Masochistic Hook-ups.

I thought this was an interesting Guardian article: I spent years meeting strangers for masochistic hook-ups. Was I a sex addict?

It’s written by Leesa Morris, describing her experiences with the aforementioned hook-ups. She left a vanilla marriage and leaned in hard to her kinks and desires. In fact she leaned in so hard that it became a dominating (ahem) and unhealthy element of her life, leaving her unsatisfied and unhappy.

There’s a couple of obvious takeaways. One is that anything can be unhealthy when taken too excess and dependency. The other is that if kink is an important part of your makeup, a monogamous vanilla relationship is unlikely to be satisfying over the long-term.

I thought it also highlighted a couple of interesting gender differences. Firstly, she describes the lack of aftercare in her transactional encounters in this way…

A solid part of healthy BDSM play is the cuddles afterwards. The official term is “after-care”, and it’s when the dominant heaps affection on the partner who has taken the punishment. Closing the loop, if you will. But because I wasn’t making meaningful connections, the guys would usually leave afterwards, and I’d be alone with my bruises.

I’m all for aftercare but I don’t think I’ve ever had a post session cuddle from a domme. Aftercare in professional sessions is mostly just 5 minutes to unwind, chat about what happened and drink some water. While I’m sure a lot of guys wouldn’t object to a cuddle and a lot of affection, we’re also happy to leave with just a hug and a bunch of endorphins to process.

The other difference was simply how many masochistic hookups she could arrange. A male submissive, outside of hiring professionals, could never make those connections so quickly and easily. While the difference in numbers between male submissives and female dominants may be over-blown, there’s clearly a big difference between the available of dominant play partners for female versus male submissives. And equally clearly,  both dominant and submissive guys are more at ease with transactional encounters. That’s probably not going to make news at eleven.

I’m not sure if this is actually aftercare, but it certainly seems like a tender moment. I found this via tumblr, but I believe that’s French domme Mistress Ibicella.  You can find her Bluesky here.

Second Skin

Fans of fetish, in particular its history and meaning, might want to check out a new book called ‘Second Skin’ by Anastasiia Fedorova. I discovered it via this LA Times review. It also got positive coverage in places like Cosmo and Dazed. I’ve not yet got hold of a copy yet myself, but it seems interesting and worth checking out.

“Second Skin” is more sociological than sexy; more anthropological than animalistic. Its raison d’etre is not simply to convey the history, the mechanics, the meaning or even the sexual pleasures of fetishism.
(from the LA Times article)

Discussing such a book does give me the perfect excuse to feature some lovely fetish imagery. This is Dusseldorf based pro-domme Miss Kiara. This touches on at least 3 primary fetishistic themes – leather, smoking and that black/white smart dress style. Although I’m sure those are not the only fetishes Miss Kiara might be appealing to.

Banging Heads

Here’s Wonder Woman fulfilling a common fantasy – cracking some political heads together. I’m sure we’ve all dreamed of doing this. Particularly with the current bunch of criminals in power.

The artist is H. G. Peter. He’s credited as the co-creator of Wonder Woman, alongside William Marston. Having just looked up his details, I was astonished to learn he was born in 1880. I know Wonder Woman is from the Golden Age of comics, but it still feels relatively modern. Yet its creator was born in the Victorian era and was already 34 by the time World War I started!

Getting Picked, a How To Guide

Miss Pearl (via Bluesky) pointed me towards this excellent Reddit  post. It’s a guide for what a submissive needs to do in order to get picked by a domme for kinky shenanigans. The advice is practical and to the point. I particularly like this bit…

A long lasting relationship is built on two people knowing the flaws, weaknesses, needs, wants, prejudices and shames of one another and loving each other anyway, in spite of and perhaps because of them. But you’re not looking to build a long lasting relationship, you’re looking to get picked, and that means you need to look at yourself critically, identify any undesirable quirks, needs or idiosyncrasies and remove them: with scalpel, Brillo pad or peroxide until you’re a perfect, digestible sphere.

Let’s be honest. Who hasn’t always wanted to hone themselves into a perfect, digestible sphere? Mmm … Spheres.

I’m sure if you carefully follow the posts advice you’ll soon be under your very own leather clad kinky Goddess. Probably. Possibly.

Long in the tooth kinksters such as myself may recognize this as an image from the 90’s and Cruella magazine.

Hopscotch

This drawing reminded me of carpet guy – an infamous NYC submissive who used to like being trampled while wrapped in a carpet. I featured a post on him back in 2013. He was well known among the NYC dommes for many years even before that. I hope he’s still around and turning up at play parties with his carpet in tow.

Oddly, this is a modified version of the original. The artist is Virginia Mori and you can see the original – along with a lot of her other weird but wonderful art – here. The original artwork doesn’t have the colored square and it’s clear that it’s a a girl under the rug. This has been altered to suggest a boy and a target square to be landed on. Perverts up to no good again.

If you want to support the original artist you can buy her work here.

Accessorizing

What caught my eye in this image wasn’t the latex, bondage and milking device, yummy though all those things are. It wasn’t even Lady Delphine’s shiny and beautiful bottom or cascading red hair. What caught me eye was the crutches and eye chart on the wall. I can’t imagine they’d ever be useful for a scene, but they do add the appropriate ambience. It’s always nice to see the extra little touches that people bring to a playspace.

This was sourced via Lady Delphine’s Bluesky feed. She’s a Toronto based pro-domme. If you’re interested in experiencing her healing hands yourself, then her professional site is here.

I Want Your Sex

A film featuring Olivia Wilde as a domme who pegs, spanks and bullies her junior assistant sounds like a winner. That’s the premise of the erotic comedy ‘I Want Your Sex’ which recently premiered at the Sundance festival. Unfortunately, the reviews so far (Daily Beast here and Guardian here) are mid to poor, which is a shame. Still, any movie that features Wilde as a sociopath in revealing outfits of leather, latex, high heels and chainmail (as the Daily Beast puts it) can’t be all bad. Maybe worth a stream once it makes it to a wider distribution.

This is Olivia Wilde attending the Sundance Premier.

Fido

My last post was all about the cute, frilly and fun. This one is – less so. The two images make a good example of the breadth of femdom fun. Both in respect to kinks and artistic approach.

The artist is Coomer Comics. They have a Patreon but it doesn’t seem to have been updated in the last year or so.

Pillar Bondage

This beautifully composed image comes courtesy of Contessa Klaudia Keys. It’s not the most complicated bondage, but it’s visually very satisfying. There’s something quite objectifying about being bound to a building pillar like this. iIt makes him part of the room.

Contessa Klaudia Keys is a Montreal based pro-domme. You can find her professional site here and her Bluesky feed here.