Is it safe?

I seem to have been cursed recently with events that remind me of kinky fun, without any of the actual kinky fun. I wrote about yoga and personal trainers in the last couple of posts. Today featured an appointment with my dental hygienist and her collection of instruments of torture.

There are many things you don’t want to hear from someone poking around in your mouth with a sharp metal pick. The opening line from my hygienist today was right up there with the best of them – “Do you have a high pain tolerance?” That was literally what she started with. I was tempted to tell her that if she tied me to the chair, slapped on some nipple clamps on and whispered how much my screaming excited her, then yes, I definitely did. But I figured nobody needs to have to deal with my weirdness when they’re just trying to do their job. So I put on my brave face, looked her straight in the eye and firmly said “Huh, well, I guess, maybe?”

Not sure where this image is from. I found it on the medkink tumblr, which is stuffed with pictures for medical kink fans.

No pain, No gain

After my previous yoga related post, Phil mentioned via a comment that working with a personal trainer in a gym was another BDSM like experience. He’s right of course. There’s a similar sense of being dictated to, pushing limits and suffering pain.

I have weirdly differing responses to those three different scenarios. With a domme being hurt and bossed around is hot sexy fun. With a yoga teacher I tend to be bemused about what she thinks I’m capable of and frustrated when I fail. With a personal trainer my internal unspoken reaction is one of “Fuck you! Don’t you know how heavy this thing is? Do I look like I have muscle tone? I’m in goddamn agony here!” No idea why I react so differently in these three cases. Maybe I should try combining them to see what happens?

The Fearful Symmetry

I’ve been doing yoga with an instructor over the last couple of months. I’d like to say it was all about getting in shape, but it’s really more about maintaining flexibility and not degenerating any further. In middle age you sometimes have to work just to stand still.

There are some obvious similarities between a yoga session and a BDSM session. They both feature physical discomfort, awkward positions, pushing at limits and having a woman firmly tell me “Now we’re going to do 6 more of those.” However, the slightly less obvious similarity that struck me today was about symmetry. Dommes and yoga instructors are always obsessed by it. You just know when start a yoga position or stretch on one side, you’re going to have to repeat it on the other. And any tortuous beating, piecing or pinching from a domme always has to be mirrored equally on both sides of the body.  I’ve even had dommes comment on how annoying it is if they can’t get things like marks and needles lined up neatly and symmetrically.

If there are any dommes reading this, then can I suggest occasionally trying asymmetric play? It might annoy your inner neat freak, but it will blow your submissive’s mind. Particularly if there’s no warning beforehand. We’re so trained to expect particular patterns that being random and uneven will inject a real element of surprise and uncertainty into a scene.

This image was shot by the photographer Henrieta Haniskova and is entitled ‘Yoga Dominatrix’. Yoga fans may recognize the pose. I think it’s ‘Upward Facing Dog’ but I’m far from an expert. There’s a description and fun video on the making of the image available here (also on Vimeo). Both of the models are actually yoga instructors. It’s a shame there aren’t more images from the shoot available, as it looks like they tried a lot of different positions before settling on this one.

Shush

Gags are weird. Visually, in images like this one, I find them crazy hot. That element of control and acceptance of control is a real button pusher. In actual play, my response to them is all over the map. Sometimes I love them and sometimes I hate them, and I’ve never figured out what makes the difference.

They’re not the only toy or activity I have a widely varying response to. For example, anal play can vary from awesome to ‘hell no’, but I typically understand what makes the difference. I’ve never got to that understanding with gags. Perhaps I need to experiment with them more. Despite most dungeons having a big selection of them, in my experience, most pro-dommes don’t use them all that often. Normally you either have to request them as part of the scene, or yell enough to start annoying the neighbors.

This image has been scribbled on my some silly tumblr owner, but I’m afraid I don’t have an original attribution. If anyone can help with a pointer to the creator then please let me know via the comments.

Updated: Thanks to Bacchus and this comment I got a clean and color version of the image. That in turn reminded me of an image I posted several years back. Much archive browsing got me to this post, and the conclusion that this image probably came from the sadly defunct Young Goddess site. Source successfully determined!

The ultimate kinky garage sale

Earlier this year, on the news that Kink.com was closing down its armory space in San Francisco, I pondered on what they’d do with all their fancy furniture. Now it seems we have the answer – sell it on craigslist. Or, more accurately, advertise on craigslist that they’re hosting a viewing and sale on the afternoon of the 15th.

It makes me wish I lived in San Francisco. I’d love to drop by and pick up something. I can only hope some of the furniture and toys finds its way into dungeons I frequent down there. For example, this cock pillory looks like it might be rather fun.

A waste of good alcohol

This kinky advertisement for the Oddbins wine merchant is … odd. I’m not really clear what message they’re trying to send. Plus, why would a domme spend the time to make what sounds like a very tasty cocktail, and then waste it? Surely the right plan would be to enjoy it while beating the slave, and the throw the dregs and melted ice in his face? They really didn’t think this through.

Here’s a lady who knows the right way to combine sex with a tasty beverage. Unfortunately I don’t have an original source for this image.

Kinky Speed Dating

Apparently, it’s a thing. At least it is if you live in Los Angeles. You turn up at the event, fill in a match card, do a series of 5 minute dates and then wait a few days to see if anyone you met is interested in getting kinky with you. It sounds simultaneously horrifying and appealing.

The traditional way to meet kinky people in person is a munch. Which, from a personal perspective, as a naturally shy person, is a pretty stressful concept. Munches are unstructured social events. I fear cliques, hidden social dynamics and the mix of motivations for attendees (much like this). Kinky speed dating might lead to some strange conversations, but at least everyone is on the same page when it comes to motives and the process.

If anyone has attended one of these, or is planning on going to the June 15th one in LA, I’d love to hear how it went via a comment.

The image is from the Angry Little Girls webcomic series by Lela Lee.

Dancers and Dommes

In a classic case of ‘why did nobody think of this before’, the artist Natalie Frank has done a series of painting featuring both professional dancers and professional dommes. I think that’s a very smart juxtaposition, given the physical, artistic and collaborative aspects that both professions share. That said, while I appreciate the paintings she’s created, it feels like a great idea that needs further development. There’s a sense of movement and rhythm inherent in both, and which comes through in her dancer paintings, but is less obvious in the domme ones. That set of pictures seem oddly static, which is strange given her underlying concept. I feel she captures the dynamic of the participants, without capturing the physical energy of a typical scene.

The exhibition is on display at the Rhona Hoffman Gallery in Chicago.

Damiana Chi on Buzzfeed

Buzzfeed generally produces a fair amount of dreck, but this video featuring a day in the life of Damiana Chi is pretty good (Facebook version here). Produced by Tania Safi, its features Damiana Chi, her sister Jezebel Chi and a variety of their submissives and slaves. I particularly liked Max and Roxy, whose blissed out happy sub expressions mirror the way I feel when I play.

The above image of Damiana indulging in some rope bondage isn’t from the video, but from her twitter feed. She’s an LA based pro-domme, and if you’re interested in a session, then her professional site is here.

Gooey Puddle

The post title is how I feel right now. A happy gooey puddle of endorphins and adrenaline, accompanied by a big dopey smile. I was lucky enough to play with Mistress Iris tonight. She’s normally based in LA, but she was visiting Seattle and I was fortunate enough to a/ spot this and b/ get time on her calendar.

It was an unusual session for me, as it was heavy on tease and sensual tension. I normally lean towards masochistic play, so being pushed from a more psychological angle made for an interesting alternative. A case of pleasure withheld or delayed, rather than pain inflicted. I think it might be the only time I’ve ever slipped into subspace but not ended up with marks all over my body. She simultaneous managed to be very forward and aggressive, while remaining teasingly unobtainable. It’s a neat trick to pull off.

This image of Mistress Iris comes from her website. She’s also very active on twitter and instagram.