Real Sex

The Vulture site is carrying an interesting article on the old HBO show Real Sex. I was amazed to discover it first aired back in 1990 and ran for almost 20 years. I didn’t encounter it until I moved to the States in 2001 and, based on the frank manner it addressed sex, had always assumed it was of a fairly recent vintage.

It was by no means a great show. Although the article claims they aimed to be sincere and to laugh ‘with’ and not ‘at’ the people involved, I always detected an undercurrent of cynicism. Beneath the veneer of education and illumination there were clearly elements of titillation (ok with me) and mockery (not so good). However, all that said, I think it still was a net positive in helping people talk more frankly about their sexual interests. For example, this post from D. Hubby directly references the effect an episode on spanking had on his life.

One particular part of the interview that caught me eye was this quote…

It was always a challenge for us to find good-looking people. It’s certainly true of nudists, but a lot of people doing weird sex stuff are not necessarily young and attractive.
Katie Smalheer, associate/coordinating/supervising producer, 1996–2005

I think that’s a very telling comment. It could be taken to mean that people doing ‘weird sex stuff’ are unusually unattractive.The reality is that this media filtered view of the world is incredibly biased. Visual attractiveness is a valued commodity, particularly when nakedness is involved. Almost all commercial visual media picks from a tiny pool of conventionally attractive people. People into ‘weird sex stuff’ are simply a normal cross-section of the populace, and that clashes with the narrow selection criteria we normally expect for naked people on film. Our perception of what is acceptable or normal is horribly skewed.

I don’t have a particularly great image to use for this post, so I’ll finish with the kind of scene that I’m sure Real Sex would have loved to feature. That Miss Eve from the Young Dommes site.

Picking your orientation

After yesterday’s post, which talked about sexual orientation and BDSM, I did what I should have done right from the start and searched for other posts on the topic. That led me to this excellent one by Clarisse Thorn. I think she covered the complexity of the discussion rather well.

To this point I’ve tended to think of sexual orientation as being specifically about what gender someone is attracted to. Not because I believe that BDSM isn’t an intrinsic part of some peoples identity. Just that the common and accepted usage of sexual orientation is around gender, and I don’t like overloading terms unnecessarily. However, I did find one of the comments in Clarisse’s post particularly interesting. It quotes Charles Moser and lists the factors he believes makes up an orientation…

Lifelong – Difficult to Suppress
Prepubertal Recognition
Interest Despite Aging
Immutable, but Fluid
Emotional Price to Do or Not Do “It”
Lust – Specifically and Especially Sexually Arousing
Effect of Testosterone/Anti-Androgens

One does not have to satisfy all 7, but they distinguish a “lesser” sexual interest from an orientation. It also means that not everyone who does a behavior (even repetitively) has an orientation. Also, an orientation can satisfy less than 7, but it is hard for me to imagine someone who satisfies all 7 not having an orientation.

I’m not quite sure what he means by the one on Testosterone, but when it comes to my BDSM interests, I’m batting 100% on all the rest. I think they make for an interesting checklist to consider.

Of course, if the complexity of the human condition is all too much for you, becoming a coffee table is always an option. I’m pretty certain they don’t have a sexual orientation.

I found this on the Undiscovered Limits tumblr.

Pro versus Lifestyle

Stabbity over at Not Just Bitchy has me reaching for my keyboard again. A couple of weeks ago her comments on force in a scene triggered two different posts (here and here). This time it’s her provocatively titled Pro-doms V’s Lifestyle doms post. In this particular case I find myself violently agreeing with part of that post and incredibly puzzled by the rest of it.

The part I violently agree with is that pro-doms and lifestyle doms offer different things. That’s clearly true. A few scheduled hours of very focused intense play is nothing like a natural evolving organic relationship. Even if you play with the same domme very regularly (as I do), it’s not an approximation for a lifestyle interaction. The relationship you create may be a very positive and real one, but it’s established on an entirely different basis from a lifestyle D/s one and grows differently because of that. I also agree that the guy who expects a lifestyle relationship to play out like a 24×7 fantasy fulfilling professional session is an idiot.

Where I find myself confused by Stabbity is when she then goes on to divide men up into two very different groups…

If what a guy really wants is a dominant girlfriend, he’s not likely to have a lot of interest in seeing pro doms. Not getting to build a relationship with them would be a deal breaker, not a selling point. On the other hand, someone with an extremely demanding job who just doesn’t have time for a relationship but wants to get his kink on isn’t likely to get what he wants from a lifestyle dom.
Stabbity in Pro-doms V’s Lifestyle doms

I can’t speak for all submissive guys, but that perspective does not reflect either my own or the one I see most guys describing. It suggests that the two experiences are so different that it divides submissives into two distinct and non-overlapping types. I think it’s much more of a continuum than that, and that the differences between pro and lifestyle play do not manifest themselves in that way.

To draw a rough analogy: Some men only want sex in a committed relationship. Some men only want casual sex and wish to avoid relationships. But some men (a lot in my view) would be happy to have casual sex while they search for the right relationship. If they haven’t found Miss Perfect they’ll happily fool around with Miss Fun and her attractive sister Miss Available. Particularly if that fooling around doesn’t stand in the way of searching for Miss Perfect.

It’s certainly possible to build a relationship with a pro-domme. It’s also certainly not the same as a lifestyle relationship. And that is not a deal breaker for a lot of guys who’d like a lifestyle relationship because playing with a pro-domme is goddamn fun. I’ve had some of the best and most intense experiences of my life with them. I’m kind of hoping that doesn’t cross me off the dating list for any dominant women out there.

Given the topic of discussion it seems only appropriate to feature a photograph of a pro-domme. This is Mistress Ella Kros. If you’re anywhere near Tel-Aviv her session information is here.

Wanted: Mänskliga Fotpall

Yesterday I received one of the more unusual comments I’ve ever had. It was from a Sandra Lindqvist, a researcher for a Swedish TV company, looking to find people to help them with a documentary.

We are currently working on a documentary series called “Fråga Olle-dokumentären” (“Ask Olle about sex – documentary”) about sex, love and relationships for Swedish Channel 5
…
One topic we would like to cover in our documentary is ”Human Furniture” – Forniphilia
…
I was wondering if you know any Mistresses or just some people that are practicing this? We are going to UK next Wednesday for a couple of days and we really want to meet and do a segment with someone about this when we are there.

Given I haven’t visited Sweden in years, and don’t speak the language, I’ve unsurprisingly never heard of the series. I’m guessing that this is the homepage for it. And while I have featured forniphilia a few times in the past, I wouldn’t describe it as a major kink of mine. The fantasy is kind of fun, but I suspect I’d quickly get bored of the reality.

Anyway, if you’re in the UK (or I assume Sweden), into forniphilia at all and feel you could help out, then I suggest giving Sandra an email. The only forniphilia experts I know of offhand are House of Gord, and they’re US based and maledom.

While I can’t help out directly, the comment does at least give me an excuse to feature a couple of interesting images on the theme. The first features Mistress Alex combining public humiliation, objectification and the morning paper. The second is by David Blázquezz, one of a series of similar images he shot for an exhibition. The shelving construction in the series is particularly impressive.

Femdom image updates

I’ve done some work on the Femdom Image page. Specifically I’ve removed a few dead or dormant sites, and added the following ones:

Hopefully there should be a little bit of something for everyone on those tumblr’s.

The image below comes via the newly added Femdomcore tumblr. There’s no attribution but I believe that’s Mistress Shae, a pro-domme based in Southern California. I’ve never sessioned with her, but she has an excellent reputation as a very skilled domme.

Put her in the comfy chair!

I’m continuing the F/f theme from yesterday’s post. However, while I called yesterday’s image ‘sweet’, I’m not sure many people would apply the same description here. It’s more a case of turning her into the comfy chair, rather than putting her in it.

For most people I expect it’s the severity of the bondage that stands out, but for me it’s the expressions. One is icy calm, unflustered. The other is emotional and flushed, even a little tearful. That contrast really makes the image work for me.

The artist goes under the handle of papermania. I’ve seen his work floating around in a lot of different places but I’ve never managed to track down any biographical details or a homepage. The majority of his work is M/f but there’s also some F/f and F/m. If you’d like to browse more there’s a g-e.hentai gallery here and a couple of imagefap galleries here and here. Be aware that some of his images are fairly strong fantasy BDSM.

Don’t tell Health & Safety

I’m guessing this is a scene inspired by Namio Harukawa. He’s illustrated a lot of forniphilia images featuring men as bar stools – for example this one. However, I can see issues with this particular approach. For one thing, it doesn’t put the submissive in close contact with the dominant. I accept that this is a purely subjective view, but if I’m going to be objectified I like it to be a relatively intimate object. Or at least something with a degree of personal contact, even if it’s only feet. While this position may provide an interesting view for the submissive, it seems a little distant. However, more importantly, it seems fairly dangerous for the dominant. That cannot be a stable base for a stool. There’s a lot of pressure on a small area, and a rib cage isn’t what I’d call a smooth even surface. Let’s hope it didn’t end with a minature domme domino rally.

I found this image on the kazowk88 blog.

The joy of referrals

One of the things I’ve most enjoyed about creating this blog is all the interesting sites it has led me to. My original plan was simply to use it to share all the random links and images that I personally appreciated. But thanks to comments, emails and my referral logs, I’ve ended up gaining far more than a simple place to broadcast my opinions.

The latest interesting incoming link that I’ve spotted is from the “he stoops to worship” blog. It’s an unusual femdom blog, in that it contains a much broader selection of artwork than most, drawing from both mainstream and kinky sources. It’s written by slave c and he’s done an excellent job of both selecting the images and providing useful background to them. There’s everything from German pre-war art, through Hollywood Film Noir to erotic illustrations.

The following two images were taken from a post featuring the work of Craig Morey. I think the contrasting bodies together with the sense of balance and symmetry creates something really beautiful.

he stoops to worship

So I’m a lamp. Want to fight about it?

While I’m on the forniphilia theme, here’s an image in that genre that made me laugh. The foot stool and picture look suitably cowed and submissive, but the lamp has a far more belligerent stance. It looks like at any moment he’s expecting aspersions to be cast on the quality of his lampshade, or his light throwing ability, and he’s ready to punch the person concerned. I can picture him standing guard outside a nightclub doorway, the lampshade still on his head, just daring a drunk idiot to make a comment about it.

The image comes from InerMiss on deviantART (free deviantART account required to view). The domme is Goddess Magdalena and the photograph was from the Secret Boudoir photography studio (and not the mature escort site with a similar name in the UK that turned up at the top of the search results!)

Caption Required

This is an image that cries out for a caption done in the style of the letter she’s writing. Perhaps something like “…and in other news, John has been making himself useful around the house recently. After losing his CEO job he probably sees his new duties as a small step down in responsibility, but I like him to feel he’s still making a contribution to the household.”

I like the kneepads and the hood. The former is practical and suggests a lengthy time in position, while the latter is nicely objectifying. I’m less keen on her dress. The fetish nature of it kind of clashes with the ‘normality’ (in femdom world at least) of the activity.

I found this on Awesome Femdom.