The beauty of dominant women
Here’s an image that particularly resonated with me today. Not so much for the kink, but for the anger and visceral satisfaction it represents. I imagine a lot of people who have been reading the news in America or browsing political threads on social media may feel the same way. I’d never condone non-consensual violence in real life, but the fantasy can sometimes be one to savor.
I found it via this tweet. Based on the machine translation, I think it’s from a Japanese manga called ‘God App’.
The amusing kinky food video from a few posts back got me thinking about cooking in a D/s context. Specifically, why do I never seen dommes advertise for a submissive chef? Typically I see asks for cleaners, chauffeurs, PA’s and general dogsbodies, yet never for kitchen help. Actually, to be entirely honest, what I mostly observe is dommes complaining that trying to get a submissive to do anything actually useful to them is more trouble than it’s worth, and most submissives are only keen on what’ll please them and their dick. But after that sadly large group, among those still giving submissives a chance to be useful, I’ve never seen a chef request. I wonder why?
Personally, if I was recruiting for my own household, there would two main chores to offload: Ironing and food preparation. I love cooking, but food prep is a major time sink that I’d happily delegate. On the flipside, as a submissive, I’ve no interest in scrubbing floors, but would take satisfaction in preparing and cooking food for someone. Plus, food prep is full of sexy french terms. Getting beaten for a sloppy chiffonade or uneven brunoise would be extra kinky.
I’m afraid I don’t have an attribution for this image. If you can help with that, then please leave me a comment.
Dr Kate Lister via the iNews site has published a short but decent overview of the adult baby kink. As she says, it’s a much misunderstood kink that can often generate both disgust and disapproval. Even for pro-dommes it tends to be a divisive kink, with some specializing in it and others not offering it at all.
I’m firmly in the YKINMKBYKIOK camp, but tend not to cover ABDL stuff because it’s a somewhat niche interest that doesn’t really mesh with my person kinks. It’s also tough to find images on the theme that have broad appeal for a general site like this one. This particularly one of a Birthday Spanking is by the artist swabbs.
Something short and sweet to start the weekend. This is from the 60’s comic Barbarella by Jean-Claude Forest, famously made into a movie by Roger Vadim with Jane Fonda. The film is objectively bad, while also being an entertaining 60’s exploitation sci-fi flick, packed with fetishistic elements.
This Guardian article on surgical penis extensions isn’t really anything to do with femdom, but I found it fascinating, so I’m going to feature it anyway. Some of my takeaways were that it always seems to be a guy self-esteem issue, their female partners don’t really care about it, and that often the guys getting the surgery aren’t that small anyway.
The really crazy thing is that it doesn’t make any difference to the erect length, it just makes it look longer when its flaccid and hanging. Apparently that’s better for the locker room image. Who seriously gives a shit about that? Between the attribution of Trump’s pussy grabbing to just ‘locker room talk that all guys do’ and now this surgery for a bigger locker room dick, I’m really wondering what kind of gyms people are going to. Personally I just get in, get changed and get out. Apparently there’s a whole sexual dick measuring thing (both literal and metaphorical) going on that I’ve thankfully missed out on.
I’m not into Small Penis Humiliation (SPH), but frankly that seems a way more healthy reaction to dick size issues than having a surgeon chop at a ligament and stuff fat into your dick. No SPH scene ever left someone with a bent misshapen dick that doesn’t work properly anymore.
Of course another alternative is to go totally artificial. You can have any size you (or she) likes in that kind of set-up.
This is from Mistress T’s twitter feed.
In the past I’ve published posts on scientific studies when they had positive things to say about BDSM. For example, this one on flow and this one on psychological health. It seems only fair therefore to feature one that has a more troubling message.
The study in question looked at empathy in female submissives, and came to the conclusion that they have reduced empathy to other peoples suffering. As described in this article, the experiment was done by showing them photographs of people with neutral and ‘in pain’ expressions and watching what parts of the brain lit up. Apparently female submissives had unusually low responses to the ‘in pain’ photos in the parts of the brain normally associated with empathy.
I understand the methodology behind this approach. It reminds me of an anecdote from a doctor studying psychopaths who’d been jailed for violent crimes. He described showing an expression of a frighted man to one of his subjects and asked what he thought the man in the photograph was feeling. The prisoner laughed and said he didn’t know, but it reminded him of the looks on peoples faces just before he stabbed them. Clearly being able to relate expressions to internal emotions is a key part of empathizing with someone.
However, that said, while I understand the general approach here, it does seem flawed in this case. They’re starting from the premise that pain is a bad thing, and therefore seeing someone in pain should trigger empathy and concern. That’s true for most people but not for masochists. We have a much more complex relationship to pain. It’s an ambiguous sensation and therefore context is important. If I see someone stub their toe then I wince and feel bad for them. If I see someone tied up and caned in a BDSM movie I get excited and wish it was me. If I just see a pained expression alone, it’ll probably depend on my mood and what’s on my mind. Lacking context for the pain I’ll add my own, and that could generate all sorts of different emotional responses.
I think if you’re going to study empathy in kinky people, you really need to take into account their sexual wiring. For example, study their responses to happy or surprised faces rather than people in pain. Or put the pain into a suitable context. I’m sure non-kinky people would be disturbed by and empathize with the apparent pain of the man in the image below. As a masochist my reaction to the image is quite different, because I understand in this context the pain for him might be a sort of pleasure.
I’m afraid I’ve no idea who created this image. If you can help attribute it then please leave me a comment.
Here’s a final post (for the moment) on a pet theme. Just after I published yesterday’s post on pro-dommes and animals, I noticed this tweet from Mistress Baton. For those not wishing to click through it features an image with the text “You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my dog.” Her accompanying comment is that “The only creatures who can boss Dominatrice around are our pets.”
So I guess the lesson here is that if you’re going to top from the bottom, make sure you’re as cute as a puppy. Otherwise best do what you’re told.
This image is Mistress Adreena Angela with her personal puppy.
Mistress Evilyne has put up an excellent and very personal post on Whorearchy, the shaming of female desire and what sexual acts are appropriate for a dominant. Hint: It’s whatever they damn well decide. As she concludes the post with…
As long as you are not hurting anybody either physically or mentally, then go ahead and do what you want to do! Be you and rock it! And don’t let anyone shame you or tell you that they are better than you.
It’s a topic I’ve touched on before. The last time, in a post entitled Demarcation, I linked to writing from Domina Victoria Rage and Mistress T that made similar arguments. As I said then, I think the legal issues of sex work to tend to distort not only the topic, but even our ability to discuss it openly. For example, I wouldn’t discuss a pegging session here unless the pro-domme in question was publicly open about offering it on her site. Just penetration alone can be problematic legally, let alone if you throw an orgasm or two into the mix.
Theoretically this is only a problem in the professional realm, but in reality I think it tends to spill across all of femdom. Lacking other strong cultural models, people take cues from porn and pros. So we end up in this fucked up situation where patriarchal laws distort professional femdom, and patriarchal norms suppress other representations of femdom, and ultimately the distorted former being an outsized influence on the latter.
This is Mistress Evilyne enjoying some public humiliation play. She’s a London based pro-domme.
This Paper Magazine article presents some interesting discussions with several different sex workers in various fields. The one that really caught my eye was from Karmenife, who is currently working as a pro-domme. To quote her from the article…
I actually found sex work through an art project that I did. When I was on campus, I was raped my freshman year and I thought it pretty much ruined me. One way that I reclaimed my space for myself is I did an art project where I dress up like a dominatrix and I dommed frat guys in front of the frat house where I was raped. I had never felt so powerful and beautiful, and to feel that in a space where I had been ripped apart was beyond empowering.
I hunted around online and found this article from 2016 describing the art project she mentions.I can’t believe I missed this when it was originally published. It’s kind of an incredibly story, both to reclaim her power via that project and then to channel it into a career. There’s a site for the project itself here, which is where the following image is from.
Karmenife is currently based in NYC and the twitter feed for her professional persona is here.
If you’re looking for some interesting tips on training a submissive, then you might want to browse this twitter thread started by Mistress Eva. I have to admit that most of the suggestions don’t appeal to me personally. Spanking and naps are childhood things I’ll gladly revisit, but I’m eternally happy to be permanently done with punishment, chores and homework. However, if that’s the kind of thing you like mixed into your kinky play, then you should probably check out the thread.
Of course this also gives me the a great opportunity to feature a photograph of the lovely Mistress Eva herself. From her site she offers online training as well as in person sessions.
I found this image on Mistress Eva’s twitter feed.