Femdom Resource – Page 189 – The beauty of dominant women

Mutually thrilling, kinky lovemaking (and EL James)

Reading mainstream articles on kink is always a hit and miss affair. On the glass half full side, they’re typically a lot better than they were even two or three years ago. Kink has infiltrated society from many different routes. While before it was either ignored or treated as a ‘laugh at the freaks’ topic, it now gets addressed more seriously (with just an undercurrent of laughing at the freaks). On the glass half empty side, it’s difficult to find a mainstream article on kink that doesn’t get something horribly wrong.

This article from the London Evening Standard is a good case in point. It’s generally pretty positive, giving a potted history of the terminology, and emphasizing the need for consent and mutual experimentation. Unfortunately, it also invokes EL James and 50 shades as a great example of defining boundaries and healthy S&M.

In Fifty Shades, EL James took care to delineate a relationship in which the sub-missive, Ana, had discussed and agreed her boundaries. ‘The prejudice around the whole subject is terrible,’ James told me. ‘Nothing makes me angrier than critics who suggested the book was about abuse. It demonises people who enjoy this lifestyle.’

I think reading that sprained my brain. EL James writes about a horribly fucked up abusive relationship that has no connection to healthy BDSM (as documented at length here), and then claims critics were the ones conflating abuse with BDSM. That attitude makes me think she should run for political office. It would be a shame to waste a degree of self-delusion that strong.

I hate to end on a negative note, so here’s a fun image of a couple who look like they’re genuinely enjoying the lifestyle. This seems to fit the final paragraph in the article, which invokes the “joyfulness of mutually thrilling, kinky lovemaking.”

I’m afraid I don’t have an original source for this. I found it on the Work Is Never Over tumblr.

Not the brightest bulb

I’m not sure what’s the appeal of objectification as a lamp. I certainly get the hotness of objectification in general. It’s just the lamp part that puzzles me. Isn’t part of being objectified about being a useful object? Footstools, toilets, dildos and even shelves make sense to me, but no matter how sparkling their personality, it’s impossible for someone to literally light up a room.

This isn’t the first time I’ve run across this kink. You can see past examples here and here. I’ve never heard anyone declare themselves a lamp fetishist, or read erotic fiction on intertwined anglepoise, or spotted a saucy looking lampshade in a domme’s toy chest. Yet people are making images of it. Good for them and their kinks, but consider me puzzled.

I found both of these on the Domination on My terms tumblr. The second one is from LeBete on deviant art. I’m afraid I don’t have an attribution for the first.

Clueless

Normally when a famous person is mentioned in connection with the word dominatrix it’s because they wore a vaguely fetishistic outfit (a phenomena I’ve commented on in the past). This short article on Courtney Love is a little different. Apparently she considered being a dominatrix because “it’s just learning how to tie knots” but then quit when “the first client picked me as a submissive and wanted to spank me.” I’m not sure which statement is more clueless, but it certainly indicates she was wise to stick to her music career.

Of course while tying knots is one of the least important parts of being a domme, that doesn’t mean you can’t do fun things with knots. Rigging is an art form all of it’s own, and here’s a particularly nice example from Men in Pain.

A curious coincidence and a cute couple

My life of odd coincidences continues. I sessioned with Lydia tonight. Fun with needles was on the agenda, and I’ve now got a plethora of sore spots to prove it. Before I left for the session I had 10 minutes to kill, and spent it browsing my blogroll, where I stumbled across this latest post from Bondage Blog. It features a still from a movie called ‘The Pet’, and something about the red headed naked lady looked vaguely familiar. Sure enough, when I looked the movie up at imdb, there was Lydia in the cast list.

From the blog post you might assume she played the eponymous ‘Pet’, but apparently that wasn’t the case. Hers was a pretty minor part, although it did involve rigging her own bondage suspension set-up in a tree for one scene. From the reviews it looks to be a pretty cheezy B movie of curio value only. I doubt I’ll be seeking it out, but I did find it very weird to randomly stumble on that post and 10 minutes later be chatting to the actress in an entirely different context.

For the purposes of this blog, I need a different kind of pet to feature. Here’s an attractive one with an equally fetching owner. They make for a lovely couple.

I found this on The Answer Is Always More Art tumblr.

Vampire Willow

Life is full of odd coincidences. Yesterday I was joking about vampires, and included an aside about the price of a mortgage on a gothic castle. Today the very first story I read over my morning coffee tells me that Dracula’s castle is for sale. Unfortunately there’s no listed price, and no mention of how accommodating the local wenches are when it comes to open bedroom windows and diaphanous nightwear.

On the plus side, it does give me a chance to continue the theme with one of my favorites – vampire Willow from the show Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I’ve blogged about her before, so I won’t rehash that post here. Although in writing this, it struck me that the show steered away from the traditional sexually aggressive and dominant female vampires. There was no shortage of evil females – Drusilla, Darla, Glory, Natalie French, Inca Mummy girl, etc. But no main character in the traditional predatory femme fatale vampire role, which is such a staple of the genre. The two closest matches are vampire Willow and Faith, both associated with the good character roles.

Paging Dr Stoker

Apparently vampires had the right idea all along. According to recent research, young blood can reverse the effects of aging, although the researchers are strangely quiet on necessity (or not) for virginity on the supplier of the blood. Unfortunately, before everyone rushes off to check out the price of mortgages on gothic castles and what outfits they can accessorize with an opera cape, I should point out they’ve only tested it on mice so far. It also needs to be administered via transfusion, so neck sucking isn’t going to help with any wrinkles.

While immortality doesn’t appear to be quite within our reach just yet, the story does give me an excuse to feature some sexy female vampires. This artwork is by the animator and artist Bruce Timm. He’s worked on numerous animated series from DC comics, and is the co-creator of the Harley Quinn character from the Batman series. This is a cover from a British horror magazine, that I found here.

Coming out or getting caught

I’m always nervous that this blog will be discovered by a friend, relative or co-worker. There’s certainly enough information on it to make that identification possible by a regular reader who also happened to know me in daily life. It’s not that I’m ashamed out it. I’m actually very proud of what I’ve put together here. But in that curious inversion that’s unique to sex blogging, what I’m happy to share with internet strangers would definitely be TMI to share with friends.

Adult star Jesse Jackman recently wrote about his experience with the scariest version of this scenario – his mother stumbling across his blog. Fortunately it turns out to be a heart warming story of acceptance and understanding. In a world where the line ‘How would you feel if your son/daughter did it?’ is often stated as if it’s the definitive case against sex work, it’s nice to see a family showing love and understanding when dealing with the issue. Although I can’t say that it has inspired me to the extent that I’m going to email my mother a link to this blog.

Ideally I’d have a great shot of Jesse Jackman to finish this post with, but as far as I can tell he’s exclusive a gay performer, which doesn’t align with this blogs theme. Instead I’ll use a great example of image I love and I’m happy to post, yet would hate to explain to me friends and family exactly why.

This is from the CBT and Ballbusting site.

Getting that perfect pegging position

There are many helpful guides to pegging lurking around on the web. For example, there’s this one from Tickleberry and this one from Lazy Domme. However, I’ve never seen any of them suggesting that many feet of rope should be used to bind the boy and then bend him like a pretzel for the perfect angle of penetration. It probably should at least get mentioned as an option. It’s not all that practical unless you have lots of open space with handy tie points to fasten him to, but it does look awfully fun.

This is Clair Adams, looking very sexy with her red hair and a nicely color coordinated strap-on. I believe it’s from a Men in Pain shoot. I found it on the Beg for some pegging tumblr.

The danger of labels

In yesterday’s post I wrote how much I disliked the alpha v’s beta personality categories. Apparently I’m not the only one, as this post by Stabbity is a fine rant on submissive guys who also describe themselves as alpha males. She makes some good points, and I agree with most of it. However, contrarian that I am, I feel I should offer a defensive of submissives that use that terminology. Or if not a defense, perhaps what I think is an explanation for some cases.

One frequent complaint from dominant women is the number of men who approach them whilst proclaiming their worthlessness. Typically these are men who have spent far too long watching bad femdom porn. “Mistress,” they’ll say. “I’ll do anything you want. I exist to serve you. I’m just a doormat. Something beneath your beautiful feet that I’m not worthy to lick – although it’d actually be really great if I could do that.”

Women in kinky spaces are understandably annoyed by this and respond that they want a strong confident submissive. Someone who can think for himself, show initiative and make a positive contribution to a relationship. I believe some submissive guys see that kind of description and think “Aha! That description looks a lot like the stereotypical alpha male. That’s an ideal label to quickly differentiate myself from those worthless worm idiots.”

I don’t disagree with Stabbity that it’s a vague term, possibly insulting and probably a sign of insecurity. As I wrote yesterday, I hate the alpha and beta labels. But I can understand the underlying dynamic that provokes some submissive men to use the term. Essentially both sides are reacting to a negative portrayal of submission. Unfortunately in trying to differentiate themselves with the word alpha, submissive men drag in a bunch of additional baggage they (possibly) don’t intend.

I’ve not seen a ball gag with formal wear before, but it makes for a nice combination. Glad to see they color coordinated it as well. This image is from Men in Pain.

It’s all Greek to me

I’ve always hated the alpha v’s beta personality categorization. It seems so absurdly reductive. People normally have many different strands to their personality. Which ones emerge at any given time depends a lot on context, history and the specifics on a situation. It also leads to ridiculous generalizations where alpha or beta status is equated to things like financial success, education level or social skills.

A good example of that last kind of stupidity can be found in this article arguing that alpha women should marry beta men. It correctly states that the labels can be problematically stereotyped, and then a paragraph later equates alpha status to getting a graduate degree. It also suggests that to marry a beta is to marry beneath an alpha, and finishes by suggesting Meryl Streep and Don Gummer are an example alpha/beta pair. Presumably being a talented actress somehow makes you an alpha while being a successful sculpture is only beta material. I hadn’t realized artistic fields were also categorized this way.

The labels often pop up in D/s discussions, either to conform to the stereotype (alpha as dominant), or to contrast to it. Stabbity has a post talking about that latter type – the submissives who assert their alpha status. I’ve some follow-up thoughts on her post, but I’ll save them for tomorrow. Until then I’ll leave you with an image of a happy couple. Is this an alpha woman with her perfect beta mate? Or is this an alpha submissive taking care of his mistress before heading off to shout at minions while managing his hedge fund? Or is the whole labeling concept a bunch of crap?

I found this via the On My Knees tumblr. I’m not sure where it’s from originally. It looks like a mainstream photograph rather than something explicitly kinky, but I’ve not tracked down a source.