Uncategorized – Page 193 – Femdom Resource

Running the numbers

The study of sexual fantasies that I talked about in yesterday’s post contained some interesting percentages for D/s scenarios. It was simultaneously predictable and surprising.

The predictable bit was the breakdown across the genders. More men fantasize about dominating than being dominated (60% vs 53%). More women fantasize about being dominated than dominating someone else (65% vs 47%). One can argue about the reasons for that split, but it doesn’t surprise me. What did was the absolute value of the percentages. I wouldn’t have guessed that over 50% of men had fantasized about submitting and that almost 50% of women had fantasized about dominating. I’d have predicted much lower numbers.

Of course, as is always the case with these surveys, the devil is in the detail. There’s a big difference between a question framed as ‘Have you ever…” versus ‘Do you sometimes…’ The term dominated is also a very broad one. I suspect if I surveyed my male readers and asked them what being dominated meant, their minds would turn to leather, whips, chains, thigh high boots and Amazonian goddesses wielding enormous strap-ons. You know – all the usual everyday stuff. I don’t know what was in the minds of the 47% of women in this study who fantasized about dominating, but it probably didn’t match up too closely with that. Some of them might simply have meant cunnilingus that lasts as long as they want and great sex with them on top.

Image is from the Classy Femdom tumblr. I don’t have an original source.

What’s in a number?

There’s a new sex study popping up on a variety of news sites. It contains an analysis of sexual fantasies divided by gender, detailing what percentages fantasize about what activities. It’s always hard to know just how reliable or well researched these kind of surveys are, but given this one was by the University of Montreal and appeared in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, I’m going to give it the benefit of the doubt and assume it’s vaguely meaningful.

The Daily Dot article on it gets the underling message of it right. There’s really no such thing as ‘normal’ and no matter what you like, there’s doubtless a bunch of other people out there that share your fantasy. The Business Insider article is a little more judgmental and focuses more on the normal/unusual/rare categorizing. Those seem like unfortunate and inaccurate labels to me.

Let’s take for example the fantasy of being urinated on. I know that’s one that has appeal to at least some of my readers. It’s classed as unusual in the survey, with 10% of men and 3.5% of women claiming it. With around 300M people in the US, a naive extrapolation and some basic maths tells me that around 20M people in the US have fantasized about being peed on. That doesn’t sound all that rare or unusual to me.

Let’s put that number in context. That 20M is more than the population of New York, LA and Chicago combined (15M). It’s more than the average of 14M people who watched the 2014 World Series – the cliffhanging finale to America’s national pastime. It’s more than the highest rated sporting event last week (Monday night football at 18.8M) and the highest rate scripted show on cable (the Walking Dead at 14.5M). The biggest selling track of last year was Robin Thicke’s blurred Lines at 6.5M. So more people would rather get pissed on than buy a track from Robin Thicke. Remind me what’s unusual here again?

Some sexual activities are a little less common that others. Fucking automobiles for example. But if a fantasy is shared by the same number of people that attend Disneyland every year, I’m going to go ahead and say it can’t be called uncommon.

After using the example of watersports I really have to follow-up with a suitable image. This isn’t actually the act itself, but it’s pretty clearly a build up to a liquid lunch.

I believe this is another image from the Rinryu site (warning strong content including some scat).

Resplendent astride her captive

This image caught my eye recently, but for a while I couldn’t figure out why. It’s more porny than I typically like and, although I do think it’s kind of hot, it’s also too cliched to really push my buttons. It seemed familiar, and tonight it finally clicked what it reminded me of. It looks just like a gender reversed Swords and Sorcery fantasy novel cover.

The Gor novels are the classic example in the erotic domain, but there are countless other examples in the fantasy genre. Typically they feature some big beefcake with a sword and a comely slave girl at his feet. For example, this and this and this and this. In this case they’ve switched it around, with a dominant Gia DiMarco, who looks like she could give Conan a run for his money.

Site Updates

It has been a while since I updated any site pages other than the front page. Over the next few weeks I’ll try and put that right. Today I’ve started with the Femdom Image page. Dead and dormant sites have been removed. New sites have been added. The new additions include…

While it’s easy to find tumblr sites full of attractive female models in stereotypical fetish gear, it’s trickier to track down femdom sites that have a more submissive focus. I have a separate section for those, and I always struggle to find new entries for it. If anyone has any suggestions for sites of that nature that I haven’t already listed, then feel free to leave a comment with the link.

The image above was found on one of the newly added sites – Femdom Delights. I think this is the gorgeous Jessica Host shooting for TS Seduction, but I’m afraid I can’t track down the original scene to prove it for sure.

Bayonetta

Having touched on gaming in my previous post, that does give me an excuse to segue onto a game related topic. Specifically the game Bayonetta, which features a tall, aggressive leather clad female protagonist. It clearly draws on BDSM culture (as alluded to here by one of the designers), but I’d always dismissed it as an example of the typical adolescent dominatrix fantasy that crops up fairly often in video games. Maddy Myers, writing in Paste magazine, thinks otherwise. It’s an interesting article, and she clearly identifies with both the dominant role and the leading character.

We don’t just get invited to watch Bayonetta, we also inhabit her. When I play, Bayonetta is me, and the camera’s glances are just the “sub gaze”—the male submissive’s gaze. Bayonetta holds all the cards.
Maddy Myers in Paste

It’s rare to read such a thoughtful commentary on a video game. It’s even rarer to have a woman come out as a dominant in a non-professional BDSM setting. Pro-domme tell-all articles are a dime a dozen, but I can’t remember the last time I encountered a woman identifying that way in the context of her professional non-kinky life. You can read more from her at her site.

While I head off to Amazon to order a copy of the first version of the game, I’ll leave you with some Bayonetta cosplay by TraumaticCandy. The original character design is deliberately freakishly long-limbed, and this costume does an amazing job of capturing that.

Gamergate and Wonder Woman

The Colbert Report finishes its run later this year. That makes me sad. Not just because it’s one of the funniest and cleverest shows on television, but also because Stephen has featured a lot of smart, assertive female guests who can happily trade shots with him. I’ve long harbored a crush on Emily Bazelon, who has covered a lot of legal issues with him. On Wednesday’s show he gave us a duo of brilliant guests.

First there was Anita Sarkeesian who educated him on the toxic clusterfuck that is Gamergate (other good coverage of that here and here). She has done a whole series of thought provoking articles on Tropes vs Women in Video Games, which is well worth checking out for anyone interested in gaming. Then he talked to Jill Lepore, a history professor from Harvard University who has just written a book on ‘The Secret History of Wonder Woman‘. I can’t say I’ve ever been a big Wonder Woman fan (apart from enjoy the TV show as a kid), but apparently her creation had links to the woman’s suffragette movement, early supporters of birth control and the political activism of the 1920’s. Despite being the first and most famous female superhero, I’ve never really thought of her as a feminist icon, but that’s what the book apparently claims. I’m looking forward to getting a copy to review.

Of course all this talk of Wonder Woman and feminism is really just an excuse to feature some fun femdom artwork. This is entitled ‘WHAP!’ and is by the artist godstaff.

Spanking Therapy

When I first saw this Jay Em image I just figured it’d be an amusing one to feature in my series of medical themed posts. The above post title then flowed pretty naturally from the subject matter. However, no sooner than I’d written the title than the thought struck me – “I bet that’s a real thing. Spanking Therapy. It sounds exactly like the kind of thing that somebody would offer.”

It turns out I was right. In fact it’s available from multiple sources. There’s the Spanking for Wellness site, that offers therapeutic spanking in a non-sexual atmosphere. There’s the Spanking Therapist who combines ‘supportive counseling with a structured spanking plan’. For those in NYC, there’s the NY Spank Clinic which offers to help with stressful and emotional difficulties in life. For those wanting a little more discipline with their therapy, there’s Ms. Aria who offers to ‘help people who need assistance breaking habits, changing their behavior, resolving issues, achieving goals, or simply letting go of tension.’ And those were just the ones I found in a few minutes searching.

Personally I’m more a fan of the playful and sexual side of spanking. But for those who want to combine personal growth with heavy blows to the buttocks, it’s nice to know their are options out there.

Happiness and avoiding the ER

I’m very happy as I got to play with Lydia tonight. After my recent posts on medical issues and kink, I did have a fleeting thought that the Gods of coincidence and comedy might choose to screw with me, and target me for an emergency room trip. Fortunately Lydia is far too talented and careful for that to happen, so I got to enjoy some sensory deprivation and heavy bondage with no ill effects.

I’ve joked with dommes in the past that if I do wind up in ER, I’m going to be the one moaning quietly to myself on a hospital trolley, while they’ll be out front explaining exactly what perverse sexual practices landed us there. However, I also have a mental picture of it playing out like the overdose scene in trainspotting. I’d get poured into a cab with a twenty in my top pocket, and end up unconscious in front of the local ER. That would be a terrible way to end a session, but great fodder for an X-rated Bob Newhart* style comedy sketch. I picture a calm but slight puzzled doctor phoning my next-of-kin to try and figure out how he should diagnose a naked and collared man with an electrified buttplug at one end and a dreamy smile at the other.

I’m not sure what’s wrong with the gentleman in this picture, but at least he has no shortage of helpful nurses to try and diagnose the issue. Unfortunately I don’t have a source for the image

* If you’re unaware of Bob Newhart’s comedy then I’d suggest checking out his sketch Defusing a Bomb. That should give you a good idea of what you’ve been missing.

Doctor, doctor, give me the news

Writing about kink and doctors in yesterday’s post reminded me of an old Max Fisch thread that describes an amazing medical story. It starts with two members of Max’s forum attending a play party. They don’t know each other at all, either in real life or online, and just happen to be at the same event. It ends with one, a doctor, saving the other’s life. And not in a vague ‘that activity looks risky’ way, but in an urgent ‘blood clot in the brain’ way. It’s a cool story and well worth reading. I don’t think the problem arose directly because of kink, but it was certainly lucky that a kinky doctor was around. If you follow the thread to page 2 you can also read her response to the thread (post from SurferDoc).

The medical professional in the image below doesn’t look quite as conscientious or caring as SurferDoc proved to be. I’m not exactly sure what she’s up to, but it doesn’t look good for our helpless and immobilized hero.

I’ve not run across this image before. From the image name it would appear to be an Eric Stanton drawing, and it does look a bit like his style.

Tell me where it hurts

Kink and fantasy medial scenes are a pretty natural pairing. Kink and actual medical professionals can be a bit more problematic. The Daily Beast has a good article on that topic entitled ‘Coming out kinky to your Doctor, in Black and Blue‘. It covers some of the risks and dilemmas involved in sharing exactly where that bruise or rope burn came from.

Personally if there was ever an issue I needed to discuss, or I was directly questioned about it, I’d be open with my doctor. After all if I’m willing to share my kinks with a professional dominatrix, why not a medical professional? I also assume that doctors see unusual stuff all the time, and whatever I’ve done is going to be old news to them. I once spent an instructive few hours browsing a forum for medical interns. They were sharing crazy stories from the emergency room, and it was pretty clear that whatever kinky shenanigans I got up to, it was never going to top what the average trainee doctor sees on a regular basis.

Of course I’m lucky. I have good healthcare, live in a liberal city and have a wide choice of doctors. If my choices were more limited I’d perhaps feel differently.

The image is of the wonderful Eleise De Lacy of Femme Fatale Films.