Humor – Page 20 – Femdom Resource

So it has come to this…

Shameless attention whoring ahoy! I figure if Ferns can get away with it, why not me?

Rori is once again taking nominations for the best sex bloggers. Last year I was nominated and ended up on the list, as I blogged about at the time. Now obviously as a serious and dedicated sex blog blogger, I’m above such petty popularity contests. It matters to me not one whit should I be nominated or not. My only concern is to bring you, my dear readers, the best femdom based material I can. But it strikes me that getting nominated would encourage more readers to visit. And that would mean more readers to write witty and insightful comments. And that in turn would create a better quality blog for everyone. So I’m really doing it for all of you out there.

Anyone buying that unimpeachable logic, and wanting to help me help you, can do so by leaving a suitable nomination comment on Rori’s site. It’d make me, I mean you, as happy as a Deviant Kade being tied up by a Simone Kross.

The image is originally from the CBT and Ballbusting site. I found it via the Happy BDSM tumblr.

Slavery. Not as fun as it sounds.

I was amused by this article about an enterprising woman trying to get farm chores done on the cheap.

Masochists who responded to an advert by an Austrian woman seeking “submissive, well-to-do” men found themselves forced to do farm chores such as stacking wood in the nude or cutting the grass while wearing fetish masks.

Instead of the punishment they were expecting, the men were put to work as labourers around their mistress’s farm in north-eastern Austria, near the town of St. Pölten.

Unsurprisingly it turned out that doing real manual labor wasn’t quite as fun as the outdoor fetish frolics they were expecting. I’m not sure what kind of punishment she advertised, but stacking wood in the nude and cutting grass in a leather gimp mask sounds pretty punishing to me.

What’s particularly strange is that she ended up being charged with “illegal prostitution”. Since prostitution is the selling of sexual services, and the lack of kinky sex fun was precisely their complaint, I’d be intrigued to know what tortuous logic led to that charge. If she’d turned up in leather boots and hit them occasional, would that have made it “legal prostitution” ?

I’ll finish with a picture that is probably more in line with what the men were hoping for. It still looks like hard work, but I’m sure the pony gear, fetish outfits and whipping would have made them a lot happier.

This buggy racing shot is from the Other World Kingdom.

Whizzer on the beach

I couldn’t do a sequence of beach themed posts without featuring some Whizzer Black artwork. That’s not because he typically features beaches in his artwork. The image below is pretty much the only one I know themed that way. Instead it’s because his artwork always reminds me of saucy British postcards from the seaside. There’s a nice sense of fun and absurdity to go along with the sexual suggestion. The latter is always a lot more explicit in Whizzer’s artwork than the kind of thing Brits in the 1930’s were sending from their holidays, but the mix of sex and humor is common. In this image I particularly like the little dog he’s added pulling at the hapless Whizzer’s swimming trunks.

What’s in a name?

Peroxide has been having some anal fun with a new toy he’s named Dita. While I’m a fan of anal play, I’ve never got into naming things. Doesn’t matter if it’s a car, boat, body part or half a foot of silicon cock. Somehow it always felt odd for me to assign it a name.

Men giving their penis a name seems fairly common. I’ve been asked what mine is enough times to suggest women must encounter the phenomena fairly often. I kind of get it, as cocks do sometimes seem to lead independent lives of their own, but I’ve never smashed a bottle of champagne over mine and done an official naming ceremony. I’m always tempted to answer the question with “Edith”, and then when I get a confused look, follow it up with “You know, named after Edith Bolling, the second wife of Woodrow Wilson.”

I’ve absolutely no reason to pick that name, other than I think it’d get a laugh. And laughter is always a good thing to mix with sex. Unless it happens when you pull your trousers down. That’s less of a good sign.

Here’s a nice shot of someone having a laugh while playing with male genitals. The name of the cock in question is sadly not recorded, but I’m willing to bet it’s not Edith. The image is from the FemaleDom site and I found it on the In a Humbler tumblr.

I expect you to die!

The pose below shouts Bond villain to me. I can just imagine her murmuring – “Excellent. Excellent……The plan is unfolding exactly on schedule”. Except instead of a white pussy to stroke, she has a male minion on the case. And the location looks more like a living room than a hollowed out volcano.

To my recollection there has only been one significant female Bond Villain – Rosa Klebb. There have been plenty of femme fatales (as I listed in this previous post) but a sad lack of major female villains. Hopefully they can put that right in future films.

The image is originally from Femdom Empire. I found it via the forBABALON tumblr.

The post title, should you not recognize an absolutely classic line, is taken from a scene in Goldfinger. Although it’s not my favorite Bond villain witticism. That would be Hugo Drax’s line to his henchman – “Look after Mr. Bond. See that some harm comes to him. “

Higher education

I like the idea of making science more interesting to people. I’d certainly be happy to volunteer to dangle over a lecture hall somewhere in academia. Unfortunately, I’m not sure this is all that practical. And I don’t mean the naked slave part, or the bondage, or the professor with a whip. I’m sure those would all be fine. It’s the timing that’d be an issue. I’ve done suspension scenes and they’re not the fastest things in the world to set-up. Getting everything cinched properly in place and the weight balanced right takes time. Doing it three different ways? All your students would be long gone. You’d be better off studying the mathematics of the whip.

The cartoon comes from the very excellent Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal. Other fine examples from the same source include this, this and my personal favorite this.

Life Lessons

I always appreciate a day that I end wiser than when I began it. Today for example, I learned that one should never schedule an appointment at a dermatology clinic the day after a BDSM scene. Particularly a scene you began by confidently declaring – “Oh, marks? No problem. Do whatever you want.”

It wasn’t as if I’d forgotten about the following days appointment. There were some minor red patches on my ankle I’d be meaning to get checked out for weeks. I just figured since it was only my ankle, a doffed sock and a rolled trouser leg would do. I figured wrong. A fact that was made obvious the moment the orderly threw me one of those skimpy backless hospital gowns to put on. Apparently my first visit required a proper inspection, no matter what my protestations to the contrary.

In the event I got not one but two doctors carefully scrutinizing me from head to toe. Two attractive, efficient and forceful female doctors in white coats. I did think that when the second one turned up that you really couldn’t have scripted it better. As the basis for a farce, sitcom, drama or adult movie, whatever you preferred, it worked for all.

Amazingly, despite their careful inspection, they didn’t query my bruises at all. I was fully prepared to plead the medical fifth on the cane marks down my back and the obvious clamp marks on my nipples (from these), but the issue never arose. That makes me suspect they’re either very bad doctors who missed the marks entirely, or very good doctors who knew exactly what the marks were. Given that they identified and queried a tiny insect bite on my wrist and a small mole on my shoulder blade, both of which were pretty hard to spot, I’m going to assume the latter. I’ll now endeavor to resist my urge to test the theory by getting even more obviously marked for any return visits.

The image comes from the Divine Bitches site. From left to right, that’s Madison Young, Mistress Madeline and Bella Rossi. I found it on the Femdom Style Counsel tumblr.

Signs of getting older

I’m not talking about signs of getting old you understand. Just older. While I’m still in still in the prime of my life (stop sniggering at the back), there is the occasional indication that I’m not as young as I used to be. Hangovers that still haven’t dissipated by 11am. A tendency to think that athletes look much younger than they used to. And media kerfuffles over artists and art that I’ve never heard of.

The latest example of that final category is somebody called Robin Thicke. He apparently has a hit song called Blurred Lines (warning very non femdom content), that has been attracting criticism for its rape-y lyrics. It’s a point of view that’s hard to argue with once you listen to it.

The reason I mention it here at all is this pastiche by the Seattle troupe Mod Carousel. I ran across this a couple of days ago, at a time when I’d never heard of the original. The funny thing was, even though I had no idea what it was based on, I instantly recognized this as a parody and knew exactly what the original version would look like. The cultural markers and gender stereotypes are so strong that the parody works with or without the original. And while I like the alternative version a lot, that’s a pretty sad indictment of both the original and the culture around it.

The CFNM style of the parody gives me a good excuse to finish with a CFNM image. I’m really not sure what’s going on here, but like the video, this image made me smile. The two expressions couldn’t be more different.

I found the image on the CFNM classic tumblr. I’m afraid I couldn’t track down an original source.

QOTD

Given the length of the last few posts, I’ll keep this one short and pithy. The quote of the day is:

Anyone who thinks a woman who’s being paid to cane and sodomize people is vulnerable and exploited? Has never caned and sodomized anyone.

That’s from the twitter feed of Mistress Matisse. Feel free to discuss that amongst yourselves.

I was hoping to finish with an image featuring both a cane and a strap-on. Unfortunately I couldn’t find anything I liked, so I’ll double down with an image for each. In both cases the ladies in question seem to be tending less to the exploited and more to the happy.

The first image has had the watermark annoyingly chopped, but I believe it’s from Young Dommes. I found it on the Who’s Sorry Now tumblr. The second image is from the Strapon Dreamer site. I found it on the Pegging with a Smile tumblr.

I hate balls!

Not me personally. I quite like my balls. They get in the way now and again, but I’ve no personal desire to be neutered. The hatred in this case comes from Katherine Heigl. As she explains in this very amusing video, they’re dangly and disgusting and males are better off without them. I suspect the little sad look she gives at around the 50 second mark, when discussing the difficulty of neutering men, will be fantasy fodder for a decent fraction of my male readers.

Of course neutering does have its downsides. For one thing it removes a bunch of densely packed and sensitive nerves that are ideal for torture. For another, the fiendish humbler device, as shown in the image below, becomes sadly redundant.

This image has been manipulated (in the usual tumblr fashion) but I believe it’s originally from Amber’s Dungeon. I found it on the Under My Heel tumblr.