain to become manageable. In hindsight it was a little like learning to fly HHGTTG style. I was so surprised at how much it hurt I forgot to actually be hurt. A neat trick when you can pull it off.

I found this image on the Superior Femme tumblr site.

Inspiring a little creativity

There was a study in the news recently that claimed that negative feedback would inspire more creativity than positive feedback. Those given positive feedback during a task felt better at the end of it but created less interesting work as a result.

If that’s the case then the gentleman below better prepare for a burst of creativity. I have a feeling she’s planning to inspire him. Somebody should push a paintbrush into his hand.

Of course it’s quite likely he’s a masochist, and will enjoy it. Which I guess would make him less creative. Hmmm. These things always end up more complicated than you expect.

I found this on the Kinky Games tumblr site. The watermark URL doesn’t go anywhere interesting, but I assume it must be something to do with this site originally.

Quirky Smile

This image is entitled ‘Thigh Caning’ which should tell you all you need to know about the reason for her smile. It looks like she’s thinking “Hmmm, he’s making some funny noises. I wonder if I should pull his arms a little higher or try beating him a little harder? Or perhaps both…..”

Although I suspect in that position his knees and feet will be hurting him almost as much as his thighs. Probably the cruelest thing she could do would be to leave him tied in position and simply watch as the pain slowly builds.

I found the image in this post on the Whipping Mistress blog (written in Japanese). It’s obviously originally from the Captive Male site.

Attitude is everything

Well OK, maybe not everything, but certainly 87.3% of something. In this case it’s a leather belt that’s making up the other 12.7%. No need for any fancy BDSM gear here.

I found this on the Passius tumblr site.

Creatively Destructive

Kaya over on her Under His Hand blog has a very interesting new post up. She writes from the perspective of the submissive in a M/f relationship, but I have her on my blogroll as she often has pertinent things to say about the dynamics of a lifestyle D/s relationship. In that context the exact gender of the top and bottom can often be irrelevant to the point being made.

The actual post is too long to quote in full, so I’d suggest reading it to get the full context. The heart of the issue is the idea of activities that will diminish the status of the submissive in the eyes of the dominant. Activities that both would ‘enjoy’ in their very different ways, but risk permanently altering the balance of their daily relationship due to their extreme nature. I’ll quote what I think is the key section.

So, we were talking the other day, talking about something mostly unrelated but in the vicinity of one of those “activities”, when pretty much out of the blue, he turned to me and asked me about it.

There was an immediate flush of shame and embarrassment, and a reluctance to admit to anything. Rather than admitting shit, I deflected and answered his question with a question.

Or rather.. I answered his question with a statement that really really was a desperate question in disguise.

“I can’t because you’d think less of me and not like me anymore.”

He was quiet a minute, and then nodded. “You’re right.”

And everything inside just sort of… collapsed. I showed nothing on the outside though.

Kaya from a post titled ‘Love in an Elevator‘

She doesn’t list what the activities might be and I don’t think it really matters to the discussion. I just found it fascinating to think about the broad concept of such an act.

I’d suggest you can classify creative acts into two broad categories: Constructive and destructive. Constructive acts are things like writing software or designing a building. The creative act leaves you with more than you started with. It might even be repeated to enhance and build on the initial creation. Destructive acts are things like cooking or staging a play. They suck up time and resources and at the end you’re left with nothing but the memory of the act for those who participated.

I think as humans we’re hardwired to treat relationships as creatively constructive. The daily creative decisions we make are meant to improve and increase the strength of our relationships. Given the normal cost function we’re trying to optimize that makes sense. We have limited time on the earth and relationships require significant time and resource investment. We want to maximize the return on that investment given our limited opportunities.

Yet here is an example of creatively destructive act that could be applied to a relationship. It’s possible that both parties would gain more from consciously destroying aspects of the relationship (or even the entire thing) in order to appreciate the experiences they desire. Now that is not to say in this specific case that’s the right thing to do. In fact Kaya is clear she very clearly doesn’t want to lose her masters love and respect. But in the general case, perverse as it seems, there could be an argument for trading away a good relationship just to experience the act of destruction. Looking at it very coldly, it’s an opportunity cost problem.

In the past I’ve seen submissives talk about similar acts in relationship to pro-domme sessions. Often they focus on thing like toilet service, with the suggestion that the submissive becomes more and more worthless with each degrading act, until finally they’re good for nothing but being toilets. I’ve always treated this as a fantasy projection from the submissive. Pro-dommes are only going to do things they’re comfortable with, and I’ve never seen a suggestion from any of them that there’s some slippery slope of degradation. There’s also very low opportunity cost in this case. Once the fantasy is played through the submissive can simply find another pro-domme to play with.

In the lifestyle scenario it’s a far more genuine and riskier proposition. How close to that invisible unmeasurable line do you want to tread? Or should you consciously cross it and destroy what you have for the sake of an ephemeral experience? How do you make any kind of sensible judgement about what you’re risking and what you’re gaining?

One could of course suggest that it’s simply the responsibility of the dominant to sort his or her head out. If they want to subject their submissive to it, they need to be sure they can deal with their own resultant feelings and still offer the necessary love and support. But of course when the attractiveness of the activity is proportional to the disgust it generates, that is easier said than done.

I should repeat that I have no idea of the kind of the specific activities Kaya is referencing. But when it comes to finding suitable images to illustrate extreme femdom activity I always have one reliable site to use – Team Rinryu (warning extreme content). In this case we have a cute girl, a nice smile and a man with an open mouth.