Humor – Page 17 – Femdom Resource

Two plums for teacher

Tradition dictates that teachers should be given an apple. I’m not sure if this student forget or if she just decided to grab something extra. He looks kind of old to be in the classroom, but I think it’s clear he still has a lot to learn.

I found this on the Superior Women tumblr. I’m afraid I’ve failed to track down an original attribution. All the reverse images searches come back with links to MILF porn, which I find kind of amusing, given that there’s probably not a big difference in their respective ages.

Wrist deep

Here’s another post for the fisting file. This is an image I feel I should have organized a captioning competition for. That pose and that expression just cry out for it. My personal entry might have been – “Hmmm. That’s odd. So if I didn’t leave my car keys here, just where did I leave them?” Or possibly – “That noisy new couple upstairs are screwing again. I can hardly hear myself fist down here.” If neither of those grab you, feel free to leave far better alternative in the comments.

The other thing that amuses me about this image is the rubber gloves she’s wearing. They’re identical to the type my mother has purchased for years to do the washing up in. Everytime she visits me a pair magically turn up next to my sink. I never imagined them possessing a kinky purpose, and I think seeing a domme pull them on would be very weird.

I’ve no idea where this image is from. Reverse image searches tell me nothing. So if anyone can help attribute it then please leave a comment.

Update: In response to those pink gloves Tim (via a comment) provided a link to this video. It’s not femdom, but it is sexual in a weird way, and it made me laugh. I wondering if fisting is on his agenda?

Fisting injuries

Apparently fisting can be dangerous. If you’re not careful the dominant might end up laughing so hard that she bumps her head. That’s at least according to this post by Rain DeGrey.

I’ve never tried fisting and, after reading her post, I can’t say I’m in a big hurry to. The intensity of it sounds a little intriguing but more disturbing. I’ve gone icy cold during heavy play, and experienced pins and needles in non-constricted extremities as my body pulls back blood into its core. But I’ve never experienced the kind of brief blindness that Rain describes. I suspect that would freak me the hell out.

The charming sequence of images below are by the artist Gracy Gimp. They are actually from a sequence of 9 images titled Adèle & Lambert. Shown below is the first four and the very final one (click to enlarge any of them). The missing intermediate drawings are numbered 5, 6, 7 and 8.

A pig led relationship (plr)

I found these images via this Eros Blog post, which led me to this article and finally to the gallery page of the artist Emily Rangel. These kind of parodies always work best when they have a natural fit with the characters conventional personalities, and I think the artist chose wisely here. It’s easy to picture Miss Piggy as a top, and they’d make for a well matched D/s couple. Or should that be P/f couple?

The article claims these sculptures will ‘haunt your dreams’. That doesn’t worry me at all. I have weirder dreams than this all the time. My problem is that since I first saw these, several hours ago now, I’ve had that damn Mahna Mahna muppets song stuck in my head (original version here). All together now: Do doo be-do-do, Mahna Mahna, Do do-do do, Mahna Mahna, Do doo de-do-do de-do-do de-do-do de-do-do-doodle do do do-doo do!

What a feeling

A couple of weeks ago I was ragging on guys wearing socks in femdom shots. Today it’s the women’s turn. Or rather a particular woman’s turn, as this is (hopefully) a singular example rather than a trend.

I like this image. I like her feet on his arms, that’s a powerful position. But what’s the deal with her legwear? The 80’s style leg warmers are odd enough (although I’ve been told by fashionable friends they’re coming back), but what’s with the chrome studded leather things? Has she got leather ankle warmers? They don’t look like standard bondage cuffs, so I can only assume it’s flashdance style interpreted as fetishwear. I can’t see it catching on.

Tracking down an attribution for this image was a little strange. It’s all over tumblr, and I originally found it on the Slave Of Elena tumblr. However, doing a Google reverse image search just returned dozens of blogs, but no original source. That is until I noticed that Google claimed to have edited their results based on the DMCA, and pointed me at this copyright complaint. So based on that, I’m guessing the image is from the X-Art site. I’m not sure if it’s ironic, amusing or depressing that it was the copyright take down notice that allowed me to work that out. Hopefully I will not end up as one of the sites added to that DMCA notice.

Oh, and for anyone wondering about the post title, I give you a little taste of the 80’s. It was the kind of movie that I hated as a child, but it seems like a quaint period piece now.

Paddling the pigskin

I’m back again in Seattle after suffering through a much delayed flight. Apparently in my absence some sort of sporting event occurred. I’m with Dan Savage on this particular issue…

The team that happens to be located in the city I happened to relocate to 20 yrs ago for non-football-related reasons is ahead!
From Dan’s Twitter Feed

I’ve actually been a 49ers fan since I was a kid, so I lost most of my interest in the proceedings after the NFC championship game a couple of weeks ago. However, it does give me a chance to feature some football themed femdom. Perhaps the Denver cheerleaders should have given this a shot? It certainly would have made for a more entertaining show, and it couldn’t have made things any worse.

I’m afraid I don’t know the artist. I found it on the Femdom Artists site.

Transurethral probing

This post is shamelessly cribbed from Mistress Matisse’s twitter feed. I consider it ecological blogging. Recycling for the good of the planet and my readers.

In her tweet she linked to an amusing and thoughtful video by Sarah Silverman on women’s reproductive rights. Sarah mocks the transvaginal ultrasound procedure that some states are trying to legislate, and suggests men should get a metal probe and camera shoved down their penis prior to masturbating. As Matisse points out, that’s not guaranteed to turn a guy off. In fact, in many cases they’ll probably enjoy it.

The unfortunate gentleman in the image below appears to have suffered a terrible facial injury. I’m not quite sure how sticking a tube into his urethra is going to help with that, but I assume the nurse knows what she’s doing. After all, they wouldn’t let any random unqualified young lady wear an official medical uniform like that one.

This is from the CBT and Ballbusting site.

A good hard cuddle

Words can’t express how much I like this sequence of images (click to enlarge them). It’s cute, funny and very sexy. I love the ‘Pat Pat’ moment, his deadpan response and the “Do it more. Do it harder” finale.

It’s also a good example of playing with gender asymmetry in a sexual situation. What if it had been a guy sitting there with his dick sticking out, a big grin on his face offering to give his girlfriend a cuddle? Then it would have been creepy and disturbing. This subverts the stereotype that women want to cuddle and guys want to screw, and is all the hotter because of it.

I believe the artist goes by the handle Cute*Blue. He or she has a tumblr and a website but I can find very little biographical information.

Flirting with Mary Jane

According to this documentary footage smoking marijuana turns innocent young women into sex crazed dominatrices. I was not aware of this. Given that the state of Washington has recently legalized pot I guess I should prepare to be grabbed and ravished on any street corner. Loose fitting clothes would seem to be in order.

I actually don’t smoke myself. My collection of vices is already large enough without adding this one. I do have female friends who smoke, and thus far they’ve resisted the urge to pull on a catsuit and whip me. It’s probably too much effort when you’re high. Although I guess giggling a lot and telling confused rambling anecdotes can be a kind of torture for those who aren’t partaking in the evil weed.

The movie clip and image are from the 2005 musical version of Reefer Madness (based on the classic 1936 exploitation flick). The innocent/depraved Mary Lane is played by Kristen Bell.

Socks

This post may meander past some odd topics but, unless things go radically off course, it will finish with some femdom. So stick around. Or not. Your call.

A few days ago, on my post about a boy who locked himself in his parents handcuffs, hmp commented that kids will find everything. I don’t have children, but my own childhood would certainly validate his comment. My parents didn’t have kinky toys, but they did have a couple of sex manuals, including the famously illustrated Joy of Sex. In the days before widespread consumer internet, and with no cable tv, this was my equivalent of kink.com cross with late night Cinemax. No matter where my parents hid it, and they certainly tried lots of places, I could always find it. It was like ESP, only with less ouija boards and more used tissues.

You’d think that reading an educational sex manual designed for loving couples would be good preparation for actually having sex. That it’d help me be a more caring and sensitive partner. And it’s true that I didn’t grow up thinking that a violent jack-hammering followed by semen all over their face was what most women were looking for. Sadly however, none of its wise words stuck with me when I (finally) encountered a real naked and eager woman. Absolutely the only thing I remembered was that it advised men to always take their socks off before removing their trousers (pants in the US) to avoid looking silly. I did that. I was very pleased with myself. My thought process was “Remember socks then trousers … remember socks then trousers … good job … looking pretty suave … naked lady … real naked lady … wow … errrr … is this the foreplay thingy? … I guess I lick … something … maybe …”

Even today when I’m getting naked with someone new, that memory comes back to me. I only wish a few more male porn models and photographers had read the same book, as silly looking naked men in socks crop up all the time. Just in the last few weeks my posts have featured this guy, this guy and this guy. The image below is another good case in point. Admittedly the Joy of Sex didn’t have anything to say about getting undressed when you’re about to be anally and orally penetrated on a couch by two women wielding strap-ons. Perhaps it would have given a pass in this situation, but I kind of doubt it.

This image is from the Girls Abuse Guys site. I found it on the Felm Cyber tumblr.