Tag: FFm

Penis in Peril

Yesterday’s post, featuring a penis in grave peril, reminded me of a story I heard from a domme many years ago. Like the previous video clip, it’s another one guaranteed to make most men wince. Don’t say you weren’t warned.

The domme in question was doing a ballbusting scene in heavy boots with a regular who liked to be kicked particularly hard. One kick, deep into the session, caught him awkwardly and actually split the skin at the base of his erect penis. Then, to use her words, ‘the skin sort of rolled up’. She was obviously concerned, given that blood was going everywhere. Unfortunately, the guy also had a serious castration fantasy. So rather than freaking out, he was turned on even more, which isn’t a happy state of affairs when your erection has sprung a leak. Things were messy. Eventually she persuaded him that continuing was probably a bad plan, and got him to head to ER to get patched up. I’d imagine that his sex life for the following weeks was rather limited, assuming he didn’t want to pop a stitch.

I’m not sure there’s any moral to this story, other than that horniness typically has an inverse correlation with good decision making. But I think we all knew that already.

This lady seems to have a pretty good kicking action going. It’s just a shame the guy was so keen to get into the kicking fun that he didn’t have time to take his socks off. Although if they have to rush to ER, that’ll save him some time getting dressed. This is obviously from the Female Dom site.

Two Emails

I had a couple of different emails recently. One was sadly all too common, the other sadly all too rare.

The first was someone asking me to set them up with the Goddess of their dreams. Apparently they thought I had hot and cold running Goddesses on tap and I’d be willing to divert a few of them to a random internet person on the basis of a one line email. As emails go, it’s about as effective as emailing Bill Gates with the line ‘Give me the job of my dreams!” and then signing it with a smiley face. On second thoughts, it’s actually less effective than that because, unlike me and the Goddesses, Bill at least has the theoretical ability to actually deliver.

The second email was someone thanking me for running this site and saying that reading it had played a part in them reaching out to a domme to set up their first ever play session. That gave me the warm fuzzies. Even better was the fact that they’d had a great time and they were planning to play more in the future. If there’s one single thing I’d want this site to achieve, it’d be to encourage people to get physically involved in kink. It doesn’t matter if it’s going to a munch, visiting a pro-domme or  exploring something new with a partner. Just venture out there and try it. The only lasting regret I’ve ever had about my kinky experiences is not starting them years earlier. If I can encourage others to avoid that same mistake, I’ll be a happy bunny. Just don’t expect this particular bunny to fix you up with a Goddess. That parts on you.

As for which email is the common one and which the rare one, I’ll leave that for you to guess. Absolutely no prizes for guessing right.

Here’s an example of the kind of kinky fun that’s out there to be explored. I believe this is Lady Hinako and Mistress Kawa with human thing from this tweet. Even better than one happy domme, is two happy dommes.

More Opting In or Out

I’m continuing my thoughts from yesterday’s post – Opt In or Opt Out. If you haven’t read that already, then I’d start there, otherwise this won’t make much sense.

When it comes to scene negotiation, I think there’s a fundamental tension that’s challenging to resolve. On one hand everyone wants scope for creativity and spontaneity. Working out a strict plan of action beforehand or stopping every 5 minutes to discuss the next activity is no fun. On the other hand, people can have very different views on what activities need discussion and what don’t. It’s not so much a question of failing to negotiate, but failing to spot the need to negotiate. If I think hoods are an opt in item then I will not mention them, as I don’t think I need to explicitly bar them. If the domme thinks they’re an opt out item, then me saying nothing leaves them on the table as a viable option to stick over my head mid-scene.

I don’t have any great suggestions to resolving this tension, other than trial and error and playing with the same people repeatedly. A few things I try to do from the submissive perspective are assume that…

  • Any common themes in femdom and BDSM are things I have to explicitly opt out of. For example, I’m always explicit about ruling out humiliation scenes as that’s not my kink but it’s a common one.
  • My opt in’s are sticky. If I opted in to something in a past session, the domme is probably going to assume I’m still in for it, even if we haven’t discussed it. So if I’m feeling differently about it, then it’s down to me to bring it up and opt out.
  • Opting in for X may well be treated as also opting in for things closely related to X. For example, there are a lot of different types of impact play, yet they rarely get negotiated separately. If that’s a problem for me, then I need to be explicit about how narrow I want my opt in to be.
  • A domme isn’t going to remember my particular opt outs between sessions. So if I discover during the course of play we’re on different pages on what needs discussion and what doesn’t, then it’s down to me to bring that up again next time as necessary.

I’ll leave you with a vintage image of an activity that is opt in for most dommes I know. However, there was one domme who, mid-scene and totally out of the blue, tossed me a pair of fishnet stockings, a garter belt and a pair of frilly panties to put on. It turned out to be fun, but I was certainly a bit surprised at the time. I think she was equally surprised by just how long it took me to figure out how to get them all on properly.

This show is from mrunderheel’s twitter feed.

Kitchen Toy

The kink part of my East Coast tour has sadly come to an end. What’s left is just the part I actually came all the way out here for – doing touristy stuff with family in Washington D.C. I basically used 4 days of family time as an excuse for 10 prior days of debauchery and perverted sexual practices. So … yay me?

While I’ve eaten out at some fantastic restaurants during the trip (Smyth in Chicago and Momofuku Ko in NYC would be the two stand-outs), what I’m really missing right now is my own kitchen and my own food. There’s something very satisfying and fulfilling about prepping and cooking a meal from your own cookbooks and with your own equipment.

Unlike this gentleman, I can’t say I’ve ever taken to naked cookery. Hot liquid droplets and splatters would seem to be an issue. Not to mention the problem of genitals in the proximity of work surfaces. On the other hand, if that’s what it takes to get Mistress Iris and Mistress Eva near my kitchen, it’s certainly a risk I’m prepared to take. I’d happily play prep cook, line cook, busboy and waiter for them.

Image is from this tweet and credited to dk_photo_88. While I’ve sadly not (yet) met Mistress Eva, I can personally attest that Mistress Iris is a fabulous domme to play with.

Bondage Fun in NYC

My East Coast vacation has moved onto New York, and today I was lucky enough to spend some time with Troy Orleans. Much bondage fun was on the menu, featuring chains, open mouth gags, leather straps and plastic wrap mummification. There were also some needles and electricity mixed in there for good measure.

Bondage for me is often the starting point of a session, not the ultimate goal. It’s the thing you have to do before starting the actual kinky activity you’re targeting. But when you’ve got someone with the mad skills of Troy Orleans, not to mention her amazing studio space, it’s nice to turn it around and make bondage itself the focus. It can lead to quite unique headspaces that are somehow stressful and relaxing all at the same time.

This image is Troy in her space, but not with me. This is from her Instagram feed (shot in March) and the domme at the back is Elise Graves. Those metal wires can actually be used to suspend the submissive in space, with that lower bench pulled entirely clear.

How to Deal with Men

This NYTimes article is pretty much perfect link fodder for this blog. It features an ex-dominatrix teaching a class for women on how to tackle power imbalance when dealing with men in conversation and negotiation. I particularly like the fact that the course apparently draws on BDSM, Taoist martial arts and Cesar Millan’s book on dog training. I love the idea of a woman in a business meeting sternly telling a loud man to sit down and be quiet, and then tossing him a biscuit from her handbag.

One quote that I did find slightly surprising was this…

“If I’m in control of you, my attention is outward, so precisely fixed on the other person that I almost forget I exist,” Ms. Urbaniak told the audience. If you’re submissive, “your attention is focused inward, on yourself and your feelings.”

I found that curious, because that’s pretty much the opposite of how I function. When I’m deep in a submissive mind set my focus is intensely on the domme. Everything else floats away, my body is no longer mine and she’s the center of my universe. Conversely, when I’m being forceful in a work situation, my focus originates from a sense of self and confidence in my knowledge and expertise.

If you’re interested in the classes, they’re run by Kasia Urbaniak from something she calls The Academy. I’ve obviously no idea of their efficacy, but I do appreciate the goals and sentiment behind them.

I found this image via some random tumblr, but I believe that’s London based Mistress Evilyne with one of the ‘Boss’ mugs.

Thirst for Knowledge

Much as I appreciate the attractive ladies in the tight dresses, what really makes this image for me is his enthusiastic expression. There is a man with a powerful hunger for some forbidden fruit. If he’d be in the Garden of Eden, that tree would have been stripped bare of apples before God knew what was going on. The serpent wouldn’t even have had time to get his famous sales pitch out. He’d have been less an evil tempter, and more that poor unfortunate creature who got trampled to death as man rushed to grab the fruit of the tree.

According to Wikipedia it’s only in Western Europe that the forbidden fruit is commonly identified as an apple. Other possibilities include grapes, figs and pomegranates. Those actually make more sense to me. I always thought that forbidden fruit should suggest sensuality, temptation and decadence. Apples are perfectly fine as fruit, but they’re also very sensible and boring.  They’re the missionary position with the lights low. Nobody should get kicked out of paradise for that.

This is Ms Renee Trevi with USAFETISH taken from this tweet on her twitter feed.

The Pleasure of Play

I was surprised to see a very well known domme state (on twitter) how much she hated the term ‘play’ when it related to kink and femdom. It’s a term I never used in my early days of kinky exploration – because that was such super serious stuff – but it’s one I’ve come to use and like a lot.

I should say out of the gate that of course femdom can be more than just play. It can be a major part of a relationship, a 24×7 dynamic, a way to modify behavior, an ethos, etc. But let’s face reality. The majority of lifestyle femdom activity and almost all of professional femdom activity is a form of play (from the client perspective). And that’s absolutely not a bad thing.

The Oxford English dictionary defines play as – “Engage in activity for enjoyment and recreation rather than a serious or practical purpose.” I think most people’s lives are full of serious and practical activities. Going to work, maintaining a house, caring for a family, paying bills – these are all serious and practical activities. Don’t we deserve a break to enjoy some recreation? And what could be more recreational than pulling on fun outfits, tying people up, teasing their erogenous zones or blowing their minds with intense sensations? There’s a reason pro-dommes use sensual, sadistic and playful to describe possible session dynamics and not words like serious, practical and sensible.

I don’t have a problem with someone wanting to get more out of a femdom dynamic than kinky fun times. I love reading about couples that have taken it beyond that level. But given a world serious lacking in fun, and a culture that has some seriously messed up views on sex and kink, why be against the idea of kink as play? Admittedly, sometimes it can be intense, crazy and freaky, but that doesn’t mean it’s not play.

Here’s a somewhat literal representation of play and femdom. This is from Underling.

Who told you to stop?

This is from a Lezhin webcomic series called Sadistic Beauty, written by Yunhee Woo and drawn by Geumsan Lee. You can see more panels from the same sequence in this tumblr post. I don’t know anything about it, other than what you see here, but this sequence definitely make me want to explore it further. The first few episodes are free, and after that it’s just a buck or so an episode.