Bondage – Page 38 – Femdom Resource

Lacking all reason

My previous post featured what I thought was a good article on the positive side of mixing discussion, consent and sex. Today’s post brings you the flipside – a really stupid post on sex and consent. Other bloggers may aim to bring you only good things; I like to go with more of a harmonious yin and yang approach.

The article is (ironically) from Reason magazine and is entitled ‘California’s Sexual Consent Law Will Ruin Good Sex for Women‘. It was prompted by the recent ‘Yes means Yes‘ law passed in California, which aims to shift the emphasis in colleges from an assumption of consent to a need to actively gain consent. There’s an interesting discussion to be had about that law, but the Reason article by Shikha Dalmia certainly isn’t it. The bit that really irked me was this…

…there is usually a difference in tempo between men and women, with women generally requiring more “convincing.” And someone who requires convincing is not yet in a position to offer “affirmative” much less “enthusiastic” consent. That doesn’t mean that the final experience is unsatisfying — but it does mean that initially one has to be coaxed out of one’s comfort zone. Affirmative consent would criminalize that.
The reality is that much of sex is not consensual — but it is also not non-consensual. It resides in a gray area in between, where sexual experimentation and discovery happen.

I’m going to resist the temptation to draw conclusions about Shikha Dalmia’s sex life based on this. I can say it’s pretty piss poor logic with no apparent understanding of what consent means.

One of the great things that exploring kink has done for me is helped me to discuss and negotiate sexual activity. If you grow up watching sex in movies (both mainstream and porn) you get the impression that great sex just happens automatically. One minute the cynical private eye is trading witty barbs and smouldering looks with his femme fatale client, the next minute, just after she’s tried to slap him, they’re having amazing sex without so much as a yes, no or maybe. In reality experimentation, and the discussion that must go along with it, makes everything better. I’ve never yet had a mutual fantasy ruined by talking about it. I’ve had plenty of experiences where misunderstanding and a lack of communication definitely made things worse.

Hopefully the gentleman in this image got all his discussion out of the way up front, as his current options look decidedly limited. The image is of course from Divine Bitches.

Art and reality

One of the things I enjoy about erotic artwork is its ability to portray the strange and fantastic. Artists like Sardax, Namio Harukawa and Augustine do a wonderful job of capturing the extremes of sexual fantasies in a way that still connects with people. Yet the thing I like most about the piece below is it’s realism. I don’t mean that in the visual sense – it’s clearly not a hyperrealistic drawing – but in the mood and style of play it captures. It feels like a moment from a scene I might do or have done. There’s no crazy bondage positions, massive strap-ons or extreme outfits. Just some rope, clothespins and a nice sense of intimacy and connection.

The artist is Tingos and you can see more of his work on his tumblr. I found it via the Lunar Black tumblr.

Put him in the uncomfortable chair!

Here’s my final post of what has turned into a trio featuring male rope bondage. This one shows Bobbi Starr making unconventional but effective use of a chair. Whatever she has in mind for him, it’s a great position for access to all the interesting areas.

This is from the Men in Pain site.

Pulling him close

Here’s another happy man wrapped in some rope. Admittedly I can’t actually see his expression, so unlike yesterday’s shot, I can’t definitely say he’s happy. But I’m willing to wager that he’s feeling pretty good about his situation.

The image is oddly entitled ‘Brutal‘ (free deviant art login needed). Not quite sure about the title, but I do like the image. It’s by Pavel Ryzhenkov, known on Deviant Art as West-Kis, a photographer based in Belarus. I found it on the Femdom Delights tumblr.

Big smile

Tonight somebody mummified me in plastic wrap, stuck needles in my nipples and electrocuted my cock. I couldn’t be happier. All is right in my particular bit of the world. I’m now sitting on my couch, sore in all sorts of unusual places and drinking a glass of wine.

We didn’t capture any photographs of the session, so instead I’ll finish with a photograph of a chap who looks almost as happy as I am.

This is from Marshall Bradford Photography (main site here). I found it via the Happy BDSM tumblr.

Long time, no kink

It has been a long time since I got my kinky freak on. My schedule and Lydia’s schedule have conspired to frustrate me for almost 2 months now. I also haven’t had chance to travel to play in any of the other hot spots on the West coast. As problems go it’s not exactly a life altering one, but it has left me edgy and more frayed than usual. I’m definitely overdue the endorphin rush and general sense of emotional well-being that an intense play session gives me.

Luckily I’m due to get together with Lydia tomorrow night, so all should be well. Until then I have to survive 2 days of 8 hour planning meetings at work. That’s a whole different kind of torture.

I doubt my play with Lydia tomorrow will look much like this image. It’ll probably have more pain and less teasing involved. But I am hoping to achieve the kind of deep emotional and mental space he looks to be in.

This is by the Belgium artist Benoit Feroumont, who posts his erotic work under the handle Gracy Gimp.

Strappado & strap-on

Here’s my final entry in what became a trio of anal themed artwork posts. I’m afraid I’ve no idea who the artist is for this one. The combination of strappado bondage and a strap-on is unusual. I can’t say it appeals to me as a way to play, but for those who like to mix pain and penetration it could be interesting to try. Although unless your partner is very tall, I suspect you’d need some kind of pulley system to get the right tension on the arms.

Completing the costume

Here’s another sexy artwork featuring a lady with anal play on her mind. Unlike yesterday’s shot, this looks less like a reward, and more like the start of some intense roleplaying.

Before writing this post I spent many minutes pondering the image and trying to decide why I found it so erotic. I think it’s down to the contrasts it displays. The bondage set-up and outfit is pretty extreme, yet they seem such a sweet couple. I love his blushing expression and her caring but determined look. That’s just how I like to play – heavy yet tender.

This was created by the artist Tilly Monster. You’ll need a (free) deviant art login to see her most ‘interesting’ work! She takes commissions if you’re interested in some custom artwork.

Taut for twanging

This is a nice predicament bondage set-up. The straps on the table stretch him out and then the cords keep everything nice and taut. She looks like someone plucking at a musical instrument, so I’d guess that one of the cords just got twanged. I do know that if I was in this position Lydia would be unable to resist tickling the soles of my feet, leading to much jerking and tugging of delicate parts.

This is of course from Divine Bitches.

The infinite virtual bookshelf

After my last post on the topic of inadvertent data sharing with family members, Servitor left a comment reminding me that separate user accounts can help solve the problem. That’s actually very good advice. All my laptops are Windows devices and it does an excellent job of providing sand boxed environments for each user. Keeping separate email and social media accounts for kinky stuff is an obvious thing to do, but extending it all the way to your local device also makes a lot of sense.

Unfortunately iPads and apps are terrible in this respect. The Kindle app is particularly bad. Not only does it show all your books in its library, but I can’t even find a way to delete stuff from the shelf. I’ve got all sorts of random porn and kinky writing mixed in with history books, classic crime novels and modern fiction. When I visit someone’s house I always enjoy being nosy and browsing their bookcases. Unfortunately the kindle app designer thinks that not only should your bedroom and living room bookcases be equally on display, but also those well thumbed magazines stashed under your virtual mattress. Now I live in fear that anyone using my iPad will browse my electronic bookcase and get an eyeful of some bizarre BDSM fiction that I purchased on a horny whim in a lonely hotel room many moons ago.

Here’s what I think should have happened to the kindle app designer the day after he came up with his initial design specs. Maybe an hour or two with these two ladies would have encouraged him to try a bit harder.