Collar – Page 3 – Femdom Resource

Ban Bossy

Sheryl Sandberg (the Facebook COO) has launched a campaign to ban the use of the word ‘bossy’. There’s a website and a video that features famous women such as Beyoncé and Condoleezza Rice. The reaction from the press has been varied, with a few positive articles (like this one), but a much larger number of negative ones. Some of those have been reasonable, and instead wanted to reclaim the word, others have been so stupid I think I killed braincells just reading them.

Personally I like the campaign. Although I don’t think it matters if the word gets shunned or reclaimed. History has shown plenty of successful examples of both cases. I just like the fact that it’s being discussed and people may become more thoughtful of how language can shape expectations or behavior. In my part of the business world, even ‘boss’ doesn’t really get used these days, except perhaps occasionally in an ironic context. People are described as managers or leaders, all words with positive associations. The word ‘boss’ has a negative edge, and the word ‘bossy’ is both negative and highly gendered.

Of course, wearing my kinky hat (handkerchief? handcuffs?), I’m a big fan of the type of woman that might occasionally get labeled today as bossy. Anytime I hear someone describe a female friend as bossy my ears perk up and I start making subtle inquiries into her dating and relationship status. It’s up there with feisty, aggressive and intelligent as great trigger words to pitch to me on any attempted blind date set-up.

This forceful and articulate woman, shown here demonstrating a strong leadership role in her relationship, is from the Subby Hubby site. I originally found the image on the CFNM classics tumblr.

New Femdom Links Page

I’ve added a new page for what I think of as generally useful femdom links. Arguably most of my pages would fit that description, but calling it ‘Links to stuff that didn’t fit neatly on other pages’ would have made a mess of the menu at the top. It replace my old BDSM articles page that was gradually atrophying for lack of attention. Most of the old entries there were transferred across, plus I added a bunch of new ones to places like: All Star Doms, Reddit Femdom, Femme Fatale Directory, HogSpy, Femdom City, Tickleberry, etc.

The image below has absolutely no relationship to the change above. I just wanted something visually appealing and hot to finish the post. I think it makes the grade on both those points. He has a great puppy look.

I found this image on the Brooding Bottom tumblr. It’s originally from the Subby Hubby site.

A thesis worth reading

After yesterday’s lengthy post, here’s something short and sweet courtesy of the artist Caroline O’Grady.

The two images below are taken from her thesis series entitled Dom & Sub. The first is Instigation (part 1) and the second is Post-Play (part 4). You can see the others 3 parts over at on her blog. There’s also Negotiation, Play and Aftercare.

I love the fact she’s using these as part of her academic thesis at her College of Art. It’d certainly make for a more interesting Viva Voce than the dry and boring discussions that typically result.

Once more into the hornet’s nest

My previous post on male lingerie got me thinking about the topic of forced feminization. Specifically the always controversial variant that targets humiliation and embarrassment. It’s not my kink. I actually like the idea of transformation, but humiliation is never an interest of mine in any kind of play. However, I am confused by some of the opinions I see on it. As often happens, I find myself approaching it from a slightly different perspective.

A widely held view is that it’s misogynist. Why should someone be humiliated by wearing clothes than women commonly wear? If the clothes demean the wearer in the submissives eyes, and he expects women to wear them as a matter of course, therefore women must be always be demeaned in his eyes. There are lots of blog posts along these lines floating around. For example, two minutes archive hunting took me to this one by Stabbity and this one by Peroxide.

I think it’s certainly true that this type of play can be misogynistic, but is it always? That seems to make a very crude assumption about the transitive properties of clothing and context. Circumstances and social norms would seem to matter. For example, make me do a presentation at work tomorrow in Lederhosen and I’m going to be pretty embarrassed. Not so much if I was at Oktoberfest. Or stick me in a sparkly skintight leotard in the middle of some ice, and I will undoubtedly be humiliated. That doesn’t mean I look down on female figure skaters. Their abilities amaze me.

Being ashamed of very conventional everyday clothing would be a red flag. But typically it seems the people adopting that look are not into the humiliation kink at all. They’re trying to be as convincing and as feminine as possible (for example). The typical forced feminization outfit is the kind of over the top provocative clothing that’s hard for anyone to pull off with flair, let alone a hairy, overweight middle aged guy. Are they getting off on the humiliation of women’s clothes? Or are they getting off on wearing a highly sexualized outfit that makes them look silly (and happens to be women’s clothes)? If I think a french maid outfit on some guys looks ridiculous, does that make me a misandrist?

I’m not trying to argue this kind of play is always non-problematic. It definitely raises some complex questions. But I do think the logic of the view that ‘positive crossdressing=good’ and ‘forced feminization=bad’ is a bit simplistic.

The original source for this image appears to have vanished. I’m assuming it’s an Fm shot, but thanks to the hood it’s actually hard to tell. I think the anonymity of it makes it kind of hot. Is this the good or the bad sort of forced feminization?

Mouseketease

I’m a little nervous about posting this. The lawyers for Disney are notorious ~~assholes~~ fine, hardworking people who fiercely defend their companies property. I’m sure this is both fair use as a parody as well as being a creative work in it’s own right. But while I’m masochistic enough to enjoy whipping, burning and piercing, I’m not masochistic enough to want to get involved in a copyright dispute with corporate lawyers. I may be kinky, but I’m not crazy.

Anyway, it made me smile, so I thought it worth sharing. You expect this kind of behavior from Bugs Bunny, or even Tom & Jerry, but it’s quite against type for these two.

I found it on the ‘A Velvet Underground‘ (aka Obey or Else) tumblr. The tag is hard to read but I think it is Twisted Terra. Unfortunately I can’t find an artist site under that name.

Printing your own toys

One of the big new things in the techy world is 3D printing. This works pretty much exactly as it sounds. You plug the printer into your computer, and rather than an image it prints out a three dimensional shape. They’ve been around for years, but have only recently dropped into the consumer price range. They’re still not cheap, but they’re now the price of a high-end television rather than a high-end automobile.

It’s a rule of the universe that any new technology will always get adopted in some way for sex. There are obviously a lot of toy possibilities with this kind of creative tool, particularly given its ability to create highly customized one off shapes. As you’d expect, companies are springing up to target this niche. Insertable toys are tricky at present, as resolution and texture issues need to be resolved. But I’d think that BDSM toys would a great area to target, with all sorts of imaginative torture and constraint options possible.

So far the only example of printable BDSM toys I’ve found is this collar and cuff combination. It’s very crude, but you can definitely see the possibilities it opens up. Starting with that as a template, it’d be interesting to personalize it by adding your own patterns and designs into the basic shape. You could even create special collars for particular events, anniversaries or certain types of play sessions. If you could imagine it, you could create it.

I’ll leave you with a shot of someone wearing a slightly more conventional collar arrangement courtesy of Mistress Alex in NYC.

I found this on the Musing of a Mistress tumblr.

Site updates

I’ve been doing some housekeeping. Dead links have been trimmed and new links introduced. It’s always a shame to lose a link that I’ve appreciated in the past. Tumblr’s tend to the ephemeral, but seeing a well crafted blog stop or simply disappear makes me sad. Of the recent removals, Femi’s thoughts will be particularly missed.

On a more positive note, I’ve refreshed the blogroll on the right, and added two new blogs to the blog page:

On the image page I’ve added a number of new tumblr links:

Domina Desires (curated by Amy, who also writes Lipstick and Ligature above)
Thoughts of a dork
Badkitty Kat
fortq
MsRoxanne
Pure Beauty
Hoejhael
Hommage to Dominatrixes
My Dominatrix Romance

Hopefully there should be a little something for everyone in that collection. I’ll leave you with an image that featured on at least two of the newly added tumblr’s (Domina Desires and Thoughts of a dork).

The original source for this image is the Brutal Facesitting site.

A great example (of how not to do it)

I’ve often considered writing a submissive’s guide to organizing a first pro-domme session. Not that I’m any sort of expert, but I picture it as a letter to my younger self. The sort of article I wish I’d read when I was 21. Fortunately, I’m not sure I need to write it anymore. An article entitled ‘No, a dominatrix won’t have sex with you‘ pretty much provides the definitive guide. Just do exactly the opposite of whatever this guy does, and you should be OK.

Admittedly he didn’t initially realize she was a professional (in purely a taking the money sense of the word), but I don’t think it changes the basic message. For example, if she’s happy to meet you at 2am on the street and then mistakes you for her drug dealer, don’t do what this guy did and return to her apartment. Similarly, if the pre-scene discussion consists of her mentioning her boyfriend and then saying she’ll do it for free because you’re cute, that is not your cue to take your shirt off.

My favorite part of the whole thing was his last line – “The biggest lesson I took from this is one that I will carry to my grave: A dominatrix doesn’t have sex with you.” Really? That was your big learning point? A few others did spring to my mind. Add while that statement is generally true for pro-dommes in the US, for any random OKCupid date you meet collecting garbage on the street at 2am, I’d say all bets are off.

I’ll leave you with a picture of a real pro-domme having fun with her ‘boy toy’. This is Ms Mona Rogers, a genuine professional (in all senses of that word) from NYC.

After the fact

Here’s a nice brace of shots to pair with yesterday’s post. That showed the build up to a cuckold scene. This shows what I assume is the aftermath to one. I guess it could be his own cum she’s about to feed him, but I suspect not.

Incidentally, these plug style gags seem to be very popular in Japanese BDSM porn, but rare in the Western equivalent. I’m not really sure why that is, as they look pretty sexy. All the benefits of a ring style gag, without the risk of it rotating in the mouth. Plus, the insertable plug adds a nice touch of objectification.

I found these images on the Felm Cyber tumblr. I’m afraid I have no idea where they originally came from.

More smiles

After yesterday’s post featuring a smiling sadist, I thought this would be a good image to follow it up with. According to the ever infallible Wikipedia, licking a face is a form of greeting for dogs. So I guess this is just her puppy’s way of saying hello. Given the width of those smiles, they’re certainly having fun with it.

I’m afraid I don’t have any context for the image. I found it on the Submissive Geek tumblr.