Glorious

In this case the post title is also the title the artist gave this photograph. I originally found it on the Real Dominant Women tumblr, but some internet sleuthing led me to the original copy taken by Allison Redner. It’s interesting to read the comments which generally describe it as a cute, beautiful and romantic shot. I certainly agree with that, but I’m surprised nobody commented on the pose and the dynamic. Some ‘mainstream’ shot can have a femdom vibe in the context of a femdom tumblr, but seem very normal and vanilla when seen in their original context. For me, this one still retains an element of that vibe even when viewing it in its original and non-kinky flickr home.

Glorious by Allison Redner

Crazy ninja skills

Here’s a shot captured at the perfect moment. What I particularly like is her look of concentration and the position of her hands. I feel like she has just pulled off the five point palm exploding penis technique. I’m not sure what crazy kinky mountain dwelling mistress would teach this, but I would love to see the training montage for it.

Ruined OrgasmI found this on the Submissive Me tumblr. From doing a reverse image search I believe the original source is LilusHandjobs site. Check it out if you want to buy the video version.

Submissive to aisle 3

Here’s a sweet little shot I came across on Reddit. The store’s produce section looks fairly poor, but their selection of submissives seems to be worth browsing.

I did a reverse image search on this, which I normally do for any image without attribution, and was amused to discover it had been widely used as an example of that ridiculous concept known as the ‘friend zone‘. I guess the implication is that she’s using his romantic feelings to get him to do humiliating things he’d never normally do, and he’s only doing them to get into her pants. This is obviously some strange new usages of the word friend I wasn’t previously aware of. I think it says more about the people making that association that the couple in the picture.

Kneeling man helping woman with her shoes

Any excuse for kink

I often enjoy getting annoyed at things I read. Which makes the internet pretty much the greatest invention ever. I’m never more than a few clicks away from something enjoyable.

50 Shades of Grey has been quite a blessing in that respect. It seems that no news or opinion site is complete without a regular article on the book and what it tells us about society (hint – nothing. The existence of Dan Brown had already proven that millions of people will buy badly written books). My ‘favorite’ article on the book so far is this one, which is so stupid you might actually getter dumber just by reading it. Apologies if you follow that link and then discover you can no longer complete a coherent thingy. You know. Lots of words all lined up.

The other common spin-off article, other than a review or social comment, is the “My hour/day/week as a dominatrix” confession. This typically gives the author a chance to titillate readers with some kinky fun, prove that she’s edgy and interesting, all while maintaining an air of superiority over the freaks. Here’s a pretty good canonical example of the genre.

These articles all follow a similar pattern. They start with “This’ll be fun! I get to boss men around. And I love dress-up!” Then they move into “Oh, there’s like all this equipment and stuff. This seems hard. Can’t I just look pretty and sneer at the clients?” After this comes the realization that not all men paying for a sexual experience look like Richard Gere in Pretty Woman. Finally, it ends with a “Wow, it’s not like I’m judging or anything, but people who see pro-dommes are weird.” That may or may not be true, but coming from a person who appears to have made a career choice on the basis of wearing a sexy costume, it’s a little hard to take seriously.

I’ll leave you with a picture of someone who can definitely pull off a sexy costume, but also knows it takes a hell of a lot more to be a great domme. This is Domina Nyx, a NYC based pro-domme. This shot was featured on her blog.

Domina Nyx

Perfectly positioned

Here’s my last post in what turned into a trio of happy strap-on posts. This particular one has a teasing feel to it. The strap-on hasn’t actually been deployed yet, but judging from the smiles and the bound position of the gentleman, it can only be a matter of time. She also finds a few other uses for that tongue she’s grabbing.

Bound slave ready to be peggedThis is from a Divine Bitches shoot, featuring January Seraph with Adam Russo. I found it on the My Miss in Control tumblr, where you can get the original full sized version.

What a big…smile

These two shots come courtesy of the Strap-on Dreamer site. From the public homepage it doesn’t seem much different to a lot of similar sites, with talk of hot dominant girls fucking submissive guys. However, whoever is shooting the images for it does seem to have a feel for the more playful side of pegging. From the images I’ve seen floating around tumblr (and featured here in the past) they tend more to the smiles than snarls.

Strap-on shot
Strap-on shot I found both these images on the Private Strapon tumblr.

Adding to the stress

After writing yesterday’s post on panic and stress when playing, a further personal observation struck me. This was that it’s not relinquishing control that creates significant stress. I’m happy to release control of my body, and can do quite intense activities, like breathplay or suturing, with no danger of panicking. What dramatically ratchets up the stress level is when I feel that there’s an element that is out of control. Something that we accidentally dropped on the floor when control was passed between us. For example, I’ve no problem with a mistress pulling a plastic bag tight over my head. I won’t be able to breath, but I know that she knows that. A tight hood with a small breathing hole is way more stressful. I fear that the hole will get accidentally blocked, I won’t be able to fix and she won’t know about it. I worry that nobody will be in control, and that uncertainty prays on my mind.

I don’t think I’m alone in feeling this way, and so within this observation also lies opportunity. If a dominant wants to increase stress, then they should increase uncertainty. Remove both control and awareness from the submissive. Disconnect them from their surroundings and sense of time. To borrow a term from the software industry, the dominant should strive to create FUD – Fear, Uncertainty, Doubt.

Conversely, with a nervous submissive, the dominant should try to eliminate ambiguity. Always be very clear about the transfer of control. Keep physical contact to let the submissive know they are still present and in charge of the situation. Encourage two-way communication and try to balance the competing stresses. For example, before increasing a level of sensory deprivation, decrease the level of bondage or the amount of pain.

Mademoiselle Belle

Given hoods are a good way to do sensory deprivation and create stress, I figure this would be a suitable image to illustrate the post. I like the contrast between his objectified anonymity and her happy smiling face. It features Mademoiselle Belle, a pro-domme based in Madrid. Originally the image comes from her blog site, but I came to it via the darksehnsucht tumblr.

Accumulating stress

Vista published a post recently over at her Sexual Destinies blog that caught me eye. She was writing about stress reactions and her feeling of panic when being blindfolded and gently restrained. I find those kind of reactions fascinating, as they can be simultaneously very intense and yet very illogical. I don’t mean that in a pejorative sense. There’s no right or wrong way to react to these situations. It’s just that in hindsight the strength of the reaction can seem very out of proportion to the specific stimulus that triggered it.

I’ve written about pain in the past, and commented on the fact that it’s not additive. A more intense pain in one location can distract from a mild pain elsewhere. The body has clearly evolved to direct attention to the single point that’s currently experiencing the greatest damage. Stress doesn’t seem to work that way. It is additive, each new stressful element building on the one before and pushing you closer to your panic threshold. This means that the final thing that tips someone over the edge may seem relatively minor when considered on its own.

I experienced this effect in a scene with Lydia a couple of months ago. We were doing some heavy bondage and CBT. She’d started with a rope harness, lashing my arms to my sides and pulling my legs into a frogtie. Over this she’d layered plastic wrap, carefully encasing my limbs and body, mummifying me completely from the neck to my toes. Not content with this level of restriction, she’d then wrapped my entire body in duct tape, creating a thicker encasing shell. The final touch was a duct tape gag and blindfold, rendering me mute and blind. The only thing uncovered was my cock, which she proceeded to slap and beat.

A year or two earlier we’d have never made it that far into the scene. I’d have been freaking out at the degree of restriction. But practice makes perfect and although it was intense, I was breathing through it and getting nicely spacey. Then my right hand started to get a little uncomfortable. It had moved under the wrapping and the wrist was pressing against the top of my hip bone. The absolute level of discomfort was very low, almost trivial, but it just tipped me over the edge. I started to lose perspective of where I was, my breathing became shallow and an overwhelming sense of ‘I need to deal with this now’ pushed aside me attempts to relax into the bondage. Lydia, expert that she is, spotted the change in my body instantly and removed the blindfold and gag. That was enough to bring me back, kill the panic, and let us deal with the situation.

Logically, in terms of possible things to panic about, a little muscle discomfort in my hand should have been well down the list. I was mummified in plastic wrap, had a duct taped head and someone was slapping my cock around with a pointy stick. They all sound like pretty good reasons to panic. Not a hand twinge akin to writers cramp. Yet that was the one thing that pushed me over the line. All the others had done the job of getting me close to it in the first place.

For an image I thought it’d be appropriate to run with something featuring mummification. In this case it’s a Divine Bitches shoot featuring Mistress Madeline and Kade, plus a lot of fabric wrap.

Mistress Madeline and mummified slave

Music to float by

I love the moments as I drive back from a session. I almost always play late, so it’s often near midnight when I’m returning home. The city is lit-up with the neon of bars and the strings of streetlights. I’m floating along in my little cocoon of endorphins and adrenalin, wrapped in leather and metal, enjoying each blip of power as I navigate the corridor of signals and lights. I’ll often drive further than I have to, extending my route to sustain the moment. There’s a thrill to looking out at other people, silently enjoying themselves behind the windows of bars and restaurants. A sense of shared pleasure and also my secret pleasure.

I always play something on the stereo during these drives, and it’s always something very approachable. I don’t want difficult, complex or challenging. Emotional, simple and perhaps a touch cliched works just fine. My current favorite is U2’s With or Without You. It’s got a very hooky bass line, great guitar parts and lyrics which are actually pretty appropriate in places.

My hands are tied, my body bruised
She got me with nothing to win
And nothing else to lose

It works wonderfully when I’m drifting along feeling emotional and buzzed after a session.

Picking an image for this post was a little tricky. I considered going with this, which is appropriate in the use of the car, but a crash doesn’t exactly capture the mood I’m tying to portray. So instead I’ll take my cue from the U2 lyric. His hands are tied, and if he’s not bruised yet, it may well be in his future.

Women sitting on man handcuffed to bedI found both images on the excellent Femdom Style Counsel tumblr.

Guess the fetish

I’m intrigued by this shot, mainly because I’ve absolutely no idea what’s going on. He’s acting like a towel rail, yet staring up as if he’s just spotted a large insect scuttling across the ceiling in his direction. She looks like she wants to give him more laundry to hold, yet I can’t see the impromptu towel rail taking that extra load and he’s making no effort to reach out. Is it forniphilia? CFNM? Domestic service? Art? A reverse image search led me to this blog post, which left me none the wiser (partly because the utterly retarded Google translation service can’t deal with Google’s own adult warning page on blogspot). I kind of like the image just for its strangeness alone.

Guess the fetishI originally came across it on the Femdom Core tumblr.