Femdom Resource – Page 143 – The beauty of dominant women

Dominatrix Drive

Most countries are actively anti sex work. If it’s not actually illegal then, at the very least, it’s denigrated and hidden away. Politicians typically work to make life harder for sex workers – when they’re not secretly visiting them of course.

I was therefore happy to see the German city of Hamburg taking quite an unusual step. They’re going recognize a famous local sex worker by naming a road after her. Domenica Niehoff initially started as a prostitute and then opened a studio as a dominatrix. At the same time she campaigned for legalization of sex work, as well as founding an organization to help young workers and drug addicts (from her wikipedia page). I’m not going to hold my breath for the US to do something similar, but it’s nice to see some parts of the world getting it right.

Judging by the background this was shot in England. Maybe Cynthia Payne Plaza? I believe this is from the CFNM TV site.

Fond memories of ball torture

The recent posts on safewords and when ‘no’ can mean ‘yes’ triggered a happy memory of mine. It involves Lydia, ball torture and a unique event.

It occurred after Lydia and I had been playing together for several years and had done hundreds of hours of pretty intense sessions. The scene was CBT, with me bound on a bed and Lydia lying alongside, doing terribly evil things to delicate parts of my body. At some point she ratcheted the intensity up and I moaned something like “no….oh…no”. She paused momentarily, looked at me quizzically, and then said “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say no to me before.” Deep as I was in subspace, it took me a few seconds to figure out what she meant. Then we smiled at each other and went right back into it. Her squeezing and hitting; me moaning and yelling.

Of course I had said ‘no’ to her multiple times in the past. Or at least words to that effect. Things like “hold on, I have a cramp”, or “no, I need a moment” or “we better pause, I’m feeling faint”. Stepping out of scene was occasionally necessary and always easy to do. This situation was just the first time she’d pushed me to the point of actually saying a ‘no’ that really meant a ‘yes’ in the scene. It was an unconscious and unfiltered response to what was happening.

In hindsight it turned out to be a unique event. It’s not the normal way I respond, and I don’t think we ever got back into that particular headspace again. I’m glad it happened though. The event and her recognition of it while deep in the scene put a smile on my face both then and now.

Here’s a gentleman enjoying some bondage and CBT of his own, courtesy of Divine Bitches. Although his position looks considerably more uncomfortable than mine ever was.

When no means yes

Ferns left me an interesting comment to my previous post on the use (or not) of safewords. You can read the whole thing here, but to excerpt a relevant part…

When I played, I pushed him to fall over into that space where his voice was unfiltered and when he was like that, he would say ‘no’ or ‘please stop’ or ‘I’ve had enough’. It was visceral and instinctual and he couldn’t stop it coming out, but he also *didn’t mean it*. He wasn’t role playing, everything in him was saying ‘no’, but he didn’t want me to stop.

I do think it is super hot when you get into that kind of space (as Ferns says), and her comment makes an excellent point, but I don’t think it changes my underlying idea. The goal is good communication, however that is achieved. If you’re role playing, or the kind of submissive who says no when you mean yes, then safewords are definitely for you. If you think you communicate more clearly without them, then I personally wouldn’t impose them unnecessarily.

Of course, in some ways it’s impossible not to have a safeword. If someone starts yelling ‘red’, ‘safeword’ or ‘vomit’ in the middle of a scene, I don’t think it really matters what you negotiated beforehand. The message is pretty clear. So in some ways picking a safeword is less about acquiring a way to stop the scene and more about negotiating away possible ways to stop it. Which is a kind of weird way to think about it.

This image has nothing to do with safewords. I just thought it was a hot and fun. I always love a happy domme. This is Miss Annalieza.

‘No’ is a perfectly good word

I liked this article by Sinclair Sexsmith on the use (or not) of safewords. She makes the point that communicating in plain English with things like ‘no’ or ‘slow down’ is a entirely valid way to manage a scene. A safeword is obviously necessary when engaging in some types of roleplay or consensual non-consent scenes, but it’s by no means compulsory in every dynamic. Safewords are tools that can be selectively deployed.

I’m personally perfect happy to pick a safeword or use color codes if the domme requests that, but I do find it somewhat odd. I’ve had decades of using ‘no’ and ‘stop’ to mean ‘no’ and ‘stop’. So why complicate things unnecessarily? Does a safeword suddenly make ‘no’ not mean ‘no’?

I believe this drawing is by the artist Dauinsaru. I found it via the Femdom Art tumblr.

Speedy

Regular readers may have noticed a few problems with blog loading times over recent weeks. The good news is I finally figured the problem out: The latest version of WordPress didn’t play nicely with my dynamic blogroll feature. The bad news is that I can’t find an equivalent of the old blogroll widget that does actually work properly. I really liked the fact it showed the latest posts of and update times of blogs, but it’s no use if doing that brings this site to a grinding halt.

While I’ll keep hunting for alternatives, I’ve switched back to a conventional static blogroll. If anyone knows of a WordPress widget that’ll work like my old one and is compatible with latest version of WordPress then please let me know via a comment. And for all my non-blogging readers, who have no clue what I’m on about in this post, here’s a nice hot image by way of apology for wasting your time.

I’m afraid I don’t have an original source for this image.

Kitchen Slave

It has been the Thanksgiving holiday here in the US. That traditionally means a lot of food and a lot of time spent slaving in the kitchen. I hope all my US readers enjoyed their meals and that any slaving done was of the most enjoyable kind.

The caption for this reads “The pastimes of …men!” I’m afraid I don’t know the artist. I originally found it via the Femdom Artist site.

Stroking the balls around

I’m not about to start a sequence of posts on pool playing and femdom. That’s too narrow a niche even for my somewhat quirky interests. However, after yesterday’s post, I was interested to see if I could find a better version of the same idea. I think Mistress Alice has managed to pull that off in these shots. Her outfit looks reasonable for leaning over a pool table, there’s some good vulnerable position bondage and a genuine sense that pain might actually be inflicted. I wonder if she calls the shots out? Looks like she’s going for the 9 ball into the left testicle.

If you’re interested in more of this, you can get the video from her Clips Store.

Pool Boy

This is a great concept that’s been horribly executed. Why is he wearing a chastity cage that’ll just offer him protection? And why is she playing pool in high heels, a silly outfit and sporting an enormous strap-on? Does that help with the aiming? And why are the balls still in the rack?

This’d be a great shot with a dark smoky room, a properly set-up table and two female pool hustlers sporting sharp suits. If they’d just thought of Paul Newman and Minnesota Fats for inspiration, rather than porn + pool, it would have been so much better.

This is obviously from the Divine Bitches site.

Chicago Fun

Whenever I visit a city my first thought isn’t usually about where to stay or what to do, it’s about who I can play with. For places I visit regularly that’s an easy call. I always like to play with people I know and I’ve built a rapport up with. For new cities it’s a more challenging problem. Even when spoiled for choice in major metropolitan areas, it can be a tricky decision to find someone I think I can gel with in a short period of time. For my recent Chicago trip I picked out Ms Mara Mayhem as someone I thought would be interesting to play with, and it turned out to be a very wise decision.

We did a couple of sessions of two hours each. You can see some of the toys from the first session in this photograph. That green spiky ball on the right was perhaps the weirdest toy I’ve ever experienced in a session. It’s motorized, so bounces and buzzes, creating a distinctly odd sensation when you’re blindfolded and it’s dangled on your genitals. Not particularly painful, but definitely strange. This image shows a close-up of some CBT I enjoyed. The material on the top left is part of a very realistic straitjacket capable of restraining the most insane of inmates. We finished with some liquid refreshment courtesy of Ms Mara and this apparatus.

The second session featured bondage and corporal play, as well as some more CBT and piercing. We only got one shot from that, shown here. The combination of plastic wrap and rope was a really good one. The plastic is quick and effective, while the rope has a great visual and tactile effect. I think my ass is already looking a little marked up in that shot. By the time I got home it had bruised up nicely.

Overall, given we only had four hours to get to know one another, it was a great pair of sessions. If you’re in Chicago then I’d definitely recommend trying to schedule time with Ms Mara Mayhem. She’s smart, talented and definitely fun to play with.

maramayhem This image of Ms Mara is from her instagram feed.

A one stop kinky shop

A couple of years ago I featured a story of an Australian dominatrix who offered combined work out sessions and kinky fun. Today I came across this article on an Australian dominatrix who offers yoga sessions with kink. The name seemed familiar and, a quick search later, I discovered it’s one and the same person – the multi-talented Mistress Anna. I love the fact she’s combining physical activities she obviously enjoys with kink. It makes for a much more interesting activity list and session dynamics. Plus, where else could you get fit, get healthy and get your kinky freak on?

mistressanna The image is taken from Mistress Anna’s twitter feed.