m – Page 8 – Femdom Resource

An ending

This has been a depressing week for me for a number of reasons. Some of those I can’t share here, but the one I can share is a big one: Lydia is retiring. Regular readers will be aware that Lydia is the domme I’ve played with for years and has been a big part of my development both as a person and as a submissive. I’ve documented a small fraction of our play on this blog (for example here, here, here and many more). Amazingly she was actually the first pro-domme I ever played with, almost 6 years ago now, and we’ve got together for 2-3 hours every couple of weeks ever since then. Hearing that she planned to retire, and possibly leave Seattle, wasn’t entirely surprising but it really shook me up.

From a purely selfish and practical perspective I’m going to miss the joy of playing with her. She’s without doubt the most talented domme I’ve ever interacted with. In what is literally hundreds of sessions that we’ve done together, I can’t think of one time where it felt like we were repeating something or simply going through the motions. Every time I stepped out of my clothes, and went to meet her naked and smiling, it was the beginning of something magical. Certain activities formed common starting points – piercing, corporal, bondage, breathplay – but each time she’d take our play in some new exciting direction.

Emotionally it has hit me pretty hard. Partly because I’m not sure how to process it. I’m not someone who ever had a problem with the professional boundary. I’m not saying I’d have turned down the chance to make it a non-professional relationship, but that was never anything I expected or particularly hoped for. I just enjoyed the relationship for what it was. Now its ending I don’t have a natural way to move through the change. I end other professional relationships all the time, but my realtor or doctor hasn’t spent hundreds of hours with me in very intimate and intense sexual situations. The closest analogy I can draw is to losing a very close friend. Someone important to you and who knew you in a way nobody else did, is suddenly no longer going to be in your life.

Fortunately there a few weeks left before she hangs up her whip (as a professional at least), and I have the chance to play with her a couple more times. It’ll be kind of strange. I almost didn’t want to play again at all. But given all the fun we’ve had together, it seemed like it’d be silly not to enjoy our last opportunity. I’ve never yet cried in a session, no matter how hard the beating. I’ll be kind of ironic if I end up crying when the beating stops.

Strawberries and bottoms

Strawberries and cream is a classic English summertime dessert. It’s most famously served at the Wimbledon tennis tournament, where they get through about 23 tons of the berries. However, even at their most hedonistic, I doubt that the All England Club has ever served its signature fruit quite like this.

I’m normally a fan of interesting predicament bondage combined with service scenarios. Yet somehow the idea of a butt plug based tray for serving fruit seems a little off. I’m sure it’s perfectly hygienic, and it’s not like providing food to people requires servers to leave their assholes at home. I just think the butt plugs and finger food are two things that could probably live happily apart. Call me old fashioned like that.

I’m afraid that despite my best research efforts, I’ve no idea where this shot is from.

A spring garden with Lydia

I should start this post with a warning: It features images from a piecing session I did with Lydia a few weeks ago. So if you wish to avoid image of naked needled me, then I’d suggestion not clicking any of the links below.

The negotiation for our play was – as usual – very short. I think I said “How about doing some piercing?” and she said “Sure.” That was job done. We’re not big on complicated scripts. I like being surprised and giving Lydia scope for her devilish imagination. A piercing session gives her that ample scope, as she has shown in the past (e.g. here, here and here). In this case she created a decorative piercing all across and down my back. She said the layout and design was inspired by the idea of a walk in a spring garden.

You can see the top part of the design in this shot here and from another angle here. Not content with decorating the top of my back she also planted some needles in my butt, seen in this long torso shot and this close-up. The round design on my butt cheeks is known as a button and is particularly painful. The shafts of the needles cross each other and trap flesh in between. This means any kind of movement pinches and squeezes nerves between needles and creates very intense sensations. Moving around wasn’t really on my agenda, but apparently it was on Lydia’s, as piercing was followed by hitting, and striking, and prodding. That tended to produce a few wiggles.

The marks left when everything had been removed were particularly impressive. I loved the patterns created in the skin. In total I think we used around 120 needles with a gauge varying between 25 down to 18. It wasn’t one of the most intense piercing sessions we’ve ever done from a pure pain perspective. However, it was one of the most meditative, focused and aesthetically pleasing.

Photograph of Lydia is by Mandy McGee photography.

Knot too kinky

It’s ~~possible~~ probable I’ve been spending too much time lurking on kinky sites. During my coffee break browsing today I stumbled on this article on useful knots, and was shocked that bondage wasn’t featured front and centre. I think I read through all 200+ comments looking for mentions of kink, and only spotted a couple. The fact I found the lack of kinky comments weird is perhaps a sign I should get out more. Maybe do some fishing, camping, climbing and sailing and use knots as God intended.

For those perverts out there like myself who have trouble picturing family friendly uses for a knot, this article on Rope Bondage 101 might be more interesting. It’s got a lot of great advice on materials, techniques, safety and of course knots.

There are various cropped version of this image floating around on tumblr (where I found it originally). A bit of detective work led me to the original by the photographer David Lawrence. This is from his series Vertis.

Finally day of fun

I’m back in Seattle at the end of a pleasant holiday. On the last day I was fortunate enough to get to play with Domina Yuki, which resulted in a very fun session. At one point she played ‘whack-a-mole’ with a leather strap for a hammer and a very nervous mole. Or, as Captain Hammer might less subtly put it, the mole was my penis. I actually have a short video of that which, if I can deal with the conversion issues, I’ll try and post to tumblr.

We also did some zippering. That’s always an interesting but intense activity. The placement of the zipper, the length of time it’s left on for and the type of clips used can vary the sensations quite dramatically. These clips were particularly evil, especially when placed across the tight skin at the top of the chest.

The image below is a zipper from the Dudes in Distress site. For anyone wishing to see a zipper in action there’s a couple of scenes from kink.com in animated gif form here and here.

Ninja Submission

There’s an interesting post over at the Dumb Domme blog on the subject of ninja submission. Sadly this doesn’t involve dressing up in slinky black outfits and using shuriken to perform CBT. Instead it’s about trying to stealthily sneak submission into a relationship without going through all that pointless and tricky business of actually negotiating it.

I’ll leave the ethics of that approach for D to handle, as she has already done a fine job of it in her original post. Let me instead chime in on the practicalities of it. I’ve seen this approach to D/s mentioned many times before on various blogs and forums. I suspect it probably occurs to a lot of men harboring D/s fantasies in a vanilla relationship. In all those posts and forum conversations, I’ve never yet seen anyone report that it worked. Whatever mad ninja skills they deployed, it always seems to end in frustration. The supposed ‘dominant’ doesn’t notice and the stealthy submissive becomes upset at the lack of feedback. It turns out that a D/s interaction is a dynamic between two (or more) people, not something that can simply be projected by one person.

In her post D goes on to suggest a couple of very advanced relationship techniques that can be used instead – talking and listening. I’ll be the first to admit that they do not guarantee success. They might achieve nothing or even create new problems. However, there are plenty of positive examples out there where they did lead to a more satisfying relationship. Possibly not kinky nirvana, but perhaps a happy middle ground. I’d rather take an approach with a real chance of success over one with very little.

Of course I’ve no experience of trying the ninja approach myself, so feel free to tell me I’m wrong in the comments. Or maybe, if you’re contemplating this approach, start doing all the household chores in the nude and see how it works out. Just watch out for grease splatters when you’re cooking.

I found this image on the Domination on My terms tumblr. I’m afraid I don’t have an original source.

Fancy Steel

I’ve featured beautiful metal chastity devices in the past, mostly from the Steelwerks team. The device below is the first one I’ve encountered from the appropriately named Fancy Steel company. I know very little about the practicality of various chastity devices (Thumper is your man for that), but I do like the aesthetics of this one. With the waist belt it reminds me of the old fashioned medieval designs, but brought beautifully up to do date.

At $1,049 AUD it’s not exactly cheap, but that’s not out of line with similar devices. You can see it from a couple of different angles here and here.

Rope and Cane

While I’m on the subject of caning, here’s an interesting shot featuring said implement. It’s kind of abstract and hot all at the same time. The heavy bondage combined with the cane stripes is pretty sexy. I think I’d enjoy being in that position. At the same time the simple geometric nature of the image, with segments of white flesh against the dark background, create a sense of disconnection from a real human scene. If you stare at it long enough it almost becomes an abstract piece of art.

I’m afraid I haven’t tracked down an original attribution for this. If anyone can help me with that then please let me know via the comments.

Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man

I’ve got a big smile on my face tonight and a lot of marks on my torso. I played with Lydia earlier and she did some rather unusual bondage using thin twine. It was the kind of rough scratchy twine you might use for a craft project and she wrapped me up like a leg of lamb for Sunday dinner. It was an unusual sensation. Definitely not the kind of bondage you can relax into. Very pinchy, itchy and grippy. Uncomfortable with every moment, which was very much her plan.

I was tempted to take some photographs, but it wasn’t a particularly flattering look. I’m generally fairly slim, but I was definitely bulging and spilling out in odd ways between the tight thin strands. On the plus side, I was left with some very cool marks when the bondage came off. It was web like, and reminded me of a spiderman outfit, as I had all these dark lines radiating out across my chest and spaced down my arms.

This gentleman has a more traditional spiderman outfit. His bondage is also a little different to mine, but equally entertaining in its way. I’m afraid I’ve no idea where this is from.

Not the brightest bulb

I’m not sure what’s the appeal of objectification as a lamp. I certainly get the hotness of objectification in general. It’s just the lamp part that puzzles me. Isn’t part of being objectified about being a useful object? Footstools, toilets, dildos and even shelves make sense to me, but no matter how sparkling their personality, it’s impossible for someone to literally light up a room.

This isn’t the first time I’ve run across this kink. You can see past examples here and here. I’ve never heard anyone declare themselves a lamp fetishist, or read erotic fiction on intertwined anglepoise, or spotted a saucy looking lampshade in a domme’s toy chest. Yet people are making images of it. Good for them and their kinks, but consider me puzzled.

I found both of these on the Domination on My terms tumblr. The second one is from LeBete on deviant art. I’m afraid I don’t have an attribution for the first.