Femdom Resource – Page 190 – The beauty of dominant women

Love v’s Sex (hot sweaty kinky glorious sex)

The Girl on the Net has an interesting guest post entitled ‘Choosing Love Over Kink.’ You can go read it for yourself, but the title is pretty self-explanatory. It’s written by someone who is clearly deeply kinky but has chosen to settle down with someone who isn’t.

My initial reaction was to think of all those bloggers, forum posters and Savage Love letter writers who are stuck in unsatisfying relationships with exactly this problem. It’s easy to point to examples where sexual incompatibility has destroyed relationships. Yet one has to be careful about observational bias (aka the Streetlight Effect). Unhappy people tend to be loud and vocal. Kinky people who have successfully suppressed their desires for the sake of a specific relationship are typically not going to be posting online about that fact. Perhaps the world is full of sexually incompatible people with great relationships based on other factors.

That said, I am one of life’s natural cynics, and find that unlikely. It’s true that all relationships involve negotiation and nobody gets exactly what they want. Unimportant things can be discarded while important things can be compromised. Unfortunately, sex is an incredibly important thing, and there’s no compromise involved in this story. In fact, if you’re fundamentally sexually mismatched, I’m not sure compromise is even possible. It’s also my observation that points of tension in a relationship don’t become less important over time. They’re the bit of grit that rolls around jamming up the works.

Of course as a single guy who has never been married, perhaps I should keep my observations to myself. I’m not exactly the go-to expert here. While I ponder that depressing thought, I’ll leave you with a scene of domestic bliss. Hopefully this gentleman’s idea of sexual compatibility involved nipple clamps and ironing.

I’m afraid I don’t have an original source for the image. I found it on the Seductive Domme tumblr.

Quirky and kinky

I was done with posts on public play, temporarily at least. Then a commenter left me a pointer to an intriguing video that I just had to follow-up.

Regular readers may remember the story of the lady in London leading her man by a leash. It generated an unusual amount of media speculation and, as I covered in a follow-up post, turned out to be an art project. In that follow-up post I featured this image and jokingly commented that “I wonder what artistic statement they’re making?” I’d assumed it was a conventional kinky image, or possibly a provocative shot from a photographers portfolio. As it turns out, thanks to my very helpful commenter, I now know it actually was a more extended artistic work.

It’s taken from a 2 minute film entitled The woman and her Man, featuring a lady, her helpful submissive and a street preacher. It’s a quirky piece, kinky but not freaky, gently amusing and kind of cute. No Oscars will be awarded, but it’s unconventional and I liked it. The creator has a couple of different YouTube channels – ImaginePark and GirlFairytales. The movies and acting are a pretty mixed bag, but if you liked that first movie a couple of similar ones include The Women on the Bench and Famine Relief.

For an accompanying image I thought I’d step it up from my previous subtle fare. In some of the earlier comments we were debating where exactly the line on public play should be drawn. Here’s a good example of something that everyone can hopefully agree on. It’s hot, but probably isn’t acceptable outside the Folsom Street Fair.

I’ve actually failed to trace the original source of this image. I believe that’s Mistress Madeline and that Folsom is the only place that would allow this kind of public scene. But if anyone has any better information, feel free to let me know.

Being useful

I thought I’d continue the public theme from yesterday’s post with this rather cute couple. I like the bowed head and the firm protective hand on the shoulder.

Like a lot of kinky activities, it’s surprising how much complexity and variation there is in public play. For some it’s tied to a humiliation kink. For others its a kind of exhibitionism. Getting away with private play in public is another popular alternative – the hidden butt plug, the covered lacy underwear and the remote controlled electostim. My favorite variation is the helpful submissive. It’s subtle D/s, nothing too freaky and with just an undercurrent of control. It’s about making the dominants life more enjoyable in ways that just tweak the usual social rules and expectations.

I’m afraid I couldn’t track down an original attribution for this shot.

PDP

I’ve written fairly often on what I term PDS – Public Displays of D/S. Generally I come down on the side of letting shared public spaces be truly shared, rather than giving the majority veto power on their use. Kinky people are tax paying members of the public after all (or as Louis C.K. might put it).

However, this New Zealand man seems to have drifted into PDP – Public Display of Perversity. He was in his home standing at a window, when…

Burley placed a balaclava over his head before committing an indecent act using a sex toy, clothes pegs and a leather whip.
…
“The victim and her two friends look out the kitchen window several times as they could not believe what they were seeing,” it said.

I don’t want to make light of it, as clearly this was an asshole thing to do. But that bit about having to look several times (along with her friends) did make me smile. Apparently he was excited at the idea of getting caught. Given he’s now looking at jail time, I imagine that excitement might have diminished slightly.

His choice of implements no doubt added some extra weirdness to the story for most people, but I’ve had a lot of (consensual) fun over the years with those toys. Clothe pegs as zippers can be particularly interesting, as Aiden Starr shows below. I particularly like the red marks running down his legs from where they have just been ripped away.

This image is from this shoot for Divine Bitches. You can see another image of her putting the zipper in place here.

Missed opportunity

Advice columns have become far more entertaining thanks to the spread of the internet and the more open sexual culture that has gone along with it. Instead of questions on gift etiquette or workplace squabbles, we now get questions about what to do when your friend’s new girlfriend turns out to be your dominatrix.

I don’t think the basic advice given – ‘stop seeing her’ – is necessarily wrong, but the logic and framing of the response is horrible. It would seem like a good opportunity to reduce the stigma of sex work and focus on the work aspect of it. It doesn’t matter if you’re talking about a lawyer, a doctor, an accountant or a pro-domme. If you’re overlapping a professional relationship with a social one then there are a few obvious questions to answer. For example: What happens if I need to end just the professional relationship? What information am I comfortable sharing with someone in both circles? Is this likely to lead to a conflict of interest? What are the odds of problems in one form of the relationship spilling over into the other?

It might be that the answers to these questions indicate that there’s not a problem to resolve. I can conceive of some relationships and social groups where mixing in pay for play wouldn’t be an issue, although this particular case doesn’t sound like one. But there’s no reason to make this specifically about sex and and sex work. It’s really about making smart decisions that minimize risk for everyone involved.

Having missed one opportunity the columnist then really screws the pooch by making the blanket statement that ‘sex workers are not notorious for their long, stable relationships.’ So rather than reduce stigma she manages to increase it with a gratuitously offensive stereotype. She might have got the basic answer right, but the rest of the column is a huge fail.

The artwork is by the artist Camille MM. Given the original letter writers description of his sessions, it seems like an appropriate one.

Decadence

I’m safely back in Seattle after my trip to Las Vegas. Having enjoyed a few days of sunshine, fine dining and alcohol I now feel I should adopt the role of the martyr and be both scourged and purged. Unfortunately I know that scourging in my case is yet another form of decadent enjoyment. If I really wanted to do penance for my visit to the city of sin, I should probably sit alone in a small beige room. Being beaten only warms my libidinous instincts.

This image, by Édouard-Henri Avril, is a good reflection of my conflicted state. He’s being both beaten and stimulated. I suspect that this is a win/win scenario for him.

Next!

This looks to be a very impatient looking lady. I’m not quite sure what she’s done to those poor fellows in the background, but clearly she has left them in a somewhat discombobulated state. Either that or she dissolved their spinal cords. No time for foreplay or cuddling afterwards. Just wham, bam, thank you man.

My searching suggests this is fan art of an anime character called Annie Leonhart. I’m afraid I don’t know who the artist is.

Enjoying the sights

My solution to easy blogging while on vacation is to ~~shamelessly steal~~ promote other great blogs. In this case it’s the work of photographer Natasha Gornik.

This setting should be recognizable to anyone who has visited Central Park in NYC. The horse drawn carriages are the more famous means of viewing the park (and have drawn the ire of the new mayor), but this looks like one of the pedicabs. Typically they carry tourists, but in this case it’s Mistress Alex and Keith who are enjoying the sights.

I love the contrast between the formal and the fetish in the shot. You can read Natasha’s take on shooting it, along with other images from the scene, in her original post.

Cocktail hour

It’s time for one of my standard pre-vacation warnings: I’m heading to Vegas for a few days, so updates may be a little more erratic than usual. Unfortunately I’ve got nothing kinky lined up, but I am looking forward to sitting in the sunshine and sipping a cocktail. The quality and quantity of posting may well vary in inverse proportion to the number of cocktails involved.

While I go and pack my suitcase, I’ll leave you with a lady enjoying a quiet moment with a drink of her own. She seems to have taken the necessary steps to ensure that the gentleman behind her will not be rudely interrupting her cocktail hour.

The image features Tara Moss, an Canadian-Australian author, presenter and model.

Petting the puppy

Firstly, a blogging aside. I’ve been behind on my comment responses in the last few days. Too much work stuff going on. I always appreciate comments, and if someone takes the time and effort to leave one I think it’s the least I can do to respond. I can’t guarantee the usefulness or intelligence of said response, but there typically will be one! Anyway, I’ve caught up now and apologies for my tardiness.

Now changing the subject entirely, here’s your cute animal picture of the day. Lots of sites bring you cat memes or heartwarming dog shots. But only this site brings you a human puppy getting his belly rubbed by a cute red head. Well this site, and the puppies personal tumblr, and the tumblr I found it on, and the 500 other tumblrs that reblogged it. But other than all those, only this site brings it to you.

This image is of Maso[Mutt] and was taken at Floating World 2013 by SiRoberto. I’m afraid the lady is unattributed.