Mounting Her Horse

As I’ve posted in the past, I get my fair share of odd emails. Today’s example might be weirdest yet. Apparently somebody thought this’d be a great site for someone to contribute an article on pulmonary hemorrhage’s in horses. I say it was ‘someone’, but I’m sure it was a very confused computer algorithm that was spamming me. In its defense I have written about horses, blood and breathplay, which do all kind of relate to the topic of bleeding in a horse’s lung. But probably not in a way that my spammers customers are looking for.

Of course in writing this post, I’m probably just going to encourage the algorithm to continue think I’m a horse related blog. Hopefully this ladies mount isn’t suffering from anything pulmonary or otherwise.

I found this on the mrunderheel twitter feed.

I want to feel you from the inside

Readers of my era may be amused and/or be depressed by this video of teens reacting to music from the 90’s. I personally enjoyed it, particularly their reaction to Closer by Nine Inch Nails. Anyone would think that they’d never heard an artist express the view that he’d like to fuck them like an animal. I particularly appreciated the guy who’d never heard of the band but liked the name for the supposed Freudian suggestion.

NiN is a very domme band. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve heard them played in sessions. At first I thought it was just because their style and lyrics fitted kinky play, but after hearing a lot of dommes talk about liking them and seeing them in concert, I think it must be more than that. Something about their energy, sound and aesthetics chimes with a disproportionate number of dommes.

This image of someone being felt from the inside, and possibly fucked like an animal, comes from the nsfw zhenya tumblr.

The Prodigal Pervert

It’s possible that I’m a bad son. I’ve always suspected this might be true, but I think my twitter feed just gave my proof.

I was browsing the aforementioned feed and marveling at how many amazing UK dommes there were on it. It got me thinking seriously about planning a trip back to England to play with some of these fabulous people. Then it struck me that I hadn’t been back to England for many years, and what would it say about me if my primary impetus for a visit wasn’t to see my parents, but to indulge in some kinky shenanigans with ladies in leather? A subsequent rationalization suggested that if I got to broaden my kinky horizons and also see my parents, should I be worry about the whys and the wherefores? Isn’t it the end result that matters? So like I said, probably a bad son.

Note, in case anyone thinks I’m a terrible son rather than simply a bad one, I do pay for my parents to visit the US regularly. And so far, despite temptation, I’ve resisted the urge to sneak off to get my ass beat when either of them has been visiting me.

This is Mistress Silver, one of the UK dommes whose tweets prompted my thought process. She based in Bristol – not a million miles from some of my old stomping grounds.

Cleaning Up

I did a pass today across the Femdom Image page and cleaned up all the links that were dead, taken over spammers or hadn’t been updated in many months. My thanks to a very helpful reader who emailed me a number of pointers to those issues on the page.

The next step is to add new and interesting image site links. So if anyone has non-commercial image sites they like and frequent (tumblr or otherwise) then please leave a comment or  email me. I’m particularly interested in ones that focus on male submission. They’re the trickiest ones to track down.

Nice

I like his hands in this image. Hers are the ones doing the grabbing, but his pose is the one that makes this kinky. It’s the vulnerable pose of do what you want, I surrender.

This image has been posted across a lot of different places, but I’m not exactly sure of the original source. I think it’s fan art from a manga series called Tokyo Ghoul.

Taking in the Sights

I thought I’d seen all of the ways it was possible to monetize BDSM, but apparently not. Goddess Justine of Oakland is using Airbnb  to offer tours of dungeon spaces. For $69 (hem hem) you can get a tour of a playspace and I guess an explanation of how some of the more unusual equipment is used.

Given the high cost of maintaining a playspace in the Bay Area, I’m all for anything that brings them some extra money. However, I can’t help feeling there’s a trick being missed here. Some pro-dommes offer the option of a ‘vanilla’ girlfriend to join the session and watch. It’s not really my kink, but I assume it’s either for exhibitionists or submissives who get off on the humiliation aspect of being watched and judged by a non-kinky person. So how about combining the tours with a session? What could be more humiliating than being naked and spanked whilst Mr and Mrs Blenkinstop, a retired couple from Ohio, wander around the space laughing at the buttplugs, posing for pictures in the cage and trying to sit on the Sybian?The submissive gets humiliated, the Blenkinstop’s get a great story to tell and the domme gets paid twice. Win, win, win.

While there are some nice playspaces in the Bay Area, I think Germany is the location where these kind of tours could really take off. As I’ve covered before, they have some amazing spaces. The image below is from Studio Black Fun in Leipzig. Just looking at it slightly unnerves me.

Two Emails

I had a couple of different emails recently. One was sadly all too common, the other sadly all too rare.

The first was someone asking me to set them up with the Goddess of their dreams. Apparently they thought I had hot and cold running Goddesses on tap and I’d be willing to divert a few of them to a random internet person on the basis of a one line email. As emails go, it’s about as effective as emailing Bill Gates with the line ‘Give me the job of my dreams!” and then signing it with a smiley face. On second thoughts, it’s actually less effective than that because, unlike me and the Goddesses, Bill at least has the theoretical ability to actually deliver.

The second email was someone thanking me for running this site and saying that reading it had played a part in them reaching out to a domme to set up their first ever play session. That gave me the warm fuzzies. Even better was the fact that they’d had a great time and they were planning to play more in the future. If there’s one single thing I’d want this site to achieve, it’d be to encourage people to get physically involved in kink. It doesn’t matter if it’s going to a munch, visiting a pro-domme or  exploring something new with a partner. Just venture out there and try it. The only lasting regret I’ve ever had about my kinky experiences is not starting them years earlier. If I can encourage others to avoid that same mistake, I’ll be a happy bunny. Just don’t expect this particular bunny to fix you up with a Goddess. That parts on you.

As for which email is the common one and which the rare one, I’ll leave that for you to guess. Absolutely no prizes for guessing right.

Here’s an example of the kind of kinky fun that’s out there to be explored. I believe this is Lady Hinako and Mistress Kawa with human thing from this tweet. Even better than one happy domme, is two happy dommes.

More Opting In or Out

I’m continuing my thoughts from yesterday’s post – Opt In or Opt Out. If you haven’t read that already, then I’d start there, otherwise this won’t make much sense.

When it comes to scene negotiation, I think there’s a fundamental tension that’s challenging to resolve. On one hand everyone wants scope for creativity and spontaneity. Working out a strict plan of action beforehand or stopping every 5 minutes to discuss the next activity is no fun. On the other hand, people can have very different views on what activities need discussion and what don’t. It’s not so much a question of failing to negotiate, but failing to spot the need to negotiate. If I think hoods are an opt in item then I will not mention them, as I don’t think I need to explicitly bar them. If the domme thinks they’re an opt out item, then me saying nothing leaves them on the table as a viable option to stick over my head mid-scene.

I don’t have any great suggestions to resolving this tension, other than trial and error and playing with the same people repeatedly. A few things I try to do from the submissive perspective are assume that…

  • Any common themes in femdom and BDSM are things I have to explicitly opt out of. For example, I’m always explicit about ruling out humiliation scenes as that’s not my kink but it’s a common one.
  • My opt in’s are sticky. If I opted in to something in a past session, the domme is probably going to assume I’m still in for it, even if we haven’t discussed it. So if I’m feeling differently about it, then it’s down to me to bring it up and opt out.
  • Opting in for X may well be treated as also opting in for things closely related to X. For example, there are a lot of different types of impact play, yet they rarely get negotiated separately. If that’s a problem for me, then I need to be explicit about how narrow I want my opt in to be.
  • A domme isn’t going to remember my particular opt outs between sessions. So if I discover during the course of play we’re on different pages on what needs discussion and what doesn’t, then it’s down to me to bring that up again next time as necessary.

I’ll leave you with a vintage image of an activity that is opt in for most dommes I know. However, there was one domme who, mid-scene and totally out of the blue, tossed me a pair of fishnet stockings, a garter belt and a pair of frilly panties to put on. It turned out to be fun, but I was certainly a bit surprised at the time. I think she was equally surprised by just how long it took me to figure out how to get them all on properly.

This show is from mrunderheel’s twitter feed.

Opt In or Opt Out

A couple of comments to my previous post got me thinking about the dynamics of session negotiation. Specifically, what gets treated as opt in and what as opt out. In theory, if you listen to most kinksters, all play has to be consensual and explicitly negotiated ahead of time, so everything should be opt in. The reality can be murkier.

The comments in question – from Servitor and Al about my pet peeve of ‘gotcha questions’ –  were slightly different but both raised the same basic point. I might not like questions designed to trip a submissive up, but that’s a valid thing to do for some scenes. Your kink is not my kink and all that. I absolutely agree with that. It can be a fine style of play if you’re into that dynamic or the roleplay requires it. But it’s also not quite the point I was trying (and probably failing) to make. Gotcha questions are a specific activity or style, and yet often get used without discussion. Which brings me to this posts title. My pet peeve isn’t so much with the approach itself, but that it is something I have to actively opt out of. Shouldn’t the default be opt in? Not so much YKINMKBYKIOK, but that YKINMK – and it’s in my session damn it! – BYKIOK.

I can think of other examples where the default is the reverse of what you might expect. Bondage for example. That’s part of almost every scene I do, yet I don’t think it ever gets negotiated. It’s treated as an intrinsic part of kink that you’d have to explicitly request not to do. Impact play is another. I’ve lost track of the number of times I didn’t mention impact play in session negotiation, yet 10 minutes later somebody was whaling on my ass. I suspect that’s probably because almost all domme’s like it so much! Neither of those activities count as a pet peeve for me, because I also enjoy them, but it might be an issue for someone else.

What exactly gets treated as opt in versus opt out clearly varies from domme to domme. At one extreme, every domme I know treats edge play activities like piercing, cutting or breathplay as opt in. They always get discusssed first. On the other side, along with bondage and impact play, I’ve typically found blindfolds and hoods are opt out. If I don’t call them out as an issue then there’s a good chance they’ll be pulled out at some point and I’ll have to start negotiating mid-scene, which is never my favorite time to do it. In between those two groups there’s a lot of fuzziness. For example, face slapping for some people is a very specific activity to be discussed ahead of time, for others its just an intrinsic part of kink that it’s up to the submissive to opt out of.

I’ve more to add here, but I’ll save that for the next post. In the meantime, I’ll continue my photographic theme of impact play. If this gentleman has a desire to opt out of caning, he probably needs to speak up asap.

This is from the High heels & Fetish tumblr.