Femdom Resource – Page 224 – The beauty of dominant women

Autonomy continued

At the risk of making the blog endlessly self-referential, I’m going to continue the theme of autonomy from yesterday’s post, and respond to an interesting comment that was left. You can read the whole thing here but the essence of it was: What about 24×7 mistress/slave relationship that doesn’t use safewords? That is a loss of autonomy, but in the context of a loving trusting relationship. How can that be abuse?

I think the issue of safewords in this context is a red herring. I also don’t use safewords when I play with people I know well. I trust they’ll play safely and respond when I communicate a problem. And in the context of an daily 24×7 relationship it’d be kind of weird to safeword. They’re really a very specific safety mechanism that’s useful when doing particular types of scenes or playing with someone new.

What I think is key is that the slave always has an option to step-back and renegotiate (in the loosest and most general sense of that word). Ultimately they must always have the option to walk away. That doesn’t necessarily give the slave control of the relationship. The dominant might simply say it’s my way or the highway, and that single simple choice to consent might carry a lot of significant implications. But meaningful consent can only come from autonomy – from the ability to make an un-coerced decision. If you don’t have that then you can’t consent. And if you don’t consent then that’s an abusive relationship.

I was going to go on to say that you can never negotiate away the need for consent, but with further thought I’m not sure that’s true. I can conceive of doing it for short time periods. For example, a heavy corporal scene where a submissive agrees to be tied down and given 12 stripes of the cane with no option for escape. That seems a reasonable situation for a submissive to briefly give up his autonomy entirely. It might be painful, but it’s not dangerous, and it’s for a very limited time period. I don’t think it’s reasonable to stretch that kind of agreement for weeks or months. I’m not sure where that line is drawn, but I’m sure there is one.

Of course there is one scenario where a lack of autonomy doesn’t necessarily imply abuse, and that’s if you’re unlucky enough to be caught up in the penal system. Prisons don’t go much for negotiated scenes and safewords. I’m not sure what crime the man below committed, or what police department issued her uniform, but I’m sure justice will be served.

The image is by the very talented artist Vernice61. I believe she’s saying ‘And drink it down!”

Power & Control – Agency & Autonomy

This is a post about semantics and definitions rather than hot femdom action. That might sound a touch dry, but language shapes how we think, and writing about the language and labels of kink helps me understand my own kinky nature better.

The trigger for this was a post last week entitled Inadvisable advice and a followup comment by Grumpyoldswitch. I’m not going to repeat it all in detail here (feel free to follow the links), but the crux of it revolved around autonomy, free will, power and control. What do you give up in a BDSM scene and what makes a scene exciting? I originally stated that I never gave up autonomy in scene and the commenter suggested that I did or at least pretended to. He felt that doing so, and being dehumanized in some way, was attractive and what a lot of people looked for. So what does a submissive give up in a D/s interaction?

Power and control are two obvious things that are relinquished. It could be simple, like the power to talk and move around. Or it could be more complex, like the power to make certain decisions or behave in a certain way. So does autonomy and agency go hand in hand with this? After all, if I don’t have control over my body, and I can only make narrowly constrained choices, do I really have autonomy? I would say the answer is a very firm ‘Yes’.

The definition of autonomy is the freedom to choose one’s own actions. As Wikipedia puts it – it is the capacity of a rational individual to make an informed, un-coerced decision. That means that any relationship where someone loses autonomy is automatically an abusive one. That is an important line to draw. I might only have one decision available to me – the option to shout ‘STOP’ – but with that decision all my power must come flooding back to me. It doesn’t matter if it’s a 1 hour scene in a dungeon or a 24×7 D/s relationship. The ability to step back and renegotiate is an essential one that should never be lost.

So what about pretending to lose autonomy? That’s where it gets interesting to me, as I think that’s what BDSM play is often about. Some people fetishize the activites themselves. They love bondage, or spanking, or whatever. But for a lot of others, including myself, the activities are a means to an end. They’re a way of creating a D/s dynamic. By emphasizing all the decisions I can no longer take the illusion is created of a loss of autonomy, where in fact it has just being temporarily stripped back to its bare minimum. When I’m busy being the best damn coffee table I can be, then I don’t have to worry about anything else, and it’s easy to pretend that the option to just not be a table doesn’t exist.

This image has been cropped but I believe it’s originally from My Slave Life. I found it on the Consensual Spanking blog.

Gooey

I’ve heard people describe their mental state after a scene in many different ways. Words like floaty, zoned, buzzed, energized, peaceful, sleepy and emotional often crop up. Personally I often think of the word gooey. That seems to capture the kind of happy mushy emotional puddle that ends up as me curled on the couch. My natural cynicism takes a well deserved rest and I end up feeling oddly soft and sentimental.

The image below bears absolutely no physical relationship to the scene I just did tonight with Lydia. That featured mummification, sensory deprivation and a lot of nipple torture. Yet it’s the kind of image that catches my eye when I’m in this aforementioned gooey state. It makes me go “Ahhh” and puts me in mind of all the fun little connections that get made during my scenes. It’s sweet, and that goes well with gooeyness.

This is originally from Whipped Ass. I found it on the Girls Rule Subs Drool tumblr.

Still Life

I’m continuing the religious theme from yesterday with a shot that should be appreciated by all CFNM fans. Believe it or not this is actually from an ad for a fitness club. I have no idea what they were thinking with this one. It doesn’t make me want to take to the gym, although it does make art classes more appealing. Even more strangely some catholic groups got upset about it. With all the appropriation of religious themes and iconography that has happened over the years, I’d have thought they’d have given up on harmless stuff like this by now.

I found this on the CFNM Classics tumblr.

More tea vicar?

Religious imagery is not unusual in porn. Priests, nuns and martyred saints proliferate. This shouldn’t be too surprising. Given the impact religion can have on young people, combined with it’s screwed up views on sexuality and all the naked tortured bodies, I’m just amazed it’s not more prevalent than it is. Fortunately I grew up with the Church of England, which is currently one of the more low key religions. A vigorous discussion over tea and cake is as fraught as it ever gets. It’s not exactly the Spanish inquisition.

Typically when religion and porn collide there are lots of sexy nuns, buff priests and flirty catholic schoolgirls. You’d never mistake any of the characters for real religious figures. I was therefore particularly entertained by the image below. The vicar looks remarkably realistic and genuinely surprised to stumble across an attractive lady in tight red latex. He reminds me of a local vicar from my youth. Subsequent shots show him losing the collar and getting caned. I’m therefore guessing he’s not a real man of the cloth. I’m just happy he found his niche playing true to life masochistic vicars for Mistress Annabelle.

$Mistress Annabelle and Vicar$

Hope the wind doesn’t change

I am a master of the silly expression. I like to dream that I’m a stoic masochist, looking serious and intense through a scene, groaning only in deep manly ways at really extreme moments. In reality I know I pull all sorts of odd faces and make all manner of strange sounds. I therefore love this shot of someone reacting in a very unforced and natural way. It makes a nice change from the usual images of heavily tortured men with vaguely frowny faces.

The image was shot by Barbara Nitke as part of her Illuminata series.

Super hard fucker

The mention of 50 shades in the article in yesterday’s post prompted a couple of comments taking a well deserved swipe at the infamous Grey trilogy. I’m fully on board with the hate, as I’ve blogged in the past. However, I do think the point made in the article – that it got more people talking about BDSM – is a valid one. I’m not sure that outweighs the harm created by its messed up treatment of sex/consent/relationships/BDSM/etc., but it’s something that can’t be discounted. Hell, even my parents asked me about it, which was a disconcerting conversation on many different levels.

I’ve always enjoyed this parody of it, but for a really brutal takedown you have to turn to Cliff at The Pervocracy. She’s pulling it apart chapter by chapter in a series of cuttingly funny and insightful posts. You can read her progress to date in Chapters 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6. You just have to love an analysis that includes this description of someone who doesn’t make love but instead ‘fucks hard’…

…to me, it sounds like the kind of shit a guy says to cover the fact that he barely knows which end of you has the vagina parts. “Oh yeah, baby, I’m such a super hard fucker. I’m totally going to put my dick in your clitoris and then I’m going to fuck through your cervix into your uterus. It’s the hottest. All of the hundreds of women I’ve fucked have loved it. I fuck so hard.”
Let’s Read Fifty Shades of Grey: Chapter 6!

My only fear is that Cliff will get so depressed by the whole experience that she’ll not finish the series. That would be a great shame.

In honor of super hard fuckers everywhere, I thought I’d share this image. Judging by the grip she has on the hood and her expression, somebody is enjoying a hard fuck up the prostate and through the colon. It’s the hottest.

The image is originally from the Femdom Sessions site. I found it on the Domina Lova tumblr.

50 shades of Clarisse Thorn in furs

This is one of the better articles I’ve recently seen in the mainstream press on kink. It’s not often you see Bitchy Jones referenced outside of a femdom blog. It’s primarily about a current performance of Venus in Furs at the Milwaukee Repertory Theater, but Clarisse Thorn is also interviewed to provide some cultural context. It makes a nice change to see an article writer find someone who actually knows what they’re talking about and then ask them sensible questions. It’s also refreshing for that person not to be a pro-domme, which always seems to be the default interviewee whenever femdom gets mentioned.

The image is taken from a previous production in Washington DC of the play. That’s Christian Conn and Erica Sullivan in the two lead roles, directed by David Muse back in 2011.

Owner and pet

After a modern image and a funny image, here’s a pretty image to finish my trio of artwork posts. I think it’s kind of sweet. Other people go ‘ahhh, how cute’ at kittens and small children. I do it for pictures of leashed guys exchanging tender glances with dominants.

Based on the image’s distinctive style I believe it’s by the artist Kahori. I found it on the Elegant Femdom Art tumblr.

Supergirl to the rescue!

After yesterday’s post featuring some very modern femdom art, I thought it’d be a nice contrast to reach into the past for this post. This particular image is very much of its time and genre – from the artistic style, through the exposition style of speech (clearly it’s important they’re told she’s got super powers) to the cliched green aliens. What particularly made me smile was the look on the aliens’ faces. They don’t look all that upset about the situation. In fact they almost appear to be queuing up. Perhaps their nefarious plot to take over the earth was simply a ploy to get a good spanking from a cute girl in red boots?

I found this on the Lunar Black tumblr.