DDLG

A lot of professional domme’s produce and share great kinky material, but I think Dominatrix Iris is someone who absolutely excels at it. This sexy-as-hell image is from what she termed a DDLG (Daddy Domme/Little Girl) shoot in her twitter feed. It’s tricky to play with the tropes of femdom erotica and yet still create something fresh and interesting. I think she absolutely nails it here, and I’m now very curious to see what the rest of her DDLG shoot looks like.

You can see another image in the same sequence in this tweet.  As she says, she makes a pretty dapper daddy. Her play partner also looks fabulous in that white lingerie.

More Opting In or Out

I’m continuing my thoughts from yesterday’s post – Opt In or Opt Out. If you haven’t read that already, then I’d start there, otherwise this won’t make much sense.

When it comes to scene negotiation, I think there’s a fundamental tension that’s challenging to resolve. On one hand everyone wants scope for creativity and spontaneity. Working out a strict plan of action beforehand or stopping every 5 minutes to discuss the next activity is no fun. On the other hand, people can have very different views on what activities need discussion and what don’t. It’s not so much a question of failing to negotiate, but failing to spot the need to negotiate. If I think hoods are an opt in item then I will not mention them, as I don’t think I need to explicitly bar them. If the domme thinks they’re an opt out item, then me saying nothing leaves them on the table as a viable option to stick over my head mid-scene.

I don’t have any great suggestions to resolving this tension, other than trial and error and playing with the same people repeatedly. A few things I try to do from the submissive perspective are assume that…

  • Any common themes in femdom and BDSM are things I have to explicitly opt out of. For example, I’m always explicit about ruling out humiliation scenes as that’s not my kink but it’s a common one.
  • My opt in’s are sticky. If I opted in to something in a past session, the domme is probably going to assume I’m still in for it, even if we haven’t discussed it. So if I’m feeling differently about it, then it’s down to me to bring it up and opt out.
  • Opting in for X may well be treated as also opting in for things closely related to X. For example, there are a lot of different types of impact play, yet they rarely get negotiated separately. If that’s a problem for me, then I need to be explicit about how narrow I want my opt in to be.
  • A domme isn’t going to remember my particular opt outs between sessions. So if I discover during the course of play we’re on different pages on what needs discussion and what doesn’t, then it’s down to me to bring that up again next time as necessary.

I’ll leave you with a vintage image of an activity that is opt in for most dommes I know. However, there was one domme who, mid-scene and totally out of the blue, tossed me a pair of fishnet stockings, a garter belt and a pair of frilly panties to put on. It turned out to be fun, but I was certainly a bit surprised at the time. I think she was equally surprised by just how long it took me to figure out how to get them all on properly.

This show is from mrunderheel’s twitter feed.

Cute Boys

This isn’t actually femdom, but it made me laugh, so it gets a pass. Plus, I figure there must be at least some overlap between readers of this blog and people who like muscular men doing cross-dressing Magical Girl cosplay. The background to the shot, along with more photos, is in this crunchyroll article. Feel free to imagine a stern domme waving a whip at them from behind the camera if it’ll help.

Preparing Backstage

I love this transformation shot from Maitresse Nuit. They both look so focused and happy. The style makes me think of Weimar Germany in the 1920’s. Once the transformation is complete, I can just imagine the two of them strutting out into a smoky 1920’s nightclub. They’d sip a cocktail, take a turn with the cabaret and flirt with rich aristocrats. A hedonistic delight.

The photographer of this beautiful image is Lucina Nathanael.

The Challenge of the New

Writing yesterday’s post on the new experiences I enjoyed with Mistress Cynthia got me thinking about the dynamics of doing new activities. More specifically, doing an old activity for the first time with a new play partner. There are a few different ways to approach this, and one of them niggles me every time it happens. I’m not sure it rises to the level of a pet peeve, but it’s something that I think is worth raising awareness of.

Some dominants don’t care what I’ve done in the past. They just pull out the toys they have in mind to use and get on with doing their thing. Others ask in order to gather information they can use. If it’s a new activity then maybe they’ll build intensity more slowly or check in more often. I’m perfectly happy with either approach. What I find odd is when a domme will be visibly disappointed if they discover the activity they’ve decided on isn’t a new one for me. Sometimes they’ll almost seem to be verging on frustration that they can’t ‘surprise’ me with a particular toy or new experience. I’ve had session where, after this kind of exchanged had repeated 3 or 4 times, I almost wanted to start lying and claiming ignorance, just so we could get out of that repeated negative interaction.

I’ve tried out a lot of different kinky activities over the last few years. That’s not down to any skill or achievement on my part. I’m just lucky to have had the time and opportunity to do a lot of different session with experienced dommes in well equipped spaces. So it’s pretty rare to find a fairly general activity that’s both inside my limits that I haven’t tried at some point. Yet, in all that time, I’ve never once thought to myself “Oh, we’re doing this shit again. Let’s get through this as fast as possible so we can get to something different.” I’ve had sessions ranging from just OK to awesome, and that difference has never been made by the uniqueness or novelty of the activity. The quality of the experience is always about the dynamic between myself and the domme and our interaction in the moment. The way every scene unfolds is unique, even if some of the building blocks repeat. Or to put it in cruder terms, I’ve jerked off a fair amount over the last decade or three, and I’ve never got bored with that activity, so let’s assume that novelty isn’t the deciding factor in how fun something is.

For any dommes out there, I’d suggest always treating past experience with an activity as a positive. It means the submissive will probably be able to give good feedback during it and will have greater capacity for handling it.

Given the post subject matter I thought it’d be worth trying to pick an image of an activity I’ve not really tried. So here we go – cross dressing. There was a domme 6 or 7 years ago who put me in stockings a few times, but apart from that I’ve been lingerie free. I’m not sure of the source of this vintage picture, but that young guy is carrying that outfit off pretty well.

Service with a Smile

I’m continuing the maid theme with a somewhat puzzling image. As far as I can tell this is a product from XDress, but this particular shot comes from the seller The Underwear Expert. They’ve done a good job in dressing everyone quite elegantly in stylish black and white, but what’s with the ‘why so serious’ expression? He does not look like a man having fun. I think if you’re going to try and pull off high heels, a frilly dress and a beard, a sense of humor is definitely required.

Sleek Maid

This photograph breaks a couple of my soft rules for picking images for posts. Firstly, it’s a headless shot. I typically shy away from close shots of random limbs and appendages. Secondly, it features cross-dressing and a French maid outfit. I very occasionally feature those two ideas together, but they normally lean on themes of humiliation and ridicule, which really doesn’t push my buttons.

However, I like this shot, because the submissive’s look is so sleek. There’s a cool looking leather corset, a short skirt and a well packaged package. It doesn’t suggest humiliation or a submissive embarrassed by the outfit. It puts in mind a stylish maid, who’ll deliver afternoon tea on time, get the cucumber sandwiches just right, and look damn good while doing it.

The Secret Lives of Sissies

Vice has an interesting article posted entitled ‘I Cross-Dress. Do You Still Love Me?’: The Secret Lives of Sissies. It’s a pretty sympathetic piece, featuring interviews and photographs of men at a San Francisco play party arranged by Mistress Alice.

The kink itself is a complicated one. Although it’s not a kink I indulge in, I can understand both the appeal of it and also why it annoys some people. What comes through from the article is the complexity and variety of the reasons behind it. Some people get off on a forced humiliation aspect. Some want to be as passable and attractive as possible. Others just like women’s clothing and the chance to wear it. Of course the same could be said for other kinks. People enjoy things like bondage or impact play for lots of different reasons. The difference is that the nobody gets annoyed about people getting tied up, where the sexual and gender politics of cross dressing does tend to raise hackles, which in turn makes it more interesting to look at the underlying motivations.

SissyArtI’m afraid I don’t know the artist of this particular piece.

Worst boss ever

Forced feminization is always a fairly controversial topic. Some people find the idea insulting to women and refuse to do scenes involving it. Sue Stenhouse, an ex-city official from Rhode Island, is clearly not one of these people. She thought it’d be a great idea to make a male bus driver dress up as an elderly lady and sit behind her at a press conference.

As stories go, it’s a pretty spectacular one. I particularly like the part where the bus driver had to drop by the local beauty salon in order to borrow a wig. If Sue had asked around, I’m sure she could have found plenty of guys willing to give it a shot and with a full collection of outfits already. After all, it does combine the two hot button topics of forced feminization and public humiliation. Alternatively, and this is just a crazy thought, maybe she could have got a genuine elderly lady to sit behind her for the press conference?

forced-feminizationThe above image is the kind of sleazy porn art from the 60’s and 70’s that I love. I found this on the Femdomology Site.