Tag: Humor

This one time at Orchestra Practice

Writing the previous post on a minor wardrobe malfunction reminded me of a far more traumatic event many years back.

I was a teenager and attending school orchestra practice for my first and – with hindsight – only time. My given instrument was the cello, which I played really, really badly. However, the music teacher must have been particularly desperate for warm bodies and had invited me to join. I was surprised and intimidated to discover that the majority of the orchestra members were girls, mostly from the year or two above mine. This was not a crowd I was used to hanging with.

As I lurked around the edge of the music room I began to wonder if this could be an exciting new world for me. I was shy and terribly nervous about approaching girls. Was orchestra was the way in? Maybe if I actually started practicing, rather than trying to jam a week’s worth of work into the hour before each lesson, I could make a place for myself here. Could the hated cello turn out to be my path to romantic bliss?

As I contemplated these new possibilities a tall older girl detached herself from her group of friends and walked over to me.

“Tell me,” she said, loud enough for all to hear. “Do you often walk around with your trousers undone?”

Glancing down I realized that my zip had chosen the perfect moment to fail. My trousers were agape and my briefs on display to the school’s brass and string sections. Romantic bliss suddenly looked very unlikely. I fled to the washroom to effect some repairs and somehow made it through the practice. A few days later I had stroke of luck – I broke my arm. That wasn’t exactly pleasant, but it got me out of playing the cello, the orchestra and my scene of shame. Every cloud has a silver lining.

That all  happened 30+ years ago and I still die inside when I think about it now. It sadly never transmuted itself into a kink. At least not for humiliation. If anyone wants to pull on a school uniform and beat me up, well that might be a different story.

Image is from Team Rinryu, the folks behind the Yapoo Market series.

Never A Kink Around When You Need One

I’m surprised I’ve never developed a humiliation kink. God knows, I’ve given myself enough opportunities.

My latest non-consensual attempt happened in my building’s elevator. I was heading out to get coffee, wrapped up warm against the chill of Seattle in April. A rather attractive younger woman got on, smiled at me and said hello. She kept glancing across at me, asking how my day was going and made some cheerful small talk about the weather. I wasn’t delusional enough to think she was flirting, but it’s always nice to have a positive interaction with neighbors. I walked up to my coffee shop in a cheerful mood. It wasn’t until I’d arrived and taken off my  black woolen hat that I realized that I’d put it on inside out. The white care label was sticking straight up on the top, like a giant surrender flag of lost dignity. No wonder she kept looking back at me. It’s not often you see a 50 year old man who still hasn’t figured out how to dress himself properly.

Here’s once answer to the problem of errant clothing – an official uniform and a domme who inspects every aspect of it extremely closely. That’d certainly help focus the mind of a morning. The drawing is – of course – by the brilliant Sardax.

Home of Heroes

If you live in Massachusetts and have a thing for female superheroes then I’ve got just the house for you. As featured in this Zillow Gone Wild thread, it features over 3,000 square foot of space, 4 beds, 4 baths and a quite astonishing number of life size superhero figures. There’s a couple of Catwoman, a Batwoman, a Wonder Woman, a Super Woman, a striking (if not exactly heroic) Maleficent and many more.

Oddly the rest of the house seems strangely conventional, without any pop culture or comic themes. Either the owner had a very specific kink or it’s a successful attempt to get some viral clicks for the original  listing. Personally I hope it’s the former, as it’s the kind of single minded kinky strangeness that I really appreciate.

Here’s a sample shot from the listing, with Wonder Woman and Catwoman standing guard over the hallway sideboard.

Everything in its Place

This is by the Spanish artist Javier Mayoral aka PulpBrother. It’s popped up in an unattributed and edited form on my femdom feeds recently, probably because of the perfect Twitter trifecta of sex, humor and cats. Reverse image searching gave me an attribution and some background details found here and here.

You can purchase his work at this site. It’s not all kink and femdom related, but a good number of his paintings certainly lean in that direction.

Sweaty

Fan of sticky people may appreciate this article full of sweaty facts from the Guardian. It contains interesting droplets like artificial sweat exists (for product testing) and that fear sweat is a different chemical composition to the hot variety. That last one probably isn’t too surprising to anyone who has done intense BDSM scenes. The ice cold fear sweat that seems to magically spring from your skin under stress feels very different to what happens during a workout.

I’m kind of surprised the article didn’t mention sweat fetishes. If the number of domme’s baring their armpits or selling their socks on my Twitter feed is any kind of gauge, there’s clearly a non-trivial number of people with that particular kink out there.

This image is originally from the Russian Mistress site, with added captioning from the always entertaining Servitor.

Domme Barbie

The Barbie movie opens this weekend. For a movie about a child’s toy, it seems to have taken on an outsized cultural significance.  Part of that is doubtless down to its juxtaposition with Oppenheimer, part down its very well chosen stars in Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling.

While the Barbie aesthetic doesn’t often cross over into BDSM, there’s certainly a lot of traffic the other way. There are countless Goth Barbie creations, with wardrobe and accessory sets straight out of the nearest dungeon. I particularly liked the one below, shared by Mistress Chloe.

Kinky Toys

One of the most surprising movie franchises in recent years has been the Lego series. None of them are the next Citizen Kane, but they’re surprisingly watchable nonsense. It blows my mind that two of the biggest creative companies in the world – Disney and Lucasfilm – can take one of the biggest franchises in the world – Star Wars – and make a total hash of the various prequels and sequels. Yet at the same time someone can take a bunch of kids plastic blocks and turn it into a successful billion dollar movie series.

Shown below are are shots from a possible new addition to that series. After Lego Batman we have Lego Baton, aka Mistress Baton as captured by Bad Legoman. Their expressions are great as are his shiny red cheeks. Come on Hollywood – a wisecracking dominatrix with a sturdy right arm would make for a great character in your next Lego movie.

You case see more shots of Lego Mistress Baton punishing her miniature submissive via the original twitter thread.

Perverted Pup

I’ve a bit late to the table with this Onion article from 2013: Masochist Dog Enjoys Being Walked Around On Leash While Naked. However, it made me smile and I figure there’s no time limit on humor.

According to neighbors living near local French bulldog Ruggles, the humiliation-loving canine apparently derives intense pleasure from being stark naked, clipped to a movement-constricting leash, and paraded around in public.

This gentleman clearly shares some of Ruggles perversions. Hopefully, he at least doesn’t leave his walker little presents on the grass outside.


I found this via the Madame is All tumblr. A bit of digging around led me to the original source – Troupe of Slaves and specifically this section.

Taking It Literally

I was planning to post some follow-up thoughts to my last post, but the night is late and time has run short. Instead, consider this post as a humorous intermission between serious musing. It features a couple who really decided to run with the golden shower concept. I suspect that – as is always the way with makeshift outdoor showers – the warm ‘water’ will run out before he can soap off properly.

I’ve no idea where this is from. Reverse image search doesn’t link to anything useful sadly.