Tag: Humor

Encouragement

I was amused to read in this comment that ‘forced bi’ is being replaced by ‘encouraged bi’ on clips sites. Apparently  forcing is another one of those things the payment processors frown upon.

As silly changes go, it’s not the worst one they could have done. After all, there are lots of ways to encourage someone. I’ve always found a whip provides an excellent means of encouragement. Particularly if it’s used in conjunction with bondage, just to ensure the submissive sticks around for the maximum amount of encouragement possible. Just be careful the submissive doesn’t feel so encouraged he has to pass out.

Of course, some dommes don’t have to resort to such crude means. With the right kind of positive attitude, a kind word might be all that’s needed.

Captioned image courtesy of the ever imaginative Servitor over at Contemplating the Divine.

Traditional Roles

Continuing the theme of kinks of the year: Vice has an article based on Pornhub’s end of year summary. Unlike the Clips 4 Sales report, chastity and cuckolding are nowhere to be seen. Instead it’s the usual porn categories you’d expect. This part of the Vice article did make me laugh…

Stepmom is on there because the weird trend of people wanting to have sex with people related to them by marriage has not subsided just yet, but according to the rankings, it is down two spots from last year. Let’s hope it keeps plunging until we scrub our pornography of any kind of familial relation.

Not sure that marital relationship kink is the real target here. Stepmom is only there because credit card processors force creators to use that as a substitute for the more boundary pushing ‘mom’. No doubt the squeamish article writer would be even more perturbed by that fact.

The other thing that caught me eye was the fact people are searching for ‘tradwife’ content. This is based on the trend of women pretending to be very traditional 50’s housewives in social media videos. I say pretending because it all seems highly performative and somewhat fetishistic. It’s roleplaying by people who are either already wealthy or are making money as influencers. You know, just like typical 50’s housewives did.

I’m not sure what tradwife porn would look like. Missionary position in a dark room? That’s after spending all day making your own lube from scratch of course.

Of course, I’m not against a little traditional roleplay now and again. It’s just a lot more fun to switch it up a bit.

This is from the ‘In a Parallel Universe’ series by Eli Rezkallah.

Vacation

I’m taking a vacation over the next week. Hitting up some good restaurants and getting hit by a wonderful domme.

Normally, at this point, I’d say something about my posting being potentially more erratic than usual. However, given that posting is already pretty erratic these days, I doubt it’ll affect the blog. Getting away from home and work might even give me a bit more time to write. I’ll at least have a session or two to report on. Assuming I can avoid any of the seasonal bugs that are floating around that is.

While I go off to pack my case and figure out what gadgets go with what USB cords, I’ll leave you with this from Servitor. Hopefully, I’ll not oversleep and find myself in similar trouble.

Formal Coitus

This comic isn’t femdom but it did make me smile. It struck me that formal coitus would be a good alternative name for all sorts of kinky sex. That doesn’t typically involve monocles and top hats – unless your preferences run that way – but it does often involve protocols, outfits, negotiation and equipment. Plus, I like the idea of asking someone if they’d like to partake in a spot of formal coitus. Provided I can track down a fuck butler of course.

This is from Free Cheese Comix and by the artist  CJ Cusack. I stumbled across if via Reddit.

More Cut Aways

If you liked the cut away Femdom house I featured last month then I’ve good news! The artist – KouYou – has done a whole series of them. You can find them on Twitter – #1, #2, #3, #4 and #5. I think they’re fabulous. Inventive, funny and yet still kind of hot.

In this one (the 5th one in the series) I particularly like the femdom fighting game that’s being played in the top right room. Plus, bonus cats hanging out with them.

This one time at Orchestra Practice

Writing the previous post on a minor wardrobe malfunction reminded me of a far more traumatic event many years back.

I was a teenager and attending school orchestra practice for my first and – with hindsight – only time. My given instrument was the cello, which I played really, really badly. However, the music teacher must have been particularly desperate for warm bodies and had invited me to join. I was surprised and intimidated to discover that the majority of the orchestra members were girls, mostly from the year or two above mine. This was not a crowd I was used to hanging with.

As I lurked around the edge of the music room I began to wonder if this could be an exciting new world for me. I was shy and terribly nervous about approaching girls. Was orchestra was the way in? Maybe if I actually started practicing, rather than trying to jam a week’s worth of work into the hour before each lesson, I could make a place for myself here. Could the hated cello turn out to be my path to romantic bliss?

As I contemplated these new possibilities a tall older girl detached herself from her group of friends and walked over to me.

“Tell me,” she said, loud enough for all to hear. “Do you often walk around with your trousers undone?”

Glancing down I realized that my zip had chosen the perfect moment to fail. My trousers were agape and my briefs on display to the school’s brass and string sections. Romantic bliss suddenly looked very unlikely. I fled to the washroom to effect some repairs and somehow made it through the practice. A few days later I had stroke of luck – I broke my arm. That wasn’t exactly pleasant, but it got me out of playing the cello, the orchestra and my scene of shame. Every cloud has a silver lining.

That all  happened 30+ years ago and I still die inside when I think about it now. It sadly never transmuted itself into a kink. At least not for humiliation. If anyone wants to pull on a school uniform and beat me up, well that might be a different story.

Image is from Team Rinryu, the folks behind the Yapoo Market series.

Never A Kink Around When You Need One

I’m surprised I’ve never developed a humiliation kink. God knows, I’ve given myself enough opportunities.

My latest non-consensual attempt happened in my building’s elevator. I was heading out to get coffee, wrapped up warm against the chill of Seattle in April. A rather attractive younger woman got on, smiled at me and said hello. She kept glancing across at me, asking how my day was going and made some cheerful small talk about the weather. I wasn’t delusional enough to think she was flirting, but it’s always nice to have a positive interaction with neighbors. I walked up to my coffee shop in a cheerful mood. It wasn’t until I’d arrived and taken off my  black woolen hat that I realized that I’d put it on inside out. The white care label was sticking straight up on the top, like a giant surrender flag of lost dignity. No wonder she kept looking back at me. It’s not often you see a 50 year old man who still hasn’t figured out how to dress himself properly.

Here’s once answer to the problem of errant clothing – an official uniform and a domme who inspects every aspect of it extremely closely. That’d certainly help focus the mind of a morning. The drawing is – of course – by the brilliant Sardax.